So Long And Thanks For Nothing - Mercorabilia

 He's gone! Hurray! That calls for a song.

So Long And Thanks For All The Fish Nothing not from Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy 
So long and thanks for nothing mate
So sad that this has come too late
We all have wanted you out for years

You never did earn our respect
Because we never did detect
A shred of integrity or
Worth within you

So long, so long and thanks
for nothing mate

The country has been left destroyed
And that has made us all annoyed
Because it was your job to stop this happening

Despite your Brexit promises
It seems your real legacy is
A weakened economy and thou
sands of lives lost

So long, so long, so long, so long, so long
So long, so long, so long, so long, so long

So long, so long and thanks
for nothing mate 

If we could have one more wish
It would be to eject Rish(i)
If we could just learn one thing
It's to not vote Tories in

Come join our song
Boris is gone
That's a cause for celebration 

(oooohhh oooohhh oooaahhhhh- ah ahh)

So long, so long, so long, so long, so long
So long, so long, so long, so long, so long

So long, so long and, Thanks!
for nothing mate!

From The Mind of Merc - Choices

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the conundrum facing the enquiry panel - they basically have to decide whether Boris Johnson is an incompetent idiot or a corrupt criminal. Personally, I think the answer is obvious:

Even so, I'm not 100% convinced that a beneficial outcome will be produced whatever they decide as it appears to actually have an effect, his own party (of which 100 MPs backed him to reclaim the Premiership last year) have to agree to apply it. Sounding remarkably reminiscent of the attempt to impeach Trump - can only work if his own party are against him. 

It also doesn't help that the current incumbent is undoubtedly not any better seeing as how he appears to believe his having a heated swimming pool is more important than the people he is supposed to represent being able to eat(!)
Not to mention his disparaging of policies which turn out in fact to have been Tory-instigated and led - like the time he expounded the virtues benefits of being in the EU - talk about facepalm moment.
Plus his apparent conviction that answering questions to his own satisfaction is adequate for everyone else. Guess again.

There may be some sheeple in this world but they are not the majority. Neither are the Tory supporters as it has previously been reported that the majority votes any recent Tory stunt or election has garnered have been as protest votes against other choices (such as the referendum and the last election which is not only stupid and short-sighted but catastrophically damaging) rather than the voters actually choosing or preferring the Tory option.

I hope and pray that when we next have a choice come the next election that these self-serving money grubbing lawbreakers will be firmly and unequivocally shown the door and we can start repairing the country the Tories have spent the past 13 years systematically destroying for their own ends.

I have said this so many times but feel it needs saying again:

THE TORIES ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. 

Please repeat as necessary until the message sinks in.

From The Mind of Merc - History Repeats Itself (Part 2)

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking again about history repeats itself – only this time a lot closer to home.

Associations have been made (including by me) linking Trump with the rise of the Nazi party in 1930s Germany. (An association which was supported particularly by the photo taken at THAT rally.)

However, from my perspective at least, similar associations can now be made for Johnson.

Let me explain:
In the 1930s, Hitler began an escalating campaign to takeover land in Europe which continued unimpeded or even challenged for years. Britain, which under the terms of the League of Nations was supposed to act on aggression, made occasional efforts to supposedly combat this with repeated and what proved to be unfounded threats of retaliation. Ergo, when Hitler threatened to invade Poland and Britain once again threatened to respond if he did so, Hitler had no reason to believe they would actually follow through.

In 21^st century England, Johnson and the Tory government have been following an escalating campaign to impoverish, weaken and, at times consequently, endanger the nation and its people  whilst enriching themselves. This has also gone on unchecked or effectively challenged. Members of the British establishment (specifically those who are supposed to without bias monitor, review, query and when necessary act to prevent questionable or illegal activities) have repeatedly failed to do so. Ergo when Johnson and the Tories push through increasingly self-serving and (to the rest of us) punitive policies, they have no reason to believe they will be questioned or held accountable for their actions. 

However, just as Hitler was wrong with his assumption, I sincerely hope the Tories will prove to be wrong with theirs and that at long last the British public will prove that they will be not accept being mistreated like this.

