Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 31

 Door number 31:

Happy New Year to all!

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 30

 Door number 30:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 29

 Door number 29:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 28

 Door number 28:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 27

 Door number 27:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 26

And, as always, we continue beyond Christmas with door number 26:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 25

Merry Christmas!

Here's door number 25:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 24

 Door number 24:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 23

 Door number 23:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 22

 Door number 22:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 21

Door number 21:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 20

 Door number 20:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 19

 Door number 19:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 18

 Door number 18:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 17

Door number 17:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 16

 Door number 16:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 15

 Door number 15:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 14

 Door number 14:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 13

 Door number 13:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 12

 Door number 12:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 11

 Door number 11:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 10

 Door number 10:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 9

 Door number 9:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 8

 Door number 8:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 7

 Door number 7:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 6

 Door number 6:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 5

 Door number 5:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 4

 Door number 4:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 3

 Door number 3:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 2

 Door number 2:

Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 1

 It's that time of year again. And this year I've selected Bridgerton for the theme.

So let's get going with door number 1:

From The Mind of Merc - Gender Pay Gap

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the gender pay gap.

What struck me about the pay gap was whether job titles could possibly be having an impact on them as there are several job roles where the title ‘differs’ depending on gender - e.g. actor/actress, headmaster/headmistress, waiter/waitress - and that perhaps these differences in job titles feed off the perceived differences in gender and thus contribute to a difference or bias with regards to salary. So even if it’s exactly the same role, an actress will be paid less than an actor, a saleswoman paid less than a salesman, a comedienne paid less than a comedian. 

(There are also cases when this inference works out negatively for men. For example, stewardesses, nurses, midwives are all perceived to be female yet are jobs performed by men and women.) 

As we have already got rid of some denotations – such as dropping the W from WPC – and as we now live in a time when the emphasis for employers is on focusing on equal opportunities, is it perhaps time to amend the others?
So instead of actor/actress we use actor, perhaps use server instead waiter or waitress, and might this be the start or help towards achieving true parity with incomes.

Here are examples of other roles with perceived or clear differences (and their proposed revisions):
- Actor/Actress à Actor
- Fireman/Firewoman à Firefighter
- Salesman/Saleswoman à Salesperson
- Policeman/Policewoman à Police officer
- Chairman/Chairwoman à Chairperson or Chair
- Usher/Usherette à Usher
- Author/Authoress à Author
- Waiter/Waitress à Server
- Steward/Stewardess à Flight Attendant
- Barman/Barmaid à Bartender or Barstaff

Particularly in our (for the most part) more accepting gender-fluid society should gender neutral roles now be the norm?

After all:
Are the roles they refer to any different? No
Do they impact on the person’s ability to do the job? No
Might they help dispel any associated misconceptions and prejudices? Who knows…

Cabin Pressure rap (Pt 2) - !!!NEW!!!

I was listening to Cabin Pressure (again) on my recent trip to Scotland and, remembering the piece I'd previously penned, thought it deserved an update. So here we are:

Airplanes still not by B.O.B

Listener:
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are OJS Air
That would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are OJS Air
That would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now 

Carolyn:
Well, I could not have thought or hoped or prayed or wished
For something to have happened much stranger than this
'Cause after all the worrying bout spending and crashing
Things worked out in peculiar fashion
Despite the pandemonium we got Gerti back
Plus the company account is in the black
And now I’m staring at this ring on my hand
That was happily given to me by my new man
Arthur:
I said that we should always hold on
I got a new dad and the old one’s gone
So glad that to him Gerti wasn’t sold
As it turned out she’s worth her weight in gold
The airplane, airplane so brilliant
And flying on it’s still all I want
Martin’s moved home now and Douglas is Skip
But I still can’t wait until we go on our next trip 

Listener:
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are OJS Air
That would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are OJS Air
That would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

Martin:
Oh, oh, can you just believe it? Oh my days
I now have a real job, and also get paid
But yet it doesn’t matter what I have in my bank
(Which is stocked by the good people at the Swiss Airways)
‘Cause I at long last completed my bobsled and
None other than a princess now shares my bed and
I guess that I finally got my wish to fly an airplane
Douglas:
And maybe, yes maybe, I got back to the days
Before my escapades made me so unemployed
And I took a lower job just to help fill the void
In an airplane that is more broken by the day
But it’s not really that bad, is it Mrs… Shappey
At last I got my wish to end the daily slog
And get what I wanted when I started this job
Got promoted and now I’m the Captain
And I’m teaching Hercules how to fly this airplane 

Listener:
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are OJS Air
That would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are OJS Air
That would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now 

Fans:
That would really be our wish right now
That, that, that would really be our wish right now
Like, like, OJS Air
That, That, That would, that would really be our wish right now
Our wish, our wish right now

The Gunpowder Sketch - Mercorabilia

Remember, remember, the fifth of November... for some reason....

