She Had It Coming - !!!NEW!!!

A popular twist these days seems to be to take a traditional fairy tale and look at it from the villain's point of view - i.e. Maleficent, etc. So I thought I'd do the same using a song from a popular musical. 

(Animation) Cell Block Tango or She Had It Coming - not from Chicago 
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
All: She had it coming
She had it coming
She only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd been through it
Queen: I betcha you would have done the same!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula (Spoke):  You know how people have these prejudices that make no sense.
Like Triton. Triton was anti-women.
No, not women. Me.
So I’m banished to a cave just for wanting to help him rule, and I'm looking for a way of get back at him
And there's Ariel swimming into my home, asking for help to get Eric.
Yes, not Triton. But me.
So, I said to her, I said, "Of course dear just sign on this line..."
And she did.
So I took brought my cauldron up to boil and gave her the legs she wanted...
...and took her voice.
All: She had it coming
She had it coming
She only had herself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd been through it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Tremaine (Spoke):    I knew Cinderella was a flighty girl from the day I’d met her
And when her dad died I made sure that she was kept busy all the day
And that’s when we got the invitation
We went to the ball, she stayed home, to fix up her dress, like a good girl.
And then I found out,
"Stay at home" she told me “Why would do that? “
Not only had she gone out
Oh, no, she’d won the prince.
Fairy godmothers, you know.
So that day, when the Duke came round to visit,
I made sure she wouldn’t interfere
You know, some girls just can't keep their noses out.
All: She had it coming
She had it coming
It’s the same story time after time
Cause they ignored us
Simply abhorred us
It wasn’t murder no more a crime!
All: Sign, stay, sleep, uh-uh Snow White, so soft
Maleficent (Spoke): Now, I'm sitting on the grand throne
Alone in my grand and darkened tower,
Minding my own business,
In come my guardsman and he’s got news to tell.
"The king’s holding a christening," he says.
How exciting
But then he went on, "but you’ve not been invited."
So then I cast a little spell.
I cast a little spell to make them pay.."
All: If you'd have been there
If you'd been through it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Elsa (Spoke): It’s just not fair, is it? I’ve had these powers ever since the very day I was born
It’s not like I wanted them.
My parents told me - hide them far away. So I did
Now Hans says I tried to murder Anna.
My sister
I tried to explain it wasn’t true but nobody believed me...
Maleficent (Spoke):    Yeah, but did you do it?
Elsa: Uh Uh, not guilty!
Queen: I knew when I married the king he was a double act
‘Cause his daughter, Snow White, always hung around with us.
Now, my most prized possession of all, was my mirror and it’s to this I would ask
Mirror, mirror on the wall – who’s the fairest of us all?
Well, this one day I got up from my bed,
I’d had a good sleep it was a sunny day outside
And I went to my mirror to ask it the question.
What came back, I couldn’t believe
‘Cause there was an image of a young girl
But surprisingly it’s not me
It was Snow White.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely freaked out over such a little thing.
It wasn't until later, when I was standing with her heart in my hands
I even thought she was dead.
She had it coming
She had it coming
She had it coming all along
I didn't do it
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
Queen: She had it coming
All: She had it coming
Queen: She had it coming
All: She had it coming
Queen: She had it coming
All: It’s the same story
Queen: All along
All: Time after time
Queen: I didn't do it
All: Cause they ignored us
Queen: But if I'd done it
All: Simply abhorred us
Queen: How could you tell me
All: It wasn’t murder
Queen: That I was wrong?
All: No more a crime!
Cruella: I loved clothes and fashion more than I can possibly say.
They made me feel reassured...
comfortable... and secure.
So I was always trying to find the best.
I thought I’d found the answer in a new coat but that involved
Collecting dogs – Dalmatians – little puppies - for their coats.
I guess you can say things went wrong because of a difference of opinion.
Some thought they were better alive
And I thought better dead.
All: Of all the luck, luck, luck, luck, luck
What rotten luck, luck, luck, luck, luck
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She had it comin'
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: She had it comin'
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She had it comin'
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: She had it comin'
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She had it comin'
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: She had it comin'
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: All along
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: All along
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: 'Cause they ignored us
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: 'Cause they ignored us
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: Simply abhorred us
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: Simply abhorred us
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: And yet it’s us who
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: And yet it’s us who
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: Are in the wrong?
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: Are in the wrong?
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She had it coming
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: She had it coming
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She only had herself to blame.
All: If you'd have been there
If you'd been through it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Ursula (Spoke): Just sign on that dotted line!
Tremaine (Spoke): Stay home? Yeah right.
Maleficent (Spoke): Left out!
Elsa (Spoke):  I never wanted these powers.
Queen (Spoke): Not the fairest one – now it’s Snow White.
Cruella (Spoke): Opinion differences.
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!

