Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 31

Door number 31:

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 30

Door number 30:

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 29

Door number 29:

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 28

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Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 27

Door number 27:

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 26

Door number 26:

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 25

Door number 25:

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 24

Door number 24:

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 23

It seems door number 23 didn't upload properly - obviously the hinges are a bit stiff - so hopefully second time lucky:

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 22

Door number 22:

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 21

Door number 21:

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 20

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Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 19

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Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 18

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Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 17

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Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 16

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Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 15

Door number 15:

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 14

Door number 14:

 

 (250th post! - woohoo!)

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 13

Door number 13:

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 12

(No internet access over the weekend means get to open 3 doors today)

Door number 12:

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 11

Door number 11:

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 10

Door number 10:

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 9

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Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 8

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Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 7

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Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 6

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Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 5

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Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 4

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Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 3

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Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 2

Door number 2:

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 1

Time for Day 1 of this year's caption advent calendar. For this year's theme I've chosen the US TV series Once Upon A Time. And behind door number 1:

(Apologies if anyone is not a fan of OUAT - please feel free to suggest a focus for next year's calendar)

From The Mind of Merc - The Doctor's Names

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the hidden meanings in Doctor Who and, more specifically, those buried in the names given to characters in the show. (Warning: may contain spoilers)

This first occurred to me with the naming of the Runaway Bride – Donna Noble. The name ‘Donna’ literally means ‘Lady’ so ‘Donna Noble’ is a noble lady which – as demonstrated in her later episodes – is shown to be the case as she is (revealed to be) one of the most important people on the planet.

I then started looking at the other names of the companions in the series:

Rose Tyler – ‘Rose’ being a beautiful, stereotypically English, flower (appropriate given she is the one who the Doctor could arguably have been said to have fallen in love with). And ‘Tyler’ – a common labourer’s profession (appropriate for the child of a London estate – casting no aspersions).

Martha Jones – the name ‘Martha’ also means ‘lady’ and, with  ‘Jones’ being a common surname, she could be said to be a ‘Common Lady’ but, as she was selected by the Doctor, also special.

Astrid Peth – generally accepted as being an anagram of TARDIS, the name ‘Astrid’ means ‘divine strength’ – which she undoubtedly found both to defeat Max Capricorn and also in her reincarnation at the end of the episode.

   

The importance of names in Doctor Who becomes even more apparent in Steven Moffat’s era with ‘River Song’ transpiring to be a play on the name of ‘Melody Pond’. (Although, admittedly, this is more to do with the connotations of the word than the meaning of the name.) But the name ‘Amelia’ means ‘industrious’ (appropriate for a Doctor’s companion) and the name ‘Amy’ means ‘beloved’ which she certainly is – particularly by Rory. 

Then, bringing things bang up to date, we have Clara Oswald – ‘Clara’ meaning ‘clear’ or ‘bright’ – both appropriate for a teacher – and ‘Oswald’ meaning ‘Power of God’ (which Clara could be said to have at several points throughout the series)

I will undoubtedly be watching keenly and be eager to know the moniker bestowed on his next companion and what this could infer...

A Question of Antiquity - Mercorabilia

Today a sketch inspired by my recent trip to the souvenir cabin; using items you could quite possibly find in Del Boy's lock-up.

Presenter: And here at the Antiques Roadshow we’ve got a man with quite an unusual collection of antiques. Hello, sir.

Punter: Good morning.

Presenter: Would you care to tell us a little about your items?

Punter: Certainly. Well, over here I’ve got an authentic Queen Anne hand-carved chair. As you can see it’s got an upholstered seat and back and the distinctive curved legs...

Presenter: With plastic arms.

Punter: Yes, very advanced those carpenters.

Presenter: Hmm.

Punter: And over here I have an antique Roman wristwatch.

Presenter: A ROMAN wristwatch?

Punter: Yes. You can tell it’s Roman from the numerals on the dial. And this is a genuine Elizabethan torch.

Presenter: Oh, well I guess they did sort of have torches in the Elizabethan age. Like you see in treasure hunter films.

Punter: Exactly. And all you need to do to operate it is press the switch on the side.

Presenter: (dubiously) Right. If it’s Elizabethan, why does it say Duracell on the side?

Punter: No – that’s D’Uracelle – a well-known Elizabethan family – famous for their inventions.

Presenter: I see. Well, excuse me for saying this but, uh, you don’t actually appear to have any antiques with you.

Punter: What do you mean?

Presenter: Well, it’s all rubbish, isn’t it?

Punter: It is not! I assure you these are all highly-prized and sought after gems. Worth vast amounts of money. And I’ve come here today to get a valuation on them.

Presenter: I’ll give you a fiver for the lot

Punter: Done.

