Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 31

And, finally, door number 31:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 30

Door number 30:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 29

Door number 29:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 28

Door number 28:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 27

Door number 27:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 26

And, because this advent calendar goes up to the end of December, door number 26:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 25

Door number 25:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 24

Door number 24:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 23

'Tis the season to be forgetful :S
(And, unlike John Finnemore, I didn't even manage to put a placeholder up)
Oh well, that means two doors today

Door number 23:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 22

Door number 22:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 21

Door number 21:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 20

Door number 20:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 19

Door number 19:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 18

Door number 18:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 17

Door number 17:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 16

(Bit late with this one but that's useless internet connections for you - i.e. it's just taken me about an hour to get to this page)

Door number 16:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 15

Door number 15:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 14

Door number 14:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 13

Door number 13:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 12

Door number 12:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 11

Door number 11:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 10

Door number 10:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 9

Door number 9:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 8

Door number 8:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 7

And behind door number 7:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 6

Computer problems prevented me being able to post yesterday so today there's two for the price of one.

Door number 6:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 5

Door number 5:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 4

Door number 4:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 3

Door number 3:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 2

Door number 2:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 1

Two years ago on my tumblr blog (http://www.tumblr.com/blog/theladymercedes) I did an advent calendar of Doctor Who captions. Last year, with all the buzz about the upcoming episodes of Sherlock, I turned my attentions and captioning skills to another of Steven Moffat's shows. This year my focus is Game of Thrones.

So here we go with door number 1:

From the Mind of Merc - Shakespeare

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the question of Shakespeare's authorship.

Ok – this issue is a real bugbear with me – the main crux of the matter seems to be that people don't believe that a tanner's son from Stratford could be capable of writing such beautiful works. Sorry but that's like saying a butcher's son can't become the second most powerful man in Tudor England (see Cardinal Wolsey) or that a greengrocer's daughter can't become the first female prime minister (see Thatcher).

Also, despite what many people think, Shakespeare was educated and could write (how else would we have the 6 surviving signatures of his) and ultimately all you need to write is a writing tool and a writing surface.

To get down to it, the main alternatives suggested by the conspiracy theorists include:

1) Christopher Marlowe – it is theorised that he passed off his works to the young man from Stratford after his espionage activities forced him to fake his own death. Excuse me? This is not James Bond. Marlowe was killed, tragic and unfortunate but all the same plain and simple. Shakespeare may have known and certainly would have heard of him but take credit for his work? Even if Marlowe had faked his death, what's to stop his associates producing later work as 'newly discovered'?

2) Earl of Oxford – who is vehemently proposed as the true author of Shakespeare's works to the point that his main advocate cannot even begin to comprehend how anyone could consider anything else. Well I could and here's why – Oxford died in 1604 – that is 7 years before The Tempest (Shakespeare's final play) was written – this is either an extremely clever trick that all modern magicians could learn from or it is in fact proof of the absurdity of this suggestion.

3) Bacon – a noted scientist and writer who travelled to many of the places mentioned in Shakespeare's works. Aside from the question of if he had plenty of works to his own name why exactly would he pass any to another, the fact that he travelled, rather than providing proof of his authorship, in fact counters it as there are several (geographical) mistakes made in Shakespeare's works which someone who had been to those countries would not have made.

(There is an additional theory that the longest word in Shakespeare's works – honorificabilitudinitatibus - when rearranged spells out a latin phrase which translates as “These plays, F. Bacon’s offspring, are preserved for the world” - what a lovely COINCIDENCE. Please – play word games if you wish but don't for one moment suggest that they provide conclusive proof to doubt the validity of Shakespeare's authorship).

Now I'm not claiming that Shakespeare was a genius (I'll leave that to the BBC) or that he was entirely original (see the tragedy of Romeus and Juliet), I just resent the doubt placed on Shakespeare's authorship of his own works.

