Sunday 31 May 2015

From The Mind of Merc - Chicken and Egg


Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about what is generally viewed as the unsolvable issue of the Chicken and Egg.

It seems to many an inescapable riddle as to which came first – was it the chicken or was it the egg?
Personally, I don’t consider this particularly difficult to work out. The answer is the chicken. Problem solved.

If you’re wondering how or why I came to this conclusion then basically, it’s because you would need a chicken to produce an egg (to produce a chicken to produce an egg – ad nauseum).

While it is could be said that you need an egg to get a chicken, without a chicken the egg will not hatch – ergo an egg on its own would be useless/pointless – the chicken would need to be first.

Whether you prefer the creationist view or evolutionist view the same would hold true as in the creationist theory a chicken would have been created along with all the other animals and in an evolutionist view a chicken would have evolved along with all the other animals – i.e. regardless of whether it is a live-young-birthing mammal or an egg-laying bird it would have developed from another organism.

Of course, if I have overlooked a crucial detail in my solution I would be happy to be enlightened.

Thursday 28 May 2015

Hot Stuff - !!!NEW!!!

A (very) slight twist on the Donna Summer classic - which changes the meaning entirely. One for the curry lovers.
 
Hot Stuff not by Donna Summer
Sitting here eating my nails and waiting
Waiting for the rest’rant to call
Ordered about a thousand portions and they
Said that they’d be no time at all

Waiting for some hot stuff baby this evening
I need some hot stuff baby tonight
I want some hot stuff baby this evening
Got to have some hot stuff
Got to have some food tonight
I need hot stuff
I want some hot stuff
I need some hot stuff

Waiting for a chance to placate my hunger
Don't want to have to wait any more
Want to get stuck into a warm spicy platter
Want to bring my take’way back home

Got to have some hot stuff baby this evening
I need some hot stuff baby tonight
I want some hot stuff baby this evening
Got to do some scoffing
Got to have food tonight
I need hot stuff
Hot stuff
Waiting for hot stuff

[Instrumental Interlude]

How's about some hot stuff baby this evening
I need some hot stuff baby tonight
Waiting for my hot stuff baby this evening
I need some hot stuff baby tonight, yeah-yeah
I want some hot stuff this evening
I want some hot stuff baby tonight

Thursday 21 May 2015

Anne Boleympics - Mercorabilia


Today I’ve been playing around with a sketch which I guess owes some inspiration to the Horrible Histories series. Please excuse the terrible pun at the beginning:

Commentator 1: And you join us here today for the final leg of the Anne Boleympics. Up first is the hurdles. She’s under father’s orders. And she’s off. She making good progress so far as she approaches the first hurdle. She’s past Cardinal Wolsey, she’s past Catherine of Aragon, she’s broken through Rome! And she’s on the throne stretch...
Commentator 1: Let’s move across now to the wrestling which is a two person event with her training partner, Henry, and...oh! I’m sorry – it’s appears that event is censored.
Commentator 1: Anyway we’re onto the final event now. The child bearing. A particularly difficult task this one. She’s been working on it for 9 months and let’s go over to Ted now in the confinement chamber and see what she can do. Ted.
Commentator 2: Thank you, Bill. Well, she’s been in the confinement chamber now for quite some time and the crowd are all waiting with baited breath to see how this turns out. I think, yes, I’m being told there are signs that she’s nearing the end of this event. Here it comes... She needs a son to win gold and... oh! And it’s a girl. That’s disappointing. Well better luck next time, Anne. Back to you, Bill.
Commentator 1: Thanks, Ted. And a quick word now with her training partner – Henry. Henry – all that work and only a son to show for it. I’ve no doubt you’re disappointed.
Henry: Of course I am! I had high hopes for that girl and she goes at lets me down just at the crucial moment.
Commentator 1: Well, there’s always another year and who knows maybe next time she’ll make the cut.
Henry: Let’s hope for her sake she doesn’t.

Sunday 17 May 2015

Bring Me Sunshine sketch - Mercorabilia


Sorry for not putting up any posts so far this month but new job took up more of my time than I’d anticipated. Anyway to celebrate (in a way) the bout of fine weather we seem to be going through I came up with this – an imagining of a possible conversation in the sky on a slightly overcast day.

Sun: Excuse me. Excuse me – could I just get through here?
Cloud 1: Do you mind? Wait your turn.
Sun: But it’s the daytime! People need to see the sun in the daytime.
Cloud 2: Oi! Stop pushing! We were here first!
Sun: (getting annoyed) What does that matter? Nobody wants you!”
Cloud 2: <sniffs> Well there’s no need to be like that, is there? <whimpering> After all, I wasn’t doing no harm <sobbing>
Cloud 1: Now you’ve made him cry.
Cloud 2: <sobbing gradually fades>
Sun: He’s evaporated!
Cloud 1: That always happens. Don’t worry – he’ll be back.
Sun: Well, while we wait I think I’ll just slot myself in here. Hey!
Cloud 3: Watch it!
Sun: Excuse me - I was here.
Cloud 3: Yeah – you was.
Sun:  Well, honestly! Now what am I supposed to do?
Cloud 1: I told you - wait your turn.
Sun: How long for?
Cloud 1: I dunno. Weather forecast said it’d be brighter tomorrow. Why don’t you try again then?
Sun: Alright – I will!