Catesby: So we are agreed – the plot is set. King James and his heathen cohorts will die on 5^th November!
All: Huzzah!
Catesby: Fawkes?
Fawkes: What?
Catesby: You not joining in on the Huzzahs?
Fawkes: Er… what are we huzzahing?
Catesby: Have you not been paying attention?
Bates: Typical Fawkes – more focused on his gunpowder than treason and plot.
Catesby: Fawkes we have been determining the final details of our plan – it is absolutely essential that everybody knows exactly what’s going on. It won’t work if some of us haven’t been listening.
Fawkes: Of course I’ve been listening! Of course…um, except for maybe that last bit.
Catesby: What bit?
Fawkes: The last half hour or so.
Catesby: Oh, Fawkes.
Fawkes: Sorry.
Catesby: Well, I guess that resolves our other issue. It seems Fawkes has by default drawn the short straw.
Fawkes: Which means…?
Catesby: You’ll be the one lighting the fuse.
Fawkes: What?!? Oh, hang on a minute – that’s not fair! Why can’t Tresham do it? He hasn’t contributed anything so far.
Catesby: That’s because he’s the newcomer. So he gets a pass. Besides it is fair – they’re your explosives after all.
Fawkes: Now what kind of attitude is that? I thought we were all in the together.
Wintour: How would you know if you weren’t listening?
Catesby: Enough! It’s decided. All the gunpowder’s stored in the undercroft ready. We’ll make our excuses to be absent from parliament that day. And Fawkes will light the fuse before we make our escape. And just you make sure this whole thing doesn’t blow up in our faces.

From The Mind of Merc - History Repeats Itself (Part 2)

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking again about history repeats itself – only this time a lot closer to home.

Associations have been made (including by me) linking Trump with the rise of the Nazi party in 1930s Germany. (An association which was supported particularly by the photo taken at THAT rally.)

However, from my perspective at least, similar associations can now be made for Johnson.

Let me explain:
In the 1930s, Hitler began an escalating campaign to takeover land in Europe which continued unimpeded or even challenged for years. Britain, which under the terms of the League of Nations was supposed to act on aggression, made occasional efforts to supposedly combat this with repeated and what proved to be unfounded threats of retaliation. Ergo, when Hitler threatened to invade Poland and Britain once again threatened to respond if he did so, Hitler had no reason to believe they would actually follow through.

In 21^st century England, Johnson and the Tory government have been following an escalating campaign to impoverish, weaken and, at times consequently, endanger the nation and its people  whilst enriching themselves. This has also gone on unchecked or effectively challenged. Members of the British establishment (specifically those who are supposed to without bias monitor, review, query and when necessary act to prevent questionable or illegal activities) have repeatedly failed to do so. Ergo when Johnson and the Tories push through increasingly self-serving and (to the rest of us) punitive policies, they have no reason to believe they will be questioned or held accountable for their actions. 

However, just as Hitler was wrong with his assumption, I sincerely hope the Tories will prove to be wrong with theirs and that at long last the British public will prove that they will be not accept being mistreated like this.

Just as when England did nothing to prevent Hitler’s policy of aggrandisement so the British have done nothing to prevent the Tories’ policy of self-aggrandisement. We’ve threatened anger, displeasure and discontent but not actually done anything to prevent it. If anything the opposite as they have been consistently voted in – so we the British public are to blame.

However, just as with England in the 1930s, we also have the power to stop it from continuing.

This also links into another theory I had – which I posted about on Facebook – following Liz Truss’s resignation. 

