Bridgerton Advent Calendar - 12

 Door number 12:

No This Ain't Love - !!!NEW!!!

Song number 2 - a brief but famous Disney classic with a twist from a different Disney angle - namely Elsa's from Frozen

So This Is Love No This Ain’t Love not from Cinderella

No, this ain’t love, mmm
No, this ain’t love
No, this is what most would call lust
It’s clear to show, mmm
Why don’t you know (why don’t I know)
The key to true love is just time

See here’s the thing, mmm
You have just met
To know each other you must get
While this is enchanting
I must give you a shove
Mmm, mmm
No, this ain’t love

Disney Life Hacks #11 – Cinderella

 Continuing my Disney Life Hacks series today - those little tricks the Disney stars use to achieve the unlikely, unbelievable and impossible.

Today, Cinderella shares her top tip:

Shakespeare Rap Battle - Benedick vs Beatrice

This is inspired by the Princess Rap Battles created by Whitney Avalon (if you haven't seen them, check them out - they are brilliant. The inspiration for this one can be found here).
This is my first rap parody. Next step to get it made as a music video (maybe I should ask Whitney for some advice).

Princess Rap Battle – Cinderella vs Belle Shakespeare Rap Battle - Benedick vs Beatrice

BENEDICK
Another dried-up lonely has-been come to decry her woes
No need to be morose that is just how love goes
I'm the legendary soldier of lots of battles
The women all adore me and flock to me like cattle (ha!)
Around me they hang while I just do my thang
Yes – all the ladies wanna be in my gang
I deserve a stipend for saving all my friends
From the clutches of women, all say amen
I have the best mentality, all you have’s abnormality
The name of your life story: The Pathetic Triviality
Of course you're bitter, I'm the best guy around
Got no baggage, avoid marriage, something you’ve never found

BEATRICE
Whatever! Dick! Don’t be mean? Feeble!
I'm the only one here with respect of the people
While I'm living my life you're sleeping with hoes
Don’t be misled ‘cause to your bed is not where I’ll go
Dicky’s dreaming he's so special, well, somebody should wake him
‘Cause round here everybody thinks he’s just a stupid cretin
Fear the super witty woman – no, I'm not giving in
To your sad attempts at humour – that would be a sin
Your misguided self image is stuck in the past
So adored, for your sword?  There’s no way that will last
You're shallow and obsessed with looks and how we're dressed
Do you think any girls care? (Ha!) More like distressed

BENEDICK
Oh, I'm the one who's boring? You know I find that so funny
My wits could beat you senseless - the truth hurts now don’t it, honey
Your jibes have no power, you're just a weak flower
Stay where you belong: in your iv’ry tower
I'm every women’s dream with a killer repartee
Just go and ask your friends oops forgot there’s none to see
When you first met me it was love at first sight
Couldn’t keep your hands off - you were mine before midnight

BEATRICE
Such a brief encounter that you think was a romance?
Sure wasn’t in love with your ‘manly’ stance
My dream guy wouldn’t e’er be so shallow
My very high standards are what you fall far below
You used to be young now you’re just old and past it
Make girls think you’ll go the night but there’s no way you’ll last it
You say you’re anti-romance, but we both know that’s not true
And out of the two of us the slowest one is you

BENEDICK
Oh, you think that's true? That’s so sad it makes me feel blue
If you believe you’re better a reality check is due
You got hung up on me - aw, that is just so sad
You should have known I'm not a one-woman lad

BEATRICE
You think you’re adored but you are really deplored
Everyone thinks the same because you just make them bored
The moral of our quarrel and why you should now rest
Men might think they’re powerful but women are the best

Once Upon A Time Advent Calendar - 20

Door number 20:

She Had It Coming - !!!NEW!!!

A popular twist these days seems to be to take a traditional fairy tale and look at it from the villain's point of view - i.e. Maleficent, etc. So I thought I'd do the same using a song from a popular musical. 

