Alternate Six Lyrics - Catherine of Aragon

I finally got round to seeing Six last month and, boy - is it fantastic! I was also deeply impressed with how historically accurate it is (I admittedly put off seeing it as I was sure it'd be like the TV series The Tudors or worse Reign). Having said that, there were a few tiny tweaks in the lyrics that I'd make just to tighten that accuracy up even further. So here's the first of them (with the altered lyrics highlighted in bold):

No Way not (entirely) from Six

[Catherine Of Aragon:]
(No no no no no no no way)
There's no way
You must agree that baby
In all the time I've been by your side
I've never lost control
No matter how many times you hurt my pride
Have my golden rule
Got to keep my cool           
Yeah, baby

[Ensemble:]
You know she's got to keep her cool

[Catherine Of Aragon:]
And even though you've had your fun
Running around with some pretty young thing
And even though you've had one son
With someone who don't own a wedding ring
No matter what I heard
I didn't say a word, no, baby

[Ensemble:]
You know she never said a word

[Catherine Of Aragon:]
I put up with your sh...
Like every single day
But now it's time to shh
And listen when I say

You must think that I'm crazy
You wanna replace me baby
There's no no no no no no no way
If you think for a moment
I'd grant you annulment, just hold up
There's no no no no no no no way

No way
No way
There's no no no no no no no way

No way
No way
There's no no no no no no no way

There's no way

So you read a bible verse that I'm cursed
'Cause I was your brothers wife
You say it's a pity 'cause quoting leviticus
I'll end up kiddy-less all my life
Well daddy have a care
‘Cause you’ve forgotten Mary. aw hi baby

[Ensemble:]
Daughters are so easy to forget

[Catherine Of Aragon:]
You're just so full of sh...
It’s not hard to perceive
I won't back down won't shh
And no I'll never leave

You must think that I'm crazy
You wanna replace me baby
There's no no no no no no no way
If you thought it'd be funny to
Send me to a nunnery, honey there's no way

No way
No way
There's no no no no no no no way

No way
No way
There's no no no no no no no way

There's no way
Hey

(Woo)
(Let's go)
(Woo)
(Here we go)

You've got me down on my knees
Please tell me what you think I've done wrong
Been humble, been loyal, I've tried
To swallow my pride all along
If you just say you’re sure
That you think when we wed I wasn’t pure, I'll go

No?

You've got nothing to say
I'm not going away
There's no way

You must think that I'm crazy
You wanna replace me baby
There's no no no no no no no way

You made me your wife
So I'll be queen to the end of my life
No no no no no no no way

No way
No way

No no no no nope no nope no nope no no

No way
No way

There's no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no way

There's no way

From The Mind of Merc - The Tudor Curse

 Then a Mind of Merc post in which today I was thinking about the mortality of the Tudor heirs and, more specifically, whether it could be said that a curse haunted the Tudor monarchs as this issue wasn’t just exclusive to Henry VIII and his desperate quest to produce a male heir to succeed him as it struck both before and after his reign.

 An example of potential victims of this curse are:

- Arthur Tudor (eldest son of Henry VII) – born 1486, died 1501 (aged 15)
- Edmund Tudor (youngest son of Henry VII) – born 1499, died 1500 (aged 1)
- Henry Tudor (eldest son of Henry VIII) – born 1511, died 1511 (aged 2 months)
- Henry Fitzroy (illegitimate son of Henry VIII) – born 1519, died 1536 (aged 17)
- Edward VI (son of Henry VIII & Jane Seymour) – born 1537, died 1553 (aged 15)

While the majority of these are generally believed to be due to tuberculosis, or even plague, I wonder if they could possibly be linked to (or even caused by) the similar(?) malady of sweating sickness.

This unpleasant little disease is in itself interesting as it only appears in history during the Tudor era but this was more than enough time to have done plenty of damage including reportedly killing off Henry VII’s eldest son and heir, Arthur. It is said to have come across to England with Henry VII when he came to combat Richard III at Bosworth and the subsequent theory is therefore slightly ironic in that seeking to overthrow the previous monarch, Henry VII sealed the fate of his own son (thus also changing to course of English history yet again by making his younger son, Henry, his sole heir and, in time, leading to the Break With Rome).

