King John's Laundry sketch - Mercorabilia

Today's entry is the third and (for the time being at least) last of my King John sketches. It's a parody of the infamous incident that occurred at the end of his reign when he was attempting to cross a certain estuary between Norfolk and Lincolnshire.

John: I’d like to make a complaint

Manager: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. What’s happened?

John: I appear to have lost some valuables in the wash.

Manager: Oh dear. I’m sorry about that, sir. What valuables were these?

John: The crown jewels.

Manager: (after a pause) Sorry, sir?

John: The crown jewels. You see I was on my way from Bishop’s Lynn to Spalding and I thought I’d stop off en route and give the jewels a bit of good scrub – the crown was looking a bit dilapidated and the orb appeared to have a few nasty marks on it – and what with the price of cleaners these days I thought I’ll save time and bung em in the wash. Only now I appear to have lost them all.

Manager: I see. Well I’m afraid, sir, that I can’t help you.

John: What? What do you mean you can’t help? Do you know who I am?

Manager: Yes, sir. But I’m afraid the rules apply to all patrons.

John: What rules?

Manager: Over there, sir. Above the detergent dispenser. The management accepts no responsibility for any consequential, special, indirect, incidental, or punitive loss or damages. All items placed in the wash are done so at the owner’s own risk.

John: Oh.

Manager: Sorry but what can you do? Politics.

John: Tell me about it.