Europa Daycare sketch - Mercorabilia

I doubt I'm the only one watching the developing events in Eastern Europe with trepidation but I have to admit that some of the recent developments did sound a bit like an altercation you might get in a school playground...

<Scene opens with kids innocently playing with tanks and planes. Then...>

UN: Hey, Vlad!

Vladimir: What?

UN: We agreed – this is our space and that’s yours. What are your planes doing in our space?

Vladimir: Oops - my bad. I’ll just move them.

UN: Listen - if you’re not going to play fair...

Vladimir: I assure you it was completely unintentional.

UN: Yeah – you’re right – it wasn’t in a tent – it was in our space. Just watch it in future, will you?

Vladimir: Of course.

UN: Right. We’re all going to play ‘Hunt the terrorists’. Do you want to join in?

Vladimir: Why not?

UN: We’re going to attack the IS in Syria. You with us?

Vladimir: Yup.

UN: Right

Vladimir: Fire!

UN: Woah! Wait! What are you doing?

Vladimir: I thought we were against Syria.

UN: We are but not that bit – we’re against ISIS – not the rebels.

Vladimir: Oh. Well, I’m sure they’re just as bad. After all, that Al-Assad fellow’s a lovely man. I think we should trust him.

UN: Just because you think he’s your friend.

Vladimir: He could be your friend too.

UN: No, he couldn’t. Now let’s get back to the game. Are you going to play fair this time?

Vladimir: How can you doubt it?

UN: Right – we’ll try again. And no hitting the wrong targets - we don’t want to start a fight.

Vladimir: Absolutely.

UN: Good. Fire!

<missiles launch>

UN: Vlad - what happened? You’re supposed to be aiming for Syria - Your missiles landed in Iran! What’s going on?

Vladimir: I missed.

The (Princess Bride) Class Sketch - Mercorabilia

First sketch of the month and an interesting combination in this one. It occurred to me how the other day how comparable the sidekicks in the cult classic The Princess Bride are with the characters from the renowned Frost Report sketch. This is the result.

Vizzini: I look down on him (Indicates Inigo) because I am intelligent.

Inigo: I look up to him (Vizzini) because he is intelligent; but I look down on him (Fezzik) because he is brutish. I am not.

Fezzik: I know my place. I look up to them both. But I don't look up to him (Inigo) as much as I look up to him (Vizzini), because he has got brains.

Vizzini: I have got brains, but I have not got any skill. So sometimes I look up to him (Inigo).

Inigo: I still look up to him (Vizzini) because although I have skill, I am poor. But I am not as poor as him (Fezzik) so I still look down on him (Fezzik).

Fezzik: I know my place. I look up to them both; but while I am poor, I am honest, industrious and trustworthy. Had I the inclination, I could look down on them. But I don't.

Inigo: We all know our place, but what do we get out of it?

Vizzini: I get a feeling of superiority over them.

Inigo: I get a feeling of inferiority from him, (Vizzini), but a feeling of superiority over him (Fezzik).

Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?

From The Mind of Merc - Normality

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the concept of normality. 

Quite a short one today. 

I found a meme online recently that reads ‘I tried being normal once – worst two minutes of my life’ and it got me thinking – if everyone is different (i.e. no two people are the same) then how is it possible to define normality?

Surely normality (if it does exist) is a purely subjective concept – and a highly discriminatory one at that.

And if so then the people who consider themselves normal – and as such are consequently 'different' from everyone else – and consider this acceptable should also be prepared to accept those who are 'different' from them?

Why do flies suddenly appear? - !!!NEW!!!

I actually like the song 'Close To You' but I decided to do a parody of it reversing the sentiment and implying the object of the song isn't so desirable. 

(They Long To Be) Close To You not by Burt Bacharach
Why do flies suddenly appear, every time you are near?
Unlike me, they long to be close to you.
Why do folk hold their noses tight, just on smell not on sight?
Can’t you see, it isn’t me - it is you.

Since the day that you were born you’ve had that certain something.
That makes everyone stay far away from you.
So they’ll cross the street if they see you coming,
Don’t deny it - you know it’s true.
That is why all the flies in town follow you all around.
Unlike me, they long to be close to you...