To further this theory (and admittedly this part takes a bit of a leap) the last recorded occurrence of the disease is reputed to have been in 1551 – later than either of the Henrys but still in time to kill off the only two male heirs of Henry VIII’s best friend and companion, Charles Brandon – perhaps the virus thought him guilty by association. 

What makes it even more interesting is the virus was even said to have a penchant for Englishmen as during the 1517 outbreak foreign visitors were reported to be less likely to succumb and during the 1528 it didn’t breach the Calais border into territorial France or even the northern border into Scotland.

As well as this, although by no means confined to royalty as it also did for other connected persons such as William Carey (husband of Mary Boleyn) and the wife and children of Thomas Cromwell it was said to target or perhaps favour the rich and powerful – surely an odd characteristic for a disease.

Could it be then that Henry VII brought this malady on his people himself? Both physically by bringing it across with his army and spiritually by inviting it through some unspeakable act that earned him this vengeful response with its first notable victim being Henry VII’s eldest son and heir and the last being the two sons of his successor’s best friend (as well as the sole heir of his loyal adviser)?

We may never know but it is still an intriguing theory.

I Just Can't Wait To Be Queen - !!!NEW!!!

Oops - running a bit behind with the blog posts - time to catch up. First with a new Tudor themed parody song. 

I Just Can't Wait To Be King Queen not from The Lion King

I was the child of a great king,
So that means I’m his heir!

That is unless he has a boy
Which means you won’t win there

But until then I am his pearl
The apple of his eye
The most precious thing in his life
It’s easy to see why

Might want to keep an eye on Anne Boleyn

Oh, just you wait I will be queen!

 

No way would dad do this

Well, now, you say that

Why is it that whore’s here?

But the thing is

He can’t end his marriage

What you don't realize

You would think that is clear

But she’s here!

Ev’ry one should do (as) I say

That might be what you think

One day I will have my way!

 

But times have changed and now you are
Downgraded to lady

The thought that my dad
Would turn his back is too crazy 

You underestimated that Anne Boleyn
Now she’s won
She is queen, she’s your dad’s new wife
It seems your day is done
You are lucky to still be on the scene             

Oh, just you wait I will be queen!

Watched my daddy move on
Because that Anne was not right
And now that Jane is queen
It will all be alright

(It’s) a boy!

She’s had the son on which your dad was keen (but)
            That doesn’t mean you’ll be poor like you’ve been
            There’s still a chance a royal place you’ll glean

Oh, just you wait I will be queen!
Oh, just you wait I will be queen!
Oh, just you wait I
Just wait I
Will be queen!

Who's Laughing Now - !!!NEW!!!

Continuing the Tudor theme with today's parody.

Who's Laughing Now not by Jessie J
Henry - he called me names
Didn’t want me to stay
Took one look and to his min’ster he did say

"Hey Cromwell, how’d we get into this state
That woman she don't look like her portrait"

Though had a wedding
And he gave me a ring
Nothing that I ever did seemed to please the king

"Hey Cromwell, this ain’t funny
She’s not worth her dowry money"

Oh, so I will not be queen now 
But that I will allow
Because it means I’ll
Be independent and how
So though I’ll lose my man
I’ll find a brand new plan
And I'm surviving, I'm surviving

He likes me not
Not a jot
Thanks a lot
Says I’m not hot
But who's laughing now?
Who's laughing now?
So we’ll be friends          
Make amends
Life extends

Til the end
So who's laughing now?
Who's laughing now?

Maybe not pretty
But I’m not a thickie
I’ll go along with what he now says he’s got planned for me

"Oh Anna, I don’t think we’ll make it
I want a divorce don’t care how you take it"

Because I then said ok
He now says I can stay
Gives me lands
Where I will see out all my days

"Oh Anna, though you’ll lose your mister
From now on you will be known as my sister"

Oh, so I’m no longer queen now              
But that I will allow
Because it means I
Am independent and how
So though I’ve lost my man
I found a brand new plan
And I'm surviving, I'm surviving

He likes me not
Not a jot
Thanks a lot
Says I’m not hot
But who's laughing now?
But who's laughing now?
So we’ll be friends          
Make amends
Til the end
Life extends
So who's laughing now?
So who's laughing now?

