Today a sketch inspired by my recent trip to the souvenir cabin; using items you could quite possibly find in Del Boy's lock-up.
Presenter:
And here at the Antiques Roadshow we’ve got a man with quite an unusual
collection of antiques. Hello, sir.
Punter:
Good morning.
Presenter:
Would you care to tell us a little about your items?
Punter:
Certainly. Well, over here I’ve got an authentic Queen Anne hand-carved chair.
As you can see it’s got an upholstered seat and back and the distinctive curved
legs...
Presenter:
With plastic arms.
Punter:
Yes, very advanced those carpenters.
Presenter:
Hmm.
Punter:
And over here I have an antique Roman wristwatch.
Presenter:
A ROMAN wristwatch?
Punter:
Yes. You can tell it’s Roman from the numerals on the dial. And this is a
genuine Elizabethan torch.
Presenter:
Oh, well I guess they did sort of have torches in the Elizabethan age. Like you
see in treasure hunter films.
Punter:
Exactly. And all you need to do to operate it is press the switch on the side.
Presenter:
(dubiously) Right. If it’s Elizabethan, why does it say Duracell on the side?
Punter:
No – that’s D’Uracelle – a well-known Elizabethan family – famous for their
inventions.
Presenter:
I see. Well, excuse me for saying this but, uh, you don’t actually appear to
have any antiques with you.
Punter:
What do you mean?
Presenter:
Well, it’s all rubbish, isn’t it?
Punter:
It is not! I assure you these are all highly-prized and sought after gems.
Worth vast amounts of money. And I’ve
come here today to get a valuation on them.
Presenter:
I’ll give you a fiver for the lot
Punter:
Done.
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