Queen - Horrific Histories

Today is the one year anniversary of my starting this blog and, as I began with one of my Horrible History parodies, I thought I'd pen another one for the occasion.

B*tch Queen not by Meredith Brooks

Was born to rule Scotland
Just a week old when
My rule it was begun
Sent off to France
Because my mother wanted me
To marry the young Dauphin
I did so at sixteen


Soon though Francis died
No one was int’rested in
The former bride
Came back home to Scotland after my mum died
Next what did I do

I chose to marry my cousin and
Then I had a son

[Chorus:]
I'm a queen, like no other
Had a child, now a mother
But my husband, was no saint

Rebelled against restraint
Been through hell, can’t you see
I'm nothing if not queen
You know I wouldn't have it any other way

My husband died to plan

This now meant
I had to find another man
Picked Lord Bothwell
Cause he abducted and raped me
And the proper thing to do
To preserve my honour
I had to marry him too

[Chorus]
I'm a queen, like no other
Lost a child, then another
Faced an army, got locked up

Wouldn’t give Bothwell up
Been through hell, can’t you see
I'm nothing if not queen
You know I wouldn't have it any other way

The lords agreed, I had failed as ruler
They forced me then to abdicate
I chose to flee, to England not France
Queen Liz will help me

[Chorus]
I'm a queen, like no other
Now my child, lost his mother
Liz wouldn’t aid my plight

Gave me no chance to fight
Been through hell, can’t you see
I'm nothing if not queen
You know I wouldn't have it any other way

I'm a queen, through resigned
I've quite often been maligned
When in gaol, did discover
It was all down to my brother
Been on trial, sent to death
Soon taking my last breath
But then I couldn’t live it any other way