Shakespeare Rap Battle - Richard III vs Macbeth

My third rap parody inspired by the brilliant Princess Rap Battles created by Whitney Avalon (the inspiration for this one can be found here). 

Princess Rap Battle – Maleficent vs Daenerys Shakespeare Rap Battle – Richard III vs Macbeth

[RICHARD III]
No doubt made the best of a bad situation
Was quite distressed to not receive at least an invitation
To my nephew’s coronation: Became their own ruination
And it wasn’t long before I ruled over the whole nation

[MACBETH]
I am Macbeth Findlaích, First of My Line
You can call me Your Majesty - that will be fine       ,
You’re insane bringing battle, you know I cannot be beat?
By challenging me you are heading for defeat

[RICHARD III]
You know, I am so impressed by all the carnage that you wreak
But think you should know you’re on a losing streak
Having killed the king, you then killed your dearest friend
Then learnt that your darling wife had just gone right round the bend
Well, at least you tried. For what that was worth
Cannot compete with me - the baddest on earth
Medieval evil who is regal, I’m tyrannical as well     
Evilest royalist who’s killin’ - dispatching my rivals to Hell

[MACBETH]
Oh, whatever King Dicky, you think you’re so bad?
You’re an Old English softy: you are really just sad
And what’s your obsession with those two young boys?
Even in my time that’s some question’ble joys
You can say that they are bastards as much as you like
But not everyone will believe that hype
And think that I stand no chance well you just wait
My reign was prophesised. And you can’t argue with fate

[RICHARD III]
You believe those witches? This is worse than I thought
You’d better start running for the hills before you get caught
You think you are immortal? That’s crazy. So cute
But you can’t pick out which bits of the prophecy suit
Think you’re so scary when you’re forced into carryin’
The weight of the crown and then you’re losin’ your honey then
You’ve no heir to carry on this forlorn path you started on
Before you know it you are gone and there’s nothing left but your swansong

[MACBETH]
Think you’re so powerful but not what you seem:
What kind of great tyrant gets destroyed by a dream?
Think you’ve loyal subjects? Take another look, Dick
They’re not. They’re just pretending. It’s all a trick
It’s over, death is what your fate will bring
Here’s the thing know this king is ending got nothing          
My course was predestined – something I could not stop
I started as a mere Thane and I ended on top

[RICHARD III]
You think that was bad? It’s not even close
I killed my kin for what I want most
You think you have won, but you’ll soon crash and burn
Want to know how it’s done just watch and learn

[MACBETH]
I’m The Ruler of Scotland, you can’t teach me!
I am the best - it’s my destiny
So back off my throne, ‘cause that vacancy’s filled

Or you’ll scream when you die like the last king I killed

From The Mind of Merc - Historical Pet Peeves

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking over the errors that are made in films in the name of dramatic license.

Could I just clarify something? Dramatic license as I understand it means emphasising an emotion or event to make it more dramatic - it does not mean altering history so that it's a better fit with the writer's plot line.

Here are just a few examples of (often repeated) mistakes:

• When an actor with dark or brown hair is cast as Henry VIII. Especially when a redheaded girl is cast as Princess Elizabeth – hint: she didn’t get it from her mother
• When Catherine of Aragon is portrayed as having dark hair - check the portraits, people!
• When someone says Richard III murdered his nephews in the Tower - please give me one good reason why he would.  (And anyone who says they stood in his way please go and look up the Titulus Regius)
• When a precise figure is given for the victims/survivors of Titanic (given the number of stowaways and no-shows it is impossible to create a correct, exact figure)
• When someone says the TV series 'The Tudors' is historically accurate (why this point is wrong would take a whole blog to explain but I will just some it up in one word: Margaret!)
• When someone says Edward VI died aged 16 - he was born in Oct 1537 and died in Jul 1553 - you do the math. Also when they say Edward was a sickly child - he was a perfectly healthy child who contracted Tuberculosis in his teens. (Any ill health as a baby would have been commented on by ambassadors)
• When Mary Queen of Scots is referred to as Bloody Mary (Oh - so that’s not the queen who had almost 300 Protestants burned at the stake) Also when Mary Queen of Scots is portrayed with a Scottish accent - even though she spent the first 18 years of her life in France
• When 1501 is given as Anne Boleyn's birth year (this is a relatively new one but important - for further details see below *)
• When Anne Boleyn is claimed to be the older sister (ok - so this can't be proved but there are several pointers which suggest Mary was older - the most striking being that she was married off first)
• When it is suggested that Shakespeare didn’t write his own plays (even though all his contemporaries said he did). Also when it is suggested that Shakespeare was an unparalleled genius (as in BBC's Dr Who) – he wrote a lot more plays than his rivals – this doesn’t make him a genius, it just makes him prolific
• When Jack the Ripper is blamed for the death of Martha Tabram – different MO, guys
• When Marie Antoinette is credited with saying ‘Let them eat cake’ (when actually it was her mother Marie Therese)
• When people think the film 'Braveheart' is historically accurate - sure – had an affair with a 5-year-old, did he?
• When Thomas Becket is referred to as Thomas á Becket (guess again)
• When Queen Victoria is credited as having said ‘We are not amused’ (no record of her ever doing so) - hence the title of this blog

