Shakespeare sketch - Mercorabilia

Happy Shakespeare’s birthday! And, in keeping with that sentiment, here’s a Shakespeare-themed sketch.

The question of whether Shakespeare wrote his own plays is an age-old debate. Not quite as old as Shakespeare himself though. Doubts about the Bard’s literary capabilities didn’t start creeping in until over 200 years after he died. Makes you wonder how he might have reacted if those kind of suspicions had been around while he was still alive...

Jonson: All right, Will?

Shakespeare: Yeah – not too bad. Yourself?

Jonson: Yeah – alright. ‘Ere listen, Will – there’s a rumour going around Southwark that you don’t exist?

Shakespeare: You what?

Jonson: Yeah. That you aren’t really here and all your work’s being done by some other git.

Shakespeare: You’re joking!

Jonson: No! Straight up!

Shakespeare: So who do they think I’m taking the credit for?

Jonson: Well, one bloke thought you was stealing off of Kit.

Shakespeare: Kit Marlowe? But he’s been “dead” for 10 years.

Marlowe: Ssh – don’t give me away.

Shakespeare: Nah – you’re alright, Kit. No-one’s looking.

Marlowe: Cheers, lads.

Shakespeare: Who else did they suggest?

Jonson: Er... Francis Bacon.

Shakespeare: That poof?

Jonson: Yeah. One guy – don’t know what he’d been drinking – said your longest word...

Shakespeare: Honorificabilitudinitatibus?

Jonson: Yeah, that. Well, he said it was a secret nod to the “real” author ‘cause, if you ‘unscrambled’ it, it made this big long phrase in Latin which basically says ‘Bacon was here’.

Shakespeare: But I can’t speak Latin.

Jonson: Exactly! I pointed that out and he just said ‘Well, that proves it.’

Shakespeare: Git.

Jonson: Prat.

Shakespeare: I can’t believe they’d think old Frankie Bacon wrote my plays.

Jonson: Neither can I. I mean, Frankie would never make some of the cock-ups you did.

Shakespeare: Like what?

Jonson: What do you wanna have a clock chime in Julius Caesar for?

Shakespeare: What’s wrong with that?

Jonson: They didn’t have chiming clocks when Julius Caesar was around.

Shakespeare: Oh. What did they do then? Beep or something?

Jonson: <sigh> Never mind.

Shakespeare: So what did you say when they were all slandering me like that?

Jonson: Well, I stood up for you.

Shakespeare: Did you?

Jonson: ‘Course I did. I said ‘Look, stop being a pillock. You can take it from me – Shakespeare’s the one who wrote those plays – every single one of them.'

Shakespeare: You did?

Jonson: Yeah. Then this other guy says ‘What do I know about modern literature?’

Shakespeare: And what did you say to that?

Jonson: I told him straight. I says ‘Listen, pal. I’m one of the finest playwrights and literary critics you’ll find round here. What’s more - I’m his contemporary. And if I say he exists – he exists.

Shakespeare: Ah – cheers, mate.

Jonson: No worries.

Shakespeare: So you reckon he believed you?

Jonson: Why wouldn’t he?

Shakespeare: Well, he might think you’re biased.

Jonson: Why? ‘Cause we’re friends?

Shakespeare: Well, yeah. Although really we’re more like rivals.

Jonson: Nah – we ain’t rivals, Will!

Shakespeare: ‘Course we are. Who do you think beat you to the job for the Twelfth Night?

Jonson: You bastard!

Shakespeare: Nah – you would have hated it. The Master of the Revels was getting all up himself. Didn’t like the title of the play what I wrote.

Jonson: What did you call it?

Shakespeare: ‘One daft pillock and a load of soppy gits.’

Jonson: Can’t see anything wrong with that.

Shakespeare: Well, neither can I. Anyway, in the end I just said ‘Ah, what you will.’

Jonson: And he seemed happy with that?

Shakespeare: He seemed thrilled. Dread to think what he’s gonna come up with though.

Jonson: Ah, well. All’s well that ends well.

Shakespeare: 'Ere - that's not bad!

From the Mind of Merc - Shakespeare

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the question of Shakespeare's authorship.

Ok – this issue is a real bugbear with me – the main crux of the matter seems to be that people don't believe that a tanner's son from Stratford could be capable of writing such beautiful works. Sorry but that's like saying a butcher's son can't become the second most powerful man in Tudor England (see Cardinal Wolsey) or that a greengrocer's daughter can't become the first female prime minister (see Thatcher).

Also, despite what many people think, Shakespeare was educated and could write (how else would we have the 6 surviving signatures of his) and ultimately all you need to write is a writing tool and a writing surface.

To get down to it, the main alternatives suggested by the conspiracy theorists include:

1) Christopher Marlowe – it is theorised that he passed off his works to the young man from Stratford after his espionage activities forced him to fake his own death. Excuse me? This is not James Bond. Marlowe was killed, tragic and unfortunate but all the same plain and simple. Shakespeare may have known and certainly would have heard of him but take credit for his work? Even if Marlowe had faked his death, what's to stop his associates producing later work as 'newly discovered'?

2) Earl of Oxford – who is vehemently proposed as the true author of Shakespeare's works to the point that his main advocate cannot even begin to comprehend how anyone could consider anything else. Well I could and here's why – Oxford died in 1604 – that is 7 years before The Tempest (Shakespeare's final play) was written – this is either an extremely clever trick that all modern magicians could learn from or it is in fact proof of the absurdity of this suggestion.

3) Bacon – a noted scientist and writer who travelled to many of the places mentioned in Shakespeare's works. Aside from the question of if he had plenty of works to his own name why exactly would he pass any to another, the fact that he travelled, rather than providing proof of his authorship, in fact counters it as there are several (geographical) mistakes made in Shakespeare's works which someone who had been to those countries would not have made.

(There is an additional theory that the longest word in Shakespeare's works – honorificabilitudinitatibus - when rearranged spells out a latin phrase which translates as “These plays, F. Bacon’s offspring, are preserved for the world” - what a lovely COINCIDENCE. Please – play word games if you wish but don't for one moment suggest that they provide conclusive proof to doubt the validity of Shakespeare's authorship).

Now I'm not claiming that Shakespeare was a genius (I'll leave that to the BBC) or that he was entirely original (see the tragedy of Romeus and Juliet), I just resent the doubt placed on Shakespeare's authorship of his own works.

Finally, for me, the deciding point in the debate – the one that completely dismisses all other possibilities is that during his lifetime EVERYONE SAID SHAKESPEARE WROTE THEM – particularly his friends like Ben Jonson - but also his rivals. The first doubter of Shakespeare's authorship didn't appear until over 100 years after Shakespeare's death(!) which to me kind of suggests that there wasn't ever a question to be asked in the first place.

So overall I think it makes for a nice conspiracy theory but on closer inspection doesn't hold water for one second and in fact is little more than a spurious and highly insulting attempt/blight on Shakespeare's name and achievements.

So let's stop casting aspersions on him and HIS works and start returning to him the credit and acclaim he has rightly earned.

Well done, Will. Well done.

This if course only a brief summary of the main aspects of the case but those interested in the points above would be well advised to look into the matter and form your own conclusions.