Tuesday, 30 June 2020

From The Mind of Merc - Skin Colour

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about skin colour.

To be clear – I don’t mean about the difference between black and white but the actual concept of ‘skin colour’.

For starters, why is it called ‘skin colour’?
Anything ‘skin colour’ is generally either peach or, at the very least, beige. Yet given the possible variations in the part of a person’s genetic code that determines the colour of the skin – not to mention the other factors that can affect it during a person’s lifetime – there is potentially a limitless number of possible ‘skin colours’. There are 6 ‘skin types’ alone (fair, dark and everything in between). So how can there be one ‘skin colour’?

The main culprit of promoting this idea seems to be the fashion industry. When you’re buying clothes, you’re most likely to see something listed as ‘skin colour’ or ‘nude’ – which always refers only to ‘white’ skin colour and you have to wonder what kind of message is that sending? That ‘this is the only skin colour that’s acceptable’? That ‘this is the only skin colour’ they’ll cater for’? How wrong is that? If ‘skin colour’ refers solely to ‘white’ skin colour then surely that is implying it to be the only/dominant/prevalent skin colour. To me, that is all types of wrong. Technically it could also be said to mean that the entire fashion industry is condoning racism.

Given the number of names for colours, surely it can’t be difficult to come up with an alternative name for it. For example, let’s look at ‘blood red’ which (somewhat ironically) proves my point even further. Blood is always red (regardless of skin colour) but even this can have other names (69 according to a quick Google search). Ones that have been used in various products include: cherry, reddish, scarlet, crimson, carmine, ruby, vermilion, cardinal, claret, rust, brown-red and carnelian. Yet ‘skin colour’ can only refer to white people? Surely ‘skin colour’ should effectively mean transparent so it shows all skin types. (Maybe that would be a better use for the term.)

When the message is that white is the only acceptable colour for skin then all sorts of unpleasantness occurs. When the message is that white is the only ‘real’ colour for skin then, at least subliminally, this implies a superiority of one skin colour over another. A superiority which does not exist.

Maybe it’s time to end this clearly outdated, massively incorrect and undeniably biased and unfair term. Perhaps doing so could be a step in the right direction towards ending racial discrimination. This might sound bizarre or extreme but by no longer effectively stating that people with ‘white’ skin colour are preferable or (consequently) better or (even) the only skin colour then such a simple change could have a significant and/or dramatic effect on people’s perceptions of what is ‘acceptable’/’normal’/exists. The message this sends would be phenomenal. And from such a simple change. Surely it’s worth – and needs – to be done.

After all, if the make-up industry can (even attempt to) accommodate the multiple variations (with foundations coming in shades such as ‘porcelain’, ‘ivory’, ‘amber’, ‘bronze’, ‘truffle’ and ‘mocha’), how hard can it be?

Tuesday, 23 June 2020

An MP Can Be A Crook - !!!NEW!!!

Listening to my favourite song from Mary Poppins Returns and the beginnings of these lyrics started forming in my head... so I thought I'd let them develop.

A Cover Is Not The Book An MP Can Be A Crook not from Mary Poppins Returns
We have so much at our fingertips
That we can access quick and how
And yet we still do not make the most of it
If we ever needed info
Then my friends that time is now
As rather than trust the media then we need to research it
Because an-

MP can be a crook
So please always take a second look
'Cause if you peer closer past the poster
You might find you were mistook
Please don’t ignore the warning signs
Take care to read between the lines
And what you find it might just leave you shook
For an MP’s your man
Unless your MP’s a crook

It’s-true-to-day, it’s all true so far!
It’s-true-to-day, it’s all true so far!

Excuse me Miss, could you give us an example?
Certainly!

Boris the Johnson it seemed was good
But what could not be seen was though
His outward show was honest
Well, his past was far from clean
So if someone chose to look what was buried down deep inside
They would find he’s not so nice
Yet he still won by a landslide!

Which proves
An MP can be a crook
So please always take a second look
'Cause if you peer closer past the poster
You might find you were mistook
Please don’t ignore the warning signs
Take care to read between the lines
And what you find it might just leave you shook
For an MP’s your man
Unless your MP’s a crook

Should we do the one about the tricky Tory?
Oh, by all means!
People love that one
Well, go on then!

Mr Dominic Cummings
His wife was not feeling so fit
So he put her in a car
Drove to Durham for a bit
Yet the country’s in lockdown
Which you’d think would cause a hitch
But if you're rich and make the rules
Then are the rules meant for the rich?