Just as when England did nothing to prevent Hitler’s policy of aggrandisement so the British have done nothing to prevent the Tories’ policy of self-aggrandisement. We’ve threatened anger, displeasure and discontent but not actually done anything to prevent it. If anything the opposite as they have been consistently voted in – so we the British public are to blame.

However, just as with England in the 1930s, we also have the power to stop it from continuing.

This also links into another theory I had – which I posted about on Facebook – following Liz Truss’s resignation. 

I honestly believe the Tory government thinks we are idiots and that having gaslit us for a ridiculously long number of years, we will now agree to and go along with whatever they say/want/do.
Case in point, Liz Truss’s resignation – it struck me that she could easily be a Tory sacrifice, someone they put out there who was so awful at her job that she was designed to make Johnson look almost palatable. Like they’re trying to get us to think that we would be so much better off if Johnson came back. There are several things wrong with this theory (which I sincerely hope the British public realise):

1.        The mess was Johnson and the Tory government’s creation in the first place – Truss just compounded it
2.       Johnson was ‘in charge’ for years, Truss for 44 days. She was bad for a bit. Johnson has been bad for ages. And what she achieved in her brief tenure is nothing compared to what he achieved (or rather destroyed) during his time in power.
3.       Whether or not Truss was any good (and I’m not saying she was) does not in any way mean that Johnson was good or that the myriad of rules, regulations and laws that he broke is now somehow ok.

As with Hitler, the underestimated ‘lower orders’ are in fact the ones with ultimate control. Yes, it will be up the Tories to choose their new leader but we live in a democracy and it is up to us to say whether or not we accept their rule and want it to continue. In the end we have the power. That is why the Tories seek to control and manipulate us while they line their own pocket at our expense and try to distract us by directing our critical gaze inwards when it should be at them.

Consequently, whenever it is we manage to get a general election (and if there is any sense and justice in the world it’ll be soon), I sincerely hope we will not allow the Tory government to repeat their mistakes in the way they have run the country by repeating ours and voting them in again.

The choice is ours. The power is ours. We can make things change for the better.

Tories Out - !!!NEW!!!

And so the madness continues. Will the ridiculousness and the sleaze never end? Maybe a national chant will do it.

Vindaloo Tories Out not by Fat Les

What on earth is all this?
We're from England
Think we want this?
We won’t take no more of it
Listen

Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Stuff you)
Nah nah nah (Truss too)
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah Nah

We're England
We don’t want any more from you
England!
Had enough of Tory sleeze
Let’s show them the exit please
Want them, gone now
Not soon, right now
Listen

Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah Nah

We're England
We don’t want any more from you
England!
Me and me Mum and me Dad and me Gran
We're off to vote - no doubt
Me and me Mum and me Dad and me Gran
Because we want the Tories out
Because!

Tories out
Tories out
Tories out
Tories out yeah yeah
Tories out
Tories out
Tories out
Tories out yeah yeah
Tories out
Tories out

And we want the Tories out
We're England
We don’t want any more from you
England!
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
And we all like Tories out
We're England
We don’t want any more from you
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
And we want the Tories out

We're England
We don’t want any more from you
England!

Goodbye Liz Truss - !!!NEW!!!

While it might have been more appropriate to use Another One Bites The Dust, for some reason this tune popped into my head so I just ran with it.

Sing As You Go Goodbye Liz Truss not by Gracie Fields 

Hee-hee, come on lads and lassies
The PM’s resigned again
Hee-hee, come on
Ee, let's sing of it

Goodbye Liz Truss and good riddance to you
44 days, but still you got it so wrong
You thought you could lead us
But you wouldn’t feed us so be on your way

Goodbye Liz Truss, you couldn’t do the job
Though you’re not worst, you still are not good enough
A lettuce beat you, the world knows it’s true
So bye, don’t come back again

(Tory) Blues, look at you now
You oughta know that we’ve no use for you
You’ll go soon we vow
The time of your Tory misrule is through
Though a new premier might be in sight
It is unlikely they’ll put it right

Goodbye Liz Truss and good riddance to you
44 days, but still you got it so wrong
You thought you could lead us
But you wouldn’t feed us so be on your way

Goodbye Liz Truss, you couldn’t do the job
Though you’re not worst, you still are not good enough
A lettuce beat you, the world knows it’s true
So bye, don’t come back again

