The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 31

And finally, door number 31:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 30

Door number 30:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 29

Door number 29:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 28

Door number 28:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 27

Door number 27:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 26

Continuing with the tradition of going beyond the 25th December, here's door number 26:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 25

Merry Christmas!
Here's door number 25:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 24

Door number 24:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 23

Door number 23:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 22

Door number 22:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 21

Door number 21:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 20

Door number 20:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 19

Door number 19:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 18

Door number 18:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 17

Door number 17:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 16

Door number 16:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 15

Door number 15:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 14

Door number 14:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 13

Door number 13:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 12

Door number 12:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 11

Door number 11:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 10

Door number 10:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 9

Door number 9:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 8

Door number 8:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 7

Door number 7:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 6

Door number 6:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 5

Door number 5:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 4

Door number 4:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 3

Door number 3:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 2

Door number 2:

The Walking Dead Advent Calendar - 1

It’s that time of year again.

My theme for this year’s caption advent calendar is The Walking Dead.

Door number 1:

From The Mind of Merc - US Election

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today, as with the rest of this month,  I was thinking about the US election.

If you voted for Trump then I’m sorry but I just don’t understand your choice.

I’ve no doubt you had your reasons I just hope they weren’t the same as the rest of his supporters.

You may have chosen to support him as an alternative to Hillary or because you’re anti-Democrat but what his biggest fans voted for was the wall to keep out immigrants, the deportation of all non-white people, the right to treat people like slaves and women like objects.

You may not agree with these viewpoints but thanks to you, the man who embodies them is now the man in charge of the ‘Free World’/Commander-In-Chief of the USA.

If you voted for Trump but don’t believe in his policies – you are an enabler.

If you didn’t vote for either candidate – you are a bystander.

And these two types of people can be just as dangerous as the people who commit evil acts because they allow the evil acts to happen.

Don’t be an enabler or a bystander – be a stander, be a fighter. Stand up for equality, fight against discrimination.

The US election was the battle – it was not the war.

To those, like me, who are scared at the changes that are already occurring in American society:

Do not give up

Do not hide away

Do not live in fear

His supporters may be numerous but they are not the majority (they weren’t even the majority of the votes but let’s not go there).

The best way to deal with a threat is to use it to make yourself stronger and that’s what we should do. Band together, stand up for each other, show these discriminatory, uneducated bigots that their behaviour is NOT what makes America great again.

Above all don’t accept the behaviour – report it, stand up against it (within reason – i.e. don’t put yourself at risk), speak out to condemn it.

They may be right-wing that does not make them right. They are in fact little better than terrorists and I would hope that such a thought would shame them into reconsidering their actions (although sadly I doubt it). A terrorist is defined as someone who uses intentionally indiscriminate violence (terror) in order to achieve a political, religious, or ideological aim - can you think of a better word to describe people who accuse, abuse and assault people simply because they have a different skin colour, religion or gender?

And now they are shedding their civilised camouflage to show their true terrorist colours. Well, shame on them! All that does is make them easier to spot, to isolate and to deal with. They should not be fooled into believing that suddenly their unacceptable behaviour is acceptable – it’s not, it never has been and it never will be and the sooner they are educated to understand that the better. Prejudiced violence will not make their country great again.

Some parents are concerned about what this teaches children and what they positively say about the situation.

But the lesson for children from the US election is not ‘If you are a misogynistic, racist, sexist bully then you can become President’ but ‘If you don’t stand up to misogyny, bigotry and racism and don’t use your vote when it matters, this is what happens’ and what must never be allowed to happen again

Oh Dear What Can The Matter Be (Part 2) - !!!NEW!!!

Following on from my previous parody of Oh Dear What Can The Matter Be (see here), I decided that the situation in America warranted its own version. And here it is:

Oh Dear, What Can The Matter Be also not by Anon

Oh dear, what can the matter be

America has voted Trump in, you see

Now he’s in charge of their Presidency

What on earth have they done now?

Despite the pleas of tons of celebrities

They thought he’d help to destroy the disease

That they feel’s destroying the colonies

What on earth have they done now?

We thought that they would come to see sense one day

Not let bigotry and racism hold sway

Supremists are now shouting hip-hip-hooray

What on earth have they done now?

It’s viewed as a win for groups like the KKK

For them it’s a glorious red letter day

They think that they now have a chance to stay

What on earth have they done now?

