It's that time of year again. And this year I've selected Bridgerton for the theme.
So let's get going with door number 1:
In my spare time I write parody songs, sketches and captions which I’ve decide to post here on my blog. You’ll be able to tell my eclectic comedy taste from some of the references and I freely admit my influences include Spike Milligan, Ronnie Barker, John Finnemore and Michael Bernstein (my Year 8 English teacher). The blog title is from Queen Victoria being famously misquoted as saying “We are not amused” so I’m using the correct quote, as mentioned in her diaries, of “I was very much amused"
It's that time of year again. And this year I've selected Bridgerton for the theme.
So let's get going with door number 1:
Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the gender pay gap.
What struck me about the pay gap was whether job titles could possibly be having an impact on them as there are several job roles where the title ‘differs’ depending on gender - e.g. actor/actress, headmaster/headmistress, waiter/waitress - and that perhaps these differences in job titles feed off the perceived differences in gender and thus contribute to a difference or bias with regards to salary. So even if it’s exactly the same role, an actress will be paid less than an actor, a saleswoman paid less than a salesman, a comedienne paid less than a comedian.
(There are also cases when this inference works out negatively for men. For example, stewardesses, nurses, midwives are all perceived to be female yet are jobs performed by men and women.)
As we have already got rid of some denotations – such as dropping
the W from WPC – and as we now live in a time when the emphasis for employers
is on focusing on equal opportunities, is it perhaps time to amend the others?
So instead of actor/actress we use actor, perhaps use server
instead waiter or waitress, and might this be the start or help towards
achieving true parity with incomes.
Here are examples of other roles with perceived or clear
differences (and their proposed revisions):
- Actor/Actress à
Actor
- Fireman/Firewoman à
Firefighter
- Salesman/Saleswoman à
Salesperson
- Policeman/Policewoman à
Police officer
- Chairman/Chairwoman à
Chairperson or Chair
- Usher/Usherette à
Usher
- Author/Authoress à
Author
- Waiter/Waitress à
Server
- Steward/Stewardess à
Flight Attendant
- Barman/Barmaid à
Bartender or Barstaff
Particularly in our (for the most part) more accepting gender-fluid society should gender neutral roles now be the norm?
After all:
Are the roles they refer to any different? No
Do they impact on the person’s ability to do the job? No
Might they help dispel any associated misconceptions and
prejudices? Who knows…
I was listening to Cabin Pressure (again) on my recent trip to Scotland and, remembering the piece I'd previously penned, thought it deserved an update. So here we are:
Airplanes still not by B.O.B
Listener:
Can we pretend that airplanes in the
night sky are OJS Air
That would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are OJS Air
That would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Carolyn:
Well, I could not have thought or
hoped or prayed or wished
For something to have happened much stranger than this
'Cause after all the worrying bout spending and crashing
Things worked out in peculiar fashion
Despite the pandemonium we got Gerti back
Plus the company account is in the black
And now I’m staring at this ring on my hand
That was happily given to me by my new man
Arthur:
I said that we should always hold on
I got a new dad and the old one’s gone
So glad that to him Gerti wasn’t sold
As it turned out she’s worth her weight in gold
The airplane, airplane so brilliant
And flying on it’s still all I want
Martin’s moved home now and Douglas is Skip
But I still can’t wait until we go on our next trip
Listener:
Can we pretend that airplanes in the
night sky are OJS Air
That would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are OJS Air
That would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Martin:
Oh, oh, can you just believe it? Oh
my days
I now have a real job, and also get paid
But yet it doesn’t matter what I have in my bank
(Which is stocked by the good people at the
Swiss Airways)
‘Cause I at long last completed my bobsled and
None other than a princess now shares my bed and
I guess that I finally got my wish to fly an airplane
Douglas:
And maybe, yes maybe, I got back to
the days
Before my escapades made me so unemployed
And I took a lower job just to help fill the void
In an airplane that is more broken by the day
But it’s not really that bad, is it Mrs…
Shappey
At last I got my wish to end the daily slog
And get what I wanted when I started this job
Got promoted and now I’m the Captain
And I’m teaching Hercules how to fly this airplane
Listener:
Can we pretend that airplanes in the
night sky are OJS Air
That would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are OJS Air
That would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Fans:
That would really be our wish right
now
That, that, that would really be our wish right now
Like, like, OJS Air
That, That, That would, that would really be our wish right now
Our wish, our wish right now
Remember, remember, the fifth of November... for some reason....
Catesby:
So we are agreed – the plot is set. King James and his heathen cohorts will die
on 5th November!
All:
Huzzah!
Catesby:
Fawkes?
Fawkes:
What?
Catesby:
You not joining in on the Huzzahs?
Fawkes:
Er… what are we huzzahing?