(Animation) Cell Block Tango or She Had It Coming - not from Chicago 
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
All: She had it coming
She had it coming
She only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd been through it
Queen: I betcha you would have done the same!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula (Spoke):  You know how people have these prejudices that make no sense.
Like Triton. Triton was anti-women.
No, not women. Me.
So I’m banished to a cave just for wanting to help him rule, and I'm looking for a way of get back at him
And there's Ariel swimming into my home, asking for help to get Eric.
Yes, not Triton. But me.
So, I said to her, I said, "Of course dear just sign on this line..."
And she did.
So I took brought my cauldron up to boil and gave her the legs she wanted...
...and took her voice.
All: She had it coming
She had it coming
She only had herself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd been through it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Tremaine (Spoke):    I knew Cinderella was a flighty girl from the day I’d met her
And when her dad died I made sure that she was kept busy all the day
And that’s when we got the invitation
We went to the ball, she stayed home, to fix up her dress, like a good girl.
And then I found out,
"Stay at home" she told me “Why would do that? “
Not only had she gone out
Oh, no, she’d won the prince.
Fairy godmothers, you know.
So that day, when the Duke came round to visit,
I made sure she wouldn’t interfere
You know, some girls just can't keep their noses out.
All: She had it coming
She had it coming
It’s the same story time after time
Cause they ignored us
Simply abhorred us
It wasn’t murder no more a crime!
All: Sign, stay, sleep, uh-uh Snow White, so soft
Maleficent (Spoke): Now, I'm sitting on the grand throne
Alone in my grand and darkened tower,
Minding my own business,
In come my guardsman and he’s got news to tell.
"The king’s holding a christening," he says.
How exciting
But then he went on, "but you’ve not been invited."
So then I cast a little spell.
I cast a little spell to make them pay.."
All: If you'd have been there
If you'd been through it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Elsa (Spoke): It’s just not fair, is it? I’ve had these powers ever since the very day I was born
It’s not like I wanted them.
My parents told me - hide them far away. So I did
Now Hans says I tried to murder Anna.
My sister
I tried to explain it wasn’t true but nobody believed me...
Maleficent (Spoke):    Yeah, but did you do it?
Elsa: Uh Uh, not guilty!
Queen: I knew when I married the king he was a double act
‘Cause his daughter, Snow White, always hung around with us.
Now, my most prized possession of all, was my mirror and it’s to this I would ask
Mirror, mirror on the wall – who’s the fairest of us all?
Well, this one day I got up from my bed,
I’d had a good sleep it was a sunny day outside
And I went to my mirror to ask it the question.
What came back, I couldn’t believe
‘Cause there was an image of a young girl
But surprisingly it’s not me
It was Snow White.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely freaked out over such a little thing.
It wasn't until later, when I was standing with her heart in my hands
I even thought she was dead.
She had it coming
She had it coming
She had it coming all along
I didn't do it
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
Queen: She had it coming
All: She had it coming
Queen: She had it coming
All: She had it coming
Queen: She had it coming
All: It’s the same story
Queen: All along
All: Time after time
Queen: I didn't do it
All: Cause they ignored us
Queen: But if I'd done it
All: Simply abhorred us
Queen: How could you tell me
All: It wasn’t murder
Queen: That I was wrong?
All: No more a crime!
Cruella: I loved clothes and fashion more than I can possibly say.
They made me feel reassured...
comfortable... and secure.
So I was always trying to find the best.
I thought I’d found the answer in a new coat but that involved
Collecting dogs – Dalmatians – little puppies - for their coats.
I guess you can say things went wrong because of a difference of opinion.
Some thought they were better alive
And I thought better dead.
All: Of all the luck, luck, luck, luck, luck
What rotten luck, luck, luck, luck, luck
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She had it comin'
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: She had it comin'
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She had it comin'
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: She had it comin'
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She had it comin'
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: She had it comin'
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: All along
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: All along
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: 'Cause they ignored us
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: 'Cause they ignored us
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: Simply abhorred us
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: Simply abhorred us
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: And yet it’s us who
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: And yet it’s us who
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: Are in the wrong?
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: Are in the wrong?
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She had it coming
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: She had it coming
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She only had herself to blame.
All: If you'd have been there
If you'd been through it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Ursula (Spoke): Just sign on that dotted line!
Tremaine (Spoke): Stay home? Yeah right.
Maleficent (Spoke): Left out!
Elsa (Spoke):  I never wanted these powers.
Queen (Spoke): Not the fairest one – now it’s Snow White.
Cruella (Spoke): Opinion differences.
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!