I honestly believe the Tory government thinks we are idiots and that having gaslit us for a ridiculously long number of years, we will now agree to and go along with whatever they say/want/do.
Case in point, Liz Truss’s resignation – it struck me that she could easily be a Tory sacrifice, someone they put out there who was so awful at her job that she was designed to make Johnson look almost palatable. Like they’re trying to get us to think that we would be so much better off if Johnson came back. There are several things wrong with this theory (which I sincerely hope the British public realise):

1.        The mess was Johnson and the Tory government’s creation in the first place – Truss just compounded it
2.       Johnson was ‘in charge’ for years, Truss for 44 days. She was bad for a bit. Johnson has been bad for ages. And what she achieved in her brief tenure is nothing compared to what he achieved (or rather destroyed) during his time in power.
3.       Whether or not Truss was any good (and I’m not saying she was) does not in any way mean that Johnson was good or that the myriad of rules, regulations and laws that he broke is now somehow ok.

As with Hitler, the underestimated ‘lower orders’ are in fact the ones with ultimate control. Yes, it will be up the Tories to choose their new leader but we live in a democracy and it is up to us to say whether or not we accept their rule and want it to continue. In the end we have the power. That is why the Tories seek to control and manipulate us while they line their own pocket at our expense and try to distract us by directing our critical gaze inwards when it should be at them.

Consequently, whenever it is we manage to get a general election (and if there is any sense and justice in the world it’ll be soon), I sincerely hope we will not allow the Tory government to repeat their mistakes in the way they have run the country by repeating ours and voting them in again.

The choice is ours. The power is ours. We can make things change for the better.

Tories Out - !!!NEW!!!

And so the madness continues. Will the ridiculousness and the sleaze never end? Maybe a national chant will do it.

Vindaloo Tories Out not by Fat Les

What on earth is all this?
We're from England
Think we want this?
We won’t take no more of it
Listen

Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Stuff you)
Nah nah nah (Truss too)
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah Nah

We're England
We don’t want any more from you
England!
Had enough of Tory sleeze
Let’s show them the exit please
Want them, gone now
Not soon, right now
Listen

Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah Nah

We're England
We don’t want any more from you
England!
Me and me Mum and me Dad and me Gran
We're off to vote - no doubt
Me and me Mum and me Dad and me Gran
Because we want the Tories out
Because!

Tories out
Tories out
Tories out
Tories out yeah yeah
Tories out
Tories out
Tories out
Tories out yeah yeah
Tories out
Tories out

And we want the Tories out
We're England
We don’t want any more from you
England!
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
And we all like Tories out
We're England
We don’t want any more from you
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
And we want the Tories out

We're England
We don’t want any more from you
England!

Goodbye Liz Truss - !!!NEW!!!

While it might have been more appropriate to use Another One Bites The Dust, for some reason this tune popped into my head so I just ran with it.

Sing As You Go Goodbye Liz Truss not by Gracie Fields 

Hee-hee, come on lads and lassies
The PM’s resigned again
Hee-hee, come on
Ee, let's sing of it

Goodbye Liz Truss and good riddance to you
44 days, but still you got it so wrong
You thought you could lead us
But you wouldn’t feed us so be on your way

Goodbye Liz Truss, you couldn’t do the job
Though you’re not worst, you still are not good enough
A lettuce beat you, the world knows it’s true
So bye, don’t come back again

(Tory) Blues, look at you now
You oughta know that we’ve no use for you
You’ll go soon we vow
The time of your Tory misrule is through
Though a new premier might be in sight
It is unlikely they’ll put it right

Goodbye Liz Truss and good riddance to you
44 days, but still you got it so wrong
You thought you could lead us
But you wouldn’t feed us so be on your way

Goodbye Liz Truss, you couldn’t do the job
Though you’re not worst, you still are not good enough
A lettuce beat you, the world knows it’s true
So bye, don’t come back again

Goodbye Liz Truss and good riddance to you
44 days, but still you got it so wrong
(Ay you, you just got it so out of whack, hee-ee)
You thought you could lead us
But you wouldn’t feed us so be on your way
(Hello, Boris, you back again? Are you? We’ll see about that)
Goodbye Liz Truss, you couldn’t do the job
(Gee, it's mad just how quick she’s gone)
Though you’re not worst, you still are not good enough
A lettuce beat you, the world knows it’s true
So bye-bye-bye-bye
Don’t come back a-gain

From The Mind of Merc - Trickle Down Economics

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about trickle down economics.