Since the day that you were born you’ve had that certain something.
That makes everyone stay far away from you.
So they’ll cross the street if they see you coming,
Don’t deny it - you know it’s true.
That is why all the flies in town follow you all around.
Unlike me, they long to be close to you...

Castle Time - !!!NEW!!!

Bit of tourist advertisement here. Just kidding. The inspiration for this is quite simply my hobby of historical re-enactment. If you've been to a re-enactment event before then I hope you enjoy this song. If you haven't been to an re-enactment event before ...maybe now's the time to try one?

It's Chico Time It's Castle Time not by Chico
Hey! What time is it?

Working week is over,
It seemed to just drag on,
My holiday is starting
And I can’t wait to be gone,
Need to relax, just chillax, and be lax, let off steam,
Gonna pick up the pace,
And head off to a place,
Like nothing you have seen,

(Oh yeah) it is worth the trip,
(Uh-huh) You are gonna flip
I know how to spend my weekend,
Everybody say what time is it....
(What time is it...)
It's Castle time...

I won’t be allegorical,
It’s time to get historical,
It's Castle time...
I won’t be allegorical,
It’s time to get historical,
It's Castle time...

Just look at all the knights,
Their armour’s quite a sight,
The combats turn to melees, you enjoy watching them fight,
There is dancing, and prancing,
Now they’re doing archery,
Walls are ringing from their singing,
So many things to see

(Oh yeah) Not a camping site,
(Uh-uh) Gonna do it right,
I know how to spend my weekend,
Everybody say what time is it....
(what time is it...)
It's Castle time...

I won’t be allegorical,
It’s time to get historical,
It's Castle time...
I won’t be allegorical,
It’s time to get historical,

Besides all of that,
You’re standing in an old building,
....
It's Castle time...

Go Castle, Go Castle Go,
Go Castle, Go Castle Go,
Go Castle, Go Castle Go,
Go Castle, Go Castle Go,

I won’t be allegorical,
It’s time to get historical,
It's Castle time...
I won’t be allegorical,
It’s time to get historical,
It's Castle time...

Dreamworks Royalties sketch - Mercorabilia

As promised, here is my new sketch (direct from my new lodgings). Will try and fit my usual quota of monthly blog posts in before the end of this month. My mission should I choose to accept it...
Anyway, this sketch is along similar lines to my earlier Humphrey Dumpty one with the focus shifted slightly to another fictional character. 

<intercom buzzes>

Executive: Yes?

Secretary: Mr. Moon is here to see you.

Executive: Oh, great. Send him in.

Mr. Moon: Excuse me – are you the executive for Dreamworks?

Executive: I am. Pleased to meet you Mr. Moon. Sorry – I didn’t catch your first name.

Mr. Moon: Man-in-the.

Executive: So, Mr. Man-in-the Moon. What can I do for you?

Mr. Moon: Well, I’d like to talk to you about royalties.

Executive: I see.

Mr. Moon: As I understand it, you’ve made over 100 films. Is that right?

Executive: Yes, that’s right.

Mr. Moon: And you use my image at the start of every single of them.

Executive: Umm…

Mr. Moon: Don’t give me um – I’ve seen them. There I am – clear as day– sat on my little perch dangling my rod over the edge every time. And yet I’ve never seen a single penny for my work.

Executive: Right.

Mr. Moon: And it’s not exactly easy work - have you any idea how difficult it is to cast a perfect line without getting caught in one of the craters? Particularly as there’s no atmosphere that high up?

Executive: No.

Mr. Moon: Very.

Executive: I see.

Mr. Moon: And if that wasn’t enough – you even had that shark take the worm off my hook! I mean, a man’s got to live! What am I supposed to eat? Clouds? Thin air? The moon’s not made of cheese, you know.

Executive: Really? You do surprise me.

Mr. Moon: And don’t even think about paying me in porridge – that stuff is lethal.

Secretary: Mr. Moon? Your balloons are waiting.

Mr. Moon: Ah – my ride’s here. Well, I think I’ve made my point. Thank you for your time.

Executive: Just one moment – did she say ‘balloons’?

Mr. Moon: Yes – that’s how I get home.

Executive: Really? Just float up into the air until you reach the moon?

Mr. Moon: Yes.

Executive: Hmm. Tell me, Mr. Moon, have you ever considered a career with NASA?

Dear Readers...

Iwasverymuchamused would like to apologise for the temporary hiatus in this blog. 

This has been caused by my relocation 100 miles further north due to shortage of work.