Hate and violence are all over the TV

Pain and suffering seems to be all we see

Extremist groups are filling the country

What on earth have they done now?

But

It’s not the end of the world – oh no, it’s not

Trump has won but he’ll never be on top

Haters will hate but then we will make them stop

That is what we must do now

The racist groups are the ones in decline

They’ve kept their colours hidden all this time

But they’ll see their views still won’t tow the line

That is what we must do now

We won’t give in to petty in-fighting

We must stay strong and keep on wrong-righting

Show them how to keep letting the light in

That is what we must do now

Trump wants to cause lots of division

But if that happens is not his decision

We will force him to make a revision

That is what we must do now

Oh dear, what can the matter be

America has voted Trump in, you see

But he doesn’t speak for all of us you’ll see

We will show them all and how

Disney Life Hacks #4 - Giselle

A continuation of my new Disney Life Hacks series - those little tricks the Disney stars use to achieve the unlikely, unbelievable and impossible.

Today, Giselle shares her top tip:

(After all, who needs sleep?)

I Believe - !!!NEW!!!

I will not comment on the recent political developments. I will not comment on the recent political developments. I will not comment on the recent political developments... Instead I'll leave it up to the lyrics of this parodied song from Not The Nine O'Clock News.

I Believe not by Not The Nine O'Clock News

I believe that life is happy and death is sad.

I believe my mum was married to my dad.

I believe that things that aren't good tend to be bad.

I believe...Yes, I believe.

I'm prepared to believe Jeremy Hunt isn't a crook.

I'm prepared to believe Fifty Shades is a readable book.

I believe the best song ever’s Aguilera’s ‘Dirty’.

I believe that Kim Kardashian’s still under 30.

I believe George Bush is clever.

That the Queen will live forever.

And that leisure is pronounced leezure.

And that the Prometheus film was better than its teaser.

I am prepared to say Miley Cyrus is too shy.

And that everyone looks better when wearing tie dye.

I'm prepared to believe that Scrooge is a decent bloke.

And Vladimir Putin tells a darn good knock-knock joke.

I believe that some folks can hear what Mr Bean is saying.

And that Luton is really a very nice place to stay in.

I believe that Kermit really loves Miss Piggy.

I believe that global warming is no biggie.

And I believe that the devil is ready to repent.

But I can't believe that Donald Trump is President!

(Btw, America - in England today's date is 9/11. Just sayin')

From The Mind of Merc - Non-Gender Roles

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about Non-Gender Roles.

I saw an interesting video on Facebook the other day in which a young individual explained why they view themselves as being ‘Non binary’ when it comes to gender and that it is wrong to classify people as male or female as this is outdated, creepy, and wrong as gender is ‘all in the mind’.

I have to say that my immediate reaction to this was: ‘Er... no – there are such things as male and female – it’s just the associated stereotypes that are wrong’.
For example, the idea that
Boys wear blue, girls wear pink
Boys wear trousers, girls wear skirts
Boys play football, girls play dolls
When actually,
Boys and girls wear and play whatever they want

Saying that gender doesn’t exist as a means of overcoming the pigeonholes society places people in is like sticking your fingers in your ears on bonfire night and trying to pretend there aren’t any fireworks outside – not the case, also not going to make it so.

By all means, if you feel so inclined, buck the trend. But surely to do so it would be better to adopt a nonchalant attitude to people’s reactions – as in ‘this is me – deal with’ rather than ‘you’re wrong because...’. Because to do the latter you are, in a way, sinking down to their level by inflicting a negative attitude on them. They may be wrong but claiming to change the truth to suit individual beliefs could also be viewed as wrong (and delusional).
To quote Sherlock Holmes “Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.” – ergo don’t try and change facts to suit your own views – accept the facts and use them to support your own views.
Be free in your choices, be transgender, be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual but you are biologically either male or female.

(Of course I could be completely misunderstanding the term – in which case I would welcome clarification)

As I have said before, I firmly believe people should be allowed to make their own choices in life (provided said choices do not harm others) – it is their life and therefore theirs to do with what they will. So don’t feel confined by societal roles but don’t seek to change scientific fact as a means of doing so especially when it isn’t necessary.

So if you are biologically one gender or the other then that, technically is what you are – it does not mean to you have follow societal norms or even stay as that gender but for all intents and purposes that is your physical gender.