Despite every known example proving this doesn't work, the Tories have decided this is the approach they are adopting to resolve the cost of living crisis. Further proving they do not care one bit about the people they are meant to be representing and they are unashamedly and unabashedly out for themselves. Their supposed solution to the crisis being taking steps to make sure it absolutely and definitely does not affect them. (But I guess we shouldn't really be surprised considering their fingers-in-ears response to everything to do with COVID and their reaction to it.)

The effects (or actual outcomes) of this approach can, I think, be most accurately demonstrated in the following cartoons (found online).

Queen of England

After 70 years of unfailing service, continuing long after the usual age of retirement, I think it is quite obvious that the late Queen Elizabeth II deserves a composition.
I actually found this quite difficult as I'm used to writing comedy parodies not serious ones but I hope this does her justice.

Love Me Tender Queen of England not by Elvis Presley
Did her duty, served us well
Never let us down
Had no choice but made no fuss
Faithful to the crown

Queen of England, queen for all
Now her day is done
We must say our last goodbyes
And we’ll soldier on 

Born the daughter of a duke
Became the heir at 10
Took the throne in ‘52
Then her reign began

Queen of England, queen for all
Now her day is done
We must say our last goodbyes
And we’ll soldier on

Now in twenty-two she’s gone
We are all bereft
Served us for 70 years
She is now at rest

Queen of England, queen for all
Now her day is done
We will say our last goodbyes
And we’ll soldier on

Oh Dear What Can The Matter Be (Pt 3)

Yet another parody of this anonymous ditty but, let's face it, it's another worthy occasion.

Oh Dear, What Can The Matter Be also not by Anon

Oh dear, what can the matter be
Liz Truss has won her battle you see
Now she’s our new premier MP
What on earth will she do now? 

She started out just like any one of us
But decided to change her ways was a must
A New Tory that’s what she is Liz Truss
And look at what she’s done now 

A new PM sounds like a new chance but we
Now know that is not what she will be
Her mini budget won’t resolve poverty
In fact here’s what it has done 

The pound has slumped to a 31 year low
Those rising bills continue their upward flow
Tory assets meanwhile continue to grow
And they still come out on top 

Their job is to run England all safe and sound
Instead they will run it into the ground
Amongst that lot there is no hope to be found
Cos they don’t care about us 

Oh dear, what can the matter be
Liz Truss has won her battle you see
Now we’re stuck until well after ‘23
We’re counting down the months now

From The Mind of Merc - Ukraine

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the Ukraine. 

It seems relatively easy to dismiss the plight of this oppressed (& invaded) country from our thoughts so I endeavour to ensure it is never far from mine. And to demonstrate that, I am going to end this short piece with this simple image:

Egg sketch

And then an observation on another oh so normal occurrence.

Bill: Hey, Ben.
Ben: Yeah?
Bill: You see that feathery thing over there?
Ben: You mean the chicken?
Bill: Yeah. You see the hole at the end of it?
Ben: You mean the beak?
Bill: No – the other end.
Ben: Ok. What about it?
Bill: Have you ever thought about eating what comes out of it?
Ben: <pause> You know sometimes I worry about you.
Bill: What do you mean?
Ben: Well, like last week when you pointed to a cow’s udders and said you were going to squeeze those dangly things underneath it and drink what came out.
Bill: So what? It all worked out, didn’t it?
Ben: By sheer fluke. It could easily have gone terribly badly.
Bill: But it didn’t. So I think I’ve got a good chance of being right this time too. After all, I’m currently on a 100% success rate.
Ben: But it’s nuts! I mean would you want to eat what comes out of my ‘other end hole’.
Bill: Ew! No!
Ben: There you are then.
Bill: Yeah - but you’re not a chicken. Besides I wouldn’t have wanted to drink what came out if I’d squeezed your dangly bits either.
Ben: There’s no need to be personal.
Bill: Well, you started it.
Ben: And I’m ending it. You can’t look at an animal and decide ‘I’m going to eat whatever comes out of its rear end.
Bill: I can to!
Ben: You can not!
Bill: I can to and I’ll prove it – watch!
Ben: No Bill – seriously. Please don’t.
Bill: Just wait and watch.
Ben: I don’t think I want to.
Bill: It won’t take long – look the chicken’s sitting down already. And it… yes! It’s done it. Right – you see this oval-ish thing that just came out?
Ben: Yeah.
Bill: Well, watch me cos I’m going to eat it.
Ben: (to himself) To be honest, this isn’t going as badly as I thought it might
Bill: Watch
<crunch of the whole egg being eaten at once>
Ben: So how is it?
Bill: Alright. Bit crunchy and pointy. The bit in the middle’s delicious though. I might give that bit another try.