Finally, for me, the deciding point in the debate – the one that completely dismisses all other possibilities is that during his lifetime EVERYONE SAID SHAKESPEARE WROTE THEM – particularly his friends like Ben Jonson - but also his rivals. The first doubter of Shakespeare's authorship didn't appear until over 100 years after Shakespeare's death(!) which to me kind of suggests that there wasn't ever a question to be asked in the first place.

So overall I think it makes for a nice conspiracy theory but on closer inspection doesn't hold water for one second and in fact is little more than a spurious and highly insulting attempt/blight on Shakespeare's name and achievements.

So let's stop casting aspersions on him and HIS works and start returning to him the credit and acclaim he has rightly earned.

Well done, Will. Well done.

This if course only a brief summary of the main aspects of the case but those interested in the points above would be well advised to look into the matter and form your own conclusions.

The Boar's Head - !!!NEW!!!

A well-known olden time ballad is ‘The Boar’s Head Carol’ and having recently seen Henry IV and noticing the similarity in the name of the carol and the name of the inn I started wondering what it would sound like if Falstaff were to turn it into a song about his favourite watering hole.

The Boar’s Head (Inn) Carol

The Boar’s Head to drink go I

Because that’s where the Prince I’ll see

And I pray you good Bardolph be merry

Quaff plenty of the old vino

Come on fellows don’t be slow

Quaff plenty of the old vino

Come on fellows don’t be slow

Quaff plenty of the old vino

Our hostess Mistress Quickly is

I’ll honour her with one quick kiss

Because life is short remember this

And don’t place faith in honour so

Come on fellows don’t be slow

Quaff plenty of the old vino

Come on fellows don’t be slow

Quaff plenty of the old vino

The Boar’s Head as I understand

Is the best tavern in all the land

When you’ve a cup of sack in hand

There’s not far wrong that you can go

Loudly say it’s so Loudly say it’s so

Say it’s so

Come on fellows don’t be slow

Quaff plenty of the old vino

My Tamara - !!!NEW!!!

Been watching Tamara Drewe. And for some reason I couldn't seem to get the tune for The Knack's 'My Sharona' out of my head...

My Sharona My Tamara not by The Knack

Ben:

Oh my little pretty one, pretty one
I like the way you look and sound Tamara
I'm asking please marry me, please marry me
No I'm not on the rebound Tamara

Chorus:

Look who's come back home, on her own
Such a pretty girl, look at how she's grown
And how she affects our small world
My my my i yi woo
My my my my Tamara

Nicholas:

Hello and how are you huh, how are you huh,
So you want to be in my arms Tamara
Thought that you were over me over me
Knew you couldn't resist my charms Tamara

Chorus:

Look who's come back home, on her own
Such a pretty girl, look at how she's grown
And how she affects our small world
My my my i yi woo
My my my my Tamara

Andy:

Please don't forget about me
About me
Wanted you for such a long time Tamara
Don't care what you've done you see/, done to me
Because I still want you in my life Tamara

Chorus:

Look who's come back home, on her own
Such a pretty girl, look at how she's grown
And how she affects our small world
My my my i yi woo
My my my my Tamara

MJN Air Alphabet - !!!NEW!!!

On one of my trawls through the internet I happened upon a parody that had been written of the Misogynist’s Alphabet - as performed by Philip Quast - which had, rather aptly been adapted for Inspector Javert (and can be found here) so I decided to do my own Cabin Pressure themed parody:

Cabin Pressure fans take heed
This is how you can now learn your A B Cs...

A is for Abu Dhabi with the Sheikh’s cat.
B is for Boston - watch Leeman fall flat.
C is for Cremona with Hester and Art.
D is for Douz – don’t let Martin start.
E is for Edinburgh ‘cause it's Birling Day.
F is for Fitton where you have to stay.
G is for Gdansk – the orchestra’s set.
And that’s how we begin the MJN Air alphabet.

H is for Helsinki where you’ve Ruth in tow.
I is for Ipswich when Arthur must go.
J is for Johannesburg - won’t get far.
K is for Kuala Lumpur and bar
L is for Limerick - what is in the box?
M is for Molokai and (a) Christmas sock
N is for Newcastle – a job to get.
And thus we carry on the MJN Air alphabet.

