Ironic - !!!NEW!!!

Has anybody else been driven mad by the song 'Ironic' by Alanis Morisette? I have nothing against Ms. Morisette but she clearly doesn't seem to know what irony actually is (which, in a way, is kind of ironic). And so I've decided to rectify this by penning a 'parody' of her song staying as true as was possible to the original to show how with just a few tweaks it would make so much more sense.

Ironic (with corrections) not by Alanis Morisette
Hey yeah yeah

Yeah yea yea
Hey yeah

An old man turned ninety-eight
Folks thought him immortal then he died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
You asked for body but now say to throw it away
Isn't it ironic
Don't you think?

It's like rain when you gave your umbrella away
Saying I won’t need it – doesn’t look cloudy today
Of all the times you choose - it must be fate
And who would've thought, it figures 

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to try

All sorts of new things - thought the risk was too high
Yet it’s this fear of his that caused him to die
Wouldn’t alter his course that day
He couldn’t see why
And isn’t it ironic
Don't you think?

It's like rain when you gave your umbrella away
Saying I won’t need it – doesn’t look cloudy today
Of all the times you choose - it must be fate
And who would've thought, it figures

Well life has a funny way of turning round on you
When you think everything's makes sense and everything's going right, right
And life has a funny way sometimes of tripping you up when
You think the everything's gone right and then everything blows up
In your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
Told the roads would be clear by that reporter you hate
It's like ten thousand spoons when you think you need a knife
Then you find a spoon would have done
Ooh yeah the irony is rife, mmm
And isn't it ironic
Don't you think?
A little too ironic
And yeah, I really do think

It's like rain when you gave your umbrella away
Saying I won’t need it – doesn’t look cloudy today
Of all the times you choose - it must be fate
And who would've thought, it figures

And well, life has a funny way of turning round on you
And life has a funny, funny way of tripping you up
Tripping you up