From The Mind of Merc - Lincoln & Kennedy

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the oft-remarked similarities between Abraham Lincoln and John F Kennedy. There has been much talk about spooky similarities between the two so I decided to look into them. And I wasn’t disappointed.

First taking just the Presidents themselves:

Lincoln	Kennedy
Last name has 7 letters	Last name has 7 letters
Fathered 4 children; 1 son died during presidency	Fathered 4 children; 1 son died during presidency
Had only one child who survived into the next century	Had only one child who survived into the next century
Wife died in her sixties	Wife died in her sixties
2 sons named Robert and Edward – 1 died young	2 sons named Robert and Edward – 1 died young
Suffered from a genetic disease – Marfan’s Syndrome	Suffered from a genetic disease – Addison’s Disease

Their political careers

Elected to House of Representatives in 1846	Elected to House of Representatives in 1946
Losing candidate for his party's vice-presidential nomination in 1856	Losing candidate for his party's vice-presidential nomination in 1956
Elected to the presidency in 1860	Elected to the presidency in 1860
Defeated incumbent Vice President  (Breckenbridge) for the presidency	Defeated incumbent Vice President  (Nixon) for the presidency

Their assassinations:

Shot in the head	Shot in the head
Shot on a Friday	Shot on a Friday
Shot seated beside his wife	Shot seated beside his wife
Shot in Ford’s Theater	Shot in a Ford automobile – a Lincoln
Lincoln sat in box number 7 at Ford's Theater	Kennedy sat in car number 7 in the motorcade.
Initially attended by Dr Charles Leale	Initially attended by Dr Charles Crenshaw
Died in a place with the initials "P.H." (Petersen House)	Died in a place with the initials "P.H." (Parkland Hospital)
Funeral train travelled from Washington DC to New York	Funeral train travelled from Washington DC to New York

But the coincidences don’t stop with them – there’s their successors:

Succeeded by Vice President	Succeeded by Vice President
Successor was a Southern Democrat	Successor was a Southern Democrat
Successor was named Johnson (Andrew)	Successor was named Johnson (Lyndon)
Successor was born in 1808	Successor was born in 1908
Successor’s name has 13 letters	Successor’s name has 13 letters
Successor died 10 years after his death	Successor died 10 years after his death

And – perhaps more importantly – their assassins:

Assassin’s name has 15 letters	Assassin’s name has 15 letters
Assassin known by 3 names	Assassin known by 3 names
Assassin was a Southern white male	Assassin was a Southern white male
Assassin was born in the late 1830s	Assassin was born in the late 1830s
Assassin was in their mid-20s	Assassin was in their mid-20s
Assassin was 5'8" in height	Assassin was 5'8" in height
Assassin had hazel eyes and brown hair	Assassin had hazel eyes and brown hair
After shooting Lincoln, Booth ran from a theatre to a warehouse	After shooting Kennedy, Oswald ran from a warehouse to a theatre.
Assassin was killed before being tried	Assassin was killed before being tried
Assassin died in the same month as his victim	Assassin died in the same month as his victim
Assassin died in a state adjacent to the state of his birth.	Assassin died in a state adjacent to the state of his birth.

There’s also their predecessors:

Predecessor was the last president to be born in his century	Predecessor was the last president to be born in his century
Predecessor left office in their seventies and retired to Pennsylvania (to Lancaster Township)	Predecessor left office in their seventies and retired to Pennsylvania (to Gettysburg)
Predecessor died before the end of the decade.	Predecessor died before the end of the decade.

And their bodyguards:

Bodyguard named William H Crook	Bodyguard named William Greer
Bodyguard died aged 75	Bodyguard died aged 75

So, while I am prepared to admit it could all be coincidence, that’s a LOT of coincidences.

Shakespeare sketch - Mercorabilia

Happy Shakespeare’s birthday! And, in keeping with that sentiment, here’s a Shakespeare-themed sketch.

The question of whether Shakespeare wrote his own plays is an age-old debate. Not quite as old as Shakespeare himself though. Doubts about the Bard’s literary capabilities didn’t start creeping in until over 200 years after he died. Makes you wonder how he might have reacted if those kind of suspicions had been around while he was still alive...