O! – St Mary
Imagine all the otters - so hairy!
Talisker and polar bears we don’t lack,
Trav’lling to Paris (or) Qiki-tarry-jack.
Rotterdam then
Saint Petersburg - will Gerti fly again?

T is for Timbuktu but just where is that?
U is for Uskerty - bring a sheep back.
V is for Vaduz - Princess finds her man.
After Vaduz, we get Wokingham!
X is for Xinzhou where the crew all must stay.
Y is for Yverdon-Les-Bains - don’t say.
Z is for Zurich you hear and regret.
‘Cause that’s how we conclude the MJN Air alphabet.

Endeavour's My Name - !!!NEW!!!

In case you haven't heard, a third series of Morse prequel 'Endeavour' has been commissioned. This deserves a parody song:

Fame (Endeavour's My) Name not by Irene Cara

Thursday, heed to me
I’ll tell you what I see
You know I can work it all out
Give me time I'll make you forget your doubt

I know I am right
Want you to see the light
I will catch the crook with red hands
Don't forget who I am

Endeavour’s my name, name

I'm gonna solve the crime now
I'm gonna work out why it’s done
I’ll help you find out who and how
Narrow it all down to one, name

I'm gonna work out all the clues
Lead us to the culprit’s name, name
With me you know you can’t lose
Thursday, Endeavour’s my name

Endeavour, Endeavour
Endeavour, Endeavour
Endeavour, Endeavour
Endeavour, Endeavour

Thursday, please don’t sigh
Don’t heed their alibi
Don’t listen to those of high rank
Help me out and you know I’ll give you thanks

Thursday, I am tough
DC is not enough
I can outsmart poor Peter Jakes
Yes, I’ve got what it takes

I'm gonna solve the crime now
I'm gonna work out why it’s done
I’ll help you find out who and how
Narrow it all down to one, name

I'm gonna work out all the clues
Lead us to the culprit’s name, name
With me you know you can’t lose
Thursday, Endeavour’s my name

From The Mind of Merc - Historical Pet Peeves

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking over the errors that are made in films in the name of dramatic license.

Could I just clarify something? Dramatic license as I understand it means emphasising an emotion or event to make it more dramatic - it does not mean altering history so that it's a better fit with the writer's plot line.

Here are just a few examples of (often repeated) mistakes:

• When an actor with dark or brown hair is cast as Henry VIII. Especially when a redheaded girl is cast as Princess Elizabeth – hint: she didn’t get it from her mother
• When Catherine of Aragon is portrayed as having dark hair - check the portraits, people!
• When someone says Richard III murdered his nephews in the Tower - please give me one good reason why he would.  (And anyone who says they stood in his way please go and look up the Titulus Regius)
• When a precise figure is given for the victims/survivors of Titanic (given the number of stowaways and no-shows it is impossible to create a correct, exact figure)
• When someone says the TV series 'The Tudors' is historically accurate (why this point is wrong would take a whole blog to explain but I will just some it up in one word: Margaret!)
• When someone says Edward VI died aged 16 - he was born in Oct 1537 and died in Jul 1553 - you do the math. Also when they say Edward was a sickly child - he was a perfectly healthy child who contracted Tuberculosis in his teens. (Any ill health as a baby would have been commented on by ambassadors)
• When Mary Queen of Scots is referred to as Bloody Mary (Oh - so that’s not the queen who had almost 300 Protestants burned at the stake) Also when Mary Queen of Scots is portrayed with a Scottish accent - even though she spent the first 18 years of her life in France
• When 1501 is given as Anne Boleyn's birth year (this is a relatively new one but important - for further details see below *)
• When Anne Boleyn is claimed to be the older sister (ok - so this can't be proved but there are several pointers which suggest Mary was older - the most striking being that she was married off first)
• When it is suggested that Shakespeare didn’t write his own plays (even though all his contemporaries said he did). Also when it is suggested that Shakespeare was an unparalleled genius (as in BBC's Dr Who) – he wrote a lot more plays than his rivals – this doesn’t make him a genius, it just makes him prolific
• When Jack the Ripper is blamed for the death of Martha Tabram – different MO, guys
• When Marie Antoinette is credited with saying ‘Let them eat cake’ (when actually it was her mother Marie Therese)
• When people think the film 'Braveheart' is historically accurate - sure – had an affair with a 5-year-old, did he?
• When Thomas Becket is referred to as Thomas á Becket (guess again)
• When Queen Victoria is credited as having said ‘We are not amused’ (no record of her ever doing so) - hence the title of this blog

