From The Mind of Merc - Priorities

 Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today given the recent emergence of yet another variant of coronavirus which once again threatens our Christmases, I was thinking about the UK government's prioritising of their bank balances over everyone else's has undeniably contributed the longevity of the pandemic.

When our leaders are more focused on the money they can make from the situation than actually dealing with the situation itself in any sort of effective way in order to protect the lives of the people it is meant to represent - as demonstrated not only by the numerous highly questionable 'donor deals' that have taken place since the outbreak but also by the disinclination of our illustrious leader to bother to turn up to COBRA meetings for the first few months of the crisis - it should come as no surprise that our ability to overcome or at least subdue the rampant nature of the virus is considerably and interminably delayed.

To demonstrate this in cartoon form, here's one I made earlier. (And I effectively only had to change 1 letter.)

Almost There - !!!NEW!!!

Less than a month til (hopefully) the end of the COVID restrictions. That deserves a song.

Almost There not by Anika Noni Rose 
Woohoo! We are nearly through it all!
We have had to wait such a long while
After all the messing around
It’s been such a trial 

Summer’s here and we can cheer
Because now the end is in sight
And despite how long we have had to wait
We’re getting closer and closer day and night

And we’re almost there
We’re almost there
No more stay at home restrictions
For us to bear
Trials and tribulations
We’ve had our share
But hopefully nothing stops us now
'Cause we’re almost there

We remember 2019
When we could all go out
See all our friends and family
Without a single doubt

For far too long we have been in its sway
Now finally we are on our way
By doing what we’re told
To ensure the spread’s controlled

And we’re almost there
We’re almost there
We know that there’s no need for despair
‘Cause we’re almost there
We’re almost there 

There's been trials and tribulations
We know we’ve had my share
But we’ve lasted this long
And we’ll make it through
‘Cause we’re almost there
We’re almost there
We’re almost there!

Not By Yourself - !!!NEW!!!

Tomorrow we take one step closer to escaping the lockdown restrictions. But, as they are still not over yet, there may still be people struggling with forced isolation or change in social circumstances so partly to aid this (and partly because I disagreed with Comic Relief's choice of using All By Myself for part of their otherwise excellent evening's entertainment), I thought a create this parody.

All By Myself Not By Yourself not by Celine Dion

One year ago
We didn’t know how this would go
Being locked down is such a blow
Nowhere to go

If you’re alone
The only one in your whole home
You are still not on your own
Pick up the phone

All by yourself
You’ll never be
All by yourself
No you won’t

Hard to stay sane
When you can’t help but feel the strain
So I just hope that this refrain
Relieves the pain

All by yourself
You’ll never be
All by yourself
No you won’t 

All by yourself
You’ll never be
All by yourself
No you won’t

One year ago
We didn’t know how time would flow
Being locked down is such a blow
Nowhere to go

All by yourself
You’ll never be
All by yourself
No you won’t

All by yourself
You’ll never be

You’ll never be
By yourself, by yourself
No you won’t

By yourself
No you won’t

All by yourself
You’ll never be
We didn’t, didn’t, didn’t
Know how this would go

From The Mind of Merc - A Change For The Better?

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the effect of the recent US election on UK politics.

Has anyone else noticed the change in Boris Johnson’s approach to (in effect) his job since his best buddy Donald Trump was ousted from the Presidency following November's vote?

Prior to this he seemed to be following the example of the sexist, racist bigot the US were unfortunate enough to have to call their Commander-in-chief; evidently believing that if the POTUS could get away with God knows what and still stay in power then so could he. Then along comes the US election which Trump undeniably (despite what he’d like to think) and humiliatingly loses and suddenly the truth hits home and Johnson is left buddy-less, example-less and the only and worst remaining demonstrable failure on the political stage – especially when it comes to COVID. Surely now is the time he needs to pull his finger out and I think there are clear signs that there has been a definite change in his approach.

For example, let’s start with COVID:

Johnson has gone from ‘Herd Immunity’ and ‘It’s not that bad’ to ‘We must act now’ and ‘We will be following data, not dates’. While this could be said to be the approach he should have had a year ago, I think the main thing to take out of this is that he does appear to be actually trying to do his job – we can only hope and pray this is the start of a long-term policy.

