Tories Out - !!!NEW!!!

And so the madness continues. Will the ridiculousness and the sleaze never end? Maybe a national chant will do it.

Vindaloo Tories Out not by Fat Les

What on earth is all this?
We're from England
Think we want this?
We won’t take no more of it
Listen

Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Stuff you)
Nah nah nah (Truss too)
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah Nah

We're England
We don’t want any more from you
England!
Had enough of Tory sleeze
Let’s show them the exit please
Want them, gone now
Not soon, right now
Listen

Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah Nah

We're England
We don’t want any more from you
England!
Me and me Mum and me Dad and me Gran
We're off to vote - no doubt
Me and me Mum and me Dad and me Gran
Because we want the Tories out
Because!

Tories out
Tories out
Tories out
Tories out yeah yeah
Tories out
Tories out
Tories out
Tories out yeah yeah
Tories out
Tories out

And we want the Tories out
We're England
We don’t want any more from you
England!
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
And we all like Tories out
We're England
We don’t want any more from you
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
Nah nah nah (Tories out)
And we want the Tories out

We're England
We don’t want any more from you
England!

Goodbye Liz Truss - !!!NEW!!!

While it might have been more appropriate to use Another One Bites The Dust, for some reason this tune popped into my head so I just ran with it.

Sing As You Go Goodbye Liz Truss not by Gracie Fields 

Hee-hee, come on lads and lassies
The PM’s resigned again
Hee-hee, come on
Ee, let's sing of it

Goodbye Liz Truss and good riddance to you
44 days, but still you got it so wrong
You thought you could lead us
But you wouldn’t feed us so be on your way

Goodbye Liz Truss, you couldn’t do the job
Though you’re not worst, you still are not good enough
A lettuce beat you, the world knows it’s true
So bye, don’t come back again

(Tory) Blues, look at you now
You oughta know that we’ve no use for you
You’ll go soon we vow
The time of your Tory misrule is through
Though a new premier might be in sight
It is unlikely they’ll put it right

Goodbye Liz Truss and good riddance to you
44 days, but still you got it so wrong
You thought you could lead us
But you wouldn’t feed us so be on your way

Goodbye Liz Truss, you couldn’t do the job
Though you’re not worst, you still are not good enough
A lettuce beat you, the world knows it’s true
So bye, don’t come back again

Goodbye Liz Truss and good riddance to you
44 days, but still you got it so wrong
(Ay you, you just got it so out of whack, hee-ee)
You thought you could lead us
But you wouldn’t feed us so be on your way
(Hello, Boris, you back again? Are you? We’ll see about that)
Goodbye Liz Truss, you couldn’t do the job
(Gee, it's mad just how quick she’s gone)
Though you’re not worst, you still are not good enough
A lettuce beat you, the world knows it’s true
So bye-bye-bye-bye
Don’t come back a-gain

Oh Dear What Can The Matter Be (Pt 3)

Yet another parody of this anonymous ditty but, let's face it, it's another worthy occasion.

Oh Dear, What Can The Matter Be also not by Anon

Oh dear, what can the matter be
Liz Truss has won her battle you see
Now she’s our new premier MP
What on earth will she do now? 

She started out just like any one of us
But decided to change her ways was a must
A New Tory that’s what she is Liz Truss
And look at what she’s done now 

A new PM sounds like a new chance but we
Now know that is not what she will be
Her mini budget won’t resolve poverty
In fact here’s what it has done 

The pound has slumped to a 31 year low
Those rising bills continue their upward flow
Tory assets meanwhile continue to grow
And they still come out on top 

Their job is to run England all safe and sound
Instead they will run it into the ground
Amongst that lot there is no hope to be found
Cos they don’t care about us 

Oh dear, what can the matter be
Liz Truss has won her battle you see
Now we’re stuck until well after ‘23
We’re counting down the months now

Dear Mr Johnson - !!!NEW!!!

A double bill today.
First a message to our illustrious (in his mind) leader. Perhaps not the most appropriate song (🤮) but definitely an appropriate message.