Tomato sketch - Mercorabilia

This month's catch-up starts with an observation on the simple act of eating a tomato. Was it always this simple?

Judge: Goody Badwife – you have been found guilty of the heinous crime of witchcraft and you have been sentenced to the most hideous of punishments – death… by tomato.
Crowd: <gasps>
Prisoner: No! Please! Anything but that!
Judge: Silence! The tomato, as we all know, is a member of the deadly nightshade family and thus an extremely poisonous plant. It will leave you writhing in hideous agony until your agonising and excruciating death.
Prisoner: No! Please! Give me another chance! If only I could…
Judge: Enough! Executioner – bring forth… the tomato.
Crowd: Ooh. Aah. Ohhh.
Judge: Now… eat!
Prisoner: <chewing> Er. Oh. Ugh. Ah!
Judge: Yes, that’s the poison now coursing through your veins as the agony takes hold of your body. Tell us now - how do you feel?
Prisoner: Er…. I feel fine actually. This is actually really good. Little bit unripe maybe.
Judge: What?!? That proves it – she must be a witch. No human could eat a tomato and live!
Villager: Uh… actually I have.
Judge: You have?
Villager: Yes. And she’s right – they’re rather nice actually.
Judge: Why didn’t you say anything?
Villager: Well, when you said they were so poisonous I figured maybe what I’d eaten hadn’t been a tomato after all. Turns out it was.
Judge: But this is preposterous! We can’t sentence someone to death and only have them eat a slightly unripe vegetable.
Prisoner: Well, I don’t really mind to be honest.
Judge: You don’t count. You’re the condemned party. We’ll have to come up with something else instead.
Prisoner: Oh, well. In the meantime have you got a napkin or something to wipe this tomato juice off with?
Judge: Napkin?!? We don’t waste napkins on witches. Executioner – chuck her in that lake to wash the juice off while we think of another punishment for her.
Prisoner: What? No! Wait! Please! I can’t swim!
<Splash>
Prisoner: Gurgle. Glug. Glug. Glug.
Judge: Hmm. It seems we’ve found our new method. 

From The Mind of Merc - Purchasing Power

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the power of the consumer. 

Not in the sense I believe I've previously spoken about of the ridiculousness of allowing retailers to tell us what we should want but more about the impact that every purchase can collectively have on the world of which so many of us are unaware and which I feel can be best summed up in this image:

Tom & Jerry sketch

And then with an observation on a popular children's cartoon.

Tom: Come back here! I’m gonna get you! Any minute now I…
Jerry: Woah, woah, hang on a minute.
Tom: What?
Jerry: Can I ask you something?
Tom: Er.. sure I guess.
Jerry: Why do we keep doing this?
Tom: What?
Jerry: This. Why do we keep running round and round the house together with you trying to catch me.
Tom: Well, I’m a cat and you’re a mouse. Cats chase mice.
Jerry: What for?
Tom: To eat them.
Jerry: <pause> And that’s your only option, is it?
Tom: What do you mean?
Jerry: Well… have you ever heard of cat food?
Tom: What?
Jerry: Cat food. Look.
<cupboard door opens>
Tom: Well, how am I supposed to eat that? It’s in a tin.
Jerry: That’s where this thing comes in handy.
Tom: What is it?
Jerry: A tin… opener! Watch
<tin opener whirrs>
Jerry: And now we just
<Cat food slops into bowl>
Jerry: Go on. Tuck in.
Tom: <chewing> Mmm. You know, this isn’t half bad.
Jerry: Told you.
Tom: But what happens when it runs out?
Jerry: That’s ok – there’s another can here. Whoops!
<thud as the can lands on Tom’s foot>
Tom: Ahhhhh!
Jerry: Sorry, Tom. I didn’t mean to drop it on your foot.
Tom: Why you little….! I oughta…! Just you wait…
Jerry: Now Tom – let’s be reasonable about this. It was an accident. Tom? Tom! Uh-oh. Here we go again!