Also, the departure of Dominic Cummings from his team hopefully shows that just as he is no longer committed to playing follow my leader with Trump and his policies, he is now less inclined to blindly and foolishly follow the advice of people he likes, has previously trusted or possibly have leverage over him. True he is still not practising accountability for himself or his cohorts – as demonstrated by the fact that Cummings faced no repercussions for any of his transgressions and likewise Matt Hancock has now evaded censure for his unlawful actions regarding COVID contracts – but it is a definite step in the right direction.

I’m not saying he’s perfect – there's still a long way to go before he even gets close to that and there are still a lot of dismissive policies and borderline comical U-Turns to sort out, get past or prevent from happening ever again.

Overall, I believe judgement should be reserved on this newfound ‘dedication’ until we have sufficient time to judge the success and also longevity of his apparent epiphany but it is hopefully I sign that we are at last truly on the road to recovery. We can only hope that the UK finally gets the leader we so desperately need and that Johnson apparently desperately believes he is.

Not About You - !!!NEW!!!

 I know I've used this song for a parody before but I think this version is a valuable message.

All About You Not About You not by McFly

It's not about you (not about you)
It's not about you, baby (it's not about)
It's not about you (not about you)
It's not about you

Yesterday, you posted something about this “flu”
You still need to wear a mask, It's not about you
Though you replied to me saying you know it’s “true”
It’s really not much to ask, it's not about you

And I will answer all your queries
If you force me to
But if you persist with your crazy theories
I must unfriend you
So listen close to the science, like we all must do
Just please put on a facemask
It's not about you, yeah

And I will answer all your queries
If you force me to
But if you persist with your crazy theories
I must unfriend you
So listen close to the science, like we all must do
Just please put on a facemask
It’s really not much to ask
Don’t make me take you to task 
It's not about you

It's not about you (not about you)
It's not about you, baby (it's not about)
It's not about you (not about you)
It's not about you, baby
It's not about you (not about you)
It's not about you, baby (it's not about you)
It's not about you (not about you)
It's not about you
It's not about you

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Lockdown - !!!NEW!!!

Had to be done really.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas Lockdown not by Bing Crosby

It’s beginning to look a lot like lockdown
Everything is closed
We’re all looking to No. 10 - The PM’s delayed again
He means what he says but does he say what he means
Who knows?

It’s beginning to look a lot like lockdown
All our plans are gone
But there is still a chance in sight, if we all do it right
So we’ll carry on

It’s true it’s not a nice place and it’s such a disgrace
That we can’t all do as we please      
Limits imposed we all feel so enclosed
And not free to just take our ease 
(But) if we adhere the end is near for awful days like these

It’s beginning to look a lot like lockdown
Everything is closed
It isn’t that much to ask - Stay home or wear a mask
And wash your hands or else our chance
Is hosed

It’s beginning to look a lot like lockdown
(But) There’s no need to cry   
‘Cause there’s more than enough loo rolls
So please think of other souls
And don’t panic buy 

It’s beginning to look a lot like lockdown
All our plans are gone
But there is still a chance in sight, if we all do it right
So we’ll carry on
‘Cause, the lockdown is on

From The Mind of Merc - Leadership

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about leadership.

According to the Center for Creative Leadership, the 10 characteristics of a Good Leader are: integrity, ability to delegate, communication, self-awareness, gratitude, learning agility, influence, empathy, courage, respect.

So how does our own leader, the inexorable Boris Johnson, stack up:

1) Integrity - Nope. He'll back whatever horse is winning
2) Ability to delegate - (as in facilitate teamwork rather than pass the buck so) Nope!
3) Communication - Nope. Incredible stutterer though.
4) Self-awareness - Ha! Nope.
5) Gratitude - Definitely not (clapforNHS does not count)
6) Learning agility - (ability to know what to do when you don’t know what to do) Absolute fail!
7) Influence - (through logical or emotional appeals) Could have done - if he didn't ignore his own rules
8) Empathy - Given block of Grenfell recommendations and NHS pay rise, Nope!
9) Courage - More like cowardly lion. The man hid in a fridge to avoid an interview!
10) Respect - With comments like piccaninnies and watermelon smiles, does he know what this means?

Don't agree with the list? How about Forbes - they define 8 Essential Qualities of Great Leadership as: sincere enthusiasm, integrity, great communication skills, loyalty, decisiveness, managerial competence, empowerment, charisma.