Nobody Expects Franklin D Roosevelt - Mercorabilia

This was inspired whilst watching an episode of Red Dwarf in which Arnold Judas Rimmer was trying to give a stirring speech to the crew and I couldn’t help noticing its similarity to a scene from another comedy show.

Rimmer:

We have nothing to fear but fear itself… Apart from pain. Fear and pain. Pain and fear. The two - two things we have to fear are fear and pain… And maybe humiliation. The three – three things we have to fear are fear and pain and humiliation… And obviously death and failure. But apart from pain, humiliation, death, failure, and the unknown, we have nothing to fear but fear itself. I’ll try it again.

(If you’re wondering about the title of the sketch – it is Franklin D Roosevelt who coined the famous quote "We have nothing to fear but fear itself.")

Disney Life Hacks #3 - Pocahontas

A continuation of my new Disney Life Hacks series - those little tricks the Disney stars use to achieve the unlikely, unbelievable and impossible.

Today, Pocahontas shares her top tip:

(And here's Meeko in action)

Unsuspicious Circumstances sketch - Mercorabilia

A return to the world of Midsomer today and, in a way, it’s mixing it with the Mock the Week round ‘Scenes We’d Like To See’ as it’s ‘Things You’d Never See in a Midsomer Murders Episode’

Barnaby: Evening, George.
Bullard: Evening, Tom.
Barnaby: So what have we got?
Bullard: John Smith, aged 89, found dead in his bed by his housekeeper.
Barnaby: So what did he die from?
Bullard: Natural causes.
Barnaby: <pause> Are you sure?
Bullard: Yes.
Barnaby: Hmm. What’s the scar on his chest?
Bullard: That’s where I cut him open to do the autopsy.
Barnaby: I see. And this?
Bullard: That’s a tan-line from his watch.
Barnaby: So there’s no sign of foul play.
Bullard: No.
Barnaby: What about this?
Bullard: What?
Barnaby: This bruise.
Bullard: That’s your shadow.
Barnaby: Ah. <pause> So there’s nothing untoward.
Bullard: No.
Barnaby: No suspicious toxicology results.
Bullard: No.
Barnaby: No sign of anything that could be construed as suspicious.
Bullard: No.
Barnaby: Are you trying to tell me that this Midsomer resident genuinely died of natural causes?
Bullard: Yes.
Barnaby: Hmm. <pause> Isn’t that in itself suspicious?

From The Mind of Merc - Music Videos

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about music videos. This is a phenomenon I’m struggling to understand.

To explain my consternation, there are innumerable musicians and music stars who claim to support various charities donating their time and effort to numerous causes. AND YET they and their record companies will still spend millions if not billions of pounds making videos to accompany their songs.

The reason this puzzles me is that such videos are by their nature redundant and consequently pointless as the companies are not selling the video – they are selling the music, which is purely auditory.

This means they are forking out ridiculous sums to create these ‘innovative’, ‘ground-breaking’, lurid and often unconnected new films for something which they want people to listen to – not watch – with the apparent intention that it will encourage people to want to listen to the song. Surely if the song is not good enough to sell on its sound alone then it is simply not good enough.

I firmly believe artists should revert to the previous format for music videos – i.e. them singing/performing the song in a plain surrounding. No gimmicks, no CGI, no exorbitantly expensive sets. Just them and their music. If it is truly the music that they love and want to share then that is all they will need.

As for the directors who create these ‘masterpieces’, if they are truly as gifted as the companies claim then they will undoubtedly find or be found work in other less spendthrift projects.

Also, it is increasingly unlikely that the majority of the population will see said video a) because doing so is time-consuming in an increasingly time-constrained world, b) because most people will no doubt purely either hear or only be interested in hearing the music itself and c) despite its availability through sites like YouTube these, and consequently it, are still not the first port of call for someone seeking a new tune or piece of music.

Just think of the people and charitable causes that could be helped if, instead of spending these obscene amounts of money on unnecessary film, the money instead went the causes they claim to support.

When choosing out of ‘Artist wins award for new music video’ or ‘1000s of lives saved thanks to donation by record company’ – I know which headline I’d like to see.

Mars sketch - Mercorabilia

I'm sure the similarities between the names of the red planet and a popular brand of chocolate bar have been remarked upon before but what if they actually caused more than a bit of trouble...

Soldier: Your imperial majesty – we have returned.

King: So I see.