Goodbye Liz Truss and good riddance to you
44 days, but still you got it so wrong
(Ay you, you just got it so out of whack, hee-ee)
You thought you could lead us
But you wouldn’t feed us so be on your way
(Hello, Boris, you back again? Are you? We’ll see about that)
Goodbye Liz Truss, you couldn’t do the job
(Gee, it's mad just how quick she’s gone)
Though you’re not worst, you still are not good enough
A lettuce beat you, the world knows it’s true
So bye-bye-bye-bye
Don’t come back a-gain

From The Mind of Merc - Zelenskyy

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the man that is Volodymyr Zelenskyy.

Ukraine's president is garnering almost universal praise for his response to Russia's unprovoked attack on his country.

As with last month's Mind of Merc post, I think the reason for this adulation can be summed up in one online image:

And what do we have?

Alexander Boris de Pfeiffel Johnson

A man who:

-      Got a ‘deal’ for Brexit by literally BREAKING THE LAW! And lied to the Queen about it. And it’s crippling an already damaged economy.

-      Failed to take COVID seriously and adopted ‘herd immunity’ when a vaccine was still unavailable. Then ensured his Tory donors and cronies got business deals out of it. Then claimed the resulting test and trace system was world beating when it never worked – which he blamed on the NHS. And now has started charging for LFT tests.

-      Denied attending a party in lockdown – during a time when the Queen attended her husband’s funeral alone – despite their being photographic evidence to the contrary.

-      Defended every two-faced, lying, cheating, bullying member of his cabinet – e.g. Dominic Cummings, Matt Hancock, Priti Patel, the list just keeps going

-      Failed to act on the potentially life-saving recommendations from the report into Grenfell (in fact the Tories actively blocked it)

-      Is still trying to sell off the drastically underfunded and undersupported ‘failing’ NHS even though it’s surviving despite his best efforts.

-      Believes MPs deserve a £2,212 pay rise (for doing b*gger all) but nurses only deserve 1% for getting the country through the worst of the pandemix. And also that benefits should be cut but his own salary is too low

-      Was exposed by Greta Thunberg for exaggerating the success of the UK’s battle with carbon emissions

-      Runs a government famous for U-Turns – exhibit A: school exam results (Btw, Gavin Williamson is still education secretary.)

-      Serial adulterer whose current partner believes setting up a charity to fund redecorating 10 Downing Street is acceptable.
(By comparison, Zelenskyy’s wife – Olena Zelenska (his first and only spouse) is refusing to leave her husband in a warzone despite being on a Russian hitlist).

 

No comparison really, is there?

Dear Mr Johnson - !!!NEW!!!

A double bill today.
First a message to our illustrious (in his mind) leader. Perhaps not the most appropriate song (🤮) but definitely an appropriate message.

Dear Future Husband Mr Johnson not by Meghan Trainor

Dear Mr Johnson
Here's a few things you'll need to know if you wanna be
Our premier MP all your life

Think that you’re so great
Please give us a break
And don't ever think that we believe ev’rything you say
Yet after all you’ve done
Still think that you’re the one
Hard to believe
But words don’t deceive 

You’ve been in charge so long
So many goings on
So watch out or you’ll find out someday soon you are gone
Cos we are not that dumb
And we will not stay mum
We will use our clout
To get you voted out (yes) 

You gotta know how to be a good PM
You’ve got to uphold the system
Know how to do what is right

Dear Mr Johnson
Here's a few things you'll need to know if you wanna be
Our premier MP all your life
Dear Mr Johnson
If you wanna get that re-election
Stop serving yourself and start to do what’s right (now) 

In a pandemic
It’s not politic
To look for ways to make yourself more money out of it
And it is always wrong
To risk lives for so long
Herd immunity?
Why, herd immunity? 