Expected Etiquette sketch - Mercorabilia

Have you ever noticed how sometimes we ask questions almost automatically - as if we're expecting a set answer? And have you wondered what would happen if we didn't get that set answer...

 

A: Hi, Bill.

B: Hi.

A: Are you alright?

B: Not really. No

A: Sorry?

B: I said - not really, no.

A: Oh.

B: Mmm.

A: I don’t really know what to say now.

B: What do you mean?

A: Well, I wasn’t expecting you to say no, actually.

B: Why not?

A: Well, it’s...not really what’s done, is it?

B: But you asked me how I was.

A: Yes, but you’re not supposed to say no. It’s not what’s expected. When someone asks if you’re alright, you’re supposed to say yes.

B: Even if you’re not.

A: Yes

B: Why?

A: It’s just what you’re supposed to do.

B: Oh. Shall we try again?

A: Ok. Hi, Bill. Are you alright?

B: Yes. I’m fine. Absolutely fine. 100% tiptop. Never been better. Completely and absolutely dandy.

A: You see, now I don’t believe you.

Grigor Rasputin - !!!NEW!!!

Getting close to Christmas so here's a Christmassy parody... of sorts. Well, it's inspired by the Muppet Christmas Carol but it's subject is a lot less Christmassy

Ebenezer Scrooge Grigor Rasputin not by The Muppets

A cold winter in Russia
(Can) freeze you to the bone
But that didn’t stop this young
charismatic monk
(From) making a grab for the throne
He thought if he got close to the
Tsarina he would rule
But he didn’t think of
Felix Yusupov
And his Russian noble friends (oh)
Resolute to class
They won’t let it pass
They will make sure his life ends

Oh, what’s happened to Rasputin
What have they done to him
They gave him poisoned wine to drink

He didn’t feel its sting

They fed him poisoned cupcakes too

And gaped as it did nothing

They tried then to shoot him down

But this didn’t work on him

What’s happened to Rasputin
What have they done to him
After he had been shot down then
He was soundly beaten
Even after all of this
He seemed to yet linger on
(Was) Tied up and thrown in a river
To ensure that he was gone

He’d wanted to be rich
He’d wanted some power
But his uncouth ways
Meant that this soon turned sour
He came to the aid of poor young Alexi
You’d think that this selfless feat
would save his life-
Naaaah! uh-uh

What’s happened to Rasputin
What have they done to him
He had the Tsar under his thumb
Who depended on him
He attracted women who flocked ea-

gerly to his steeple
No question of his credentials
No hope for all those people
 

What’s happened to Rasputin
What have they done to him
Didn’t survive
That fateful night
They meant to do him in
Gained the fame he’d craved but did not

look where he did tread
And now at last he’s paid the price
'Cause Rasputin is dead

(Yes) Nowaday
In every way
Rasputin is dead

The Manhattan Purchase sketch - Mercorabilia

Not quite sure where the inspiration for this sketch came from. I think I just thought, assuming the myth surrounding the purchase (and sale) of Manhattan Island was true, it could make for an interesting conversation among the vendors.

Indian 1: What you got there?

Indian 2: Wouldn’t you like to know?
Indian 1: Yes I would – that’s why I’m asking.
Indian 2: I’ve got…some beads.
Indian 1: Uh-huh. And where did you get them from?
Indian 2: From those pale people over there. They said I had something they wanted to buy and if I’d sell it to them then in exchange they’d give me these beads.
Indian 1: I see – so it was a business deal. What did you sell them?
Indian 2: Manhattan.
Indian 1: Sorry?
Indian 2: Manhattan.
Indian 1: What? A bit of it? Or…
Indian 2: No – all of it.
Indian 1: All of it. The whole 23 square mile island.
Indian 2: Yup.
Indian 1: You sold the entire island of Manhattan to some strangers in exchange for some beads.
Indian 2: Yes.
Indian 1: And what’s so special about these beads?
Indian 2: Well…they’re beads.
Indian 1: Yes. And?
Indian 2: Well… they’re sparkly?
Indian 1: I see. Don’t you think you might perhaps have made a bit of a poor business deal there? Selling 60 square kilometres of land for a few cheap bits of glass.
Indian 2: Not really.
Indian 1: Why’s that?
Indian 2: Well, because we don’t even own Manhattan anyway(!)

From The Mind of Merc - New Ideas

(Note to self: next time I go away for the weekend, remember to take a laptop with me - otherwise blog posts don't get uploaded) Anyway...

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today (or, to be more accurate, 2 days ago) I was thinking about peculiar decisions our predecessors have made. This follows along similar lines to my previous questions post but is slightly different as it’s more – how did these seemingly bizarre events become normal to us?