Catesby:
Have you not been paying attention?
Bates:
Typical Fawkes – more focused on his gunpowder than treason and plot.
Catesby:
Fawkes we have been determining the final details of our plan – it is
absolutely essential that everybody knows exactly what’s going on. It won’t work
if some of us haven’t been listening.
Fawkes:
Of course I’ve been listening! Of course…um, except for maybe that last bit.
Catesby:
What bit?
Fawkes:
The last half hour or so.
Catesby:
Oh, Fawkes.
Fawkes:
Sorry.
Catesby:
Well, I guess that resolves our other issue. It seems Fawkes has by default
drawn the short straw.
Fawkes:
Which means…?
Catesby:
You’ll be the one lighting the fuse.
Fawkes:
What?!? Oh, hang on a minute – that’s not fair! Why can’t Tresham do it? He
hasn’t contributed anything so far.
Catesby:
That’s because he’s the newcomer. So he gets a pass. Besides it is fair –
they’re your explosives after all.
Fawkes:
Now what kind of attitude is that? I thought we were all in the together.
Wintour:
How would you know if you weren’t listening?
Catesby:
Enough! It’s decided. All the gunpowder’s stored in the undercroft ready.
We’ll make our excuses to be absent from parliament that day. And Fawkes will light the
fuse before we make our escape. And just you make sure this whole thing doesn’t blow up in our faces.
Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking again about history repeats itself – only this time a lot closer to home.
Associations have been made (including by me) linking Trump with
the rise of the Nazi party in 1930s Germany. (An association which was
supported particularly by the photo taken at THAT rally.)
However, from my perspective at least, similar associations
can now be made for Johnson.
Let me explain:
In the 1930s, Hitler began an escalating campaign
to takeover land in Europe which continued unimpeded or even challenged for
years. Britain, which under the terms of the League of Nations was supposed to
act on aggression, made occasional efforts to supposedly combat this with
repeated and what proved to be unfounded threats of retaliation. Ergo, when
Hitler threatened to invade Poland and Britain once again threatened to respond
if he did so, Hitler had no reason to believe they would actually follow
through.
In 21st century England, Johnson and the Tory government have been following an escalating campaign to impoverish, weaken and, at times consequently, endanger the nation and its people whilst enriching themselves. This has also gone on unchecked or effectively challenged. Members of the British establishment (specifically those who are supposed to without bias monitor, review, query and when necessary act to prevent questionable or illegal activities) have repeatedly failed to do so. Ergo when Johnson and the Tories push through increasingly self-serving and (to the rest of us) punitive policies, they have no reason to believe they will be questioned or held accountable for their actions.
However, just as Hitler was wrong with his assumption, I
sincerely hope the Tories will prove to be wrong with theirs and that at long
last the British public will prove that they will be not accept being mistreated
like this.
Just as when England did nothing to prevent Hitler’s policy
of aggrandisement so the British have done nothing to prevent the Tories’
policy of self-aggrandisement. We’ve threatened anger, displeasure and
discontent but not actually done anything to prevent it. If anything the
opposite as they have been consistently voted in – so we the British public are
to blame.
However, just as with England in the 1930s, we also have the power to stop it from continuing.
This also links into another theory I had – which I posted about on Facebook – following Liz Truss’s resignation.
I honestly believe the Tory government thinks we are idiots
and that having gaslit us for a ridiculously long number of years, we will now
agree to and go along with whatever they say/want/do.
Case in point, Liz Truss’s resignation – it struck me that
she could easily be a Tory sacrifice, someone they put out there who was so
awful at her job that she was designed to make Johnson look almost palatable.
Like they’re trying to get us to think that we would be so much better off if
Johnson came back. There are several things wrong with this theory (which I
sincerely hope the British public realise):
As with Hitler, the underestimated ‘lower orders’ are in
fact the ones with ultimate control. Yes, it will be up the Tories to choose
their new leader but we live in a democracy and it is up to us to say whether
or not we accept their rule and want it to continue. In the end we have the
power. That is why the Tories seek to control and manipulate us while they line
their own pocket at our expense and try to distract us by directing our
critical gaze inwards when it should be at them.
Consequently, whenever it is we manage to get a general
election (and if there is any sense and justice in the world it’ll be soon), I
sincerely hope we will not allow the Tory government to repeat their mistakes
in the way they have run the country by repeating ours and voting them in
again.
The choice is ours. The power is ours. We can make things change for the better.
And so the madness continues. Will the ridiculousness and the sleaze never end? Maybe a national chant will do it.
Vindaloo Tories Out not by Fat Les
What on earth is all this?
We're from England
Think we want this?
We won’t take no more of it
Listen
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Stuff you)
Nah nah nah (Truss too)
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah Nah
We're England
We don’t want any more from you
England!