You gotta know how to be a good PM
You’ve got to uphold the system
Know how to do what is right

Dear Mr Johnson
Here's a few things you'll need to know if you wanna be
Our premier MP all your life
Dear Mr Johnson
Serve the masses
Not upper classes
It’s not too late you’ll find that there is still some time 

When there are people fleeing a dictator
Open doors for them and do not wait for later
Don't be a racist tw*t
Show you are more than that
This is your chance
To take the proper stance, yes 

You gotta know how to be a good PM
You’ve got to uphold the system
Know how to do what is right

Dear Mr Johnson
Here's a few things you'll need to know if you wanna be
Our premier MP all your life
Dear Mr Johnson
If you wanna get that re-election
Stop serving yourself and start to do what’s right (now)
Now, oh
Mr Johnson, time to see the light

Sue Gray Enquiry sketch - Mercorabilia

Funny sometimes how life can imitate life. The current political situation reminded me of a previous sketch I wrote about the Greek Graying crisis so I thought I’d parody my own work to reflect the situation:

Isn’t the Partygate crisis interesting? Not just for the situation they’re in but their reaction to it – it’s like they’re saying “I want an enquiry but I don’t want an enquiry”. Can you imagine that conversation…

Johnson: I need an enquiry.
Gray: Ok – how soon?
Johnson: Whenever you like.
Gray: And what is this for?
Johnson: Well I’ve got in a bit of situation over a party I had last year when everyone was supposed to be in lockdown and I need it all to go away.
Gray: I see. Well, I’ll conduct the enquiry but only if you agree to my terms.
Johnson: And those are…?
Gray: Cut the bullsh*t, the truth will out and the public gets to see my report in full.
Johnson: But they sound horrible.
Gray: Yes, but with a credibility rating like yours…
Johnson: Hmm. Tell you what. I’ll order the enquiry but only if you agree to my terms. And my terms are that I don’t have to do any of the things you just said.
Gray: I don’t think you understand how this works.
Johnson: But your terms just don’t work for me. And it’s not the way I do things.
Gray: But if you don’t accept the terms the enquiry will be pointless – you won’t be able to hold your head up in public, your credibility rating will be non-existent and any of your subsequent actions or agreements will be worthless.
Johnson: I know – I’ll talk to my people and see what they say.
Gray: About what?
Johnson: Whether or not to do one of your enquiries.
Gray: I don’t think you’re getting this. You need help – even if I did do the enquiry you need help because if you continue the way you have been then you’ll just end up out on your @rse with one of your ‘people’ in your place. And no-one is going to want to help a deceitful, uncompassionate has-been like you.
Johnson: Well, what do you suggest I do?
Gray: Have the enquiry!
Johnson: Why would I want to do that?
Gray: Gaaah! 

The crisis is already starting to impact on the country as their trusty police force is found distinctly wanting. Imagine what this could mean for future crime reports…

Police: Hello. Welcome to The Met. How can I help you?
Victim: I’d like to report a crime.
Police: Sorry – can’t help you.
Victim: What?
Police: We can’t do that.
Victim: Why not?
Police: We don’t investigate historical crimes.
Victim: But you’re the police!
Police: Yes – but  that doesn’t mean we investigate historical crimes.
Victim: Why not?
Police: Lack of evidence. Didn’t you bring any with you?
Victim: I thought as I was reporting the incident to the police that’d be your job.
Police: Ah – classic mistake, that.
Victim: Well, what am I supposed to do?
Police: (after a pause) Have you ever thought of becoming a PI?

From The Mind of Merc - (Political) Life Imitating Art

(Bit late with my monthly post this time so it's just a short one).

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the similarity or appropriateness of quotes from and to completely different situations.

Case in point - who said this?

"If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness
to look facts in the face will see us through."

From The Mind of Merc - The Cummings Conspiracy

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the effect that Dominic Cummings still appears to have on UK politics.

What I mean by this is that, although he is longer a member of parliament it is still painfully evident that they continue to dance to whatever tune he cares to play.

Tbh, I really wouldn’t surprised to see him become PM in the future. To be clear, this is not something I want or would relish – it just seems to me that a man who holds as much sway in and over the UK government as he does and is capable of using that to his own ends must surely only have one destination in mind.

To explain what I mean about his clear and continuing influence, I present these 3 examples.

Example 1 – The Durham Debacle
He flagrantly and unapologetically broke the lockdown rules by driving to Durham with his family. What repercussions did he suffer for his lawbreaking? Absolutely none. Clear proof of the power he held as it Boris wouldn’t dare evict his loyal and experienced advisor.

