I
like the idea of people being reunited with their lost loves after they die.
But what occurred to me the other day is: what happens if one of the parties
remarries after the first one’s death - how do they decide who they spend the
rest of eternity with? Maybe they have to have an agency to sort it all out…
Ever
afterlife sketch
*DING*
Angel:
Next please. Hello – my name is the angel Hymen. Welcome to Ever Afterlife –
the agency devoted to resolving the disputes of those who remarried in life and
have now been reunited with both spouses in death. How can I help you?
Wife
2: Yes – thank you. I…
Wife
1: Do you mind? He was speaking to me. Hello – I hope you can help me. I’m here
to discuss my husband.
Wife
2: You mean my husband. I’m the one who’s married to him.
Wife
1: So was I – you’re just his second choice.
Wife
2: Second but best.
Wife
1: He loved me first.
Wife
2: He loved me more.
Angel:
Ladies, ladies please. Now is this the gentleman in question? Hello, sir. How
are you?
Husband:
I…
Wife
1: He’s fine. What are you going to do about us?
Angel:
Hmm. So he married you first.
Wife
1: Yes.
Angel:
And then he married you second.
Wife
2: Yes. I brought him out of his misery and made him realise life was still
worth living.
Wife
1: The misery he experienced when he lost me – the one he loved the most.
Wife
2: He loves me the most. Don’t you, darling?
Husband:
I…
Wife
1: Don’t be ridiculous! He loves me the most – he married me first.
Wife
2: Exactly – you had your turn. Now he’s mine. It’s supposed to be ‘til death
do you part.
Wife
1: I don’t know if you noticed but we’re both dead.
Wife
2: You died first.
Wife
1: But I married him first so I should get him back.
Husband:
But…
Wife
2: Be quiet.
Wife
1: Don’t you talk to him like that!
Wife
2: Don’t you tell me how I can or can’t talk to my husband!
Wife
1: You mean my husband.
Husband:
Can I just…?
Wife
1: (simultaneously) No!
Wife
2: (simultaneously) No!
Angel:
Ladies. Please – remember this is paradise. Try to behave accordingly.
Angel:
Well - as I see it - you both married this man at some point in your lives.
Wife
1: (simultaneously) Yes.
Wife
2: (simultaneously) Yes.
Angel:
And you believe you both have an equal claim to being his one true love.
Wife
2: Well I do – I don’t know about her.
Wife
1: Why you…!
Angel:
Now, now. Please. So you now need to decide which of you spends the rest of
eternity with him.
Wife
1: (simultaneously) Yes.
Wife
2: (simultaneously) Yes.
Angel:
I see. What about you, sir? Which one of these…er…women would you like to spend
eternity with?
Wife
2: Well me – obviously.
Wife
1: No - me.
Angel:
Ladies! Sir?
Husband:
Er…well actually…neither of them.
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