Let's break them down again:

1) Sincere enthusiasm - Again not convinced he knows what this means
2) Integrity - Nope.
3) Great communication skills - See above.
4) Loyalty - In this instance it means to employees etc. so Nope.
5) Decisiveness - Ha! He's U-Turn Central
6) Managerial competence - Ditto
7) Empowerment - Hell no. He wants it all.
8) Charisma - Again not a word I'm convinced he's familiar with

Still not trusting the source? How about the government's own website? An article on there says there are 11 key features of leadership. (Paraphrased) these are: understand how to have positive impact, be prepared to lead, win and retain respect, motivate and inspire others, clear sense of purpose and direction, good communicator, lead the delivery, manage your energy, build the right team around, trust your instinct, accept that we all make mistakes.

So one more time:

1.   Understand how to have positive impact - Nope!

2.   Be prepared to lead - Nope. Hid in a fridge.

3.   Win and retain respect - Nope.

4.   Motivate and inspire others - Definitely nope. Have you seen the number of anti-maskers out there?

5.   Clear sense of purpose and direction - Nope. U-turn Central.

6.   Good communicator - Nope again.

7.   Lead the delivery - More like avoid the blame.

8.   Manage your energy - Ok, this one he can do. He's very good at taking holidays - even illegal ones!

9.   Build the right team around you - If this means right for him, yes. If right for everyone else, nope!

10. Trust your instinct - Again, he can do this one. But given he fails the others, this is not good thing.

11. Accept that we all make mistakes - Nope. It's never his fault (apparently).

Webster's dictionary defines accountability as:

the quality or state of being accountable
especially : an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actionsI wonder if he, or indeed anyone in the Tory government, is aware of that.

From The Mind of Merc - COV-ID Deniers

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the people who for some reason best known (or perhaps solely known) to them seem to think that the rules and restrictions relating to the COV-ID lockdown don't apply to them, are part of a conspiracy theory or worse that the entire pandemic is a hoax.

It led me to create this cartoon:

Bojo's Christmas Carol - Mercorabilia

It seems even a near death experience isn’t enough to change the Prime Minister’s perception of a job poorly done. You have to wonder how Dickens’s infamous story would have turned out had it been Boris instead of Scrooge who was subject to the 3 visits. 

(For the sake of sketch format this is massively abbreviated.)

<Bojo sits at his desk, writing>

Bojo: Right. I think that’s my secret COVID response plan all drawn up. I’ll just check it one more time. Ignore the experts, open the schools to test the restriction removal on children, blame the resulting surge in cases on the doctors and teachers for not working hard enough. That should do it. Well, time for bed.
<Gets into bed and lies down>

Ghost of Christmas Past (GOCP): Wooooooo.

Bojo: Who’s there? Who is it?

GOCP: I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.

Bojo: You look like Theresa May.

GOCP: Yes, well I do impressions. Now do you remember this? 2004. You were caught out for having an extra-marital affair. And sacked from your job.

BoJo: Well, maybe. But I got away with it

GOCP: I guess that’s true.

Bojo: So, it’s alright then.

GOCP: What?!? No! No – of course it’s not alright, you-

Bojo: Thanks. Bye!

<Bojo lies down again>

GOCP: Oh, I give up. (To next ghost) Your turn.

Ghost of Christmas Present (GOCP2): *ahem* Wooooo. Woooooo!

Bojo: What? Who’s that?

GOCP2: I am the Ghost of Christmas Present.

Bojo: I see. What do you want?

GOCP2: To show you how terrible things are. And it’s all down to you!

Bojo: I don’t think so. I think you’ll find…

GOCP2: Hush! Look! Families destroyed through loss. Chaos of panic buying. The second worse death rate in the world!

BoJo: Yes, but I got away with it.

GOCP2: Well, yes. But at what cost? The people who’ve died unnecessarily, the key workers who received no support, the country massively crippled for want of decisive action.

BoJo: But I got away with it.

GOCP2: I suppose so.

Bojo: Result! Good night.

<Bojo lies down again>

GOCP2: (To next ghost) Good luck

Ghost of Christmas Future (GOCF): Bojooooo. Bojoooo.

Bojo: Who’s that? Why are you doing an impression of a letterbox?

GOCF: Enough! This is not a burka! It’s is my ethereal cloak.

Bojo: If you say so.

GOCF: Silence! I am the Ghost of Christmas Future and I bring you this terrible vision.

Bojo: I see – a gravestone with my name on it. So I die.

GOCF: Yes.