(For those saying that Tom and Jerry never spoke - they have been known to on occasion. For example, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsZTxWuuUlU)

The Tiger Who Came To Tea sketch - Mercorabilia

So once again my moving house has caused a delay in my uploading my latest creations but I'm gradually catching up. First, by focusing on the admittedly odd behaviour of the characters in a popular children's story.

RSPCA: Excuse me, ma’am. I’m from the RSPCA. We’ve had reports of a big cat in the area.
Mummy: I see.
RSPCA: Have you seen any big cats at all today, ma’am?
Mummy: Well, yes I have, as a matter of fact. There’s one in my house right now.
RSPCA: There’s is, ma’am?
Mummy: Yes, a tiger.
RSPCA: <pause> A tiger, ma’am?
Mummy: Yes. But don’t worry – it’s all perfectly fine. He’s only here for tea.
RSPCA: I beg your pardon, ma’am?
Mummy: For tea. You know, tea, sandwiches, biscuits, cake.
RSPCA: Do you mean to tell me, ma’am, that there is a tiger in your house right this minute  who is, as we speak, consuming various articles of food and other comestibles you happen to have in your home?
Mummy: Yes, that’s right.
RSPCA: I see, ma’am. And just what do you think will happen when you run out of the assorted tea, cake and biscuits.
Mummy: Well, he’ll just go home, I expect.
RSPCA: <pause> Are you feeling quite well, ma’am?
Mummy: Perfectly, thank you. Although to be quite honest I am a bit miffed he had to drink all the tea. I would quite have liked a cuppa myself.
RSPCA: Would you, ma’am?
Mummy: Yes.
Sophie: Mum. Mum!
RSPCA: Stand aside, ma’am – I’ll handle this. Alright – where is he? Where’s the brute?
Sophie: Over there. And he’s drunk all the water out of the taps. I won’t be able to have a bath now.
Mummy: He must have been very hungry. He’s already eaten everything in the cupboards.
RSPCA: Look out! He’s on the move! Where’s he going?
Mummy: It looks like he’s leaving.
Sophie: Bye-bye, Mr Tiger. It was lovely to meet you.
Mummy: Well, that was an experience. All over now though. Can I offer you a cup of tea?
RSPCA: Er…
Mummy: Oh, no – sorry I can’t. The tiger drank it all.
Sophie: What will do for supper, mummy?
Mummy: Oh, I’m sure your daddy will think of something.
RSPCA: Well, if that’s all, ma’am, I think I’ll be on my way now.
Mummy: Ok. Well, it was lovely meeting you too. Have a nice day.
RSPCA: You too, ma’am. The boys back at head office won’t believe this. Wait ‘til I tell them all about it. Wait ‘til I tell them about the tiger who came to tea.

From The Mind of Merc - Discrimination

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about discrimination.

Is there a bigger coward than the prejudiced white male?
Seriously - what exactly is there to fear in those who are different to ourselves? And why does someone being black, brown, oriental or, alternatively, female, transsexual or non-binary have an impact on their right to exist or be treated any different to others? 

Aside from the ridiculousness of this concept, the ideology on which it is based is also inherently flawed.

To explain this, let’s take a look at two of the main types of discrimination:

1)      Racism

The frankly sickening belief that the colour of someone’s skin determines their worth or their right to exist.
Supposedly, this is based on this misplaced belief that people with darker skin are in some way inferior or present a threat. However, given there have been so many cases of white people attacking black people because of this, it is more obviously and painfully clear to see that white people are in fact the ‘threat’ as the violence, aggression and depravity that is so feared by the racists is more often enacted by them.  If it wasn’t so unnecessary, awful and tragic it could perhaps be viewed as ironic.

Examples:
-          Emmett Till 
-          Frank Morris 
-          Jesse Thornton 
-          Willie James Howard 
-          Louis Allen 
-          Isaac Woodard 
-          Yusef Hawkins 
-          James Craig Anderson 
-          Ocoee Massacre 
-          The Scottsboro Boys 
-          Tulsa Race Riots 
-          Buffalo Shooting 
(This is sadly just a handful of available examples and does not include those killed by police officers or white supremacist groups.) 