Anna
She escaped with her life
Now she’s wealthy
She won’t be no wife
She’s got loads of gold
And won’t be controlled
Uh-uh
Now that she is her own mistress
Never be in distress
Though Cromwell did take his final bow
Anna’s like: "Who's laughing now?"

Oh, so I’m no longer queen now              
But that I will allow
Because it means I
Am independent and how
So though I’ve lost my man
I found a brand new plan
And I'm surviving, I'm surviving

He likes me not
Not a jot
Thanks a lot
Says I’m not hot
But who's laughing now?
But who's laughing now?
So we’ll be friends          
Make amends
Til the end
Life extends
So who's laughing now?
So who's laughing now?

He likes me not
Not a jot
Thanks a lot
Says I’m not hot
But who's laughing now?
But who's laughing now?
So we’ll be friends          
Make amends
Til the end
Life extends
So who's laughing now?

Who's laughing, laughing now?

Who's laughing, laughing now?
Who's laughing, laughing now?
Who's laughing, laughing now?

Who's laughing, laughing now?
Who's laughing, laughing now?

Who's laughing, laughing now?

From The Mind of Merc - Shakespeare's Failings

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about Shakespeare. 

I am a huge fan of Shakespeare and his works - his play on words is a joy and when you get a decent production of one of his shows it is an evening very well spent. He's also renowned or reputed for having famously created several words and phrases that we still use today. 

I was therefore rather surprised to find that he did not come up with the stories for his plays. While this might obvious for his histories, even his classic romantic tragedy, Romeo & Juliet, was basically a rip-off of an earlier work. In fact, every single one of his plays is based on another earlier work. I have compiled a basic list of these (barring subplots for the majority) to demonstrate where the credit for his plots, at least, should perhaps be directed. 

