Greek Banking sketch - Mercorabilia

Isn’t the Greek banking crisis interesting? Not just for the situation they’re in but their reaction to it – it’s like they’re saying “I need some money but I’ll only accept it on these terms”. Imagine if someone went into a bank with that approach…

Customer: I need some money.

Bank: Ok – how much.

Customer: About €7.2 billion.

Bank: And what is this for?

Customer: Well I’ve got to make a payment on a loan from another bank, I need to pay the interest on a payment I got a while back and some of it’s to pay back the money I borrowed from you before.

Bank: I see. Well, we’ll lend you the money but only if you agree to our terms.

Customer: And those are…?

Bank: Cut your spending, contribute more in taxes and don’t focus on early retirement.

Customer: But they sound horrible.

Bank: Yes, but with a credit rating like yours…

Customer: Hmm. Tell you what. I’ll borrow the money but only if you agree to my terms. And my terms are that I don’t have to do any of the things you just said.

Bank: I don’t think you understand how this works.

Customer: But your terms aren’t any fun. And it’s not the way I do things.

Bank: But if you don’t accept our terms you’ll go bankrupt – you won’t be able to meet any of your financial obligations, your credit rating will be non-existent and all the agreements you’ve entered into will be worthless.

Customer: I know – I’ll talk to my people and see what they say.

Bank: About what?

Customer: Whether or not to accept your terms.

Bank: I don’t think you’re getting this. You need help – even if we give you money you’ll need help because if you continue the way you have been then you’ll just end up needing more and more money. And no-one is going to want to just pour money into a bottomless pit.

Customer: Well, what do you suggest I do?

Bank: Accept the terms!

Customer: Why would I want to do that?

Bank: Gaaah!

The crisis is already starting to impact on the country as their cash supplies dwindle. Imagine what this could mean for future bank transactions…

Bank: Hello. Welcome to The Bank. How can I help you?

Customer: I’d like to withdraw some money.

Bank: Sorry – can’t help you.

Customer: What?

Bank: We can’t do that.

Customer: Why not?

Bank: We haven’t got any money.

Customer: But you’re a bank!

Bank: Yes – but that doesn’t mean we’ve got any money.

Customer: Why not?

Bank: Politics. Didn’t you bring any money with you?

Customer: I thought by bringing my bank card with me that’s what I was doing.

Bank: Ah – classic mistake, that.

Customer: Well, what am I supposed to do?

Bank: (after a pause) How are your busking skills?

 

Addendum

Since I wrote the above (2 days ago), the situation has developed:

Customer: Good news!

Bank: What’s that?

Customer: I won’t be needing your money.

Bank: You’ve decided to take action to improve your finances?

Customer: Nope – I spoke to my people and they didn’t like your terms so I won’t be taking your money.

Bank: You won’t?

Customer: No – my people really didn’t like the idea of making all those changes so I won’t be doing them.

Bank: But you need this money!

Customer: True – but I need my people to be happy more.

Bank: But they won’t be happy without any money.

Customer: We’ll sort something out

Bank: Good luck with that.