Cabin (Pressure) Fever

Another one-off Saturday Special.  
Aside from creating my own unique version of Cabin Pressure-opoly (photos here), I decided to pen a few little ditties (or episode summaries) for one of my favourite radio shows.
(Btw, if you haven't heard Cabin Pressure before - why not?!? There are some excellent taster clips that can be found on YouTube.)

A
Pussy cat, pussy cat - where did you go?
Up in an airplane - didn't you know?
Pussy cat, pussy cat - what did you do?
I froze half to death - my whiskers turned blue

B
Gerti's burning, Gerti's burning
In the toilet, in the toilet
Fire, fire! Fire, fire!
Call on Arthur, Call on Arthur
He'll see to it, overdo it

C
When you've got booked rooms of state
But can't afford the rate - that's Cremona
When there's film stars to schmooz
And a fan club to lose - that's Cremona
When you're stuck for a plan
But know douglas can help
Martin-a
Don't be slow
Cause you know
That on the radio
That's Cremona

D
What a kerfuffle
(Not a soft shoe shuffle)
The crew are stranded at Douz
They've no fuel to fly on
So they must rely on
Douglas to find some to use

E
Mr Birling's coming today
Mr Birling's coming - hooray!
Maybe he'll give us lots of money
So long as he doesn't drink too much whisky

F
Martin has got his hat on
But why I couldn't say
Martin has got his hat on
Though we're in Fitton today
It suits him very nicely
And is handy you see
The passengers are happy
When the captain's hat they see

G
Sleepy - a dwarf, a ti-red dwarf
Dopey - a dwarf who's not too bright
Happy - a dwarf who always smiles
Grumpy - a dwarf not feeling right
Sneezy - a dwarf with hayfever
Bashful - a dwarf who's oh so shy
Doc - a dwarf who leads them all
Which brings us to Snow White!

H
My sister's decided it
She won't be denied it
And to Helsinki we'll go
The risks Doug’s been taking
The cake Art's been baking
Are sure to cause quite a show

I
The crew put their hoods on and went in to find
A dummy that's called Adrian
But Martin got dizzy because Arthur's silly
So both were pulled out again

J
Thou shalt have a fishie on a little dishie
Thou shalt have a fishie when the plane is gone
Cause Douglas' new trick made a large sugar brick
And now he has served it - cooked not overdone

K
Douglas had a secret bar
That young Martin found
He was going to tell but
They liked him around
He nearly blew the whistle
On them all but then
Douglas saved the day
And Carolyn came back again

L (or as they say in Limerick)
They're flying in Gerti today
The cargo is safer this way
F is not Tango
Doug wants to fly low
And Arthur is guessing away

M
Get dressed you merry gentleman
There's plenty to dismay
Cause you must fly an aeroplane
For all of Christmas day
And Carolyn is coming too
Be careful what you say
Cause the Russian's called her a baboushka, baboushka
Yes the Russian's called her a baboushka

N
Herc & Linda hitched a free ride
Martin's excitement he could not hide
To ask for a job or ask for a date
He chose work but didn't change his fate

O
Douglas, Douglas, captain's hat-less
How do you fair this day?
I said I would go
And move a piano
But the keys have now gone away

P
Mrs Knapp-Shappey
Was perfectly happy
To buy whisky for Birling
But up in the air
There's no whisky there
Cause Doug always has to win

Q
Nancy Dean-Liebhart’s hitching a lift
Of Douglas’ game she soon gets the drift
Martin hopes she’ll think he’s the best
But to do so a lemon he needs to divest

R
Big Martin, Little Martin
Douglas vs Herc
Dressed in a life jacket
Showing how it works

S
If I had an airplane
And it wouldn't fly
Do you think I'd sell it
By and by
I'd put it in a hangar
For my ex to see
Then when he had fixed it
I'd take it back with me

T
It's Birling Day today
But aboard they must stray
Cos he's fallen out with his wife
There's no camels nearby
And Arthur just can't lie
Which causes all sorts of strife

U
Bought a dead sheep
For my Herc's birthday
But the cabs send us away
So Martin climbed up a tree
Before he found he was now
Goose 23

V
I had a cadet medal
A Millennium Star
Douglas thought it funny
But I had the last laugh
The King of Vaduz' sister
Said she'd like to see
Around Duxford Air Museum
With my star and me

W
Martin's mum or Mrs Skip
To hospital took a trip
Mart & Cat came to see her
Which confused the poor doctor
Simon then appeared at last
Scaring all with his moustache

X
The crew are stuck in Xinzhou because of Art's snowman
They thought it would help them - it was a cunning plan
But then they were grounded and must stay on board
Carolyn's just wants to sleep but Doug is getting bored
Doug wants to play a new game
For Arthur it's too fast
So he thinks up his own one
But finds it doesn't last
Martin works out a new rule
To help the game along
And eventually Carolyn will join in with the song

Y
Martin had an interview
About it he did stress
And Doug found out with Herc about
Arthur's soon in distress