Big Bang Theory Advent Calendar - 31

Door number 31:

From The Mind of Merc - Weddings

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about weddings.

According to recent statistics, approximately 42% of marriages end in divorce – meaning almost half of the couples walking blissfully down the aisle will not last.

I have a theory as to why this is:

Firstly, the idea of a ‘perfect’ wedding is drummed into women from a fairly age and it is epitomised - quite extensively - as being the only thing a girl could hope or rather aim to achieve. (An important distinction here being that they are not encouraged to want or look for a marriage – just a wedding.) Consequently, millions of girls will seek that ‘one ring’ to please them all solely with the aim of getting their dream wedding; operating under the implanted delusion that getting married is the only thing they want, will solve all their problems, will mean they can get all those wonderful things you find in bride magazines and also get some really cool presents. (Then reality hits.)

Secondly, divorce is much easier to obtain nowadays. Back in the 19^th century, divorce was only possible in the event of adultery. Ergo, once you were married – that was it. It was literally ‘til death do you part.

Here’s what I think we should do to combat this:

1)       Instead of focusing on getting a wedding, throw a ‘wedding’ party – have a party which includes everything you would have at your dream wedding but without the vows. Have that special day without the ‘I do’s. Put all the expense and planning and all you could ever want on that one special occasion but without binding yourself to someone you’re not completely committed to. Then a) you won’t rush into a marriage you don’t actually want just for the sake of getting your dream wedding (as you’ll already have had it) and b) when you do find someone you want to marry it’ll be about your relationship and not the ceremony.

2)       Remove irreconcilable differences as a reason for divorce - it should not be a case of when the going gets tough, give up. If you don’t think your relationship will last forever, don’t promise that it will and if you marry in haste, expect (proverbially) to repent at leisure

Marriage is meant to be a special bond – a way for two people who are certain that they only want to be with each other for the rest of their lives to make that commitment to each other. It is not meant to be an excuse for a party, an opportunity to waste loads of money showing off to your friends or just ‘your special day’ – it is a special day but it is not meant to only be a special DAY.

Marriage is meant to be about love for each other – not lust for material items. If you don’t think you can honestly say that the person you’re getting married to is the only person you want to be with for the rest of your life then you shouldn’t say ‘I do’ – if you’re not happy now then a load of organza, bridal bouquets and toasters is not going to change that.

Above all, people shouldn’t aim for a wedding as one of their life goals – by all means you can aim to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with (if that’s what you want) – but not solely aim for a groom.

Ever Afterlife sketch - Mercorabilia

I like the idea of people being reunited with their lost loves after they die. But what occurred to me the other day is: what happens if one of the parties remarries after the first one’s death - how do they decide who they spend the rest of eternity with? Maybe they have to have an agency to sort it all out…

Ever afterlife sketch

*DING*

Angel: Next please. Hello – my name is the angel Hymen. Welcome to Ever Afterlife – the agency devoted to resolving the disputes of those who remarried in life and have now been reunited with both spouses in death. How can I help you?

Wife 2: Yes – thank you. I…

Wife 1: Do you mind? He was speaking to me. Hello – I hope you can help me. I’m here to discuss my husband.

Wife 2: You mean my husband. I’m the one who’s married to him.

Wife 1: So was I – you’re just his second choice.

Wife 2: Second but best.

Wife 1: He loved me first.

Wife 2: He loved me more.

Angel: Ladies, ladies please. Now is this the gentleman in question? Hello, sir. How are you?

Husband: I…

Wife 1: He’s fine. What are you going to do about us?

Angel: Hmm. So he married you first.

Wife 1: Yes.

Angel: And then he married you second.

Wife 2: Yes. I brought him out of his misery and made him realise life was still worth living.

Wife 1: The misery he experienced when he lost me – the one he loved the most.

Wife 2: He loves me the most. Don’t you, darling?

Husband: I…

Wife 1: Don’t be ridiculous! He loves me the most – he married me first.

Wife 2: Exactly – you had your turn. Now he’s mine. It’s supposed to be ‘til death do you part.

Wife 1: I don’t know if you noticed but we’re both dead.

Wife 2: You died first.

Wife 1: But I married him first so I should get him back.

Husband: But…

Wife 2: Be quiet.

Wife 1: Don’t you talk to him like that!

Wife 2: Don’t you tell me how I can or can’t talk to my husband!

Wife 1: You mean my husband.

Husband: Can I just…?

Wife 1: (simultaneously) No!

Wife 2: (simultaneously) No!

Angel: Ladies. Please – remember this is paradise. Try to behave accordingly.

Wife 1: What about you? Aren’t you supposed to be sorting this out?

Angel: Well - as I see it - you both married this man at some point in your lives.

Wife 1: (simultaneously) Yes.

Wife 2: (simultaneously) Yes.

Angel: And you believe you both have an equal claim to being his one true love.

Wife 2: Well I do – I don’t know about her.

Wife 1: Why you…!

Angel: Now, now. Please. So you now need to decide which of you spends the rest of eternity with him.

Wife 1: (simultaneously) Yes.

Wife 2: (simultaneously) Yes.

Angel: I see. What about you, sir? Which one of these…er…women would you like to spend eternity with?

Wife 2: Well me – obviously.

Wife 1: No - me.

Angel: Ladies! Sir?

Husband: Er…well actually…neither of them.