Silence in Court sketch - Mercorabilia

This was one of those sketches which just kind of gradually takes shape. The inspiration being how can a little wooden mallet induce silence - and what happened if it didn't...

Lawyer2: And, in conclusion, the summation of my unworthy opposition is so clearly flawed

Lawyer1: Er – excuse me! There’s no need for that kind of talk

Lawyer2: I’m sorry – but I am bound to tell the truth. And the holes that were visible in your evidence...

Lawyer1: Oh, really? What about the inconsistencies in your testimonies. They were enormous

<The lawyers begin bickering>

<The judge grows tired of this and starts banging his gavel>

Judge: Order! Order!

<the lawyers continue bickering – ignoring the judge>

Judge: <now banging down his other hand to create more noise> Order! Order!

<The lawyers are still ignoring him>

<Judge reaches under his desk and produces a second hammer which he begins banging with the other one>

Judge: Order!

<Still no response from the lawyers>

<Judge brings out several more gavels and begins banging them across the desk to create a tune>

Judge: If-you-do-not-shut-now-I’ll –throw-you-all-in-clink

<he finishes by banging the end hammer on the clerk’s head>

Clerk: Ow!

<The lawyers stop and look at the clerk>

Judge: (pleased they’ve stopped bickering) Right. Where were we?

Lawyer1: Well, as I was just saying your honour, to my unlearned friend...

Lawyer2: Excuse me – I’m the one who’s unlearned?

Lawyer1: Well, if you’re not you’re doing a very good impression

Lawyer2: How dare you...

<The lawyers begin bickering again>

Judge: *sigh*

<Judge is about to bang his hammer. He looks at and is unimpressed. He chucks it over his shoulder and reaches under the desk and produces a slightly larger hammer (about twice the size of the previous one) which he begins banging>

Judge: Order! Order!

<This doesn’t work so he produces a larger hammer (the size of a sledge) and bangs it on the gavel – still no effect>

Judge: Oh, for pity’s sake

<Judge ducks out of sight and produces a ridiculously oversized gavel that is almost too big to fit in the room. The lawyer(s) fail to notice so he brings it down on Lawyer 1’s head.

Judge: Order!

<Lawyer1 is stunned and after wavering collapses (Alt: squished concertina-style)>

Lawyer2: Your honour! I must object
Judge: (hitting Lawyer2 with the gavel and producing same effect) Overruled!