Dear Future Husband Mr Johnson not by Meghan Trainor

Dear Mr Johnson
Here's a few things you'll need to know if you wanna be
Our premier MP all your life

Think that you’re so great
Please give us a break
And don't ever think that we believe ev’rything you say
Yet after all you’ve done
Still think that you’re the one
Hard to believe
But words don’t deceive 

You’ve been in charge so long
So many goings on
So watch out or you’ll find out someday soon you are gone
Cos we are not that dumb
And we will not stay mum
We will use our clout
To get you voted out (yes) 

You gotta know how to be a good PM
You’ve got to uphold the system
Know how to do what is right

Dear Mr Johnson
Here's a few things you'll need to know if you wanna be
Our premier MP all your life
Dear Mr Johnson
If you wanna get that re-election
Stop serving yourself and start to do what’s right (now) 

In a pandemic
It’s not politic
To look for ways to make yourself more money out of it
And it is always wrong
To risk lives for so long
Herd immunity?
Why, herd immunity? 

You gotta know how to be a good PM
You’ve got to uphold the system
Know how to do what is right

Dear Mr Johnson
Here's a few things you'll need to know if you wanna be
Our premier MP all your life
Dear Mr Johnson
Serve the masses
Not upper classes
It’s not too late you’ll find that there is still some time 

When there are people fleeing a dictator
Open doors for them and do not wait for later
Don't be a racist tw*t
Show you are more than that
This is your chance
To take the proper stance, yes 

You gotta know how to be a good PM
You’ve got to uphold the system
Know how to do what is right

Dear Mr Johnson
Here's a few things you'll need to know if you wanna be
Our premier MP all your life
Dear Mr Johnson
If you wanna get that re-election
Stop serving yourself and start to do what’s right (now)
Now, oh
Mr Johnson, time to see the light

From The Mind of Merc - The Cummings Conspiracy

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the effect that Dominic Cummings still appears to have on UK politics.

What I mean by this is that, although he is longer a member of parliament it is still painfully evident that they continue to dance to whatever tune he cares to play.

Tbh, I really wouldn’t surprised to see him become PM in the future. To be clear, this is not something I want or would relish – it just seems to me that a man who holds as much sway in and over the UK government as he does and is capable of using that to his own ends must surely only have one destination in mind.

To explain what I mean about his clear and continuing influence, I present these 3 examples.

Example 1 – The Durham Debacle
He flagrantly and unapologetically broke the lockdown rules by driving to Durham with his family. What repercussions did he suffer for his lawbreaking? Absolutely none. Clear proof of the power he held as it Boris wouldn’t dare evict his loyal and experienced advisor.

Example 2 – Gone But For How Long?
Cummings’s enforced resignation coincided with a change in leadership in the USA. The new POTUS brought about a change in Boris and his strategies (particularly COVID) – a heavy suggestion both what Cummings’s influence had been and that it had (for now) been removed. 

Example 3 – Hancock’s H-exit
Last month Cummings emerged from the woodwork to take aim at Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, who was forced to resign after footage of an affair (which had to have been going on before this) subsequently surfaced – the government is still subject to Cummings’s machinations.

Clearly, Cummings is not finished messing with politics and, ultimately, I believe the main question is who will he take aim at next? And how long before the Tories to decide he’d be a good replacement for Boris? Remember: we do not need to elect him – he only needs his own party to choose him to be their leader. And when there’s little to no effective opposition within his own or from other parties…

From The Mind of Merc - Accountability

(Got a bit sidetracked and completely lost track of the date. Anyway here is April's From The Mind of Merc.)

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about accountability.

Isn't it an interesting word? And it's got a pretty interesting meaning too. According to the Cambridge English Dictionary, it means:

"the fact of being responsible for what you do and able to give a satisfactory reason for it, or the degree to which this happens"

Do you think Boris Johnson is aware of this definition? Or even this word?
Granted he went to Oxford rather than Cambridge but I doubt universities would have massively different dictionaries*.

If he doesn't know it, can someone please introduce him to it because I'm getting seriously fed up having a Prime Minister who is (not has - we're way beyond that) such a moral vacuum. And what's more faces absolutely zero consequences for his actions.

*that's a joke btw

From The Mind of Merc - Leadership

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about leadership.

According to the Center for Creative Leadership, the 10 characteristics of a Good Leader are: integrity, ability to delegate, communication, self-awareness, gratitude, learning agility, influence, empathy, courage, respect.

So how does our own leader, the inexorable Boris Johnson, stack up:

1) Integrity - Nope. He'll back whatever horse is winning
2) Ability to delegate - (as in facilitate teamwork rather than pass the buck so) Nope!
3) Communication - Nope. Incredible stutterer though.
4) Self-awareness - Ha! Nope.
5) Gratitude - Definitely not (clapforNHS does not count)
6) Learning agility - (ability to know what to do when you don’t know what to do) Absolute fail!
7) Influence - (through logical or emotional appeals) Could have done - if he didn't ignore his own rules
8) Empathy - Given block of Grenfell recommendations and NHS pay rise, Nope!
9) Courage - More like cowardly lion. The man hid in a fridge to avoid an interview!
10) Respect - With comments like piccaninnies and watermelon smiles, does he know what this means?