* Anne Boleyn birth year is mentioned by William Camden as being 1507 (and, before people start suggesting that a 1 was mistaken for a 7, it's written in Roman numerals). Jane Dormer, the Duchess of Feria also remarks in her memoirs that when Anne was executed in 1536 "she was not twenty-nine years of age"

Richard III - Grave Decision sketch (Newsreview)

One of the more recent sketches I penned for Newsjack. Turns out I got the timescale a bit wrong...

Richard: Where on earth am I? Is this…Leicester? What am I doing in Leicester? I’m supposed to be in York – it was all arranged.

Official: Ah well, you see – you died in battle – that changes things.

Richard: Does it?

Official: Yes - it’s all in the small print. Look: All those succumbing to defeat in battle shall forfeit all rights to decide place of burial upon extinction of life force.

Richard: I see – so what does that mean for me?

Official: It means you ended up under a car park in Leicester city centre. But cheer up it could have been worse - at least they found you – poor old Alfred over there – they still haven’t managed to find him.

Richard: Really?

Official: Yes. Now you’ve been found he’s solidified his place as hide-and-seek champ.

Richard: So what do I now?

Official: Well I suggest you go back to your little cubbyhole and wait until they decide what to do with you. Shouldn’t be more than a couple of years.

Richard: A couple of years?!? But I’ve been dead for over 5 centuries! Surely it can’t be that difficult to decide where to put me.

Official: What can you do? Politics.

Richard: Oh well - fingers crossed I end up somewhere nice. Goodnight.

Official: Night.

From The Mind of Merc - Richard III & Henry VII

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today, probably inspired by recent developments, I was pondering over the public images of two particular monarchs.

Red or White - Horrific Histories

This is the one of the first parody songs I write and submitted to Horrible Histories - for which I got a thank you letter and a signed photo of the cast.
It uses a Michael Jackson song to detail the events of the Wars of the Roses. Enjoy!

Black Red or White not by Michael Jackson

Henry took the throne cause his dad was the king
But to rule England it just wasn’t his thing

And when he suddenly went mad
The whole country it started to fight

And, if
You're fightin’ for the kingdom
It’ll matter if you're red or white

Edward Earl of March yeah that was my name
My dad was Duke of York the throne he did claim

But the queen she didn’t like this and my dad he

Wasn’t prepared to subside

So, if
You're fighting for the kingdom
It’ll matter if you're red or white

We fought the battle of St Albans
We fought the battle of Blore Heath
We fought the battle of Wakefield
And that’s where my dad met his death
We fought at Mortimer’s Cross
We fought at St Albans again
We fought at Towton in Yorkshire
And that’s when the throne I did gain

Coronation
For Edward the fourth king
Put down revolts like they were nothing
Then in six four
Things went awry
Cos Eliz Woodville caught the king’s eye
See, cos Warwick had planned it
He’d scanned it, manned it
When Edward says no
He just won’t stand it
He’ll turn his back on Edward
He’ll then support George but he’ll overlook Richard

But Ed’ll have the last laugh
Cos he’ll beat them all in the final fight

And, if
You're fightin’ for the kingdom
It’ll matter if you're red or white

I said if
You're fightin’ for the kingdom
It’ll matter if you're red or white

I said if
You're fightin’ for the kingdom
It’ll matter if you're red or white

Ooh, Ooh Yea, Yea, Yea
Ooh, Ooh Yea, Yea, Yea

It's red, it's white
Been on since fourteen five five
It's red , it's white, Whoo

It's red, it's white
It'll end in fourteen eight five
It's red , it's white, Whoo

From the Mind of Merc - The Princes in the Tower

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today’s topic was The Princes in the Tower

I remember being taught at school that Richard III killed the Princes (because this apparently seemed the most likely explanation). However, on looking into the case, it seems to me that he was quite possibly the least likely candidate – what would Richard have had to gain from having his nephews killed? After they were declared illegitimate by the Titulus Regius they were no threat to him so why kill them?

