Tesco scandal adverts - Newsjack

One of the sketches I created for Newsjack was based on the Tesco horsemeat scandal where meat in their own brand Bolognese was found to have come from horses (sometimes wonder if their chef thought they asked for something to be done with their Boulonnais Horse instead of Bolognese Sauce):

Voiceover:

Here at Tesco we never let a deceased animal go to waste.

With our new recycling scheme, the joy that they brought you in life can continue after their death.

So why not pick up our latest Tortellini made with real tortoise, our canineloni is truly indescribable and only the finest thoroughbred goes into our spaghetti bolognese. Yes we will literally flog a dead horse.

Tesco – Every little whelp.

Then I decided to see if I could do the same for other scandals that Tesco has been involved in. For example...

Pain relief tablets found in ice cream

Voiceover:

Ever bitten into an icecream only to suffer the instant pain of brain freeze? Well, now scientists at Tesco have the answer. Their new brand of ice cream flavours combines the enjoyment of frozen dairy comfort with the relief of pain-numbing drugs.

Try our new Vanillium or Parastashiomol flavours. We also stock Fentaneopolitan or there’s our newest creation – Aspirum and Raisin. And there’s a free litigation pack with every purchase.

Tesco – Every little helps.

Glass found in beer

Voiceover:

Tesco are proud to announce their newest arrival from France. Biere D’Or – beer with more bite. It’s the latest in alcoholic French cuisine with that extra added something to give it a little bit more edge. Don’t be discouraged if your beer seems slightly crunchy – after all there’s nothing like adding a bit more sodium to your diet. And we’ll even throw in a free trip to the hospital with every case.

Tesco - Eating little helps.

Out of date food being relabelled

Voiceover:
At Tesco, all our food can now been enjoyed for longer even you might think it’s out-of-date. This is all due to our new technology called ‘back-labelling’ which helps us to extend the shelf life of our items by changing the expiry dates so it seems like it’s in date when it’s not. It’s just something we’re doing to help stop the excessive amount of food that goes to waste every year.
Tesco - Adding little helps 

Kick energy drink causing caffeine addiction problems 

Voiceover:

New Kick energy drink from Tesco is loaded with caffeine to help keep you buzzing all through your busy day. Just pop open a can today and watch that revision or work meeting fly past…And if you’re thinking it’s not suitable for school kids – you’d be right but hey - that’s half the fun. And remember – once they’re off our property, they’re your problem.

Tesco - Annoying little whelps

 

Delivery service fails to deliver, refund or apologise

Voiceover:

With Tesco Home Delivery service, all your shopping is delivered straight from our store to your door saving you all that needless hassle of disrupting your daily routine to leave your house to get to us. We’ll contact you to confirm delivery of your order and we usually deliver within 2-5 days…And if we don’t – tough! After all – what are you going to do? We’ve got your money.

Tesco – Every little helps (us)