Bojo: As do we all.

GOCF: Well, yes.

Bojo: Did I die rich?

GOCF: …Maybe.

Bojo: And powerful?

GOCF: Umm…

Bojo: And famous?

GOCF: But was it for the right reasons?

Bojo: Who cares! I won! In your face, destiny!

GOCF: (leaving) Unbelievable.

<Bojo wakes up and goes to the window to open it>

Bojo: You there, boy! What day, is it?

Boy: Time you sorted out the COV-ID crisis?

Bojo: Don’t get smart with me or I’ll cut your mum’s benefits. What day is it?

Boy: <sigh> Christmas day.

Bojo: Excellent. I want you to go to the nearby butchers, buy the biggest turkey you can find and bring it back.

Boy: What did your last slave die of?

Bojo: Coronavirus. Now off you go. And when you come back I’ll give your reward.

Boy: Reward! You’re on.

<Boy disappears and reappears with a large turkey>

Boy: Here it is. Now what’s my reward?

Bojo: The satisfaction of a job well done. Bye!

Boy: Tory tw*t. Glad I spat in it.

Boris Churchill - Mercorabilia

A twist on my speech-wrecker speech today.
I read an article recently that said that, in times like this, what we need is clarity - and that's exactly what we're not getting. Which is completely true. So I thought I'd parody Winston Churchill's famous 'Fight Them On The Beaches' speech as the crucial part might have sounded had Boris 'King of Vagueness' Johnson given it.

Fight Them On The Beaches? not by Winston Churchill

We shall go on… er… possibly to the end… or maybe even further. 

We shall fight in France, or on the seas or the oceans. 

We shall fight with growing confidence and growing alertness in the open air. 

We shall defend this land, our island, whatever the cost may be – within reason, of course. 

We shall fight on the beaches, or on the landing grounds, or possibly in the fields or the streets - we could even fight in the hills. 

But we won’t give up whatever happens. So stiff upper lip and best of British.

From The Mind of Merc - Common Sense

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I thought I'd keep it simple:

STAY HOME

STAY SAFE!

Stay Safe - !!!NEW!!!

Inspired by Captain Tom Moore, I've penned this similar tuned (if not themed) parody song.

Walk Tall Stay Safe not by Val Doonican

Stay safe
Stay safe, stay home and let the world just pass you by
That's what the WHO has told you - it’s not hard to guess why
They said don’t be a fool now - the risk is just too high
Stay safe, stay home and let the world just pass you by

Although the year has been quite tough, that still don’t make it right
To treat the rules as optional - that won’t help end this blight 

Don’t ignore the things they say - it’s all for your own good
Just do your bit - stay at home - just like you know you should

Stay safe, stay home and let the world just pass you by
That's what the WHO has told you - it’s not hard to guess why
They said don’t be a fool now - the risk is just too high
Stay safe, stay home and let the world just pass you by

You want to go to places like you always used to go
But that is now too dangerous - this is something you know
Don’t fall for those liars who claim it is not that bad
Or it could be the worst choice that you ever had

Stay safe, stay home and let the world just pass you by
That's what the WHO has told you - it’s not hard to guess why
They said don’t be a fool now - the risk is just too high
Stay safe, stay home and let the world just pass you by

Don’t get in trouble with the law - they’ll fine you on the spot
Although outside’s where you want to be, prison sure is not
Together we’ll win if we work together you’ll see
So stay safe stay home it’s as easy as one two three

Stay safe, stay home and let the world just pass you by
That's what the WHO has told you - it’s not hard to guess why
They said don’t be a fool now - the risk is just too high
Stay safe, stay home and let the world just pass you by

The COVID Song - !!!NEW!!!

Continuing with topical theme - this time borrowing a tune from the Python boys.

The Penis Song The COVID Song not by Monty Python

Isn't it awfully nice to self-isolate
Isn't it frightfully good to stay at home
It's swell to have the time off
It's divine to stay in bed
But although it is easy for us
There’s more that must be said
So, three cheers for all the essential workers
Hooray for all those on the front line
And hopefully this will teach us
To value what we’ve got
There are so many fun things that
You can choose to do or not
But just don't go out in public
Or they will fine you on the spot
So please just stay at home

Thank you very much.

From The Mind of Merc - Pandemics

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics ad occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about pandemics (inevitable, really).