(Nowadays the main detracting fact about his reign seems to be this tyrannical act – this wouldn't have been different then & Richard was no fool)

Neither of the princes were seen after August 1483 (when Richard was away on progress) so I don’t believe that they survived Richard’s reign but I don’t think that means he was responsible for their deaths. Although nor do I believe Margaret Beaufort or Henry VII had a hand in it. For a start, I don’t think either would have had the opportunity (although had the Princes survived Richard’s reign, I doubt they would have survived Henry’s given his treatment of the Duke of Clarence’s son – Edward, Earl of Warwick).

For me, the finger of suspicion points firmly at Buckingham – he had the motive, the opportunity and (quite possibly) the means given his position as a powerful, wealthy and influential man – he was, after all, the second largest landowner in England after Richard.

Henry Stafford, Duke of Buckingham, like the Yorkist monarchs, was a direct descendant of one of the sons of Edward III (in his case, John of Gaunt). He had close familial links with many other royal families and, quite frankly, had a good claim to the throne. The Princes' disappearance tallies with Richard III being away on progress – giving Buckingham opportunity to arrange their deaths (and it was Buckingham who suggested they be kept in the Tower in the first place). Shortly after the Princes supposed disappearance Buckingham took part in an uprising against Richard which failed and resulted in Buckingham’s execution in November 1483.

The timing of the events surrounding Buckingham and the eponymous rebellion particularly concerning the Princes seems to fit very well with the idea of a pre-conceived plan to remove all obstacles between him and the throne. In the end it failed and Richard was left to deal with the aftermath of Buckingham’s actions. (Buckingham had probably hoped to reap the rewards of assisting with the ascension of the King of England or perhaps replace him when the opportunity arose).

I think it is unfortunate that Richard didn’t prevent the deaths of the Princes (and I do believe they did die as I’m sure he would have brought them out to prove that they were still alive if he could) because it gave his enemies all the ammunition they needed against him. But I just don’t believe he would have had any reason or desire to kill the sons of his late brother, King Edward IV, to whom he had always pledged allegiance. Richard’s motto was 'Loyaulte me lie' (Loyalty binds me) - would he really have forgone all that to commit a murder that was unnecessary and tyrannical?

There is of course the issue that, if they did die during his reign, why did he not announce it? To be honest I don't think he had nothing to gain from doing so. The situation may not have been of his making but publicly declaring it perhaps in an attempt to absolve himself of any associated guilt would have been unlikely to have succeeded in this aim – i.e. just because he said he was innocent, would anyone have believed him? He also couldn’t deny it as he couldn’t be sure of some co-conspirator of Buckingham’s being able to provide proof of their deaths should he attempt to lie his way out of trouble.

Ultimately, announcing it would have done no good as he could have lost support if he was not believed, denying it would have done no good as it could have caused problems if he'd been disproved so he took the only option left to him: he remained silent – no confirmation, no denial, no conflagration.

As for Richard’s motive for usurpation, how about:

1) The power-hungry, manipulative and highly unpopular Woodvilles sought to block Richard from his appointed position as Protector so that they themselves could rule England

2) The last boy king England had had (Henry VI) had resulted in the outbreak of the Wars of the Roses as a weak king had been viewed as an opportunity by those who would rule in his stead

I don’t think it was necessarily a power-hungry act or one intended to bring about the end of Edward V and his brother. I honestly believe it was viewed as an attempt to ensure the stability of the country under a strong ruler. After all, Richard had proven himself an adroit battle commander and popular leader with many achievements to his name.

Above all we cannot judge Richard’s actions by today’s standards and perhaps by comparing it to those of his contemporaries we may find that it wasn’t so much a case of ruthless and ambitious political play as an attempt to secure a potentially fractious kingdom. Henry VII may claim the credit for this but he was himself a usurper who benefited from excellent propaganda – is there so much difference? And is Richard truly the monster of the piece?

To The Tower - Horrific Histories

Today's entry is from my Horrific Histories collection. It's one of the ones I did submit and got a thank you letter and a signed photo of the cast for my trouble.
It's a reimagining of Nancy's song from Oliver as if she was detailing some of the historic events concerning the Tower of London.

Oom-Pah-Pah To The Tower not from Oliver

Somewhere in the city
There is a sight so pretty
Been standing there for years
For more years
Than you know
William Conqueror built it,
Began the year ten six six
And I say it’s exactly where you all should go...

To the tower! To the tower!
That's where I goes,
To the tower! To the tower!
Ev'ryone knows.
(There’s) secrets hidden beneath where the grass grows
So I say...to the tower!!

King Richard the Third had
A reputation for being bad--
Cause people said that he had killed his nephews.
Why should he have done it,
The throne? Already won it,
But it’s still an image
That he cannot refuse!