Not only that but given the commonly accepted theory of the origin of life that suggests that all humans (or homo sapiens) came from Africa it could safely be presumed that the original humans were, in fact, black. Consequently, it stands to reason that black people are, in fact, the predominant race on the planet and the efforts of prejudiced white men to oppress or worse obliterate black people categorically demonstrates their determination not only to assert an unfounded superiority but also shows their own cowardice.

2)      Sexism

The extremely outdated and inherently flawed belief (which is extremely relevant at the moment) that a person’s gender determines their intelligence or ability to contribute to society. Historically, this contribution cannot be fairly judged as the existing predominance of men has led women to consistently have their input to major achievements and developments obliterated and obscured - either by being overruled or by having their male counterparts blatantly steal from them.

Examples:
-          Margaret E. Knight 
-          Rosalind Franklin 
-          Marthe Gautier 
-          Esther Lederberg 
-          Jocelyn Bell Burnell 
-          Lise Meitner 
-          Ada Harris 
-          Candace Pert 
-          Frieda Robscheit-Robbins 
-          Trota of Salerno 
-          Mary Whiton Calkins 
-          Colette 
-          Margaret Keene 
-          Elizabeth Magie  

Again, as stated above, it could be said this prejudice is also flawed.
Biologically speaking, all human embryos start out as female – it isn’t until around 6 weeks into gestation that any present male hormones kick in and affect in utero development (hence why men have nipples, an enlarged genital bud – compared to the smaller one of the female - and a raphe line). Ergo the female of the species could be said to be the predominant gender on this planet but, yet again, the prejudiced white male seeks to overrule, undermine and supersede what is presumably a perceived threat. 

Ultimately, it becomes clear in both cases that the average white male could in fact be viewed as the inferior or rather the subordinate species on the planet. Sadly, the overall effect is that the bigger danger seems to come from this ‘subordinate’ species (aka the prejudiced white male) in their excessive efforts to overrule and dominate those who theoretically ‘came first’ and, in doing so, inadvertently create a reversed self-fulfilling prophecy by enacting on their victims the subjugation they themselves fear.

This is sad for a number of reasons – not only because of the mindless violence and senseless loss of life that results but also just think what could have been achieved so far in history if women hadn’t been continually oppressed, belittled and blocked out. If they had been allowed a voice, to put forward their ideas and suggestions and have them heard and valued, to share the role that the said white male seems determined to steal or hog for themselves for no reason other than their own misplaced belief in a non-existent superiority.
Just think what heights we might have reached if black people had been treated equally and been allowed to basically exist unscathed. What might the lives lost through the violence perpetrated by their oppressors have contributed to our overall development? 

And all it would take would be for the prejudiced aggressors to open their eyes to look at the reality not only of the world but the impact of their discrimination upon it. To consider a point of view other than their own and display some sign of the humanity they so proudly claim and the compassion which is supposed to be deeply rooted in human nature. To realise that other people on this planet have just as much right to respect and to exist and that collaboration and cooperation presents infinitely greater benefits and requires considerably less effort than persecution and oppression.

It is, after all, not impossible for the discriminatory to change their ways – just take a look at the work of Daryl Davis  – and although the prejudiced white male may have the louder voice it is by no means the only one. 

So while the immediate future may perhaps look bleak there is always the possibility of progress.
Yes, Roe vs Wade has been overturned but there was a time before it existed – and that changed.
There was a time before the Civil Rights Act existed – and that changed. 
So maybe this is time before true equality and justice exist. And maybe that too can change.

Raleigh on Trial sketch - Mercorabilia

Sort of continuing the 'don't talk about' theme of this month, I present my latest sketch - Sir Walter Raleigh on trial.