Soldier: We have travelled far and long on the quest which you did assign to us and we are joyful that we are able to say we were successful.

King: Oh, good.

Soldier: Your task was not an easy one to complete...

King: Wasn’t it?

Soldier: By no means. And many men died in the attempt.

King: Oh, dear.

Soldier: But none the less we have triumphed. I have brought you – Mars!

King: Really?

Soldier: Yes. And I present it to you. Here!

King: What is this?

Soldier: A deed of ownership, my lord. Given to me by the Galatic Council of that great planet affording the rights and title of ruler of Mars to you.

King: Right. <pause> I think there might have been some mistake.

Soldier: What do you mean, your majesty?

King: Well, when I said I wanted you to bring me Mars...

Soldier: Yes?

King: I actually wanted a chocolate bar.

Soldier: (after a pause) A chocolate bar?

King: Yes.

Soldier: You mean we have spent countless hours and lost many men simply because you had a sugar craving?

King: It would seem so.

Soldier: Right.

<pause>

King: Do you think they have Mars bars on Mars?

Soldier: I would presume so, your highness.

King: Excellent. Well, carry on.

Soldier: What about the men, sire? Surely they deserve some reward for their endeavour.

King: Ah, yes - the men. Umm, well, tell them they can have the rest of the week off and, um, a Mars bar for each of them, I think

Soldier: A Mars bar.

King: Yes. Is that a problem?

Soldier: Well, there is just one thing, sir.

King: Yes?

Soldier: I actually prefer Snickers

Disney Life Hacks #2 - Mulan

A continuation of my new Disney Life Hacks series - those little tricks the Disney stars use to achieve the unlikely, unbelievable and impossible.

Today, Mulan shares her top tip:

(Well, can you tell me another way she could have avoided this)

Silence in Court sketch - Mercorabilia

This was one of those sketches which just kind of gradually takes shape. The inspiration being how can a little wooden mallet induce silence - and what happened if it didn't...

Lawyer2: And, in conclusion, the summation of my unworthy opposition is so clearly flawed

Lawyer1: Er – excuse me! There’s no need for that kind of talk

Lawyer2: I’m sorry – but I am bound to tell the truth. And the holes that were visible in your evidence...

Lawyer1: Oh, really? What about the inconsistencies in your testimonies. They were enormous

<The lawyers begin bickering>

<The judge grows tired of this and starts banging his gavel>

Judge: Order! Order!

<the lawyers continue bickering – ignoring the judge>

Judge: <now banging down his other hand to create more noise> Order! Order!

<The lawyers are still ignoring him>

<Judge reaches under his desk and produces a second hammer which he begins banging with the other one>

Judge: Order!

<Still no response from the lawyers>

<Judge brings out several more gavels and begins banging them across the desk to create a tune>

Judge: If-you-do-not-shut-now-I’ll –throw-you-all-in-clink

<he finishes by banging the end hammer on the clerk’s head>

Clerk: Ow!

<The lawyers stop and look at the clerk>

Judge: (pleased they’ve stopped bickering) Right. Where were we?

Lawyer1: Well, as I was just saying your honour, to my unlearned friend...

Lawyer2: Excuse me – I’m the one who’s unlearned?

Lawyer1: Well, if you’re not you’re doing a very good impression

Lawyer2: How dare you...

<The lawyers begin bickering again>

Judge: *sigh*

<Judge is about to bang his hammer. He looks at and is unimpressed. He chucks it over his shoulder and reaches under the desk and produces a slightly larger hammer (about twice the size of the previous one) which he begins banging>

Judge: Order! Order!

<This doesn’t work so he produces a larger hammer (the size of a sledge) and bangs it on the gavel – still no effect>

Judge: Oh, for pity’s sake

<Judge ducks out of sight and produces a ridiculously oversized gavel that is almost too big to fit in the room. The lawyer(s) fail to notice so he brings it down on Lawyer 1’s head.

Judge: Order!

<Lawyer1 is stunned and after wavering collapses (Alt: squished concertina-style)>

Lawyer2: Your honour! I must object
Judge: (hitting Lawyer2 with the gavel and producing same effect) Overruled!

From The Mind of Merc - History Repeats Itself

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about how history repeats itself and, more specifically how that relates to Donald Trump and Adolf Hitler.

The comparison between these 2 political leaders isn’t new but it is, I think exceptionally valid.