Don't agree with the list? How about Forbes - they define 8 Essential Qualities of Great Leadership as: sincere enthusiasm, integrity, great communication skills, loyalty, decisiveness, managerial competence, empowerment, charisma.

Let's break them down again:

1) Sincere enthusiasm - Again not convinced he knows what this means
2) Integrity - Nope.
3) Great communication skills - See above.
4) Loyalty - In this instance it means to employees etc. so Nope.
5) Decisiveness - Ha! He's U-Turn Central
6) Managerial competence - Ditto
7) Empowerment - Hell no. He wants it all.
8) Charisma - Again not a word I'm convinced he's familiar with

Still not trusting the source? How about the government's own website? An article on there says there are 11 key features of leadership. (Paraphrased) these are: understand how to have positive impact, be prepared to lead, win and retain respect, motivate and inspire others, clear sense of purpose and direction, good communicator, lead the delivery, manage your energy, build the right team around, trust your instinct, accept that we all make mistakes.

So one more time:

1.   Understand how to have positive impact - Nope!

2.   Be prepared to lead - Nope. Hid in a fridge.

3.   Win and retain respect - Nope.

4.   Motivate and inspire others - Definitely nope. Have you seen the number of anti-maskers out there?

5.   Clear sense of purpose and direction - Nope. U-turn Central.

6.   Good communicator - Nope again.

7.   Lead the delivery - More like avoid the blame.

8.   Manage your energy - Ok, this one he can do. He's very good at taking holidays - even illegal ones!

9.   Build the right team around you - If this means right for him, yes. If right for everyone else, nope!

10. Trust your instinct - Again, he can do this one. But given he fails the others, this is not good thing.

11. Accept that we all make mistakes - Nope. It's never his fault (apparently).

Webster's dictionary defines accountability as:

the quality or state of being accountable
especially : an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actionsI wonder if he, or indeed anyone in the Tory government, is aware of that.

Bojo's Christmas Carol - Mercorabilia

It seems even a near death experience isn’t enough to change the Prime Minister’s perception of a job poorly done. You have to wonder how Dickens’s infamous story would have turned out had it been Boris instead of Scrooge who was subject to the 3 visits. 

(For the sake of sketch format this is massively abbreviated.)

<Bojo sits at his desk, writing>

Bojo: Right. I think that’s my secret COVID response plan all drawn up. I’ll just check it one more time. Ignore the experts, open the schools to test the restriction removal on children, blame the resulting surge in cases on the doctors and teachers for not working hard enough. That should do it. Well, time for bed.
<Gets into bed and lies down>

Ghost of Christmas Past (GOCP): Wooooooo.

Bojo: Who’s there? Who is it?

GOCP: I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.

Bojo: You look like Theresa May.

GOCP: Yes, well I do impressions. Now do you remember this? 2004. You were caught out for having an extra-marital affair. And sacked from your job.

BoJo: Well, maybe. But I got away with it

GOCP: I guess that’s true.

Bojo: So, it’s alright then.

GOCP: What?!? No! No – of course it’s not alright, you-

Bojo: Thanks. Bye!

<Bojo lies down again>

GOCP: Oh, I give up. (To next ghost) Your turn.

Ghost of Christmas Present (GOCP2): *ahem* Wooooo. Woooooo!

Bojo: What? Who’s that?

GOCP2: I am the Ghost of Christmas Present.

Bojo: I see. What do you want?

GOCP2: To show you how terrible things are. And it’s all down to you!

Bojo: I don’t think so. I think you’ll find…

GOCP2: Hush! Look! Families destroyed through loss. Chaos of panic buying. The second worse death rate in the world!

BoJo: Yes, but I got away with it.

GOCP2: Well, yes. But at what cost? The people who’ve died unnecessarily, the key workers who received no support, the country massively crippled for want of decisive action.

BoJo: But I got away with it.

GOCP2: I suppose so.

Bojo: Result! Good night.

<Bojo lies down again>

GOCP2: (To next ghost) Good luck

Ghost of Christmas Future (GOCF): Bojooooo. Bojoooo.

Bojo: Who’s that? Why are you doing an impression of a letterbox?

GOCF: Enough! This is not a burka! It’s is my ethereal cloak.

Bojo: If you say so.