To the tower! To the tower!
That's where we goes,
To the tower! To the tower!
Ev'ryone knows.
Did Richard do it? What do you suppose?
Still we say...to the tower!?
(Did Richard do it? What do you suppose?
Still we say...to the tower!? )

Pretty little Queen Anne
Was working on her grand plan,
To get the king to marry her and be his wife.
She’ll give him a daughter,
But not the child she oughta--
A year or two, and then she will
Pay with her life!

To the tower! To the tower!
That's where we goes,
To the tower! To the tower!
Ev'ryone knows.
Was hers a real trial, or was it just show--
Still we say to the tower!

Jane was born a lady,
Descended from royalty--
Allowed the Earl to crown  'er, then marry 'er off
To be a queen is tryin'
And this one soon is dyin’
She's sure to bring a crowd in,
When her block’s knocked off!

To the tower! To the tower!
That's where we goes,
To the tower! To the tower!
Ev'ryone knows.
Wishes to the crown she’d turned up her nose
Still we say... To the tower!

To the tower! To the tower!
To the tower! To the tower!
To the tower! To the tower!
To the tower! To the tower!

To the tower! To the tower! To the tower! To the tower!
To the tower! To the tower! To the tower! To the tower!

Somewhere in the city
There is a sight so pretty
Been standing there for years
For more years
Than you know
William Conqueror built it,
Began the year ten six six
And I say it’s exactly where you all should go...

To the tower! To the tower!
That's where we goes,
To the tower! To the tower!
Ev'ryone knows.
Staffed by Beefeaters and ravens not crows
Still we say...to the tower!!

To the tower! To the tower!
That's where we goes,
To the tower! To the tower!
Ev'ryone knows.
We’d all better get there before they close
So we say...to the tower!!

It Wasn't Me - Horrific Histories

2nd October 2013 is the 561st anniversary of the birth of King Richard III in 1452. To this end I've decided to post one of my 'deleted songs' from my Horrific Histories collection in that I created it for Horrible Histories but never actually submitted it.
See if you can guess which side of the fence I sit regarding his involvement in the Princes in the Tower.


It Wasn’t Me by Shaggy Richard III

(Lovell) Yeah
(I’m in trouble) What do you mean, Rick?
(The Princes are dead) Did you kill them?
(I don't know how I let him do this) Let who?
(The Duke of Buckingham) What?
(I don't know what to do) Say it wasn't you
(Yeah right)

Buckingham rebelled he caught me off guard

Cause I was on my royal progress
Picture this, I was lounging in York no idea of my nephews distress

How could I forget that he was
descended from royalty
All the time I was up there
He was planning to get rid of me

Edward and Richard were the children of your brother
But the thing was you didn’t get along with their mother
When the king died she and Richard they both went into hiding
You intercepted Edward and his uncle while they were riding
Took Edward to London said he would be crowned quite soon
Until Prince Richard, joined his brother in June
‘Cause you knew that a boy upon the throne was a bad thing
And you knew best twas to be the king

But I was the Protector (It wasn't me)
Kept them locked in the tower (It wasn't me)
But I should have known better (It wasn't me)
Buckingham wanted power (It wasn't me)

Now the crowd knows they’re gone and (It wasn't me)
Heard that I’ve done them in and (It wasn't me)
Thought I’d wanted the crown and (It wasn't me)
Shakespeare said I did it and

Buckingham rebelled he caught me off guard

Cause I was on my royal progress
Picture this, I was lounging in York no idea of my nephews distress

I had tried to do
my best to safeguard my dear country
But they don’t believe me
When I tell them it wasn't me

Things had started to fall apart and they will only get worse
Gonna tell you what happened by the end of this verse
Cos when he was aged just ten years, your son Edward died
And in under a year you’d lose your wife from your side
Just five months later you will lose your life at Bosworth fighting
Cause William Stanley turned against you his one true king
Did your best to be a good ruler
But Henry Tudor said you were a murderer

But I was the Protector (It wasn't me)
Kept them locked in the tower (It wasn't me)
But I should have known better (It wasn't me)
Buckingham wanted power (It wasn't me)

They knew the princes had gone and (It wasn't me)
Heard that I’d done them in and (It wasn't me)
Thought I’d wanted the crown and (It wasn't me)
Shakespeare said it was and

Buckingham rebelled he caught me off guard cos

I was on my royal progress
Picture this, I was lounging in York no idea of my nephews distress

How could I forget that he was
descended from royalty
All this time I was up there
He was planning to get rid of me

Got to believe I'm innocent
I’ve done nothing at all
Mustn’t listen to their reasoning
It makes no sense at all
I had no reason to kill them
They posed no threat to me
I was loyal to my brother
Motto loyalte me lie
That's what I say

Buckingham rebelled he caught me off guard

Cause I was on my royal progress
Picture this, I was lounging in York no idea of my nephews distress

How could I forget that he was
descended from royalty
All this time I was up there
He was planning to get rid of me