Not only that but the path to power that both of them have and are taking bears some striking similarities

If you need any further proof as to the path Trump is in danger of leading America down then just take a look at this photo.

NB Most worryingly of all - this is not photoshopped!

Disney Life Hacks #1 - The Little Mermaid

A new series to replace my 'Speech-wrecker' sketches - Disney Life Hacks - those little tricks the Disney stars use to achieve the unlikely, unbelievable and impossible.

Today Ariel from The Little Mermaid shares her secret:

(Well, you tell me how she achieved it then without looking like this)

May I Have Some Water? - !!!NEW!!!

Inspired by the book 'Go The F*ck To Sleep' by Adam Mansbach, I present a song relating the struggles of bedtime for parents.

There's A Hole In My Bucket May I Have Some Water? not by Anon

May I have some water, dear Mother, dear Mother?
May I have some water, dear Mother, water?

       You’ve had some, dear Child, dear Child, dear Child,
       You’ve had some, dear Child, dear Child, no more.

May I have some milk then, dear Mother, dear Mother?
May I have some milk then, dear Mother, with what?

        It’s too late for milk, dear Child, dear Child, dear Child,
        It’s too late for milk, dear Child, dear Child, too late.

I need the bathroom, dear Mother, dear Mother,
I need the bathroom, dear Mother, to pee.

        No you don’t, dear Child, dear Child, dear Child,
        No you don’t, dear Child, dear Child, you don’t.

Please read me one more story, dear mother, dear mother,
Please read me one more story, dear mother, just one.

        No – no more, dear child, dear child, dear child,
        No – no more, dear Child, dear child, the end.
 
I’ve lost my new teddy, dear Mother, dear Mother,
I’ve lost my new teddy, dear Mother, he’s lost.

        He’s right here, dear Child, dear Child, dear Child,
        He’s right here, dear Child, dear Child, right here.

I’ve lost dolly too, dear Mother, dear Mother
I’ve lost dolly too, dear Mother, lost her

        I’ll go get and get her, dear Child, dear Child, dear Child,
        I’ll go get and get her, dear Child, dear Child, stay there.

I’ll come and help you, dear Mother, dear Mother
I’ll come and help you, dear Mother, help you

        Back to bed, dear Child, dear Child, dear Child,
        Back to bed, dear Child, dear Child, right now.

That is the wrong doll, dear Mother, dear Mother,
That is the wrong doll, dear Mother, not her.

        It will do, dear Child, dear Child, dear Child,
        It will do, dear Child, dear Child, it’ll do.

I’ve one more thing to ask, dear Mother, dear Mother
I’ve one more thing to ask, dear Mother, one more

        What is it, dear Child, dear Child, dear Child?
        What is it, dear Child, dear Child, what now?

May I have some water, dear Mother, dear Mother?
May I have some water, dear Mother, water?

It Shoulda Been Me - !!!NEW!!!

(And, now I'm back from my hols, on with the blog posts!)
Today a slight twist on an *NSync song. Before, the singer was confident that they would be chosen by the object of their affection. Oh, how wrong they were...

It's Gonna Be Me It Shoulda Been Me not by N*Sync

I feel so hurt, babe

Just want to cry
I believed we were so close, oh..
I remember you told me
That I made you believe in
Love for all time
Was it just a line?

After all that we’ve been through
Thought I was the one for you
I thought we would be together
For e’er and ever
But yet when you finally,
Decide to get married
Chose wrong,
It shoulda been me

I’m still in shock, babe
I can’t move on, ‘cause you know
That what you did was wrong
I was too blind (too blind), to see
But even so, I know it shoulda been me
All that you said

Goes round in my head

After all that we’ve been through
Thought I was the one for you
I thought we would be together
For e’er and ever
But yet when you finally,
Decide to get married
Chose wrong,
It shoulda been me

It shoulda been me

I hope someday
You rue the day and see
It shoulda- shoulda- shoulda- shoulda-shoulda

It shoulda been me

All we’ve been through
Was not enough for you
Thought we were good, yeah
I was so wrong there
When finally (finally)
You find ‘true love’
Chose wrong (chose wrong)

After all that we’ve been through
Thought I was the one for you (for you babe)
I thought we would be together (thought we would be)
For e’er and ever
But yet when you finally,
Decide to get married (get)
Chose wrong, (chose wrong)
It shoulda been me

After all that we’ve been through

Thought I was the one for you
I thought we would be together (thought we would be)
For e’er and ever
But yet when you finally, (But yet when you finally)
Decide to get married
Chose wrong, (chose wrong)
It shoulda been me

From The Mind of Merc - Nestlé

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about Nestlé .