* Anne Boleyn birth year is mentioned by William Camden as being 1507 (and, before people start suggesting that a 1 was mistaken for a 7, it's written in Roman numerals). Jane Dormer, the Duchess of Feria also remarks in her memoirs that when Anne was executed in 1536 "she was not twenty-nine years of age"

Speech-wrecker (Part 10) - Mercorabilia

Today I'm sharing an alternate version I created of Prospero's farewell soliloquy at the end of The Tempest - the intention being for it to say the same thing but in modern day language (& I even managed to get it to rhyme)

Shakespeare's original text:

If we shadows have offended,

Think but this and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
If you pardon, we will mend.
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call:
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends. 

My alternate version: 

If you didn’t like the play you saw,

Forget it as you leave the door 

Tell yourself it wasn’t real 

Like something you cannot feel

If you didn’t like the plot

Maybe then you dreamt the lot

Please don’t be unkind to me

I beg of you on bended knee 

I try so hard to write the best 

But if it did your patience test 

To stop you dealing an unkind blow

I’ll make up for it with my next show

You have my word on that, I swear

So goodbye, it’s time you were not here

Please clap aloud and clap along

I’ll make up for all that I’ve done wrong

Catch 'Em All - !!!NEW!!!

This parody was created by having 'Sway' repeating in my head over and over again, then hearing someone mentioning Pokemon and my brain noticing how the motto "Catch 'em all" fitted nicely with the part of the song that goes "Make me sway"

Sway (Catch Them) All not by Dean Martin

When Professor says the game is on
Gotta catch, Pokemon
When you've caught them you must train them too
Help them learn what to do

You've got such a lot of things to do
Before the game is through
You have to become the best of all
Match them well, catch them all

Other trainers may be on the trail
Ash, but they cannot compare to you
It's up to you to defeat them all now
And we'll tell you just how

When you see a pokemon around
Start a fight, bring them down
When they're weak you trap them in the ball
Catch them soon, Catch them all

Other trainers may be on the trail
Ash, but they cannot compare to you
Only you can defeat all of them now
And we'll tell you just how

When you see a pokemon at flight
Send your one out to fight
When they're weak you trap them in the ball
Catch them soon, Catch them all

In the ball
Catch them soon, Catch them all

Doctor Soldier - !!!NEW!!!

Ok - so technically, if I'm following my previous rules, the title of this piece should be 'Doctor I'm' as that's the bit that fits the quote from the song title but as they're my rules and were made to be broken I will.
(I also should have written this when the Caretaker episode of Doctor Who was fresh in my mind as that's what it's based on but I don't think it's suffered too much from being written 2 weeks later).

I've Got Soul Doctor Soldier not by Young Soul Rebels

Clara:

Doctor try to comprehend
Danny Pink is my boyfriend
My boyfriend
And that is because
And that is because, because,

Doctor I'm in love with a soldier
Doctor I'm in love with a soldier
Doctor I'm in love with a soldier
Doctor I'm in love with a soldier

Doctor:

Don't get me wrong 'cause you know I'm your pal
You don't want to really be his gal 
Why date a hero who's impossible
I'm sorry he doesn't get my approval

Clara:

Doctor try to comprehend
Danny Pink is my boyfriend
My boyfriend
And that is because
And that is because, because