Oh, an MP can be a crook
So 
please always take a second look
'Cause if you peer closer past the poster
You might find you were mistook
It’s-true-to-day, it’s true so far!
It’s-true-to-day, all above par!
And what you find it might just leave you shook
For an MP’s your man
Unless your MP’s a crook

Oh, give us the one about the brainless bossman, why don't ya?
Isn't that one a bit long?
Well, the quicker you're into it, the quicker you're out of it

Once upon a time
(Not) In a nursery rhyme
There was a white house with a man
With an orange tan
Who seemed to think there was no-one that he was less than
He had fans and followers
Who hung on his ev’ry word
But despite his being the chief
Good grief!
It seemed he had a poor choice of what he should best do
A poor choice of words
Like his hands were not immense
His brain was smaller than a bird's
So the vice-man of the nation
Made a censored proclamation
"We do not need him understood
He needs to look good
Just like any premier should
His bright orange skin not withstood”
And they searched for the brightest
And they searched for the best
Who would endorse
All his recourse
Bring worth to what he did attest
But the man was a buffoon
So each professor quit their job
They did not want to be involved
With such a racist slob
It makes you sob
You start to wonder why it is
He’s so beloved by the mob
But then suddenly one day
The people realised a thing
They said, "If he cannot change then
It makes sense that we change him"
And the man’s team’s fears all grew
For they knew that this was true
That it was not hopeless
There was a way out of the mess
Cause to have a happy land
And to enjoy the world you've got
You should never let yourselves
Be ruled over by a bigot
So they sang and they cheered
They had found a way to end
The control of this despot who was
Surely not their friend
So the moral is you mustn't let
The media be the guide
For it's possible they lied
You need to make your own mind up
Don’t be hypnotised, you decide!
‘Cause the truth can't be denied
And we will not be defied
We can vote to change the world and
We won’t let the cheaters hide

That is it!

Oh, an MP can be a crook
So 
please always take a second look
'Cause if you peer closer past the poster
You might find you were mistook
So please listen to what we've said
And please never let yourself be led
So one more time before we get the hook
Please sing along!
An MP’s your man
Please take our advice!
An MP’s your man
Or you'll pay the price!
An MP’s your man
Unless your MP is a crook
It’s-true-to-day, it’s so true by far!
It’s-true-to-day, it’s so true by far!
It’s-true-to-day, it’s so true by far! Hurrah!

(Author's note: I'm not saying these are the only examples but they are certainly the most notable at the moment)

Tuesday, 9 June 2020

4000 Mile Flight - !!!NEW!!!

There's a very unpleasant poem that seems to be doing the rounds atm and is (quite rightly) causing a lot of upset, distress and anger. So I thought I'd fix it by removing the dominant racist element. (If only it was this easy to fix all racist things)

4,000 Mile Flight (My version)
I will kneel with the masses,
But I won’t be told my fate,
By people who hijack tragedy,
To perpetuate their hate.

Don’t you shout Black Lives Matter,
Whilst running through the streets,
When your people are burning Foot Locker,
Stealing Nikes for their feet.

Don’t dance on The Cenotaph,
Like it’s Carnival or Mardi Gras,
That sacred granite edifice,
Marks people who died in war.

How dare you besiege Number 10,
This isn’t even your fight,
If you want to cause such damage,
Get a 4,000 mile flight.

Social distancing flouted,
Police punched in the face,
Missiles hurled at Downing Street.,
That isn’t about race.

It’s rent-a-mob and anarchists,
Versus police who just want peace,
They agree with the protest,
But want violence to cease

We see America’s burning,
It’s a tragedy we all agree,
That George Floyd lost his life,
For all the world to see.

Justice must take its course,
The cop has lost his job,
Now he faces twelve good and true,
Not a braying mob.

So Monday I will be kneeling,
And I sure will bow my head,
Because someone I don’t even know,
Should not be dead.

Although (a) robber and a felon,
In and out of jail,
Not a model citizen,
Yet his death was a fail.

I’ll weep for whom I choose to,
I’ll say where and when,
Like if anyone black or white was,
Murdered in the end.

I don’t condone the officers,
They rightly face the wrath,
But ask me to agree with the looting?
Don’t make me laugh.

You can keep your racist diatribes,
Your dismantling of our state,
It’s not BLM but anarchists,
They’re peddling the hate.