Example 2 – Gone But For How Long?
Cummings’s enforced resignation coincided with a change in leadership in the USA. The new POTUS brought about a change in Boris and his strategies (particularly COVID) – a heavy suggestion both what Cummings’s influence had been and that it had (for now) been removed. 

Example 3 – Hancock’s H-exit
Last month Cummings emerged from the woodwork to take aim at Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, who was forced to resign after footage of an affair (which had to have been going on before this) subsequently surfaced – the government is still subject to Cummings’s machinations.

Clearly, Cummings is not finished messing with politics and, ultimately, I believe the main question is who will he take aim at next? And how long before the Tories to decide he’d be a good replacement for Boris? Remember: we do not need to elect him – he only needs his own party to choose him to be their leader. And when there’s little to no effective opposition within his own or from other parties…

From The Mind of Merc - Accountability

(Got a bit sidetracked and completely lost track of the date. Anyway here is April's From The Mind of Merc.)

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about accountability.

Isn't it an interesting word? And it's got a pretty interesting meaning too. According to the Cambridge English Dictionary, it means:

"the fact of being responsible for what you do and able to give a satisfactory reason for it, or the degree to which this happens"

Do you think Boris Johnson is aware of this definition? Or even this word?
Granted he went to Oxford rather than Cambridge but I doubt universities would have massively different dictionaries*.

If he doesn't know it, can someone please introduce him to it because I'm getting seriously fed up having a Prime Minister who is (not has - we're way beyond that) such a moral vacuum. And what's more faces absolutely zero consequences for his actions.

*that's a joke btw

From The Mind of Merc - A Change For The Better?

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the effect of the recent US election on UK politics.

Has anyone else noticed the change in Boris Johnson’s approach to (in effect) his job since his best buddy Donald Trump was ousted from the Presidency following November's vote?

Prior to this he seemed to be following the example of the sexist, racist bigot the US were unfortunate enough to have to call their Commander-in-chief; evidently believing that if the POTUS could get away with God knows what and still stay in power then so could he. Then along comes the US election which Trump undeniably (despite what he’d like to think) and humiliatingly loses and suddenly the truth hits home and Johnson is left buddy-less, example-less and the only and worst remaining demonstrable failure on the political stage – especially when it comes to COVID. Surely now is the time he needs to pull his finger out and I think there are clear signs that there has been a definite change in his approach.

For example, let’s start with COVID:

Johnson has gone from ‘Herd Immunity’ and ‘It’s not that bad’ to ‘We must act now’ and ‘We will be following data, not dates’. While this could be said to be the approach he should have had a year ago, I think the main thing to take out of this is that he does appear to be actually trying to do his job – we can only hope and pray this is the start of a long-term policy.

Also, the departure of Dominic Cummings from his team hopefully shows that just as he is no longer committed to playing follow my leader with Trump and his policies, he is now less inclined to blindly and foolishly follow the advice of people he likes, has previously trusted or possibly have leverage over him. True he is still not practising accountability for himself or his cohorts – as demonstrated by the fact that Cummings faced no repercussions for any of his transgressions and likewise Matt Hancock has now evaded censure for his unlawful actions regarding COVID contracts – but it is a definite step in the right direction.

I’m not saying he’s perfect – there's still a long way to go before he even gets close to that and there are still a lot of dismissive policies and borderline comical U-Turns to sort out, get past or prevent from happening ever again.

Overall, I believe judgement should be reserved on this newfound ‘dedication’ until we have sufficient time to judge the success and also longevity of his apparent epiphany but it is hopefully I sign that we are at last truly on the road to recovery. We can only hope that the UK finally gets the leader we so desperately need and that Johnson apparently desperately believes he is.

From The Mind of Merc - Hypocrisy

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about Hypocrisy.

The Tories various failings to fulfil their duty to run the country (instead evidently preferring to run it into the ground) have led numerous people on numerous occasions to query the correct definition of democracy – which struck me as the Tories providing us with a valuable vocabulary lesson. It also occurred to me that they’re teaching us exceptionally well about another word – hypocrisy.