Had enough of Tory sleeze
Let’s show them the exit please
Want them, gone now
Not soon, right now
Listen
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah Nah
We're England
We don’t want any more from you
England!
Me and me Mum and me Dad and me Gran
We're off to vote - no doubt
Me and me Mum and me Dad and me Gran
Because we want the Tories out
Because!
Tories out
Tories out
Tories out
Tories out yeah yeah
Tories out
Tories out
Tories out
Tories out yeah yeah
Tories out
Tories out
And we want the Tories out
We're England
We don’t want any more from you
England!
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
And we all like Tories out
We're England
We don’t want any more from you
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
And we want the Tories out
We're England
We don’t want any more from you
England!
While it might have been more appropriate to use Another One Bites The Dust, for some reason this tune popped into my head so I just ran with it.
Sing As You Go Goodbye Liz Truss not by Gracie Fields
Hee-hee, come on lads and lassies
The PM’s resigned again
Hee-hee, come on
Ee, let's sing of it
Goodbye Liz Truss and good riddance to you
44 days, but still you got it so wrong
You thought you could lead us
But you wouldn’t feed us so be on
your way
Goodbye Liz Truss, you couldn’t do
the job
Though you’re not worst, you still are not good enough
A lettuce beat you, the world knows it’s true
So bye, don’t come back again
(Tory) Blues, look at you now
You oughta know that we’ve no use for you
You’ll go soon we vow
The time of your Tory misrule is through
Though a new premier might be in sight
It is unlikely they’ll put it right
Goodbye Liz Truss and good riddance to you
44 days, but still you got it so wrong
You thought you could lead us
But you wouldn’t feed us so be on
your way
Goodbye Liz Truss, you couldn’t do
the job
Though you’re not worst, you still are not good enough
A lettuce beat you, the world knows it’s true
So bye, don’t come back again
Goodbye Liz Truss and good riddance to you
44 days, but still you got it so wrong
(Ay you, you just got it so out of whack, hee-ee)
You thought you could lead us
But you wouldn’t feed us so be on your way
(Hello, Boris, you back again? Are you?
We’ll see about that)
Goodbye Liz Truss, you couldn’t do the job
(Gee, it's mad just how quick she’s gone)
Though you’re not worst, you still are not good enough
A lettuce beat you, the world knows it’s true
So bye-bye-bye-bye
Don’t come back a-gain
Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about trickle down economics.
Despite every known example proving this doesn't work, the Tories have decided this is the approach they are adopting to resolve the cost of living crisis. Further proving they do not care one bit about the people they are meant to be representing and they are unashamedly and unabashedly out for themselves. Their supposed solution to the crisis being taking steps to make sure it absolutely and definitely does not affect them. (But I guess we shouldn't really be surprised considering their fingers-in-ears response to everything to do with COVID and their reaction to it.)
The effects (or actual outcomes) of this approach can, I think, be most accurately demonstrated in the following cartoons (found online).
After 70 years of unfailing service, continuing long after the usual age of retirement, I think it is quite obvious that the late Queen Elizabeth II deserves a composition.
I actually found this quite difficult as I'm used to writing comedy parodies not serious ones but I hope this does her justice.
Love Me Tender Queen of England not by Elvis Presley
Did her duty, served us well
Never let us down
Had no choice but made no fuss
Faithful to the crown
Queen of England, queen for all
Now her day is done
We must say our last goodbyes
And we’ll soldier on
Born the daughter of a duke
Became the heir at 10
Took the throne in ‘52
Then her reign began
Queen of England, queen for all
Now her day is done
We must say our last goodbyes
And we’ll soldier on
Now in twenty-two she’s gone
We are all bereft
Served us for 70 years
She is now at rest
Queen of England, queen for all
Now her day is done
We will say our last goodbyes
And we’ll soldier on
Yet another parody of this anonymous ditty but, let's face it, it's another worthy occasion.
Oh Dear, What Can The Matter Be also not by AnonOh dear, what can
the matter be
Liz Truss has won her battle you see
Now she’s our new
premier MP
What on earth
will she do now?
She started out
just like any one of us
But decided to change her ways was a must
A New Tory that’s
what she is Liz Truss
And look at what
she’s done now
A new PM sounds
like a new chance but we
Now know that is
not what she will be
Her mini budget
won’t resolve poverty
In fact here’s
what it has done
The pound has
slumped to a 31 year low
Those rising
bills continue their upward flow
Tory assets
meanwhile continue to grow
And they still
come out on top
Their job is to
run England all safe and sound
Instead they will
run it into the ground
Amongst that lot
there is no hope to be found
Cos they don’t
care about us
Oh dear, what can
the matter be
Liz Truss has won her battle you see
Now we’re stuck
until well after ‘23
We’re counting
down the months now