Shakespeare Rap Battle - Benedick vs Beatrice

This is inspired by the Princess Rap Battles created by Whitney Avalon (if you haven't seen them, check them out - they are brilliant. The inspiration for this one can be found here).
This is my first rap parody. Next step to get it made as a music video (maybe I should ask Whitney for some advice).

Princess Rap Battle – Cinderella vs Belle Shakespeare Rap Battle - Benedick vs Beatrice

BENEDICK
Another dried-up lonely has-been come to decry her woes
No need to be morose that is just how love goes
I'm the legendary soldier of lots of battles
The women all adore me and flock to me like cattle (ha!)
Around me they hang while I just do my thang
Yes – all the ladies wanna be in my gang
I deserve a stipend for saving all my friends
From the clutches of women, all say amen
I have the best mentality, all you have’s abnormality
The name of your life story: The Pathetic Triviality
Of course you're bitter, I'm the best guy around
Got no baggage, avoid marriage, something you’ve never found

BEATRICE
Whatever! Dick! Don’t be mean? Feeble!
I'm the only one here with respect of the people
While I'm living my life you're sleeping with hoes
Don’t be misled ‘cause to your bed is not where I’ll go
Dicky’s dreaming he's so special, well, somebody should wake him
‘Cause round here everybody thinks he’s just a stupid cretin
Fear the super witty woman – no, I'm not giving in
To your sad attempts at humour – that would be a sin
Your misguided self image is stuck in the past
So adored, for your sword?  There’s no way that will last
You're shallow and obsessed with looks and how we're dressed
Do you think any girls care? (Ha!) More like distressed

BENEDICK
Oh, I'm the one who's boring? You know I find that so funny
My wits could beat you senseless - the truth hurts now don’t it, honey
Your jibes have no power, you're just a weak flower
Stay where you belong: in your iv’ry tower
I'm every women’s dream with a killer repartee
Just go and ask your friends oops forgot there’s none to see
When you first met me it was love at first sight
Couldn’t keep your hands off - you were mine before midnight

BEATRICE
Such a brief encounter that you think was a romance?
Sure wasn’t in love with your ‘manly’ stance
My dream guy wouldn’t e’er be so shallow
My very high standards are what you fall far below
You used to be young now you’re just old and past it
Make girls think you’ll go the night but there’s no way you’ll last it
You say you’re anti-romance, but we both know that’s not true
And out of the two of us the slowest one is you

BENEDICK
Oh, you think that's true? That’s so sad it makes me feel blue
If you believe you’re better a reality check is due
You got hung up on me - aw, that is just so sad
You should have known I'm not a one-woman lad

BEATRICE
You think you’re adored but you are really deplored
Everyone thinks the same because you just make them bored
The moral of our quarrel and why you should now rest
Men might think they’re powerful but women are the best

From The Mind of Merc – Disney Part 1: Lessons

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the bad lessons Disney teaches girls.

I will just clarify that I am a HUGE Disney fan – what little girl doesn’t want to be a Disney princess – but it cannot be denied that Disney does send some terrible messages to children.
(And I’m not talking about the letters ‘SFX’ appearing displaced by Simba when he collapses on the cliff edge or the priest’s *ahem* knee in Little Mermaid)

For example, here are 12 bad lesson Disney teaches girls:

Lesson no. 1: Makeovers fix everything (Cinderella)

Lesson no. 2: Change who you are to be with a man (Little Mermaid)

Lesson no. 3: It’s ok to be with a man who molests you while you sleep (Sleeping Beauty, Snow White)

Lesson no. 4: Stay with a man who mistreats you (Beauty and the Beast)

Lesson no. 5: Wait to be rescued (Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Aladdin, Tangled)

Lesson no. 6: Liars can be trusted (Aladdin, Tangled)

Lesson no. 7: Let someone else make all your decisions for you (Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty)

Lesson no. 8: Ignore your parents’ advice (Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Pocahontas, Tangled)

Lesson no. 9: Magic is the only way to get what you want – hard work counts for nought (Cinderella, Aladdin, Little Mermaid, Princess & the Frog)

Lesson no. 10: Marrying someone you just met is a great idea (Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Little Mermaid, etc....)

Lesson no. 11: You have to be stunningly beautiful and/or a princess to be happy – this includes having a waist thinner than your head)

Lesson no. 12: Keep holding out for your prince – even if it means kissing a lot of frogs (how many Disney men aren’t princes?)

Additional note: he must be handsome and rich

From The Mind of Merc - Disney

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about Disney and the ridiculous ideals they have of women's figures.

I know this has been done before but this is my attempt to 'improve' the waistline of Disney's princesses by expanding them ever so slightly.

You might not think there's much difference, or even question whether I changed them at all.
Now take a look at the original image:

Now compare the two and ask yourself - How is that a healthy image to communicate to children?

(You may also have noticed that Mulan's figure does not change between the images - this is simply to highlight my point)

Jean Gaston - !!!NEW!!!

This entry was inspired by a comment I saw on a post on tumblr in which a Disney song was combined with a noted French musical. I expanded on this premise to create the following,

Gaston Valjean not by Disney

Javert:

Don't get too confident will you, Valjean

No-one from their parole jumps
Never think you have won will you, Valjean
Even when you come up trumps
There's no man in town I will follow like you
I won't just let bygones go by
Won't be a more hunted fellow than you,
And I know you know exactly why
No one's slick as Valjean
No one's quick as Valjean
No one looks like the mayor half as much as Valjean
For there's no man in town half as speedy

Blink and then you'll find he's gone!
Although he comes to the aid of the needy
You'll find no-one can say from which town he is from

Javert and Chorus:

No one's said of Valjean
That he's dead not Valjean

Javert:

No one's light on his feet in the street like Valjean

Valjean:

As a fugitive, yes, I'm infuriating!

Javert and Chorus:

My what a con, that Valjean!

Ev'ryone's friend

Heard from their lips

Javert:

Valjean is the best
And Javert is the pits!

Chorus:

No one flees like Valjean
With such ease like Valjean

Javert:

In a pinch no-one escapes cities like Valjean

Cosette:

Oh there's no one I trust so completely

Valjean:

Promised Fantine of you I'd take care

Javert:

Now you've got to both hide so discreetly

Valjean:

That's right!
And where we have been you will find not one hair

Chorus:

No one flits like Valjean
Matches wits like Valjean

Javert:

When he's hunted then nobody quits like Valjean

Valjean:

I'm especially good at evaporating!
Kazaam!

Chorus:

We can't find Valjean!

Valjean:

When I was in jail I was famed for my strength
And it's helped me with my escape plans
But now that I'm free I can't hide it away
So I lifted a cart off a man!

Chorus:

Oh, ahhh, wow!

My what a con, that Vajean!
No one runs like Valjean
Hides with nuns like Valjean

Javert:

Then risks getting killed shooting guns like Valjean

Valjean:

I use sewers in all my evacuating!

Chorus:

My what a con,
Valjean!