The most glaring and recent example has to be Boris Johnson’s declaration that bullying will not be tolerated in Whitehall… despite refusing to dismiss Home Secretary Priti Patel when an independent investigation found her guilty of exactly that.

But this is far from the only example. There is also the instance of the Tories on the one hand extolling to the public to do their bit to ‘Save the NHS’ and on the other undermining it, underfunding it, and selling bits of it off. They have since compounded their own duplicity with a parliamentary meeting in which 50 people crammed into a room that was only supposed to hold 29.

And let’s not forget the school meals fiasco with the exorbitant sum of free school meals meaning the government was loath to fund them… despite the fact that it’s equivalent to the amount they spent on  PPE contract for face masks (handed without tender to a wealth advisory firm with links to the Tories) that turned out to be unusable.

So if there’s one thing you can say about this government, it’s that they’re educational. Aren’t we lucky!

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Lockdown - !!!NEW!!!

Had to be done really.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas Lockdown not by Bing Crosby

It’s beginning to look a lot like lockdown
Everything is closed
We’re all looking to No. 10 - The PM’s delayed again
He means what he says but does he say what he means
Who knows?

It’s beginning to look a lot like lockdown
All our plans are gone
But there is still a chance in sight, if we all do it right
So we’ll carry on

It’s true it’s not a nice place and it’s such a disgrace
That we can’t all do as we please      
Limits imposed we all feel so enclosed
And not free to just take our ease 
(But) if we adhere the end is near for awful days like these

It’s beginning to look a lot like lockdown
Everything is closed
It isn’t that much to ask - Stay home or wear a mask
And wash your hands or else our chance
Is hosed

It’s beginning to look a lot like lockdown
(But) There’s no need to cry   
‘Cause there’s more than enough loo rolls
So please think of other souls
And don’t panic buy 

It’s beginning to look a lot like lockdown
All our plans are gone
But there is still a chance in sight, if we all do it right
So we’ll carry on
‘Cause, the lockdown is on

From The Mind of Merc - Leadership

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about leadership.

According to the Center for Creative Leadership, the 10 characteristics of a Good Leader are: integrity, ability to delegate, communication, self-awareness, gratitude, learning agility, influence, empathy, courage, respect.

So how does our own leader, the inexorable Boris Johnson, stack up:

1) Integrity - Nope. He'll back whatever horse is winning
2) Ability to delegate - (as in facilitate teamwork rather than pass the buck so) Nope!
3) Communication - Nope. Incredible stutterer though.
4) Self-awareness - Ha! Nope.
5) Gratitude - Definitely not (clapforNHS does not count)
6) Learning agility - (ability to know what to do when you don’t know what to do) Absolute fail!
7) Influence - (through logical or emotional appeals) Could have done - if he didn't ignore his own rules
8) Empathy - Given block of Grenfell recommendations and NHS pay rise, Nope!
9) Courage - More like cowardly lion. The man hid in a fridge to avoid an interview!
10) Respect - With comments like piccaninnies and watermelon smiles, does he know what this means?

Don't agree with the list? How about Forbes - they define 8 Essential Qualities of Great Leadership as: sincere enthusiasm, integrity, great communication skills, loyalty, decisiveness, managerial competence, empowerment, charisma.

Let's break them down again:

1) Sincere enthusiasm - Again not convinced he knows what this means
2) Integrity - Nope.
3) Great communication skills - See above.
4) Loyalty - In this instance it means to employees etc. so Nope.
5) Decisiveness - Ha! He's U-Turn Central
6) Managerial competence - Ditto
7) Empowerment - Hell no. He wants it all.
8) Charisma - Again not a word I'm convinced he's familiar with

Still not trusting the source? How about the government's own website? An article on there says there are 11 key features of leadership. (Paraphrased) these are: understand how to have positive impact, be prepared to lead, win and retain respect, motivate and inspire others, clear sense of purpose and direction, good communicator, lead the delivery, manage your energy, build the right team around, trust your instinct, accept that we all make mistakes.

