Henry VIII & the CSA sketch - Mercorabilia

Ok - so the idea behind this one's pretty obvious but I still thought potentially amusing given Henry's lackadaisical approach to marriage and his children. And it was an excuse for me to go back to a favourite topic of mine - the Tudors.

Lawyer: Excuse me – would you be Henry Tudor?

Henry: I am. And that’s King Henry the Eighth to you, sunshine.

Lawyer: Forgive me, Mr. Eighth.

Henry: What can I do for you?

Lawyer: Well, actually, I’m from the Child Support Agency.

Henry: I’m sorry – what?

Lawyer: We’re a relatively new firm specialising in establishing child support in the event of the parents’ divorce.

Henry: Really?

Lawyer: You do realise now that that you’re on your third wife and that you’ve two children from your previous wives?

Henry: Hey – that’s not fair – the first two didn’t count.

Lawyer: Didn’t count?

Henry: Yeah – I was never really married to them at all.

Lawyer: According to who?

Henry: Me.

Lawyer: I see. Well, I’m sorry, Mr. Eighth, but in the eyes of the law it still counts as divorce and leaves you subject to child maintenance responsibilities.

Henry: Oh, does it now?

Lawyer: To be honest I’m surprised you’re in this mess. After all, did not you yourself say in your own work that marriage should last forever?

Henry: It’s do as I say – not as I do.

Lawyer: Well, that’s a poor system of government.

Henry: Right! <scribbles a document>

Lawyer: What are you doing?

Henry: Just passing a new law.

Lawyer: And what one’s this one?

Henry: I think I’ll call it the Act of Succession

Lawyer: You’ve already passed one of those.

Henry: This is the new version – basically it says anyone who argues with my decision is a traitor and should be executed.

Lawyer: Oh dear.

Henry: Yes. Guards!

<Guards enter and arrest lawyer>

Henry: Send for the Executioner!

Lawyer: Wait! You can’t do this.

Henry: Hold on – let me check. <flicks through law book> No – it’s fine.

Lawyer: Oh, bugger.

<Axe slices off head>