Speech-wrecker sketch (Part 2) - Mercorabilia

Another entry from the cynical speech wrecker today - this time taking aim at William Wallace's speech from Braveheart.

William Wallace: I am William Wallace! And I see a whole army of my countrymen, here in defiance of tyranny. You've come to fight as free men... and free men you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you fight?

Veteran: Fight? Against that? No! We will run. And we will live.

William Wallace: Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!

Soldier: To be honest I’d be perfectly happy with living for a while.

William Wallace: What?

Soldier: You’re saying our choice is die now or die later – well with all due respect I’ll pick later thanks. I’ve got a wife and kids at home – without me to work on the farm they could starve and then they’ll die too

William Wallace: But they’ll die at the hands of the English!

Soldier: Really? ‘Cause from what I’ve seen they only killed your wife and that’s ‘cause she pissed them off. I don’t think my family’s got any intention of doing that.

William Wallace: So you’re happy to just let them take our freedom?

Soldier: They’ve already taken it! We’ve been under England’s thumb since 1291 – what’s the big deal with changing things now?

William Wallace: Because they’re imposing new rules on us and if we join together we can make a difference.

Soldier: True change can never occur without the support of those in power.

William Wallace: We have the support of the lords.

Soldier: Right – lords whose loyalty is available to the highest bidder.

William Wallace: They are?

Soldier: Look I’m not saying the situation is ideal but you’re honestly asking us to practically commit suicide in the hope that some posh twit hundreds of miles away in London notices it??? And in noticing decides ‘Hmm maybe I’m being too hard on those Scots – maybe I should cut them a break’. Rather than be so outraged at our perceived insolence that he sends an even bigger army to kill even more of us which is what he’s actually more likely to do.

William Wallace: Umm…

Soldier: Thought so. Bye.