Monday, 1 June 2020

From The Mind of Merc - Overdue Correction

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about a correction I've been thinking about making for some time now:

I finally fixed Trump's hat:

Monday, 18 May 2020

Bojo's Christmas Carol - Mercorabilia


It seems even a near death experience isn’t enough to change the Prime Minister’s perception of a job poorly done. You have to wonder how Dickens’s infamous story would have turned out had it been Boris instead of Scrooge who was subject to the 3 visits. 
(For the sake of sketch format this is massively abbreviated.)

<Bojo sits at his desk, writing>
Bojo: Right. I think that’s my secret COVID response plan all drawn up. I’ll just check it one more time. Ignore the experts, open the schools to test the restriction removal on children, blame the resulting surge in cases on the doctors and teachers for not working hard enough. That should do it. Well, time for bed.
<Gets into bed and lies down>
Ghost of Christmas Past (GOCP): Wooooooo.
Bojo: Who’s there? Who is it?
GOCP: I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.
Bojo: You look like Theresa May.
GOCP: Yes, well I do impressions. Now do you remember this? 2004. You were caught out for having an extra-marital affair. And sacked from your job.
BoJo: Well, maybe. But I got away with it
GOCP: I guess that’s true.
Bojo: So, it’s alright then.
GOCP: What?!? No! No – of course it’s not alright, you-
Bojo: Thanks. Bye!
<Bojo lies down again>
GOCP: Oh, I give up. (To next ghost) Your turn.
Ghost of Christmas Present (GOCP2): *ahem* Wooooo. Woooooo!
Bojo: What? Who’s that?
GOCP2: I am the Ghost of Christmas Present.
Bojo: I see. What do you want?
GOCP2: To show you how terrible things are. And it’s all down to you!
Bojo: I don’t think so. I think you’ll find…
GOCP2: Hush! Look! Families destroyed through loss. Chaos of panic buying. The second worse death rate in the world!
BoJo: Yes, but I got away with it.
GOCP2: Well, yes. But at what cost? The people who’ve died unnecessarily, the key workers who received no support, the country massively crippled for want of decisive action.
BoJo: But I got away with it.
GOCP2: I suppose so.
Bojo: Result! Good night.
<Bojo lies down again>
GOCP2: (To next ghost) Good luck
Ghost of Christmas Future (GOCF): Bojooooo. Bojoooo.
Bojo: Who’s that? Why are you doing an impression of a letterbox?
GOCF: Enough! This is not a burka! It’s is my ethereal cloak.
Bojo: If you say so.
GOCF: Silence! I am the Ghost of Christmas Future and I bring you this terrible vision.
Bojo: I see – a gravestone with my name on it. So I die.
GOCF: Yes.
Bojo: As do we all.
GOCF: Well, yes.
Bojo: Did I die rich?
GOCF: …Maybe.
Bojo: And powerful?
GOCF: Umm…
Bojo: And famous?
GOCF: But was it for the right reasons?
Bojo: Who cares! I won! In your face, destiny!
GOCF: (leaving) Unbelievable.
<Bojo wakes up and goes to the window to open it>
Bojo: You there, boy! What day, is it?
Boy: Time you sorted out the COV-ID crisis?
Bojo: Don’t get smart with me or I’ll cut your mum’s benefits. What day is it?
Boy: <sigh> Christmas day.
Bojo: Excellent. I want you to go to the nearby butchers, buy the biggest turkey you can find and bring it back.
Boy: What did your last slave die of?
Bojo: Coronavirus. Now off you go. And when you come back I’ll give your reward.
Boy: Reward! You’re on.
<Boy disappears and reappears with a large turkey>
Boy: Here it is. Now what’s my reward?
Bojo: The satisfaction of a job well done. Bye!
Boy: Tory tw*t. Glad I spat in it.

Tuesday, 12 May 2020

Boris Churchill - Mercorabilia

A twist on my speech-wrecker speech today.
I read an article recently that said that, in times like this, what we need is clarity - and that's exactly what we're not getting. Which is completely true. So I thought I'd parody Winston Churchill's famous 'Fight Them On The Beaches' speech as the crucial part might have sounded had Boris 'King of Vagueness' Johnson given it.


Fight Them On The Beaches? not by Winston Churchill
We shall go on… er… possibly to the end… or maybe even further. 
We shall fight in France, or on the seas or the oceans. 
We shall fight with growing confidence and growing alertness in the open air. 
We shall defend this land, our island, whatever the cost may be – within reason, of course. 
We shall fight on the beaches, or on the landing grounds, or possibly in the fields or the streets - we could even fight in the hills. 
But we won’t give up whatever happens. So stiff upper lip and best of British.