Title	Source
All's Well That Ends Well	Based on the tale of Giletta di Narbona from Boccaccio's The Decameron.
Antony and Cleopatra	Based on Thomas North's 1579 English translation of Plutarch's Lives.
As You Like It	Based on Thomas Lodge's Rosalynde, Euphues Golden Legacie, written 1586–87 and first published in 1590. This, in turn, is based upon "The Tale of Gamelyn".
The Comedy of Errors	Based on Menaechmi by Plautus.
Coriolanus	Based on the "Life of Coriolanus" in Thomas North's translation of Plutarch's The Lives of the Noble Grecians and Romans (1579).
Cymbeline	Based on the story of the historical British king Cunobeline in the 1587 edition of Raphael Holinshed's Chronicles and The Rare Triumphs of Love and Fortune.
Edward III	Based on Raphael Holinshed's Chronicles and Jean Froissart's Chronicles.
Hamlet	Based on the legend of Amleth retold by the 16th-century scholar François de Belleforest. May also have drawn on a (now lost) play known as the Ur-Hamlet.
Henry IV, Part 1	Based on the second edition (1587) of Raphael Holinshed's Chronicles & Edward Hall's The Union of the Two Illustrious Families of Lancaster and York.
Henry IV, Part 2	Based on the second edition (1587) of Raphael Holinshed's Chronicles & Edward Hall's The Union of the Two Illustrious Families of Lancaster and York.
Henry V	Based on the second edition (1587) of Raphael Holinshed's Chronicles & Edward Hall's The Union of the Two Illustrious Families of Lancaster and York. An earlier play, the Famous Victories of Henry V is also believed to have been a model.
Henry VI, Part 1	Based on Edward Hall's The Union of the Two Noble and Illustre Families of Lancaster and York (1548) and the second edition (1587) of Raphael Holinshed's Chronicles of England, Scotland and Ireland.
Henry VI, Part 2	Based on Edward Hall's The Union of the Two Noble and Illustre Families of Lancaster and York (1548) and the second edition (1587) of Raphael Holinshed's Chronicles of England, Scotland and Ireland.
Henry VI, Part 3	Based on Edward Hall's The Union of the Two Noble and Illustre Families of Lancaster and York (1548) and the second edition (1587) of Raphael Holinshed's Chronicles of England, Scotland and Ireland. There are sufficient differences between Hall and Holinshed to establish that Shakespeare consulted both.
Henry VIII	Based on Raphael Holinshed's Chronicles.
Julius Caesar	Based on Thomas North's translation of Plutarch's Lives. Shakespeare deviated from historical facts to curtail time.
King John	Based on the play The Troublesome Reign of King John (c.1589). Possibly also based on John Foxe's Acts and Monuments, Matthew Paris' Historia Maior, and the Latin Wakefield Chronicle.
King Lear	Based on the second edition (1587) of Raphael Holinshed’s Chronicles, Edmund Spenser's The Faerie Queene (which contains a character named Cordelia who also dies from hanging) and Philip Sidney's Countess of Pembroke's Arcadia which features a blind king and his two sons).
Love's Labour's Lost	Theoretically based on a now lost account of a diplomatic visit made to Henry of Navarre in 1578 by Catherine de Medici and her daughter, Henry's estranged wife, to discuss the future of Aquitaine. Possibly based on the early plays of John Lyly, Robert Wilson's The Cobbler's Prophecy and Pierre de la Primaudaye's L'Academie française.
Macbeth	Based on the Daemonologie of King James detailing the famous North Berwick Witch Trials of 1590. Also based on Holinshed's Chronicles or George Buchanan's Rerum Scoticarum Historia.
Measure for Measure	Based on "The Story of Epitia" from Cinthio's Gli Hecatommithi and George Whetstone's 1578 Promos and Cassandra.
The Merchant of Venice	Based on Il Pecorone by Giovanni Fiorentino and the forfeit of a merchant's deadly bond after standing surety for a friend's loan which was a common tale in England in the late 16th century.  Elements of the trial scene are based on The Orator by Alexandre Sylvane and the story of the three caskets is based on Gesta Romanorum.
The Merry Wives of Windsor	Based on Il Pecorone, a collection of stories by Ser Giovanni Fiorentino included in William Painter's The Palace of Pleasure.
A Midsummer Night's Dream	Based on Ovid's Metamorphoses, Chaucer's "The Knight's Tale", Aristophanes' The Birds and Der Busant.
Much Ado About Nothing	Based on the Novelle ("Tales") by Matteo Bandello of Mantua and/or Orlando Furioso by Ludovico Ariosto.  Stories of lovers deceived into believing each other false were common currency in northern Italy in the sixteenth century.
Othello	Based on Cinthio's tale "Un Capitano Moro" from Gli Hecatommithi (1565).
Pericles, Prince of Tyre	Based on Confessio Amantis by John Gower and the Lawrence Twine prose version of The Pattern of Painful Adventures.
Richard II	Based on the second edition of Raphael Holinshed's Chronicles of England, Scotlande, and Irelande & Edward Hall's The Union of the Two Illustrious Families of Lancaster and York.
Richard III	Based on Holinshed's Chronicles, the writings of John Rous, Polydore Vergil and Thomas More.
Romeo and Juliet	Based on Arthur Brooke’s The Tragical History of Romeus and Juliet, a translation of Giulietta e Romeo originally created by Luigi da Porto - in turn inspired by Mariotto and Ganozza by Masuccio Salernitano.
The Taming of the Shrew	Based on tale 44 of Libro de los ejemplos del conde Lucanor y de Patronio by Don Juan Manuel, The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer and also oral tradition (the 'Shrew-taming Complex' in the Aarne–Thompson classification system). Subplot based on Ludovico Ariosto's I Suppositi.
The Tempest	Based on passages from "Naufragium" in Erasmus's Colloquia Familiaria, Peter Martyr's De orbo novo, William Strachey's A True Reportory of the Wracke and Redemption of Sir Thomas Gates, Knight
Timon of Athens	Based on the twenty-eighth novella of William Painter's Palace of Pleasure, Plutarch's Lives, perhaps Lucian's Dialogues and a lost comedy on the subject of Timon.
Titus Andronicus	Based on Gesta Romanorum, Ovid's Metamorphoses, Seneca's Thyestes, Livy's Ab urbe condita and Plutarch's Life of Coriolanus.
Troilus and Cressida	Based on Chaucer's Troilus and Criseyde, John Lydgate's Troy Book and Caxton's translation of the Recuyell of the Historyes of Troye.
Twelfth Night	Based on the Italian production Gl'ingannati by the Accademia degli Intronati and "Of Apollonius and Silla", in Barnabe Riche's 1581 collection.
The Two Gentlemen of Verona	Based Los Siete Libros de la Diana by Jorge de Montemayor, Thomas Elyot's The Boke Named the Governour and John Lyly's Euphues, The Anatomy of Wit.
The Two Noble Kinsmen	Based on "The Knight's Tale" from Geoffrey Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales.
The Winter's Tale	Based on Robert Greene's Pandosto.

