Can't believe I haven't thought to do this before! It fits so perfectly.
Six Wives Tango not from Chicago
Pope
Framed
Son
Ja ja
Culpepper
Seymour
And now, the six sorry espouses of King
Henry VIII
In their rendition of the Six Wives Tango
Pope, Framed, Son, uh-uh, Culpepper, Seymour
Pope, Framed, Son, uh-uh, Culpepper, Seymour
Pope, Framed, Son, uh-uh, Culpepper, Seymour
Pope, Framed, Son, uh-uh, Culpepper, Seymour
I married Henry
I married Henry
And that was my biggest mistake
I had to do it
But if I blew it
I knew that it was my life at stake
Pope, Framed, Son, uh-uh, Culpepper, Seymour
Pope, Framed, Son, uh-uh, Culpepper, Seymour
Catherine of Aragon:
You know how people have these little
husbands that get you down
Like Henry
Henry wanted a son
No, not wanted, craved
So I did the best I could
And I gave him sev’ral children
Although sadly only our daughter Mary lived
And then Henry decided he wanted out, found a new girl he wanted
No, not wanted, craved
But, I said to him, I said "The Pope won’t grant your divorce"
I was right
So he decided to break with Rome
And he set up his own church
And that was that
I married Henry
I married Henry
And that was my biggest mistake
I had to do it
But if I blew it
I knew that it was my life he’d take
Anne Boleyn:
I met Henry VIII when I came to court
several years ago
When he was dating my sister
But then he soon he fell for me
So, we started flirting together
Eventually we got wed
And had a baby, our dear daughter
That wasn’t enough
“A son” he told me
“A son or else”
Not only was I (ar)rested
Oh no, he then framed me
Said I’m unfaithful, as if!
Despite how hard I pleaded my case
He’d fixed up the trial beforehand
Did you know the headsman was pre-ordered?
I married Henry
I married Henry
That was my only choice in life
What could I have done?
What could I have won?
If I had not been King Henry’s wife
(Uh-uh, Culpepper, Seymour)
Jane Seymour:
Now, I'm newly wed to Henry
Used to be lady-in-waiting
Not that my family complains
In comes my darling husband in a loved-up mood
"I must have a son and heir, " he says
He was obsessed
And he kept on saying
"I must have a son and heir"
And at last I gave him a son
Gave him a son but then I died
I had to do it
But if I blew it
I knew that it was my life at stake
Anne of Cleves:
I kann nicht verstand
Ich nach England gekommen auf
Einladung
Zur die neuen Königin gemacht werden
Der König und ich waren verheiratet
Und er mir küsste
Aber dann er gesagte das ich bin
Nicht seine Frau
Er wollte mich loswerden, damit er ken seine neue Freundin gehaben
Und sehr schnell
Ich war die Möglichkeit einer einvernehmlichen Scheidung gegeben
So, tell - did you do it?
Ja ja, King’s Sister!*
Catherine Howard:
The house where I grew up was not
exactly that discreet
But I learnt an awful lot about men late at night
Then the king’s eye alighted on me
And when he finalised his last divorce we were wed
One, two, three, four, five, that’s right - fifth wife
I knew the score
Just like every other
But then one year Henry went off all on his own to Dover without me
So then I was lonely
All on my lonesome
And then I heard a noise
Someone knocking to get in
I got up, opened the door
And there's that handsome Tom Culpepper
Pledging me his devotion
And I folded
Well, when Henry found out about it
He completely flipped out, couldn’t believe it of me
It wasn't until later
When I was imprisoned inside the Tower
I realised it cost my head
I married Henry (She married Henry)
I married Henry (She married Henry)
You wouldn’t think that that was wrong
But it was fatal (yes it was fatal)
He’s so unstable (he’s so unstable)
Which I did find out before too long
I married Henry (She married Henry)
I married Henry (She married Henry)
You wouldn’t think that that was wrong (It
was her only choice in life)
But it was fatal (What could she have
done)
He’s so unstable
Which I did find out before too long
Catherine Parr:
I loved Tom Seymour
More than I can possibly say
He was a real romantic guy
Ambitious, a courtier
But then Henry’s greedy eye fell upon me
And he decided to take me for himself
Yet despite this
I came this
close
to being
beheaded
I managed to change the king’s mind
And he cancelled my arrest warrant
And once Henry wasn’t alive
Then Tom and I wed
All down to him, him, him, him, him
All down to him, him, him, him, him
I married Henry (She married Henry)
I married Henry (She married Henry)
You wouldn’t think that that was wrong
But it was fatal (yes it was fatal)
He’s so unstable (he’s so unstable)
Which I did find out before too long
I married Henry (She married Henry)
I married Henry (She married Henry)
And that was my biggest mistake
I had to do it (She had to do it)
But if I blew it (but if she blew it)
I knew that it was my life at stake
The Pope won’t grant your divorce!
A son or else
I died!
Er wollte mich loswerden
His devotion and I folded
Cancelled my arrest warrant
Pope
Framed
Son
Ja ja
Culpepper
Seymour
*In case you're wondering, Anne of Cleves verse roughly translates as:
I can't understand
I came to England by invitation
To be made the new queen
The king and I were married
And he kissed me
But then he said that I am
Not his wife
He wanted to get rid of me so he could have his new girlfriend
And very quickly
I was given the option of a divorce by mutual consent
So tell - did you do it?
Yes yes, King’s Sister!
