His Dark Materials Advent Calendar – 31

 Door number 31:

Poor Unfortunate Souls - !!!NEW!!!

Or as I have amended it - Simple Gullible Fools.
In case you can't tell, it's a mixture of Ursula's song from The Little Mermaid as it might have been if performed by Moriarty from the BBC series Sherlock.
This is another on the spot creation that I put together about an hour ago but I liked it so I thought I'd share it. Enjoy!

Poor Unfortunate Souls Simple Gullible Fools not by Ursula the Sea Witch

I admit that in the past I've been quite naughty

They weren't wrong to arrest me and start a trial

But you'll see that even so

To jail's not where I'll go

Despite all of the evidence you give
True? Yes

Cause I fortunately know a little secret
It's something that I have not long possessed
And it comes from way back when

Concealed within my den

I used to help out people in distress (pathetic)

Simple gullible fools

So vain, such greed
This one longing to be richer

That one wants to get away
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed
Those simple gullible souls
So bad, so true
They come flocking to my website

Asking for Moriarty
And I help them!
Yes I do

Now you're in my way you see

And to keep you off of me
I'm afraid I've had to shop them and let them go
Yes it doesn't seem quite right

But then you will soon see the light

Like those simple gullible fools

---

People out there don't think a lot for themselves
They prefer to read the gossip found in print

Yes they won't want you around I'll run you into the ground

Why can't you understand a subtle hint

You think they'll believe any single thing that you say

When I'm finished they'll forget you exist

Sherlock don't you understand

They'll be eating from my hand

There is no way that you can get through this

Come on you simple gullible fool

Go ahead!
End your strife!
I'm a very busy bad guy and I haven't got all day
It won't cost much
Just your life!
You simple gullible fool

I win, you lose
If you want to save their lives, Sherlock

You've got the pay the price
Take a gulp and take a breath
And go ahead and take the dive

Once I've shot myself I've got you good

Cause Sherlock's gonna fall

I am the best after all!

Dear Brother Mine - !!!NEW!!!

A Sherlock related entry today re-imagining a Guns 'n' Roses classic as performed by Mycroft

Sweet Child of Mine Dear Brother Mine not by Guns 'n' Roses

You know you mean so much to me
Though I won’t let anybody see
Drive me mad but
Thanks to me you do as you may
When at last you did see M’s face
Faced death but you got out of that place
He was arrested and
Thought in prison he would stay

Oh, oh, oh
Dear brother mine
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Dear brother mine

He got away with his foul crimes
I had to let him go
And you were in for some tough times
But defeated the foe
Brought you back as I needed your help with
Mister Milverton, A.
But then you went and
shot him so
I had to send you away

Oh, oh, oh
Dear brother mine
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Dear brother mine

Oh, oh, oh, oh
Dear brother mine
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Dear brother mine

Oh, oh, oh, oh
Dear brother mine
Oh,
Dear brother mine

Where will you go?
Where will you go now?
Where will you go?
Oh, oh
Where will you go?
Oh,
Where will you go now?
Where will you go?
Oh, (dear bro)
Where will you go now?
Oh,
Where will you go now?
Oh,
Where will you go?
Oh,
Where will you go now?
Oh,
Where will you go?
Where will you go now?
Where will you go?
Oh,
Where will you go now?
No, no, no, no, no, no
Come home,
Dear brother mine.

It's the Goons - !!!NEW!!!

For today's entry I decided to move away from my familiar subject of Cabin Pressure and instead focus on the other wonderful radio comedy that is the legendary Goon Show as written by the inimitable Spike Milligna - the world famous typing error!
(Thanks to Cole Porter for his tune 'Be A Clown')

I'll remember forever when I was but wee

Papa, who was clever, remarking to me
If,child, you want to know just what that sound is
It’s one of the very best sounds you’ll find in showbiz

It’s the Goons, it’s the Goons
All the world loves the Goons
They’re such fools, they’re such saps
Your hands hurt from how much you clap

Milligan and Sellers
And Secombe the three great fellers
There are some who don’t like it, because it doesn’t end
There are some who can’t stand it, it sends them round the bend
But I don’t mind what they think because radio’s my friend
It’s the Goons, it’s the Goons, it’s the Goons

It’s the Goons, it’s the Goons
All the world loves the Goons
Grytpype’s tricks, Eccles jokes
Don’t want them to say Goodnight folks

At the heart of their japes
Hear how Neddie gets into scrapes
‘Cause Grytpype-Thynne wants money but his rent’s in arrears
With Moriarty’s help they’ll soon invoke Neddie’s fears
And they’ll make you laugh so much that your eyes stream with tears
It’s the Goons, it’s the Goons, it’s the Goons

It’s the Goons, it’s the Goons
All the world loves the Goons
Hear Eccles say ‘Allo
And you’ll never want them to go

It’s bizarre yet so good
And it’s sure to lighten your mood
A college education most of them never had
But that’s much better than Eccles did and his old dad
They’re not the brightest of sparks but we know of that we’re glad
It’s the Goons, it’s the Goons, it’s the Goons

Bloodnok sounds in such pain
And Bluebottle’s been deaded again
If you can’t get the wood then just talk to Henery Crun
But if Minnie brings out her pet cat you’d better run
With every episode you’ve never had so much fun
It’s the Goons, it’s the Goons, it’s the Goons

Sherlock Advent Calendar - 20

And 20: