From The Mind of Merc - Disney Romance

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about Brexit. But I figured that's too depressing so instead I decided to think about romance in Disney films.

Yes – I’m back on my Disney bandwagon. I’ve tried many ways to think how to convey this message. I was originally going to focus on the bad influences, lessons and/or ideas that are promoted through Disney movies but a) this has been done numerous times and b) it is a ridiculous wide and vague area so instead I thought I’d focus on why Disney give us a skewed idea of romance.

My main theory also links in to my previous observation about the obsession of society (and particularly the women in society) on weddings. For some, it seems to be the be-all and end-all and I think Disney is largely to blame. For starters, the aim of the main character in a lot of the films is to get married. Consequently, most Disney films end with a fairytale wedding. I’ll re-emphasise that – they END with a fairytale wedding. They show an over-fantasised version of a fictional courtship and then end with the main ambition - the wedding. The problems with this are manifold:

-          a wedding is not an end – it is a beginning – it is just the start of what is meant to be a lifetime relationship

-          in many cases the characters barely know or have even spoken to each other – if communication is the key to a successful relationship, how can they be in or have a successful relationship?
the focus on a wedding being the only thing to aim for creates an over-inflated view of this ceremony augmenting its desirability out of proportion. Marriage is supposed to be a sign of the deep and abiding love shared between two people not the consumerist fantasy of brainwashed individuals

Consequently, I believe that some women – on discovering their fairytale wedding is anything but are quickly disillusioned with their ‘one true love’ which ultimately leads to divorce – caused by the skewed view of romance imparted by their idealised Disney films.

This is not helped by the other implied pearl of wisdom from Disney – namely that love solves all your other problems – it doesn’t. Just as believing in dreams doesn’t make them come true and wishing on stars doesn’t mean your wish will be granted. By all means follow your dreams, have wishes, hopes and aspirations but following relying on love to solve everything is more likely to highlight certain problems and cause others.

In addition to this there is the secondary issue of the implied requisites that are conveyed in all Disney films which must followed in order for the heroine to achieve her dream – i.e. a wedding.

1)      the heroine must always aim for a prince

2)      said prince must be domineering and is always perfect

3)      the heroine must have a waist thinner than her head in order to be viewed as desirable

4)      the heroine must be under 30 or preferably under 20 otherwise she will be forever unloved

5)      the heroine must ignore any negative or dubious qualities in her prince (including domestic violence, sexual assault in your sleep and deception)

6)      if necessary, the heroine must change everything about herself in order to get a man

7)      the heroine is passive and should wait to be rescued

This subsequently implies women should accept being mistreated, viewed as objects, shamed for not being size zero, feel old when they are no longer 21 – none of these are true.

When it comes to the only part of the relationship that is shown in Disney movies – the courtship – there are also unrealistic expectations portrayed of this as well. I’m not talking about the oft-repeated fantasy of finding eternal love from whirlwind romances but more the impractical characteristics that appear such as:

-          eating spaghetti together off the same plate

-          kissing someone in their sleep (this is not romantic it is creepy and borderline assault)

-          obsession being a desirable quality in the heroine

-          that the first kiss is EVERYTHING

All of the above are viewed as romantic, sweet and desirable aspects of a relationship. This is as wrong as using Police’s song Every Breath You Take (which is about stalking) or James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful (which is about an ogling drug addict) as a song at the longed-for wedding.

Relationships are not meant to be repetitive. They are meant to be individual to the people involved in them. They are meant to show how those people feel about each other. They are not meant to be conglomerate-dictated, stereotypically clichéd or contain unrealistic expectations.

So by all means, watch the Disney films – just don’t use them as a basis for any relationship. Pay homage to them if you wish but just because a guy doesn’t push a meatball across the plate towards you with his nose does not mean he can’t be the right guy for you. If the guy does not hold weddings in the same high esteem that you do then it’s true the relationship may not work out – but then that may not be down to him.