So one more time:

1.   Understand how to have positive impact - Nope!

2.   Be prepared to lead - Nope. Hid in a fridge.

3.   Win and retain respect - Nope.

4.   Motivate and inspire others - Definitely nope. Have you seen the number of anti-maskers out there?

5.   Clear sense of purpose and direction - Nope. U-turn Central.

6.   Good communicator - Nope again.

7.   Lead the delivery - More like avoid the blame.

8.   Manage your energy - Ok, this one he can do. He's very good at taking holidays - even illegal ones!

9.   Build the right team around you - If this means right for him, yes. If right for everyone else, nope!

10. Trust your instinct - Again, he can do this one. But given he fails the others, this is not good thing.

11. Accept that we all make mistakes - Nope. It's never his fault (apparently).

Webster's dictionary defines accountability as:

the quality or state of being accountable
especially : an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actionsI wonder if he, or indeed anyone in the Tory government, is aware of that.

An MP Can Be A Crook - !!!NEW!!!

Listening to my favourite song from Mary Poppins Returns and the beginnings of these lyrics started forming in my head... so I thought I'd let them develop.

A Cover Is Not The Book An MP Can Be A Crook not from Mary Poppins Returns
We have so much at our fingertips
That we can access quick and how
And yet we still do not make the most of it
If we ever needed info
Then my friends that time is now
As rather than trust the media then we need to research it
Because an-

MP can be a crook
So please always take a second look
'Cause if you peer closer past the poster
You might find you were mistook
Please don’t ignore the warning signs
Take care to read between the lines
And what you find it might just leave you shook
For an MP’s your man
Unless your MP’s a crook

It’s-true-to-day, it’s all true so far!
It’s-true-to-day, it’s all true so far!

Excuse me Miss, could you give us an example?
Certainly!

Boris the Johnson it seemed was good
But what could not be seen was though
His outward show was honest
Well, his past was far from clean
So if someone chose to look what was buried down deep inside
They would find he’s not so nice
Yet he still won by a landslide!

Which proves
An MP can be a crook
So please always take a second look
'Cause if you peer closer past the poster
You might find you were mistook
Please don’t ignore the warning signs
Take care to read between the lines
And what you find it might just leave you shook
For an MP’s your man
Unless your MP’s a crook

Should we do the one about the tricky Tory?

Oh, by all means!

People love that one

Well, go on then!

Mr Dominic Cummings
His wife was not feeling so fit

So he put her in a car

Drove to Durham for a bit

Yet the country’s in lockdown
Which you’d think would cause a hitch

But if you're rich and make the rules

Then are the rules meant for the rich?

Oh, an MP can be a crook
So please always take a second look

'Cause if you peer closer past the poster
You might find you were mistook
It’s-true-to-day, it’s true so far!
It’s-true-to-day, all above par!

And what you find it might just leave you shook
For an MP’s your man
Unless your MP’s a crook

Oh, give us the one about the brainless bossman, why don't ya?

Isn't that one a bit long?

Well, the quicker you're into it, the quicker you're out of it

Once upon a time
(Not) In a nursery rhyme
There was a white house with a man
With an orange tan
Who seemed to think there was no-one that he was less than

He had fans and followers
Who hung on his ev’ry word
But despite his being the chief
Good grief!
It seemed he had a poor choice of what he should best do
A poor choice of words

Like his hands were not immense
His brain was smaller than a bird's
So the vice-man of the nation
Made a censored proclamation
"We do not need him understood
He needs to look good

Just like any premier should
His bright orange skin not withstood”

And they searched for the brightest
And they searched for the best
Who would endorse

All his recourse
Bring worth to what he did attest
But the man was a buffoon
So each professor quit their job
They did not want to be involved
With such a racist slob
It makes you sob
You start to wonder why it is
He’s so beloved by the mob

But then suddenly one day
The people realised a thing
They said, "If he cannot change then
It makes sense that we change him"
And the man’s team’s fears all grew

For they knew that this was true
That it was not hopeless
There was a way out of the mess

Cause to have a happy land
And to enjoy the world you've got
You should never let yourselves
Be ruled over by a bigot
So they sang and they cheered
They had found a way to end
The control of this despot who was
Surely not their friend

So the moral is you mustn't let
The media be the guide
For it's possible they lied
You need to make your own mind up
Don’t be hypnotised, you decide!
‘Cause the truth can't be denied
And we will not be defied
We can vote to change the world and
We won’t let the cheaters hide

That is it!