Judge: Sir Walter Raleigh – you stand accused of bringing numerous dangerous discoveries back from the New World. Thus endangering the lives of people living here in England. How do you plead?
Raleigh: Not guilty.
Judge: Very well – have it your way. The first charge relates to that filthy ‘herb’ known as tobacco – which you introduced into England and…
Raleigh: Actually, I didn’t.
Judge: What?
Raleigh: I didn’t introduce tobacco to England. That was John Hawkins.
Judge: It was?
Raleigh: Yup. Although John Nicot’s probably equally to blame. After all, where do you think we get the word ‘nicotine’ from?
Judge: Oh, alright. Well, on the next charge – destroying English cuisine. By introducing the potato to our kitchens you have caused untold blight on the…
Raleigh: Sorry – if I could just stop you there. I didn’t introduce the potato to England.
Judge: Hmph. Well, what about removing your cloak and placing it in a puddle of muddy water. Thereby befouling the garment and…
Raleigh: Nope. Didn’t do that either.
Judge: Really?
Raleigh: Yup.
Judge: <sighs> Well, then what are you famous for?
Raleigh: Er… well, I did sail to the New World. Tried to set up a colony on Roanoke Island.
Judge: That’d be the Lost Colony of Roanoke Island, would it?
Raleigh: Er… yes. I tried several times to find El Dorado – the lost city of gold.
Judge: Did you find it?
Raleigh: No. No, it’s still lost. And then when the Queen died I supported her cousin Arbella over King James.
Judge: You lost that too.
Raleigh: Yes. Although James forgave me… up until my last expedition where some of my men attacked a Spanish outpost thereby contravening the Anglo-Spanish peace treaty.
Judge: Aha! Yes – you definitely did do that. And that’s treason. Guards - off with his head!
Raleigh: But that was my men – not me.
Judge: Potato-potarto.
Raleigh: Looks like that’s another thing I’ve lost. 

We Don't Talk About Pluto - !!!NEW!!!

The first time I heard (of) this song, this alternative lyric popped into my head and, of course, it had to be followed up.
(Apologies to Lin-Manuel Miranda)

We Don’t Talk About Bruno We Don’t Talk About Pluto not from Encanto 

We don't talk about Pluto, no, no, no!
We don't talk about Pluto... but

It was a wondrous day
It was a wondrous day
With my comparator, which I used to image the sky
I used it to image the sky

A year had passed ‘til I saw in that glass
What’s that?
Something new that was moving on by
That meant I had to look again

Sure enough what did I see?
What did I see there?
That moving shape, oh, could it be?
Soon it started becoming clear

It’s a new discovery
Such a wondrous day... but anyway

We don't talk about Pluto, no, no, no!
We don't talk about Pluto!

Oh! Seventy years later and then everything it changes
Because that’s when they altered the criteria and ranges
And suddenly it’s future’s not looking so bold, no-no-no
‘Cause for a new status, it now exchanges
Could it be said of Pluto that it short changes
And now it seems that it has been left out in the cold
Get it? Pluto - cold

There’s no turning back
Kicked out of the system
‘Cause to IAU
Everyone listens
Suddenly it morphs
And becomes a dwarf

We don't talk about Pluto, no, no, no! (We don't talk about Pluto, no, no, no!)
We don't talk about Pluto (we don't talk about Pluto!)

It must orbit round the sun
Yes, though it’s slow (Oh, oh!)
It must have some gravity
Yes, it’s got that so… (So, so!)
It must be the biggest one that’s around,

I think that is… oh! (No, no! Oh!)
Seems Pluto don’t make the cut so it’s no go!

Although the existence of another planet fit with astrophysics
Although the long held presence meant it’s been added to pnemonics
It seems that Pluto’s had its day

Although the new classification means no Planet X
To solve the conundrum
We must now search again
Really? Or could it be that it’s not there (Must we now search again?)
We will not search again

Um, Pluto...
But what about Pluto...
I just wanted to know about Pluto...
Gimme the truth, just the truth on Pluto
(Shall we do it all one more time)
All together!

There’s no turning back (it was a wondrous day, it was a wondrous day)
Kicked out of the system (Had my comparator)
‘Cause to IAU (which I used to image the sky)
Everyone listens (I used it to image the sky!)

Suddenly it morphs (A year had passed ‘til I saw in that glass)
And becomes a dwarf (What’s that?)
Something new that was moving on by
That meant I had to look again

Sure enough what did I see (There’s no turning back, kicked out of the system)
What did I see there?
That moving shape, oh, could it be?
Soon it started becoming clear
It’s a new discovery
And so!

Don't talk about Pluto, no! (Why did I talk about Pluto?)
Not a word about Pluto!
I never should've brought up Pluto!