From The Mind of Merc - Merida & The Caramel Bunny

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the sexualisation of cartoon characters. Obviously this follows on from last month’s topic and yet again Disney has to take the top spot on this as not even its medieval maiden can escape unscathed. Despite the fact that the whole ethos of Princess Merida is that she doesn’t abide by conventions or focus/dwell on her appearance, prior to her induction as an Official Disney Princess the powers that be decided she needed a makeover. This was the result:

There was a huge amount of uproar in reaction to this and the image was hastily removed – an action of which Merida herself would no doubt have approved.

But it seems that it is not only Disney that is guilty of this as shown by the new design of the Cadbury’s Caramel bunny which emerged in 2009 (before and after shown below)

Is someone able to tell me what’s wrong with the old one? Because I’m struggling

Tongue on Trial sketch - Mercorabilia

And another new sketch! This is pure fantasy investing anthropomorphic qualities in teeth and a tongue to imagine what goes on behind the scenes in a human head and what would happen if one of them got a bit carried away...

<Mumblings and sounds of 'rhubarb' followed by gavel-esque sound which could also be said to sound like a clamping or chomping sound>
Teeth: Mr. Tongue – you are charged with insubordination, neglect of duty and attempted abandonment of post. How do you plead?
Tongue: Not guilty. I don't what all this is about. I reckon you’re all ganging up on me – just because I look different. Just because I'm able to move around a bit…
Teeth: Silence! We will deal with the charges one by one. Firstly – the charge of insubordination.
Tongue: What do you mean by insubordination?
Teeth: While in conversation with another, you came out with several profanities and swear words which caused considerable distress to those around.
Tongue: Well, I was bored. I thought I’d see if anyone was paying attention.
Teeth: Second – the charge of neglect of duty.
Tongue: What’s that mean?
Teeth: That what was in the brain and was intended to be said is not what came out of the mouth. 
Tongue: Oh, that was because I wasn’t paying attention. 
Teeth: What do you mean – you weren't paying attention? What were you doing?
Tongue: I was thinking about how interesting it all looked outside the mouth.
Teeth: Ah, now, this is where we come on to our final point - the charge of attempted abandonment of your post.
Tongue: It’s just it all looks so interesting out there. Haven’t you ever wondered what pavement tastes like?
Teeth: No, of course not. We’re teeth - we don’t taste, we chew - that is our job. And your job is to facilitate speech and digestion. That is your task and nothing else.
Tongue: You can’t stop me.
Teeth: If you attempt to escape again we will clamp down on you with the full force we are able to bear.
Tongue: Rubbish! You can’t stop me. I’m going for it - here I go!
Teeth: Hey! We warned you!
John: Ow! 
Fred: What’s the matter, John?
John: I just bit my tongue.
Fred: That’s a silly thing to do.
John: I didn’t do in purpose!
Fred: Well, who else did it then? It’s not like someone made you do it, is it? 
John: Hmm, I wonder...

Heimlich Manoeuvre Development sketch - Mercorabilia

Another new sketch today and this one imagines the thought, research and experimentation that must have gone into the development of the now famous Hiemlich manoeuvre... maybe

Reporter: And here at the Gesundheit Institute the doctor and his associates are working hard to develop the latest in life-saving techniques. Doctor Hiemlich – can you tell us what it is you’re working on at the moment?
Dr Hiemlich: Ah, well, I’m very glad you asked me that. You see – one of the most common/tragic incidents we find in today’s modern times is that people are always rushing about and this can cause problems when it comes to meal times. They’re in a hurry to get to their next task and perhaps don’t stop and chew things over as they should and consequently they find themselves suffering from Chronic Obstructive Foreign Item Nullifying Gullet or in layman’s terms ‘choking to death’.
Reporter: I see – so what have you done to establish a cure?
Dr Hiemlich: Well, we felt the obvious answer was to find a way to get the obstruction out of the person. So the first thing we tried was to try to reach in to try and get hold of the obstruction and retrieve it that way.
Reporter: And did that work?
Dr Hiemlich: No. No, unfortunately they grabbed hold of the wrong thing and, um, it all got a bit messy.
Reporter: I see.
Dr Hiemlich: So after that we decided to try a non-invasive approach. We thought maybe if we gave the subject a jolt from the other end it would knock the obstruction back up the windpipe.
Reporter: And did that work?
Dr Hiemlich: Sadly not. But on the plus side – had the man lived he would have made an excellent soprano addition to any choir.
Reporter: But you’re not letting this setbacks get you down?
Dr Hiemlich: Not at all. Now if you’ll excuse me I must just get back to my latest v-… Oh.
Reporter: It, er, it looks like he’s dead.
Dr Hiemlich: Yes. I probably shouldn’t have administered the obstruction before I started speaking to you. Hmm. I don’t suppose you’d care to volunteer for one of our studies?
Reporter: Uh, no - thank you.
Dr. Hiemlich: Oh, well, in that case there’s only one thing to be said to that.
Reporter: And what’s that?
Dr Hiemlich: Next!

The Old Ways Are The Best Sketch - Mercorabilia

A new sketch today and this one, in case you can't guess, is inspired by the truly terrible Tudor medicine that folks in the olden days had to endure.

<Bing>

Receptionist: Mr Smith? The doctor will see you now.

Mr Smith: Oh, thank you.

<Door opens and closes>

Mr Smith Hello.

Doctor: Ah, hello. Do come in. Take a seat. Now what seems to be the problem?

Mr Smith: Well – I seem to be suffering from a bit of gout. It’s getting quite painful.

Doctor: I see – well I think you’re in luck – I’ve got just the thing for that. It’s a mixture of worms, pig’s marrow and herbs all boiled together with a red-haired dog.

Mr Smith: Sounds a bit old-fashioned.

Doctor: Well you know what they say – the old ways are the best.

<Door opens and closes>

Doctor: Ah. Hello! What can I do for you?

RSPCA man: Dr DeVille? We’re from the RSPCA. We’ve had reports of animal cruelty at this surgery.

Doctor: Really? Well I can’t understand that.

RSPCA man: What sort of remedies do you provide here?

Doctor: Oh, we very much focus on the traditional remedies here. You know ones that have been around for centuries. Tried and tested stuff.

RSPCA man: Oh well (cough) that sounds all right (cough). We’ll leave you to it.

Doctor: Hang on. You sound like you’ve got a bit of a cough there. I’ve got just the thing to sort that. Here we are - live spiders in butter.

RSPCA man: Right – that’s it. You’re coming with us.
Doctor: Ah I see a non-believer, eh?