Marriage No. 6 - !!!NEW!!!

I took a trip to Hampton Court Palace at the weekend. So naturally this month's posts will have a historical theme. Starting with...

Mambo No. 5 Marriage No. 6 not by Lou Bega 

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Marriage Number Six

One, two, three, four, five, six
Everybody at court knows how I get my kicks   
‘Cause I need a male child to succeed me
My wives have given me some daughters
But that really don't please me
Not hard but I’ve just got one
I’m not yet done - I still carry on

I like Bessie, and Mary, and all the ladies
‘Cause my only mission is to have a male baby
So what will it take? I beg and pray to the Lord
But it seems my prayers are ignored
Still gotta try, it’s all for my fam’ly line
I’ll get it right this time 

A little bit of Katherine a true queen
A little bit of Anne she was so keen
A little bit of Jane now with my son
A little bit of Anne she’s not the one
A little bit of Catherine such a jewel
A little bit of Katheryn she’s no fool
Although my road of love it’s been quite steep
I know now that this one she’ll be for keeps

Marriage Number Six 

Once you’ve been found to be queen you’re bound
Have a son, make me proud
Or your head’ll hit the ground
I don’t want fuss, I don’t want girls
If you win my heart I’ll change your world
To reach my goal I’ll do what it takes
Believe me when I say I don’t like mistakes

A little bit of Katherine a true queen
A little bit of Anne she was so keen
A little bit of Jane now with my son
A little bit of Anne she’s not the one
A little bit of Catherine such a jewel
A little bit of Katheryn she’s no fool
Although my road of love it’s been quite steep
I know now that this one she’ll be for keeps 

This time, yeah this time
Marriage Number Six

A little bit of Katherine a true queen
A little bit of Anne she was so keen
A little bit of Jane now with my son
A little bit of Anne she’s not the one
A little bit of Catherine such a jewel
A little bit of Katheryn she’s no fool
Although my road of love it’s been quite steep
I know now that this one she’ll be for keeps

Know you want to fall in love with a king so cool
'Cause you can't run and you can't hide
You are now gonna be my bride 

Marriage Number Six

The One That You Forgot - !!!NEW!!!

Thought I'd take a break from my topical compositions and return to my parody-writing roots with a song about the infamous Other Boleyn Girl. Hope you enjoy!

The One That Got Away You Forgot not by Katy Perry 

I was newly married, when we first met
You’d just finished with Bessie - on me you were set
And it seemed not long after, I became your mistress

You wooed me into your arms with all the things you said
All the gifts and rewards they went to my head
Who was I to know that you’d cause such distress

In another world, I would be your wife
You would never leave me no, we’d be married for life
In another world, I would win your heart
So nobody would say I was the one that you forgot
The one that you forgot

Gave birth to a daughter called Catherine
My husband had to accept my life of sin
And then eventually, I gave birth to your son, oh

But by now it seemed that I was too late
My sister wanted to be great
She turned your head with words and I soon found you’d gone

In another world, I would be your wife
You would never leave me no, we’d be married for life
In another world, I would win your heart
So nobody would say I was the one that you forgot
The one that you forgot

The one, the one, the one
The one that you forgot

After all that you did to set yourself free, oh
She couldn’t give you a son you see, no
I bet you wish that you had chosen me, whoa
And soon she paid the price

In another world, I would be your wife
You would never leave me no, we’d be married for life
In another world, I would win your heart
So nobody would say I was the one that you forgot
The one that you forgot

The one (the one)
The one (the one)
The one (the one)

In another world, I would win your heart
So nobody would say I was the one that you forgot
The one that you forgot

From The Mind of Merc - What If?

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about historical ‘what if’s – for example, what if Henry VIII had married Mary Boleyn (instead of Anne) and acknowledged and legitimised her son Henry – known to history as Henry Carey – particularly with respect to the royal succession.

(and yes, I am aware there’s debate over his paternity but for me a) this seems to be primarily based on Henry not formally acknowledging him and b) I doubt the Boleyns or Careys would be foolish enough to allow Mary to continue conjugal relations with her husband while she was a mistress of the King)

Well, for one thing, neither Elizabeth I or Edward VI would have existed. If Henry had stayed married to Catherine of Aragon until her death in 1536 and then married Mary Boleyn, the latter died in 1543 so it’s possible Henry VIII may only have had 2 wives (but still 2 daughters – Mary Tudor and Catherine ‘Carey’ – and a son; excluding the possibility of further children given Henry’s general ‘problems’ in this area).

Presuming all other dates and facts remain the same (although it’s highly unlikely they would have – e.g. the heir to the throne probably would not have married the daughter of a relatively obscure Welsh nobleman), on the king’s death in 1547, Henry ‘Carey’ would have become King Henry IX at the age of 21. He, in turn, would have succeeded (in 1596) by his son who would have been King George I (an English baron as opposed to a German royal). The line of succession would then presumably have gone:

Queen Elizabeth I (George’s daughter and only child) r. 1603-1635

King George II (youngest child and only son) r. 1635-1658

King George III (second son) r. 1658-1698

King Charles I (eldest son) r. 1698-1710

King James I (second son) r. 1710-1736

King Augustus I (only son) r. 1736-1755

King Frederick I (only son) r. 1755-1810

then either

King William I? (illegitimate eldest son - parents married aged 10) r. 1810-1857

King Maurice I (William’s eldest brother – also illegitimate) r. 1857-1867

King Francis I (Maurice’s eldest son) r. 1867-1896

King Charles II (Maurice’s second son) r. 1896-1916

Queen Swinburne (Maurice’s eldest daughter) r. 1916-1920

King Edgar I (Swinburne’s third son but the only one to outlive her) r. 1920-1937

Queen Serena I (Edgar’s daughter and only child) r. 1937-present

or (following the line of legitimacy):

King Thomas I (Frederick’s fifth but first legitimate son) r. 1810-1882

Queen Louisa I (daughter and only child of Thomas’s youngest brother) r. 1882-1899

Queen Eva I (Louisa’s daughter and only child) r. 1899-1964

Queen Mary I (Eva’s eldest daughter) r. 1964-1992

King Anthony I (Eva’s nephew) r. 1992-present

Alternatively, if the crown had followed the same route as ‘George I’s baronial title of Hunsdon (although the English crown – unlike English noble titles – does not follow Salic law and could be inherited by a woman) then the present incumbent would be King Vicary I r. 1986-present.

Interesting the way things turn out, isn't it?