His Dark Materials Advent Calendar – 28

 Door number 28:

Boromir's Microchip sketch - Mercorabilia

This is one of the first sketch ideas I had and, while it may need some work, it’s time it escaped my head and went down on paper.

Scene: A woman working away on a computer in an office.
Suddenly the computer freezes/crashes and possibly sparks. Initially exasperated by its freezing and then alarmed by the sparks, she hastens to call IT support:
Woman: Hello? This is Joanne Bloggs from the third floor. I’m afraid something’s happened to my computer. Could you come and fix it? Thanks.
After a pause, the sound of the Lord Of The Rings soundtrack is heard getting closer before the lift arrives with a meaningful chime. The doors open and 3 technicians enter dressed, respectively, as Aragorn, Boromir and Frodo. The Aragorn steps forward first.
Aragorn: Hello, love. I’m ‘Arry. Did you call someone from IT support?
Woman: (overcoming initial shock) Yes. It’s my computer. It’s…
They turn to look at the computer which is smoking gently
Aragorn: No worries, love. We’ll have this fixed in no time.
The technicians soon have the side of the tower off and the Aragorn and the Frodo are peering inside
Aragorn: Yeah, I think I can see the problem – one of the chips has burnt out. We’ll soon have that out. Here it comes. You ready, Fred?
Frodo: Yep.
A microchip pings out of the tower, over Fred’s head, to land on the floor.
Aragorn: Where did that go?
They look about them in bewilderment. The Boromir meanwhile has stooped to pick the chip from off the floor. He now looks at it in amazement while holding it between his thumb and forefinger.
Boromir: It is a strange fate we should suffer so much fear and doubt… over so small a thing. Such a little thing.
Aragorn: (stood staring at him) Barry, mate.
The Boromir starts
Aragorn: Give that thing to Fred.
Boromir: (holding out the chip) As you wish.
Fred grabs it.
Boromir: I care not.
The Boromir jokingly tousles Fred’s hair, turning to head back towards the lift.
The Aragorn turns to the woman.
Aragorn: Don’t mind him, love. Should all be fine now. See ya.
Woman stares dumbfounded as the 3 technicians head back over to the lift.
Aragorn: Lucky it wasn’t a two tower job.
They step into the lift and pose as the doors close and the music starts up as they descend.

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 13

Door number 13:

Game of Thrones Advent Calendar - 2

Door number 2:

Lord of the Rings (UK Version) sketch - Mercorabilia

A twist on Tolkien's infamous trilogy today based on the Dark Lord's abode and a similar sounding London Underground station.

Gandalf: I am Gandalf. Servant of the Secret Fire, Wielder of the Flame of Anor, and friend of the Elves.

Ticket officer: Well that’s very nice but this is a ticket office not a sci-fi convention – what did you want?

Gandalf: Oh, we’d like 10 tickets to Morden, please. We’ve come all the way from the Shires.

Ticket officer: The Shires?

Gandalf: Well, Frodo here’s from Buckinghamshire, Legolas - he's from Oxfordshire, Boromir’s from Derbyshire…

Ticket officer: Yes – alright I get it. Thank you. What did you want again?

Gandalf: 10 Tickets to Morden – we’re going to see Sauron.

Ticket officer: The Sour One? Bit of a dragon, is she? Your mother-in-law?

Gandalf: Sauron is the Dark Power, the Enemy, the Great Eye, the Lord of the Ring, Sorcerer, Black Hand, the Nameless Enemy, and the Deceiver.

Ticket officer: Sounds like my mother-in-law. Here you are – 10 tickets to Morden.

Gandalf: Thank you.

Ticket officer: Er – do you mind if I ask – you’re already at Wimbledon. Why don’t you just walk to Morden?

Gandalf: My dear fellow. One does not simply walk into Morden!

Sherlock Advent Calendar - 1

Last year on my tumblr blog (http://www.tumblr.com/blog/theladymercedes) I did an advent calendar of Doctor Who captions. This year, with all the buzz about the upcoming episodes of Sherlock, I thought I'd turn my attentions and captioning skills to another of Steven Moffat's shows.

Let's see what behind the first door...