Doctor I'm in love with a soldier
Doctor I'm in love with a soldier
Doctor I'm in love with a soldier
Doctor I'm in love with a soldier

Doctor:

Listen, you think it is love but you just met the man and
I know that it's hard to understand
Teaching that's just for show
You can't love a man that you barely know

Right now that's done time to move on
Lots more to see and we've just begun, just begun
Shall we go come on,
Shall we go come on
Come on

Clara:

Doctor I'm in love with a soldier
Doctor I'm in love with a soldier
Doctor I'm in love with a soldier
Doctor I'm in love with a soldier

Danny:

It's ok Clara he can say what he feels

But that don't mean it makes it all real

Yes I'm a soldier, which the man can see
So I guess that means that he's better than me
Yes the real doctor stands before us 
Do you still think he's meritorious
But I know that as I'm on board

I'll obey the rules of the timelord

Clara:

Doctor I'm in love with a soldier
Doctor I'm in love with a soldier
Doctor I'm in love with a soldier
Doctor I'm in love with a soldier
Danny:He's one to start fires not stop them
They're true words though he may not like them

He's not the type to be soft spoken
His hate for me is out in the open

Clara:

I love a soldier

Doctor:

Well I thought that went down quite well
So can we get back to sort the Blitzer now
He knows I'm right you can just tell
Please Clara he'll let you down

Danny:

Ok I see, it's not about me
All of your hostile superior stuff
I'll show you that I'm good enough

Clara:

Doctor I'm in love with a soldier
Doctor I'm in love with a soldier
Doctor I'm in love with a soldier
Doctor I'm in love with a soldier

(Btw, in case you weren't aware the song used in this parody was compiled to support the work of Warchild UK - further information can be found here: http://www.warchild.org.uk/music/discography/i-got-soul)

I Am The Only Captain Of A Small Charter Firm Airdot - !!!NEW!!!

Returning to an old favourite today - that wonderful radio series Cabin Pressure. And this time combining the tale of MJN's Supreme Commander with a tune from the Pirates of Penzance to create... the Pilot of Penzance?

The Major-General's Song The Airline Captain's Song not by Gilbert and Sullivan

I am the only captain of a small charter firm air-er-dot

Yet they think it's Douglas because he has something I have not

I know all of the manual and yet I don’t receive a salary

Because to be a pilot is what I always wanted to be

I’m very well acquainted too with unprofessionality

Can’t understand why Douglas seems to enjoy making fun of me

He seems to get such fun from winding me up and goading me along

And I never even wanted to play the travelling lemon

I'm very good at fending off all contributory suggestions;

I know all of the answers to safety procedure questions:

I’ll make sure all of the passengers know who's in charge of all this lot,

I am the only captain of a small charter firm air-er-dot

I wanted to be a pilot, since I was only six years old;

My dad couldn’t understand, why I wouldn’t do as I was told,

He thought it would be much better if I became an electrician,

But I was determined to follow my own chosen profession;

I know it took me several goes for me to get my CPL,

But in my spare time I practice my skills on the flight sim as well

This might seem strange for somebody who spends their day flying a plane,

But as it doesn’t come natural it’s what I must do to train.

I tell my fam’ly of my job to make me sound like a big man,

But don’t say I really make a living from driving Dad’s old van:

Though Cat may be a warden and Simon an admin that’s their lot,

I am the only captain of a small charter firm air-er-dot.

I’ve seen and done so much during all my time flying with MJN,

And even landed the plane when a stray goose took out our engine,

I dated a young girl who introduced me to the royal scene,

(I think that this now means that I can say I have a bobsled team)

I haven’t finished learning and there’s still a long way yet to go,

And I won’t be discouraged although the endeavour might be slow

In short, when I've achieved the rank and status that I seek to glean–

You'll say that a better Air-er-dot Captain you have never seen.

It seems I’m always questioned, on what I know of aviationry,

Yes I know my first officer has more experience than me;

But I’ll put up with all the ways he thinks of as that's all he's got
I am the only captain of a small charter firm air-er-dot