However, rather than be devastated by this news, I chose to view it from the positive and from that angle there are 2 very clear points to be seen:

1) It demonstrates the importance of not falling victim to hero worship (especially without all the facts).

2) It provides us with a chance to explore the sources that inspired the Bard. 

In the end, it could even be said, rather than diminishing him, to serve to make him even more relatable, more human, even more like us, which is, after all, one of his most enduring qualities and one believed to be one of the main reasons the prolific work of the son of Warwickshire glover is still perused, pored over and performed over 400 years after his death.

Born To Be Mild - !!!NEW!!!

Continuing my Tudor themed posts for this month, here's a Henrician take on a 1960s classic.

Born To Be Wild Born To Be Mild not by Steppenwolf 

Born in 1508
Not destined for greatness
Brother was ambitious
He saw a chance to impress

You know me as the third of six
The short lived queen of all England
Though I outdid all the others
Ending was not planned 

Boleyn she had failed him
Found her so insolent
That is why he chose me
And soon up in the world I went

You know me as the third of six
The short lived queen of all England
Though I outdid all the others
Ending was not planned

Gave him his longed for child
I was born, born to be mild
I had climbed so high
Only to then die

Born to be mild
Born to be mild

Born in 1508
Not destined for greatness
Brother was ambitious
He saw a chance to impress

You know me as the third of six
The short lived queen of all England
Though I outdid all the others
Ending was not planned

Gave him his longed for child
I was born, born to be mild
I had climbed so high
Only to then die

Born to be mild
Born to be mild

Marriage No. 6 - !!!NEW!!!

I took a trip to Hampton Court Palace at the weekend. So naturally this month's posts will have a historical theme. Starting with...

Mambo No. 5 Marriage No. 6 not by Lou Bega 

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Marriage Number Six

One, two, three, four, five, six
Everybody at court knows how I get my kicks   
‘Cause I need a male child to succeed me
My wives have given me some daughters
But that really don't please me
Not hard but I’ve just got one
I’m not yet done - I still carry on

I like Bessie, and Mary, and all the ladies
‘Cause my only mission is to have a male baby
So what will it take? I beg and pray to the Lord
But it seems my prayers are ignored
Still gotta try, it’s all for my fam’ly line
I’ll get it right this time 

A little bit of Katherine a true queen
A little bit of Anne she was so keen
A little bit of Jane now with my son
A little bit of Anne she’s not the one
A little bit of Catherine such a jewel
A little bit of Katheryn she’s no fool
Although my road of love it’s been quite steep
I know now that this one she’ll be for keeps

Marriage Number Six 

Once you’ve been found to be queen you’re bound
Have a son, make me proud
Or your head’ll hit the ground
I don’t want fuss, I don’t want girls
If you win my heart I’ll change your world
To reach my goal I’ll do what it takes
Believe me when I say I don’t like mistakes

A little bit of Katherine a true queen
A little bit of Anne she was so keen
A little bit of Jane now with my son
A little bit of Anne she’s not the one
A little bit of Catherine such a jewel
A little bit of Katheryn she’s no fool
Although my road of love it’s been quite steep
I know now that this one she’ll be for keeps 

This time, yeah this time
Marriage Number Six

A little bit of Katherine a true queen
A little bit of Anne she was so keen
A little bit of Jane now with my son
A little bit of Anne she’s not the one
A little bit of Catherine such a jewel
A little bit of Katheryn she’s no fool
Although my road of love it’s been quite steep
I know now that this one she’ll be for keeps

Know you want to fall in love with a king so cool
'Cause you can't run and you can't hide
You are now gonna be my bride 

Marriage Number Six