For example: milking a cow– who thought of it first?
It’s such a seemingly innocuous and normal thing to do nowadays. But who was the first person to think ‘See those dangly things hanging underneath that cow over there? I’m going to go and squeeze them and drink whatever comes out’ (And before you think ‘ew’, thanks to that individual, we all do it)

Secondly, eating an egg. Eggs are a good healthy source of protein and used in many different dishes in many different ways. But who could look at a chicken’s bum and think ‘There’s a good source of food’.

Thirdly, tomatoes. For several centuries (even after its introduction to Britain) tomatoes were believed to be poisonous as they are a member of the deadly nightshade family. So what was going on in the mind of the person who decided to eat one? Did they not care? Did they do it for a bet? Were they on death row – their sentence being ‘Death by Tomato’? (If so, I bet the executioner was disappointed).

And finally, whoever thought cigarettes were a good idea?
Basically you take a leaf, crush it up, wrap it in paper, set it on fire(!) and then put it in your mouth. And not only that but you inhale the smoke – what possible harm could that do?
You have to wonder whether the person responsible was really that hard up for entertainment? Was setting fire to them the best thing they could find to do with them? And, if so, why put them in your mouth?
Also, did they experiment with different leaves? Or did they only have tobacco leaves to hand? Had people for years been smoking hawthorn leaves until the miraculous tobacco leaves arrived?

Makes you think...

She Had It Coming - !!!NEW!!!

A popular twist these days seems to be to take a traditional fairy tale and look at it from the villain's point of view - i.e. Maleficent, etc. So I thought I'd do the same using a song from a popular musical. 

(Animation) Cell Block Tango or She Had It Coming - not from Chicago 
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
All: She had it coming
She had it coming
She only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd been through it
Queen: I betcha you would have done the same!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula (Spoke):  You know how people have these prejudices that make no sense.
Like Triton. Triton was anti-women.
No, not women. Me.
So I’m banished to a cave just for wanting to help him rule, and I'm looking for a way of get back at him
And there's Ariel swimming into my home, asking for help to get Eric.
Yes, not Triton. But me.
So, I said to her, I said, "Of course dear just sign on this line..."
And she did.
So I took brought my cauldron up to boil and gave her the legs she wanted...
...and took her voice.
All: She had it coming
She had it coming
She only had herself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd been through it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Tremaine (Spoke):    I knew Cinderella was a flighty girl from the day I’d met her
And when her dad died I made sure that she was kept busy all the day
And that’s when we got the invitation
We went to the ball, she stayed home, to fix up her dress, like a good girl.
And then I found out,
"Stay at home" she told me “Why would do that? “
Not only had she gone out
Oh, no, she’d won the prince.
Fairy godmothers, you know.
So that day, when the Duke came round to visit,
I made sure she wouldn’t interfere
You know, some girls just can't keep their noses out.
All: She had it coming
She had it coming
It’s the same story time after time
Cause they ignored us
Simply abhorred us
It wasn’t murder no more a crime!
All: Sign, stay, sleep, uh-uh Snow White, so soft
Maleficent (Spoke): Now, I'm sitting on the grand throne
Alone in my grand and darkened tower,
Minding my own business,
In come my guardsman and he’s got news to tell.
"The king’s holding a christening," he says.
How exciting
But then he went on, "but you’ve not been invited."
So then I cast a little spell.
I cast a little spell to make them pay.."
All: If you'd have been there
If you'd been through it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Elsa (Spoke): It’s just not fair, is it? I’ve had these powers ever since the very day I was born
It’s not like I wanted them.
My parents told me - hide them far away. So I did
Now Hans says I tried to murder Anna.
My sister
I tried to explain it wasn’t true but nobody believed me...
Maleficent (Spoke):    Yeah, but did you do it?
Elsa: Uh Uh, not guilty!
Queen: I knew when I married the king he was a double act
‘Cause his daughter, Snow White, always hung around with us.
Now, my most prized possession of all, was my mirror and it’s to this I would ask
Mirror, mirror on the wall – who’s the fairest of us all?
Well, this one day I got up from my bed,
I’d had a good sleep it was a sunny day outside
And I went to my mirror to ask it the question.
What came back, I couldn’t believe
‘Cause there was an image of a young girl
But surprisingly it’s not me
It was Snow White.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely freaked out over such a little thing.
It wasn't until later, when I was standing with her heart in my hands
I even thought she was dead.
She had it coming
She had it coming
She had it coming all along
I didn't do it
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
Queen: She had it coming
All: She had it coming
Queen: She had it coming
All: She had it coming
Queen: She had it coming
All: It’s the same story
Queen: All along
All: Time after time
Queen: I didn't do it
All: Cause they ignored us
Queen: But if I'd done it
All: Simply abhorred us
Queen: How could you tell me
All: It wasn’t murder
Queen: That I was wrong?
All: No more a crime!
Cruella: I loved clothes and fashion more than I can possibly say.
They made me feel reassured...
comfortable... and secure.
So I was always trying to find the best.
I thought I’d found the answer in a new coat but that involved
Collecting dogs – Dalmatians – little puppies - for their coats.
I guess you can say things went wrong because of a difference of opinion.
Some thought they were better alive
And I thought better dead.
All: Of all the luck, luck, luck, luck, luck
What rotten luck, luck, luck, luck, luck
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She had it comin'
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: She had it comin'
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She had it comin'
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: She had it comin'
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She had it comin'
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: She had it comin'
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: All along
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: All along
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: 'Cause they ignored us
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: 'Cause they ignored us
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: Simply abhorred us
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: Simply abhorred us
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: And yet it’s us who
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: And yet it’s us who
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: Are in the wrong?
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: Are in the wrong?
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She had it coming
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: She had it coming
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She only had herself to blame.
All: If you'd have been there
If you'd been through it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Ursula (Spoke): Just sign on that dotted line!
Tremaine (Spoke): Stay home? Yeah right.
Maleficent (Spoke): Left out!
Elsa (Spoke):  I never wanted these powers.
Queen (Spoke): Not the fairest one – now it’s Snow White.
Cruella (Spoke): Opinion differences.
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!

