Yes – I’m back on my Disney bandwagon. I’ve tried many ways
to think how to convey this message. I was originally going to focus on the bad
influences, lessons and/or ideas that are promoted through Disney movies but a)
this has been done numerous times and b) it is a ridiculous wide and vague area
so instead I thought I’d focus on why Disney give us a skewed idea of romance.
My main theory also links in to my previous observation
about the obsession of society (and particularly the women in society) on
weddings. For some, it seems to be the be-all and end-all and I think Disney is
largely to blame. For starters, the aim of the main character in a lot of the
films is to get married. Consequently, most Disney films end with a fairytale
wedding. I’ll re-emphasise that – they END with a fairytale wedding. They show
an over-fantasised version of a fictional courtship and then end with the main
ambition - the wedding. The problems with this are manifold:
-
a wedding is not an end – it is a beginning – it is
just the start of what is meant to be a lifetime relationship
-
in many cases the characters barely know or have even
spoken to each other – if communication is the key to a successful
relationship, how can they be in or have a successful relationship?
the focus on a wedding being the only thing to aim for creates an over-inflated view of this ceremony augmenting its desirability out of proportion. Marriage is supposed to be a sign of the deep and abiding love shared between two people not the consumerist fantasy of brainwashed individuals
the focus on a wedding being the only thing to aim for creates an over-inflated view of this ceremony augmenting its desirability out of proportion. Marriage is supposed to be a sign of the deep and abiding love shared between two people not the consumerist fantasy of brainwashed individuals
Consequently, I believe that some women – on discovering
their fairytale wedding is anything but are quickly disillusioned with their
‘one true love’ which ultimately leads to divorce – caused by the skewed view
of romance imparted by their idealised Disney films.
This is not helped by the other implied pearl of wisdom from
Disney – namely that love solves all your other problems – it doesn’t. Just as
believing in dreams doesn’t make them come true and wishing on stars doesn’t
mean your wish will be granted. By all means follow your dreams, have wishes,
hopes and aspirations but following relying on love to solve everything is more
likely to highlight certain problems and cause others.
In addition to this there is the secondary issue of the
implied requisites that are conveyed in all Disney films which must followed in
order for the heroine to achieve her dream – i.e. a wedding.
1) the
heroine must always aim for a prince
2) said
prince must be domineering and is always perfect
3) the
heroine must have a waist thinner than her head in order to be viewed as
desirable
4) the
heroine must be under 30 or preferably under 20 otherwise she will be forever
unloved
5) the
heroine must ignore any negative or dubious qualities in her prince (including
domestic violence, sexual assault in your sleep and deception)
6) if
necessary, the heroine must change everything about herself in order to get a
man
7) the
heroine is passive and should wait to be rescued
This subsequently implies women should accept being
mistreated, viewed as objects, shamed for not being size zero, feel old when
they are no longer 21 – none of these are true.
When it comes to the only part of the relationship that is
shown in Disney movies – the courtship – there are also unrealistic
expectations portrayed of this as well. I’m not talking about the oft-repeated
fantasy of finding eternal love from whirlwind romances but more the
impractical characteristics that appear such as:
-
eating spaghetti together off the same plate
-
kissing someone in their sleep (this is not romantic it
is creepy and borderline assault)
-
obsession being a desirable quality in the heroine
-
that the first kiss is EVERYTHING
All of the above are viewed as romantic, sweet and desirable
aspects of a relationship. This is as wrong as using Police’s song Every Breath
You Take (which is about stalking) or James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful (which is
about an ogling drug addict) as a song at the longed-for wedding.
Relationships are not meant to be repetitive. They are meant
to be individual to the people involved in them. They are meant to show how
those people feel about each other. They are not meant to be
conglomerate-dictated, stereotypically clichéd or contain unrealistic
expectations.
So by all means, watch the Disney films – just don’t use
them as a basis for any relationship. Pay homage to them if you wish but just
because a guy doesn’t push a meatball across the plate towards you with his
nose does not mean he can’t be the right guy for you. If the guy does not hold
weddings in the same high esteem that you do then it’s true the relationship
may not work out – but then that may not be down to him.