Jonson: All right, Will?

Shakespeare: Yeah – not too bad. Yourself?

Jonson: Yeah – alright. ‘Ere listen, Will – there’s a rumour going around Southwark that you don’t exist?

Shakespeare: You what?

Jonson: Yeah. That you aren’t really here and all your work’s being done by some other git.

Shakespeare: You’re joking!

Jonson: No! Straight up!

Shakespeare: So who do they think I’m taking the credit for?

Jonson: Well, one bloke thought you was stealing off of Kit.

Shakespeare: Kit Marlowe? But he’s been “dead” for 10 years.

Marlowe: Ssh – don’t give me away.

Shakespeare: Nah – you’re alright, Kit. No-one’s looking.

Marlowe: Cheers, lads.

Shakespeare: Who else did they suggest?

Jonson: Er... Francis Bacon.

Shakespeare: That poof?

Jonson: Yeah. One guy – don’t know what he’d been drinking – said your longest word...

Shakespeare: Honorificabilitudinitatibus?

Jonson: Yeah, that. Well, he said it was a secret nod to the “real” author ‘cause, if you ‘unscrambled’ it, it made this big long phrase in Latin which basically says ‘Bacon was here’.

Shakespeare: But I can’t speak Latin.

Jonson: Exactly! I pointed that out and he just said ‘Well, that proves it.’

Shakespeare: Git.

Jonson: Prat.

Shakespeare: I can’t believe they’d think old Frankie Bacon wrote my plays.

Jonson: Neither can I. I mean, Frankie would never make some of the cock-ups you did.

Shakespeare: Like what?

Jonson: What do you wanna have a clock chime in Julius Caesar for?

Shakespeare: What’s wrong with that?

Jonson: They didn’t have chiming clocks when Julius Caesar was around.

Shakespeare: Oh. What did they do then? Beep or something?

Jonson: <sigh> Never mind.

Shakespeare: So what did you say when they were all slandering me like that?

Jonson: Well, I stood up for you.

Shakespeare: Did you?

Jonson: ‘Course I did. I said ‘Look, stop being a pillock. You can take it from me – Shakespeare’s the one who wrote those plays – every single one of them.'

Shakespeare: You did?

Jonson: Yeah. Then this other guy says ‘What do I know about modern literature?’

Shakespeare: And what did you say to that?

Jonson: I told him straight. I says ‘Listen, pal. I’m one of the finest playwrights and literary critics you’ll find round here. What’s more - I’m his contemporary. And if I say he exists – he exists.

Shakespeare: Ah – cheers, mate.

Jonson: No worries.

Shakespeare: So you reckon he believed you?

Jonson: Why wouldn’t he?

Shakespeare: Well, he might think you’re biased.

Jonson: Why? ‘Cause we’re friends?

Shakespeare: Well, yeah. Although really we’re more like rivals.

Jonson: Nah – we ain’t rivals, Will!

Shakespeare: ‘Course we are. Who do you think beat you to the job for the Twelfth Night?

Jonson: You bastard!

Shakespeare: Nah – you would have hated it. The Master of the Revels was getting all up himself. Didn’t like the title of the play what I wrote.

Jonson: What did you call it?

Shakespeare: ‘One daft pillock and a load of soppy gits.’

Jonson: Can’t see anything wrong with that.

Shakespeare: Well, neither can I. Anyway, in the end I just said ‘Ah, what you will.’

Jonson: And he seemed happy with that?

Shakespeare: He seemed thrilled. Dread to think what he’s gonna come up with though.

Jonson: Ah, well. All’s well that ends well.

Shakespeare: 'Ere - that's not bad!

Shakespeare Rap Battle - Benedick vs Beatrice

This is inspired by the Princess Rap Battles created by Whitney Avalon (if you haven't seen them, check them out - they are brilliant. The inspiration for this one can be found here).
This is my first rap parody. Next step to get it made as a music video (maybe I should ask Whitney for some advice).

Princess Rap Battle – Cinderella vs Belle Shakespeare Rap Battle - Benedick vs Beatrice

BENEDICK
Another dried-up lonely has-been come to decry her woes
No need to be morose that is just how love goes
I'm the legendary soldier of lots of battles
The women all adore me and flock to me like cattle (ha!)
Around me they hang while I just do my thang
Yes – all the ladies wanna be in my gang
I deserve a stipend for saving all my friends
From the clutches of women, all say amen
I have the best mentality, all you have’s abnormality
The name of your life story: The Pathetic Triviality
Of course you're bitter, I'm the best guy around
Got no baggage, avoid marriage, something you’ve never found

BEATRICE
Whatever! Dick! Don’t be mean? Feeble!
I'm the only one here with respect of the people
While I'm living my life you're sleeping with hoes
Don’t be misled ‘cause to your bed is not where I’ll go
Dicky’s dreaming he's so special, well, somebody should wake him
‘Cause round here everybody thinks he’s just a stupid cretin
Fear the super witty woman – no, I'm not giving in
To your sad attempts at humour – that would be a sin
Your misguided self image is stuck in the past
So adored, for your sword?  There’s no way that will last
You're shallow and obsessed with looks and how we're dressed
Do you think any girls care? (Ha!) More like distressed

BENEDICK
Oh, I'm the one who's boring? You know I find that so funny
My wits could beat you senseless - the truth hurts now don’t it, honey
Your jibes have no power, you're just a weak flower
Stay where you belong: in your iv’ry tower
I'm every women’s dream with a killer repartee
Just go and ask your friends oops forgot there’s none to see
When you first met me it was love at first sight
Couldn’t keep your hands off - you were mine before midnight

BEATRICE
Such a brief encounter that you think was a romance?
Sure wasn’t in love with your ‘manly’ stance
My dream guy wouldn’t e’er be so shallow
My very high standards are what you fall far below
You used to be young now you’re just old and past it
Make girls think you’ll go the night but there’s no way you’ll last it
You say you’re anti-romance, but we both know that’s not true
And out of the two of us the slowest one is you

BENEDICK
Oh, you think that's true? That’s so sad it makes me feel blue
If you believe you’re better a reality check is due
You got hung up on me - aw, that is just so sad
You should have known I'm not a one-woman lad

BEATRICE
You think you’re adored but you are really deplored
Everyone thinks the same because you just make them bored
The moral of our quarrel and why you should now rest
Men might think they’re powerful but women are the best

I Will Survive The Labyrinth - !!!NEW!!!

A parody honouring the late, great David Bowie in his role as Jareth in the 1986 cult classic 'Labyrinth'

I Will Survive (The Labyrinth) not by Gloria Gaynor

First I was astounded, I was just amazed
Kept thinking you could never ever get right through my maze
But then made your way through to here and that simply proved me wrong
Didn’t take long
You took the baby and was gone

I want you back
From that strange place
I thought that I could win you over but instead I met with disgrace
I should have fixed that stupid clock, done more to make you lose your way
If I'd known for just one second you'd get through and the win the day

Let’s go again, just one more chance
Come back to me now
So that we can finish our dance
You know you’ve exhausted my generosity
I did so many things
Just what more could you ask of me?

It’s not over, I will win through
And as long as you are still alive, my goblins will find you
Just let me rule over you
Just let me tell you what to do ‘cause I’ll win through
I will win through, hey, hey

It took all my skill and magic to make that task
You didn’t care though - why can’t you just do what I ask
And I spent oh-so many nights working every detail out
Sure you cheated
‘Cause I’ve never been defeated now it’s too late
You made it through
You may be gone now but the thing is I’m still obsessed with you
And if you felt like dropping in then my oubliette would be free
There’d be no Toby to distract us or stop you from loving me

Let’s go again, just one more chance
Come back to me now
So that we can finish our dance
You know you’ve exhausted my generosity
I did so many things
Just what more could you want/ask of me?

It’s not over, I will win through
And as long as you are still alive, my goblins will find you
Just let me rule over you
Just let me tell you what to do ‘cause I’ll win through
I will win through,

Oh

Let’s go again, just one more chance
Come back to me now
So that we can finish our dance
You know you’ve exhausted my generosity
I did so many things
Just what more could you want/ask of me?

It’s not over, I will win through
And as long as you are still alive, my goblins will find you
Just let me rule over you
Just let me tell you what to do ‘cause I’ll win through
I will win through,

I will win through 

From The Mind of Merc - Disney Romance

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about Brexit. But I figured that's too depressing so instead I decided to think about romance in Disney films.

Yes – I’m back on my Disney bandwagon. I’ve tried many ways to think how to convey this message. I was originally going to focus on the bad influences, lessons and/or ideas that are promoted through Disney movies but a) this has been done numerous times and b) it is a ridiculous wide and vague area so instead I thought I’d focus on why Disney give us a skewed idea of romance.

My main theory also links in to my previous observation about the obsession of society (and particularly the women in society) on weddings. For some, it seems to be the be-all and end-all and I think Disney is largely to blame. For starters, the aim of the main character in a lot of the films is to get married. Consequently, most Disney films end with a fairytale wedding. I’ll re-emphasise that – they END with a fairytale wedding. They show an over-fantasised version of a fictional courtship and then end with the main ambition - the wedding. The problems with this are manifold:

-          a wedding is not an end – it is a beginning – it is just the start of what is meant to be a lifetime relationship

-          in many cases the characters barely know or have even spoken to each other – if communication is the key to a successful relationship, how can they be in or have a successful relationship?
the focus on a wedding being the only thing to aim for creates an over-inflated view of this ceremony augmenting its desirability out of proportion. Marriage is supposed to be a sign of the deep and abiding love shared between two people not the consumerist fantasy of brainwashed individuals

Consequently, I believe that some women – on discovering their fairytale wedding is anything but are quickly disillusioned with their ‘one true love’ which ultimately leads to divorce – caused by the skewed view of romance imparted by their idealised Disney films.

This is not helped by the other implied pearl of wisdom from Disney – namely that love solves all your other problems – it doesn’t. Just as believing in dreams doesn’t make them come true and wishing on stars doesn’t mean your wish will be granted. By all means follow your dreams, have wishes, hopes and aspirations but following relying on love to solve everything is more likely to highlight certain problems and cause others.

In addition to this there is the secondary issue of the implied requisites that are conveyed in all Disney films which must followed in order for the heroine to achieve her dream – i.e. a wedding.

1)      the heroine must always aim for a prince

2)      said prince must be domineering and is always perfect

3)      the heroine must have a waist thinner than her head in order to be viewed as desirable

4)      the heroine must be under 30 or preferably under 20 otherwise she will be forever unloved

5)      the heroine must ignore any negative or dubious qualities in her prince (including domestic violence, sexual assault in your sleep and deception)

6)      if necessary, the heroine must change everything about herself in order to get a man

7)      the heroine is passive and should wait to be rescued

This subsequently implies women should accept being mistreated, viewed as objects, shamed for not being size zero, feel old when they are no longer 21 – none of these are true.

When it comes to the only part of the relationship that is shown in Disney movies – the courtship – there are also unrealistic expectations portrayed of this as well. I’m not talking about the oft-repeated fantasy of finding eternal love from whirlwind romances but more the impractical characteristics that appear such as:

-          eating spaghetti together off the same plate

-          kissing someone in their sleep (this is not romantic it is creepy and borderline assault)

-          obsession being a desirable quality in the heroine

-          that the first kiss is EVERYTHING

All of the above are viewed as romantic, sweet and desirable aspects of a relationship. This is as wrong as using Police’s song Every Breath You Take (which is about stalking) or James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful (which is about an ogling drug addict) as a song at the longed-for wedding.

Relationships are not meant to be repetitive. They are meant to be individual to the people involved in them. They are meant to show how those people feel about each other. They are not meant to be conglomerate-dictated, stereotypically clichéd or contain unrealistic expectations.

So by all means, watch the Disney films – just don’t use them as a basis for any relationship. Pay homage to them if you wish but just because a guy doesn’t push a meatball across the plate towards you with his nose does not mean he can’t be the right guy for you. If the guy does not hold weddings in the same high esteem that you do then it’s true the relationship may not work out – but then that may not be down to him.

Let Them Know - !!!NEW!!!