Europa Daycare sketch - Mercorabilia

I doubt I'm the only one watching the developing events in Eastern Europe with trepidation but I have to admit that some of the recent developments did sound a bit like an altercation you might get in a school playground...

<Scene opens with kids innocently playing with tanks and planes. Then...>

UN: Hey, Vlad!

Vladimir: What?

UN: We agreed – this is our space and that’s yours. What are your planes doing in our space?

Vladimir: Oops - my bad. I’ll just move them.

UN: Listen - if you’re not going to play fair...

Vladimir: I assure you it was completely unintentional.

UN: Yeah – you’re right – it wasn’t in a tent – it was in our space. Just watch it in future, will you?

Vladimir: Of course.

UN: Right. We’re all going to play ‘Hunt the terrorists’. Do you want to join in?

Vladimir: Why not?

UN: We’re going to attack the IS in Syria. You with us?

Vladimir: Yup.

UN: Right

Vladimir: Fire!

UN: Woah! Wait! What are you doing?

Vladimir: I thought we were against Syria.

UN: We are but not that bit – we’re against ISIS – not the rebels.

Vladimir: Oh. Well, I’m sure they’re just as bad. After all, that Al-Assad fellow’s a lovely man. I think we should trust him.

UN: Just because you think he’s your friend.

Vladimir: He could be your friend too.

UN: No, he couldn’t. Now let’s get back to the game. Are you going to play fair this time?

Vladimir: How can you doubt it?

UN: Right – we’ll try again. And no hitting the wrong targets - we don’t want to start a fight.

Vladimir: Absolutely.

UN: Good. Fire!

<missiles launch>

UN: Vlad - what happened? You’re supposed to be aiming for Syria - Your missiles landed in Iran! What’s going on?

Vladimir: I missed.

The (Princess Bride) Class Sketch - Mercorabilia

First sketch of the month and an interesting combination in this one. It occurred to me how the other day how comparable the sidekicks in the cult classic The Princess Bride are with the characters from the renowned Frost Report sketch. This is the result.

Vizzini: I look down on him (Indicates Inigo) because I am intelligent.

Inigo: I look up to him (Vizzini) because he is intelligent; but I look down on him (Fezzik) because he is brutish. I am not.

Fezzik: I know my place. I look up to them both. But I don't look up to him (Inigo) as much as I look up to him (Vizzini), because he has got brains.

Vizzini: I have got brains, but I have not got any skill. So sometimes I look up to him (Inigo).

Inigo: I still look up to him (Vizzini) because although I have skill, I am poor. But I am not as poor as him (Fezzik) so I still look down on him (Fezzik).

Fezzik: I know my place. I look up to them both; but while I am poor, I am honest, industrious and trustworthy. Had I the inclination, I could look down on them. But I don't.

Inigo: We all know our place, but what do we get out of it?

Vizzini: I get a feeling of superiority over them.

Inigo: I get a feeling of inferiority from him, (Vizzini), but a feeling of superiority over him (Fezzik).

Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?

From The Mind of Merc - Normality

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the concept of normality. 

Quite a short one today. 

I found a meme online recently that reads ‘I tried being normal once – worst two minutes of my life’ and it got me thinking – if everyone is different (i.e. no two people are the same) then how is it possible to define normality?

Surely normality (if it does exist) is a purely subjective concept – and a highly discriminatory one at that.

And if so then the people who consider themselves normal – and as such are consequently 'different' from everyone else – and consider this acceptable should also be prepared to accept those who are 'different' from them?