A lot of people know that I support the Nestlé boycott. They also know that I do not insist that they do the same. If you haven’t heard of this, it is an international movement campaigning against the infamous global corporation and all of its subsidiaries. (If you have heard about it and, even better, support it you will no doubt agree with what I have to say).

If you’re wondering why anyone would want to do this, read on.

Most people know Nestlé solely for the wide range of products they produce including their chocolate bars - such as Aero, Toffee Crisp, Kitkat, Rolos and Smarties – their personally branded items – such as Nescafe and Nesquik – and their other subsidiaries  - such as Felix, Perrier and Haagen Daaz.

On the surface they appear a happy, family-friendly organisation – running a regular and highly successful business.

However, there is a darker side to Nestlé and one which is still very much of the company itself (and its ethos)

For example:

Baby Formula

Nestlé promotes the use of its infant formula over breastfeeding which has led to health problems and deaths among infants in less economically developed countries.

This is mainly due to the fact that:

a)       The formula must be mixed with water – this is often polluted in poor countries, leading to disease in vulnerable infants.

b)       Low literacy rates mean many mothers are not aware of sanitation methods needed to prepare the bottles. Even mothers who can read their native language are unable to read the instructions as Nestlé does not label its products in a country’s own language.

c)       Mothers who can understand the sanitation standards required often do not have the means to perform them - such as fuel to boil water.

d)       Many poor mothers use less formula powder than is necessary, in order to make a container of formula last longer. As a result, some infants receive inadequate nutrition from weak solutions of formula.

UNICEF estimates that a formula-fed child living in disease-ridden and unhygienic conditions is between 6 and 25 times more likely to die than a breastfed child.

Breast milk has many natural benefits lacking in formula such as nutrients and antibodies and contains the right amount of the nutrients essential for neuronal (brain and nerve) development.
The World Health Organisation recommends that, in the majority of cases, babies should be exclusively breast fed for the first six months.

Yet Nestlé continues to use unethical methods of promoting its infant formula in developing countries including distributing free formula samples to hospitals which, after the mothers leave the hospital, are no longer free and, as the supplementation has interfered with lactation, the family must continue to buy the formula.

All of which means Nestlé is effectively causing the death of millions of babies in developing countries and what’s more they don’t seem particularly bothered about it.

In 1999 Nestlé claimed in an anti-boycott advertisement that it markets infant formula “ethically and responsibly”. However, the Advertising Standard Agency found that Nestlé could not support this nor other claims in the face of evidence provided by the campaigning group Baby Milk Action.

In 2000 the European Parliament held a Public Hearing at which evidence was presented on Nestlé's failure to bring its policies into line with the World Health Assembly Resolutions. Nestlé declined an invitation to attend, claiming scheduling conflicts.

Natural remedy

Nestle is also attempting to create a monopoly on Nigella sativa -- more commonly known as fennel flower – which has been used as a cure-all remedy for over a thousand years as it treats everything from vomiting to fevers to skin diseases, and has been widely available in impoverished communities across the Middle East and Asia with researchers in developing nations such as Egypt and Pakistan publishing studies on its curative powers. 

Nestlé scientists claimed to “discover” its medicinal properties and that nigella sativa extract could be used for “nutritional interventions in humans with food allergy” but instead of creating an artificial substitute, or fighting to make sure the remedy was widely available, Nestlé claimed to own it, and filed patent claims to try and take control of the fennel flower and turn it into a costly private drug, gaining the ability to sue anyone using it without Nestlé’s permission.

Water

Nestlé is draining (i.e. stealing) the groundwater in developing countries to make its ‘Nestlé Pure Life’ bottled water, before forcing its people to buy their own water back(!) meaning the poor watch their wells run dry and their children fall ill from dirty water which kills more children around the world than AIDS, malaria, war, and traffic accidents combined -- and Nestlé consequently has a big hand in it. They have since moved this practice into other countries including the USA and Canada.

At the World Water Forum in 2000, Nestlé led the way in fighting against defining access to water a universal right with Nestlé chairman and former CEO Peter Brabeck-Letmathe stated that "access to water should not be a public right." And not only that but they won(!) I surely cannot be the only one to who this seems inherently wrong.