Oh, an MP can be a crook
So please always take a second look

'Cause if you peer closer past the poster
You might find you were mistook
So please listen to what we've said

And please never let yourself be led

So one more time before we get the hook

Please sing along!

An MP’s your man

Please take our advice!

An MP’s your man

Or you'll pay the price!

An MP’s your man

Unless your MP is a crook

It’s-true-to-day, it’s so true by far!
It’s-true-to-day, it’s so true by far!
It’s-true-to-day, it’s so true by far! Hurrah!

(Author's note: I'm not saying these are the only examples but they are certainly the most notable at the moment)

Bojo's Christmas Carol - Mercorabilia

It seems even a near death experience isn’t enough to change the Prime Minister’s perception of a job poorly done. You have to wonder how Dickens’s infamous story would have turned out had it been Boris instead of Scrooge who was subject to the 3 visits. 

(For the sake of sketch format this is massively abbreviated.)

<Bojo sits at his desk, writing>

Bojo: Right. I think that’s my secret COVID response plan all drawn up. I’ll just check it one more time. Ignore the experts, open the schools to test the restriction removal on children, blame the resulting surge in cases on the doctors and teachers for not working hard enough. That should do it. Well, time for bed.
<Gets into bed and lies down>

Ghost of Christmas Past (GOCP): Wooooooo.

Bojo: Who’s there? Who is it?

GOCP: I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.

Bojo: You look like Theresa May.

GOCP: Yes, well I do impressions. Now do you remember this? 2004. You were caught out for having an extra-marital affair. And sacked from your job.

BoJo: Well, maybe. But I got away with it

GOCP: I guess that’s true.

Bojo: So, it’s alright then.

GOCP: What?!? No! No – of course it’s not alright, you-

Bojo: Thanks. Bye!

<Bojo lies down again>

GOCP: Oh, I give up. (To next ghost) Your turn.

Ghost of Christmas Present (GOCP2): *ahem* Wooooo. Woooooo!

Bojo: What? Who’s that?

GOCP2: I am the Ghost of Christmas Present.

Bojo: I see. What do you want?

GOCP2: To show you how terrible things are. And it’s all down to you!

Bojo: I don’t think so. I think you’ll find…

GOCP2: Hush! Look! Families destroyed through loss. Chaos of panic buying. The second worse death rate in the world!

BoJo: Yes, but I got away with it.

GOCP2: Well, yes. But at what cost? The people who’ve died unnecessarily, the key workers who received no support, the country massively crippled for want of decisive action.

BoJo: But I got away with it.

GOCP2: I suppose so.

Bojo: Result! Good night.

<Bojo lies down again>

GOCP2: (To next ghost) Good luck

Ghost of Christmas Future (GOCF): Bojooooo. Bojoooo.

Bojo: Who’s that? Why are you doing an impression of a letterbox?

GOCF: Enough! This is not a burka! It’s is my ethereal cloak.

Bojo: If you say so.

GOCF: Silence! I am the Ghost of Christmas Future and I bring you this terrible vision.

Bojo: I see – a gravestone with my name on it. So I die.

GOCF: Yes.

Bojo: As do we all.

GOCF: Well, yes.

Bojo: Did I die rich?

GOCF: …Maybe.

Bojo: And powerful?

GOCF: Umm…

Bojo: And famous?

GOCF: But was it for the right reasons?

Bojo: Who cares! I won! In your face, destiny!

GOCF: (leaving) Unbelievable.

<Bojo wakes up and goes to the window to open it>

Bojo: You there, boy! What day, is it?

Boy: Time you sorted out the COV-ID crisis?

Bojo: Don’t get smart with me or I’ll cut your mum’s benefits. What day is it?

Boy: <sigh> Christmas day.

Bojo: Excellent. I want you to go to the nearby butchers, buy the biggest turkey you can find and bring it back.

Boy: What did your last slave die of?

Bojo: Coronavirus. Now off you go. And when you come back I’ll give your reward.

Boy: Reward! You’re on.

<Boy disappears and reappears with a large turkey>

Boy: Here it is. Now what’s my reward?

Bojo: The satisfaction of a job well done. Bye!

Boy: Tory tw*t. Glad I spat in it.