Normal service will be resumed on 21st September (BT willing)

From The Mind of Merc - Disney Part 2: Observations

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the plot holes in Disney films. 

This one’s slightly different and it highlights the lack of common sense found in most Disney princesses.

For example:

Princess & the Frog: Why couldn’t Tiana, with all her street smarts, think to say “How about we sign this paperwork for the mill now so it’s legally binding and you can’t sell it out from under me?”

Tangled: Why didn’t either of Rapunzel’s parents or the guards think to say “Hey Maximus, this is Rapunzel’s baby blanket. Got the scent? Fetch!

Pocahontas: Did it slip John Smith’s mind to say “Oh yeah – actually, guys, there’s no gold here.” (Jake Sully take note)

Hunchback of Notre Dame: Had the Archdeacon of Notre Dame taken a vow of silence? “Quasi – your mum was a gypsy and Frollo killed her. He’s the one who’s ashamed of you.”

Enchanted: If Pip could speak before he entered the real world – which is presumably how he communicated to the Prince what had happened to Giselle – why didn’t he add “Btw, your stepmother did it. And I think Nathaniel’s working for her too.”

Sleeping Beauty: How about Aurora’s parents telling her “Hey Aurora, do us a favour and don’t touch any spindles. Because if you do you will die.”

Frozen: Why couldn’t Elsa’s parents think to say “Elsa, your powers are super cool – literally. Never be afraid of them and never hide who you are because that will end badly”

Brave: Or maybe Merida’s mum could have said “Enough with this training stuff – I know you know it – how about some mother-daughter bonding time.” Or “You know what? Even though I’m just the queen I’m pretty powerful in my own right. Why shouldn’t a woman who’s the first born of her clan be the equal of the first born men?”

Lion King: Why couldn’t Simba have thought to tell the others that Scar killed Mufasa.

Cinderella: Why didn’t she think to tell the prince more about her and maybe suggest use something else to find her than her shoe size.

Little Mermaid: Exactly what was it that stopped Ariel WRITING DOWN her name and that she saved Eric? After all, she signed the contract with Ursula so she must be able to write.

Snow White: Why didn’t she think to use all those gems mined by the dwarves to either bribe the queen’s guards and/or buy the queen’s castle

The last four come from the inspiration for this entry - a post I found on Tumblr: http://ethulinda.tumblr.com/post/122501747445/nintendofiend-adventuretimewithlewis

Henry VIII & the CSA sketch - Mercorabilia

Ok - so the idea behind this one's pretty obvious but I still thought potentially amusing given Henry's lackadaisical approach to marriage and his children. And it was an excuse for me to go back to a favourite topic of mine - the Tudors.

Lawyer: Excuse me – would you be Henry Tudor?

Henry: I am. And that’s King Henry the Eighth to you, sunshine.

Lawyer: Forgive me, Mr. Eighth.

Henry: What can I do for you?

Lawyer: Well, actually, I’m from the Child Support Agency.

Henry: I’m sorry – what?

Lawyer: We’re a relatively new firm specialising in establishing child support in the event of the parents’ divorce.

Henry: Really?

Lawyer: You do realise now that that you’re on your third wife and that you’ve two children from your previous wives?

Henry: Hey – that’s not fair – the first two didn’t count.

Lawyer: Didn’t count?

Henry: Yeah – I was never really married to them at all.

Lawyer: According to who?

Henry: Me.

Lawyer: I see. Well, I’m sorry, Mr. Eighth, but in the eyes of the law it still counts as divorce and leaves you subject to child maintenance responsibilities.

Henry: Oh, does it now?

Lawyer: To be honest I’m surprised you’re in this mess. After all, did not you yourself say in your own work that marriage should last forever?

Henry: It’s do as I say – not as I do.

Lawyer: Well, that’s a poor system of government.

Henry: Right! <scribbles a document>

Lawyer: What are you doing?

Henry: Just passing a new law.

Lawyer: And what one’s this one?

Henry: I think I’ll call it the Act of Succession

Lawyer: You’ve already passed one of those.

Henry: This is the new version – basically it says anyone who argues with my decision is a traitor and should be executed.

Lawyer: Oh dear.

Henry: Yes. Guards!

<Guards enter and arrest lawyer>

Henry: Send for the Executioner!

Lawyer: Wait! You can’t do this.

Henry: Hold on – let me check. <flicks through law book> No – it’s fine.

Lawyer: Oh, bugger.

<Axe slices off head>