A lot of people have been highlighting the theory about a pattern emerging in major plagues that seem to strike around every 100 years:

Year	Occurrence
1720	Plague
1820	Cholera
1920	Spanish Flu
2020	Coronavirus

Two things to note from this:

1)   They (sadly) are not the only plagues to strike – if you want to really depress yourself visit the Wikipedia epidemics page https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_epidemics

2)   On a brighter note, we are able to improve our response to it

The death toll from each of these plagues reads thus:

Year	Occurrence	Death Toll
1720	Plague	c. 1,000,000
1820	Cholera	c. 1,000,000
1920	Spanish Flu	c. 17,000,000
2020	Coronavirus	c. 40,000*

So (with the exception of the Spanish Flu) the mortality rate is improving against pandemics and contagions – especially when you consider the ones that don’t ‘fit the pattern’

Year	Plague	Death Toll	Average per year
541-542	Plague of Justinian	c. 25,000,000	12,500
1347-1351	The Black Death	c.25,000,000	5,000
1855-1960	Third Plague Pandemic	c. 22,000,000	209.5
1960-2000	All reported plagues	52	1.3

Also:

- Smallpox (which killed 500 million in the last 100 years of its existence) was eradicated in 1977

- Polio cases decreased from 49,293 to 74 between 1975 & 2015 (eradicated in Europe in 1998)

- Malaria mortality fell by 60% between 2000 & 2015 (38 countries so far declared Malaria-free)

- Rubella cases dropped from 670,000 in 2000 to 15,000 in 2018 (Australia eradicated it in 2018)

I sincerely hope there will not be another repeat in 2120 but if there is hopefully we’ll again improve our fight against it.

*While admittedly the full toll of the current outbreak is not yet known, so long as people start using common sense rather than selfishness this should start stabilising - i.e. not increasing soon

I Won't Stay Here At Home - !!!NEW!!!

I said it wouldn’t be the last

(I was going to use Alice Cooper’s School’s Out but it’s too late for that now)

(I was also going to use Jojo’s Get Out but she beat me to it)

I Won’t Say I’m In Love I Won't Stay Here At Home not from Hercules

If there's a prize for rotten judgement,
I guess we've already won that
Nothing is worth contamination
But look what’s out there - sunlight, all that

Just what are you thinking?
Is this all a big joke to you?
Stop us all from sinking
Before it all comes home to you
‘Cause we really mean it
We’ve already seen it
And it must stop now

But still today I might go out, oh oh
(You’re mad! Please stay. Don’t blow out no no)
It might dismay - I won't stay here at home       

I thought this virus was no big deal
It doesn’t seem to affect me
It seems so silly to be stuck here
Others are dying but I’m still healthy

Boy, you must be joking
It’s not about how you're feeling
What is it you’re smoking?
From your statement we’re still reeling
Please do not disgrace it
When you gonna face it

That you can’t can’t can’t go out

But still today I might go out, oh oh
(You can’t, you won’t, we say don’t - stay at home)
I won’t delay I won't stay here at home
(Do not proceed – won’t succeed – stay at home)                           
It’s just too hard I won't do it
I won’t be barred I won't do it
(Please see some sense and today stay at home)
Well, I’m not dense perhaps I’ll stay at home

You Give A Little Sneeze - !!!NEW!!!

In light of the current situation, I guess it was unavoidable to write a Coronavirus themed parody song. I doubt it'll be the last. Stay safe!

You Give A Little Love You Give A Little Sneeze not from Bugsy Malone

We could have gone anywhere that we wanted to go
But now at home we must stay
To stop the virus we’ll all do our bit
And to help the world we all will self-isolate

We could have gone anywhere that we wanted to go
But now that’s too dangerous
Don’t complicate it
We’ll all tolerate it
And stay at home without a fuss

We could have gone anywhere that we wanted to go
But now they’re saying we can’t,
Everything’s closing, it’s very imposing
But still we will do our best to stay safe

Do not be a dunce
You might think you’re safe but

All it takes is just once

Stay safe

Don’t shake any hands
Because that’s how it spreads
You must try to understand

No doubt about it

It must be worthwhile
Please don’t empty

The entire aisle

We could have gone anywhere that we wanted to go
But now that’s too dangerous
Don’t complicate it
We’ll all tolerate it
And stay at home without a fuss

You give a little sneeze and they all run away from you
A a a a a a a (choo)
Don’t wanna be contaminated by a selfish person like you
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah