Stupid Deaths - Horrific Histories

A return to my Horrific Histories collection today- a selection of parody songs I wrote and submitted to the BBC for their Horrible Histories programme. 
A common feature of the show is a series of shorts called 'Stupid Deaths'
A song by American singer Pink is called 'Stupid Girls'.
I decided to mix the two together using the Darwin Awards as a subject. Although not historical I think it fits quite well.
(In case you're wondering - all of the exploits mentioned below have actually been attempted by people earning them either a Darwin Award or nomination - see footnote)

Stupid Deaths not by Pink
Aha, aha
Stupid deaths, stupid deaths, stupid deaths

If I ever act like that, you know I’m not coming back
Darwin award winner yes, know it’s gonna be a stupid death

A man who locked himself outside
Turned on a tap spout when he crawled inside
Head in the sink so he gave up and drowned
(On him keys were found) (1)
A man hunting moles in his lawn stuck poles
Thought he could simply electrify the holes
Used a high voltage supply
But when he walked onto his lawn he’s not gonna survive (2)
Where, oh where, have the smart people gone?
Oh where, oh where could they be?

If I ever act like that, you know I’m not coming back
Darwin award winner yes, know it’s gonna be a stupid death
If I ever act like that, something up there I lack
Won’t let it end like that, I don't wanna be a stupid death

(And there’s more now)
Kung-fu student who fought some lions (3)
Men stomping down on a mine (4)
Two drunkards took a plane for a joyride

Didn’t spot the power line (5)
Man used copper wire for kite string (6)
Man used grenade for fireworks (7)
Man put lava lamp on a stove top (8)
Whole world’s going berserk
(Come on)
Detonators in mouths

Hooked to a main (9)
And waste chemicals
That were poured down a drain (10)

If I ever act like that, you know I’m not coming back
Darwin award winner yes, know it’s gonna be a stupid death
If I ever act like that, something up there I lack
Won’t let it end like that, I don't wanna be a stupid death

(Do ya think? Do ya think? Do ya think?)
(Not like this, like this, like this)
Pretty dumb don’t you think, see it’s such a stupid death
Hope that you will stop and think, stupid death!
Pretty dumb don’t you think , see it’s such a stupid death
Hope that you will stop and think, stupid death!

If I ever act like that, something up there I lack
Won’t let it end like that

If I ever act like that, you know I’m not coming back
Darwin award winner test, know it’s gonna be a stupid death
If I ever act like that, something up there I lack
Won’t let it end like that, I don't wanna be a stupid death

If I ever act like that, something up there I lack
Won’t let it end like that
Stupid death
Stupid death
Stupid death

Footnote (Please be aware that the Darwin Award is usually given posthumously)

(1) Man locked out of his house - climbed through the kitchen window. Too large so flailed around until the hot water was turned on. Sink filled up and head was actually in the sink. Didn’t pull the plug or turn off the water, give up and drowned. Keys were in his pocket

(2) A man drove metal stakes all around his lawn. The idea being to electrify the underground mole holes. Connected them to a High Voltage supply. Electrified the entire ground &, wandering onto it, electrocuted himself!

(3) A Kung-Fu student tried to take on a lion at the Melbourne zoo as during his martial arts class the instructor commented on how they were “ready to take on wild animals.” This was taken literally

(4) 3 men drinking in a bar threw a landmine under their table and then took it in turn to down a drink in one and stamp on the mine. The game came to an end with the landmine going off when somebody stamped on it.

(5) Two locals having gone on an all night bender and apparently fearing to drive home drunk, stole a small single engine plane and took it for a joyride. Unfortunately their tail clipped some power lines and they took a nosedive.

(6) Man attempting to replicate Ben Franklin’s famous kite flying experiment. Used copper wire as a kite string. The kite sailed high and the string touched a high voltage power line that sent 3 billion watts into the young man killing him instantly.

(7) To save money on fireworks a man decided to use the explosive material inside a grenade to manufacture some homemade bottle rockets and Roman candles. Lacking a screwdriver he used a chainsaw. The results were obvious.

(8) A man was waiting for his brand new lava lamp to heat up, became impatient and put the glass part of the lamp onto a stove top to heat it faster. The lamp top exploded sending a large shard directly into his chest.

(9) Man found unexploded detonator laying around and decided to bring it home. After night of drinking, argument broke out over how safe it was resulting in him having someone plug both of the dangling wires into a 220 watt light socket which ignited the detonator that was in his mouth sending one half of his jaw east and the other west.

(10) While driving home, a biology teacher suddenly stopped and leapt from the vehicle. The teacher has some potentially noxious chemicals in her car and lacking a chemical sink began pouring them down the drain. The resulting chemical reaction & explosion was so powerful the manhole cover flew straight up and decapitated the teacher.