From The Mind of Merc - Disney Part 2: Observations

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the plot holes in Disney films. 

This one’s slightly different and it highlights the lack of common sense found in most Disney princesses.

For example:

Princess & the Frog: Why couldn’t Tiana, with all her street smarts, think to say “How about we sign this paperwork for the mill now so it’s legally binding and you can’t sell it out from under me?”

Tangled: Why didn’t either of Rapunzel’s parents or the guards think to say “Hey Maximus, this is Rapunzel’s baby blanket. Got the scent? Fetch!

Pocahontas: Did it slip John Smith’s mind to say “Oh yeah – actually, guys, there’s no gold here.” (Jake Sully take note)

Hunchback of Notre Dame: Had the Archdeacon of Notre Dame taken a vow of silence? “Quasi – your mum was a gypsy and Frollo killed her. He’s the one who’s ashamed of you.”

Enchanted: If Pip could speak before he entered the real world – which is presumably how he communicated to the Prince what had happened to Giselle – why didn’t he add “Btw, your stepmother did it. And I think Nathaniel’s working for her too.”

Sleeping Beauty: How about Aurora’s parents telling her “Hey Aurora, do us a favour and don’t touch any spindles. Because if you do you will die.”

Frozen: Why couldn’t Elsa’s parents think to say “Elsa, your powers are super cool – literally. Never be afraid of them and never hide who you are because that will end badly”

Brave: Or maybe Merida’s mum could have said “Enough with this training stuff – I know you know it – how about some mother-daughter bonding time.” Or “You know what? Even though I’m just the queen I’m pretty powerful in my own right. Why shouldn’t a woman who’s the first born of her clan be the equal of the first born men?”

Lion King: Why couldn’t Simba have thought to tell the others that Scar killed Mufasa.

Cinderella: Why didn’t she think to tell the prince more about her and maybe suggest use something else to find her than her shoe size.

Little Mermaid: Exactly what was it that stopped Ariel WRITING DOWN her name and that she saved Eric? After all, she signed the contract with Ursula so she must be able to write.

Snow White: Why didn’t she think to use all those gems mined by the dwarves to either bribe the queen’s guards and/or buy the queen’s castle

The last four come from the inspiration for this entry - a post I found on Tumblr: http://ethulinda.tumblr.com/post/122501747445/nintendofiend-adventuretimewithlewis

From The Mind of Merc – Disney Part 1: Lessons

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the bad lessons Disney teaches girls.

I will just clarify that I am a HUGE Disney fan – what little girl doesn’t want to be a Disney princess – but it cannot be denied that Disney does send some terrible messages to children.
(And I’m not talking about the letters ‘SFX’ appearing displaced by Simba when he collapses on the cliff edge or the priest’s *ahem* knee in Little Mermaid)

For example, here are 12 bad lesson Disney teaches girls:

Lesson no. 1: Makeovers fix everything (Cinderella)

Lesson no. 2: Change who you are to be with a man (Little Mermaid)

Lesson no. 3: It’s ok to be with a man who molests you while you sleep (Sleeping Beauty, Snow White)

Lesson no. 4: Stay with a man who mistreats you (Beauty and the Beast)

Lesson no. 5: Wait to be rescued (Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Aladdin, Tangled)

Lesson no. 6: Liars can be trusted (Aladdin, Tangled)

Lesson no. 7: Let someone else make all your decisions for you (Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty)

Lesson no. 8: Ignore your parents’ advice (Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Pocahontas, Tangled)

Lesson no. 9: Magic is the only way to get what you want – hard work counts for nought (Cinderella, Aladdin, Little Mermaid, Princess & the Frog)

Lesson no. 10: Marrying someone you just met is a great idea (Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Little Mermaid, etc....)

Lesson no. 11: You have to be stunningly beautiful and/or a princess to be happy – this includes having a waist thinner than your head)

Lesson no. 12: Keep holding out for your prince – even if it means kissing a lot of frogs (how many Disney men aren’t princes?)

Additional note: he must be handsome and rich