I was inspired by this picture to pen this parody in response to the recent terror attack in London.

Let It Go Let Them Know not from Frozen

The lights glow bright on the river tonight

Not a hater to be seen

A kingdom that is united

This shows just what that means

The press is howling claiming death and pain and war

Won’t let terror win, we don’t want that gore

We’ll let them know, we’ll them let see

Just what being a Londoner does mean

Stand tall, don’t fall down to the foe      

Our strength will grow

Let them know, let them know
It is pointless trying more
Let them know, let them know
Our spirits will always soar
We’re not scared
We just go on our way       
‘Cause the world goes on.
We will prove to them we will win the day

It's funny how such hatred
Makes everyone unite
Won’t let fear ever control us
Not gonna lose this fight

It's time to show what we can do
To stand together and win through
No fear, no doubt, know right from wrong
We’re strong!

Let them know, let them know
Doesn’t matter how hard they try
Let them know, let them know
Though grief might make us cry
We will win
‘Cause come what may
The world still goes on

The story travels through Facebook and on Twitter
Our strength will be remembered for all time and forever
They thought that they could ever make us run in fear
We’ll prove that they were wrong, ‘cause we won’t move from here

Let them know, let them know
We will not give in to their hate  
Let them know, let them know
Surrender’s not our fate
We will win
Whatever they say
‘Cause the world goes on

We will prove to them we will win the day

President - !!!NEW!!!

I've written a new parody song about Donald Trump using Avril Lavigne's song ‘Girlfriend’ (surprisingly I didn’t have to change many of the lyrics).
I would just like to say how glad I am to live in a land which allows Freedom of Speech.

Girlfriend President not by Avril Lavigne

Hey! U! S! A!

I don’t like your President!

No way! No way!

I think you need a new one

Hey! U! S! A!

You need a new President

Hey! U! S! A!

I know you don’t like him

No way! No way!

I know it's not a secret

Hey! U! S! A!

You need a new President

Crossed the line

Out of his mind

He’s so ludicrous

You hear about him all the time

So ridiculous

Don’t you know what you can do to make it all alright (alright, alright, alright)?

Don’t pretend you don’t know he thinks he’s precious

You don’t need

Such a motherfucking princess

I can tell you hate him too and you know I’m right

He’s like so not clever

You could do so much better

I think we should get rid of him now

And that’s what everyone’s talking about!

Hey! U! S! A!

I don’t like your President!

No way! No way!

I think you need a new one

Hey! U! S! A!

You need a new President

Hey! U! S! A!

I know you don’t like him

No way! No way!

I know it's not a secret

Hey! U! S! A!

You need a new President

I can see the way, I see the way you look at him

Specially when he tweets away know you just don’t want him

Hear how they talk about him all the time again and again (again, again, again)

So come over here, (I’ll) tell you what you want to hear

How to make your President disappear

You won’t have to hear his name said not ever again (not again, not again, not again!)

He’s like so not clever

You could do so much better

I think we should get rid of him now

And that’s what everyone’s talking about!

Hey! U! S! A!

I don’t like your President!

No way! No way!

I think you need a new one

Hey! U! S! A!

You need a new President

Hey! U! S! A!

I know you don’t like him

No way! No way!

I know it's not a secret

Hey! U! S! A!

You need a new President

In a second you’ll be heading straight for world war

'Cause he don’t know what that red button’s for

Need another

So when's it gonna sink in?

He’s so stupid

What the hell were you thinking?!

In a second you’ll be heading straight for world war

'Cause he don’t know what that red button’s for

Need another

So when's it gonna sink in?

He’s so stupid

What the hell were you thinking?!

Hey! U! S! A!

I don’t like your President!

No way! No way!

I think you need a new one

Hey! U! S! A!

You need a new President

Hey! U! S! A!

I know you don’t like him

No way! No way!

I know it's not a secret

Hey! U! S! A!

You need a new President

Today! Today!

Hey! U! S! A!
I don’t like your President!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! U! S! A!
You need a new President
Hey! U! S! A!
I know you don’t like him
No way! No way!
I know it's not a secret
Hey! U! S! A!
You need a new President
Today! Today!

Hey! Hey!