Friday, 1 May 2020

From The Mind of Merc - Common Sense

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I thought I'd keep it simple:


STAY HOME
STAY SAFE!

Friday, 17 April 2020

Stay Safe - !!!NEW!!!

Inspired by Captain Tom Moore, I've penned this similar tuned (if not themed) parody song.

Walk Tall Stay Safe not by Val Doonican

Stay safe
Stay safe, stay home and let the world just pass you by
That's what the WHO has told you - it’s not hard to guess why
They said don’t be a fool now - the risk is just too high
Stay safe, stay home and let the world just pass you by

Although the year has been quite tough, that still don’t make it right
To treat the rules as optional - that won’t help end this blight 
Don’t ignore the things they say - it’s all for your own good
Just do your bit - stay at home - just like you know you should

Stay safe, stay home and let the world just pass you by
That's what the WHO has told you - it’s not hard to guess why
They said don’t be a fool now - the risk is just too high
Stay safe, stay home and let the world just pass you by

You want to go to places like you always used to go
But that is now too dangerous - this is something you know
Don’t fall for those liars who claim it is not that bad
Or it could be the worst choice that you ever had

Stay safe, stay home and let the world just pass you by
That's what the WHO has told you - it’s not hard to guess why
They said don’t be a fool now - the risk is just too high
Stay safe, stay home and let the world just pass you by

Don’t get in trouble with the law - they’ll fine you on the spot
Although outside’s where you want to be, prison sure is not
Together we’ll win if we work together you’ll see
So stay safe stay home it’s as easy as one two three

Stay safe, stay home and let the world just pass you by
That's what the WHO has told you - it’s not hard to guess why
They said don’t be a fool now - the risk is just too high
Stay safe, stay home and let the world just pass you by

Wednesday, 15 April 2020

The COVID Song - !!!NEW!!!


Continuing with topical theme - this time borrowing a tune from the Python boys.

The Penis Song The COVID Song not by Monty Python
Isn't it awfully nice to self-isolate
Isn't it frightfully good to stay at home
It's swell to have the time off
It's divine to stay in bed
But although it is easy for us
There’s more that must be said
So, three cheers for all the essential workers

Hooray for all those on the front line
And hopefully this will teach us
To value what we’ve got
There are so many fun things that
You can choose to do or not
But just don't go out in public
Or they will fine you on the spot
So please just stay at home

Thank you very much.

Tuesday, 31 March 2020

From The Mind of Merc - Pandemics

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics ad occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about pandemics (inevitable, really).


A lot of people have been highlighting the theory about a pattern emerging in major plagues that seem to strike around every 100 years:

Year
Occurrence
1720
Plague
1820
Cholera
1920
Spanish Flu
2020
Coronavirus

Two things to note from this:
1)   They (sadly) are not the only plagues to strike – if you want to really depress yourself visit the Wikipedia epidemics page https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_epidemics
2)   On a brighter note, we are able to improve our response to it

The death toll from each of these plagues reads thus:
Year
Occurrence
Death Toll
1720
Plague
c. 1,000,000
1820
Cholera
c. 1,000,000
1920
Spanish Flu
c. 17,000,000
2020
Coronavirus
c. 40,000*

So (with the exception of the Spanish Flu) the mortality rate is improving against pandemics and contagions – especially when you consider the ones that don’t ‘fit the pattern’
Year
Plague
Death Toll
Average per year
541-542
Plague of Justinian
c. 25,000,000
12,500
1347-1351
The Black Death
c.25,000,000
5,000
1855-1960
Third Plague Pandemic
c. 22,000,000
209.5
1960-2000
All reported plagues
52
1.3

Also:
- Smallpox (which killed 500 million in the last 100 years of its existence) was eradicated in 1977
- Polio cases decreased from 49,293 to 74 between 1975 & 2015 (eradicated in Europe in 1998)
- Malaria mortality fell by 60% between 2000 & 2015 (38 countries so far declared Malaria-free)
- Rubella cases dropped from 670,000 in 2000 to 15,000 in 2018 (Australia eradicated it in 2018)

I sincerely hope there will not be another repeat in 2120 but if there is hopefully we’ll again improve our fight against it.


*While admittedly the full toll of the current outbreak is not yet known, so long as people start using common sense rather than selfishness this should start stabilising - i.e. not increasing soon