Green claims

Nestlé contradicted their own advertised claims that "Most water bottles avoid landfill sites and are recycled", "Nestlé Pure Life is a healthy, eco-friendly choice" and that "Bottled water is the most environmentally responsible consumer product in the world." in their 2008 Corporate Citizenship Report, in which they stated that many of their bottles end up in the solid-waste stream, and that most of their bottles are not recycled.

Nestlé is also immured in the issue of palm oil – a controversial ingredient in many products as its harvest involves rainforest clear-cutting and habitat destruction for a number of animals, including orang-utans, and it also contributes to greenhouse gas emissions as part of Nestlé’s supply chain.

Ethiopia

In 2002, Nestlé demanded that the nation of Ethiopia repay US$6 million of debt to the company. Ethiopia was suffering a severe famine at the time.
It was not until more than 8,500 people complained via email to the company that they back down from their demand. Had no-one spoken up they would have considered this acceptable (and probably still do).

Child Labour

In 2005, the International Labour Rights Fund filed a lawsuit against Nestlé for failing to eliminate child labour from cocoa production; alleging the children were trafficked to Ivory Coast, forced into slavery, and experienced frequent beatings on a cocoa plantation.

Assessments in 2014 by the Fair Labour Association identified "a total of 46 child workers younger than 15 years" as well as "a total of 83 young workers (between 15 and 18 years of age) working the same hours as adults and performing similar hazardous and strenuous tasks, such as carrying heavy bags of hazelnuts weighing up to 70 kilograms”

So, in summary, Nestle is killing babies, trying to copyright nature, stealing water, lying about their products, attempting to worsen poverty and supporting child slave labour.

When I think that the company was originally founded (by Henri Nestlé in 1866) to provide an infant formula to combat the high infant mortality rate that was prevalent at the time, it seems almost a sick joke that the company as it exists today is seemingly doing everything in contradiction to its original core purpose.

What makes it worse is that Nestlé are well aware of what they are doing and are actually defending their actions as good business practice.

They highlight their ‘good deeds’ as evidence of their social responsibility (or state claims are outdated yet refuse to contribute to discussions/investigations and unbiased audits to prove otherwise). Personally, I don’t think a bouquet of flowers can mask the smell of a dung heap. And we should not accept what they are doing simply for the sake of ‘enjoying’ one of their many products especially when any one of those products is potentially causing the death of a human being – which is why I support the Nestlé boycott.

Though generally not well known by many, the Nestlé Boycott is (quite rightly) gathering momentum.

Universities, colleges, and schools have banned the sale of Nestlé products from their shops and vending machines and, in the United Kingdom alone, a total of 73 students' unions, 102 businesses, 30 faith groups, 20 health groups, 33 consumer groups, 18 local authorities, 12 trade unions, as well as numerous education groups have all joined the boycott.

Celebrities have also started to gather behind the movement. Emma Thompson and Germaine Greer have both withdrawn from events associated with or sponsored by the company. Others who subscribed to the boycott include Francesca Annis, Jane Asher, Julie Christie, Steve Coogan, Richard E Grant, Sheila Hancock, Felicity Kendall, Tony Robinson, Ricky Tomlinson, Julie Walters, Zoe Wanamaker and the late Victoria Wood. Charities who back the campaign include Save the Children and Oxfam.

I, personally, refuse to buy any product that has even a connection with the company – such as brands Nestle has a share in (e.g. Buxton). Some may view this as a hardship but when I consider how ‘hard’ it is to refrain from or go without certain things I like (such as Rolos, Smarties or even Perrier water) I just remember that there are mothers ‘going without’ their children because of Nestle’s cruel and unethical business practices. I find it puts things in perspective.

Now, just to stress, I am not saying – Everyone must do this! I am saying here’s some information about a real issue and one which you can help combat in small, subtle ways. If you feel you can give up Nestle products, please do – show your support, let the executives know that you don’t agree with their behaviour and what’s more aren’t prepared to countenance any more.

Things need to change – and we have the power to change them.

If you would like to contribute further, you can sign up to any of the relevant petitions currently held online including the following:

https://action.sumofus.org/a/nestle-water-pakistan/

https://action.sumofus.org/a/nestle-nigella-sativa/

http://action.sumofus.org/a/nestle-formula/

No doubt there will be others until Nestlé is made to sit up, pay attention and stop doing what they're doing.