GOCF: Silence! I am the Ghost of Christmas Future and I bring you this terrible vision.

Bojo: I see – a gravestone with my name on it. So I die.

GOCF: Yes.

Bojo: As do we all.

GOCF: Well, yes.

Bojo: Did I die rich?

GOCF: …Maybe.

Bojo: And powerful?

GOCF: Umm…

Bojo: And famous?

GOCF: But was it for the right reasons?

Bojo: Who cares! I won! In your face, destiny!

GOCF: (leaving) Unbelievable.

<Bojo wakes up and goes to the window to open it>

Bojo: You there, boy! What day, is it?

Boy: Time you sorted out the COV-ID crisis?

Bojo: Don’t get smart with me or I’ll cut your mum’s benefits. What day is it?

Boy: <sigh> Christmas day.

Bojo: Excellent. I want you to go to the nearby butchers, buy the biggest turkey you can find and bring it back.

Boy: What did your last slave die of?

Bojo: Coronavirus. Now off you go. And when you come back I’ll give your reward.

Boy: Reward! You’re on.

<Boy disappears and reappears with a large turkey>

Boy: Here it is. Now what’s my reward?

Bojo: The satisfaction of a job well done. Bye!

Boy: Tory tw*t. Glad I spat in it.

Boris Churchill - Mercorabilia

A twist on my speech-wrecker speech today.
I read an article recently that said that, in times like this, what we need is clarity - and that's exactly what we're not getting. Which is completely true. So I thought I'd parody Winston Churchill's famous 'Fight Them On The Beaches' speech as the crucial part might have sounded had Boris 'King of Vagueness' Johnson given it.

Fight Them On The Beaches? not by Winston Churchill

We shall go on… er… possibly to the end… or maybe even further. 

We shall fight in France, or on the seas or the oceans. 

We shall fight with growing confidence and growing alertness in the open air. 

We shall defend this land, our island, whatever the cost may be – within reason, of course. 

We shall fight on the beaches, or on the landing grounds, or possibly in the fields or the streets - we could even fight in the hills. 

But we won’t give up whatever happens. So stiff upper lip and best of British.

From The Mind of Merc - Motivation

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about motivation – specifically relating to the UK government (twice in as many months but can you blame me).

I'm not the best artist so have resorted to clipart and paint once again to create the analogy that occurred to me

Oh Dear What Can The Matter Be? - !!!NEW!!!

Oh dear, what can the matter be? The EU referendum - that's what.

This started off as one simple verse but it soon expanded and twisted to become this.

Oh Dear, What Can The Matter Be not by Anon

Oh dear, what can the matter be?

We voted to leave the EU last month, you see

Now Cameron’s gone and Boris is Secretary

What on earth have we done now?

Thought that we would want to remain but he

Didn’t count on racists and bigotry

Teresa May’s now running the count-a-ry

What on earth have we done now?

The pound is up and down like a see-a-saw

It’s a sight that we’ve never seen before

We don’t know if Europe will close the door

What on earth have we done now?

The Scots are riled and want a new chance to flee

Didn’t think that this was what staying would mean

May is poised to launch Article 50

What on earth have we done now?

Need multicultural diversity

Instead chose our own individuality

Now hate crimes are all over the TV

What on earth have we done now?

Oh dear, what can the matter be?

Remain voters bemoan their lost victory

But that’s not how to move on from a defeat

That is what we must do now

Unite to save what’s left of humanity

Show the racists that they’re the minority

Focus on boosting the economy

That is what we must do now

The pound’s poor plight is not as bad as you think

It came back up shortly after it did sink

The world and we just need to have a rethink

That is what we must do now

The vote was close and a narrow victory

(But) to recast votes would hinder democracy

We must not let ourselves fall to misery

That is what we must do now

Scrapping and fighting is what we must not allow

Show what to be British does mean and how

To defeat we are not going to kowtow

That is what we must do now

The Prime Ministers Song - Horrific Histories

Another excerpt from my Horrific Histories collection today.
An earlier entry in my blog parodied the English Kings & Queens Song from the BBC Horrible Histories series fitting the 44 Presidents of the USA into the tune so I thought I'd try doing the same with UK Prime Ministers... all 53 of them.
It worked quite well except the chorus which is supposed to list all those mentioned in the song so far. The only way I could find to do it was to have two choruses at the end to fit them all in. 
Hope you enjoy.

The English Kings & Queens Prime Ministers Song not by Horrible Histories

Bob Walpole’s first, (for) George One And Two
And then we’ve got Compton
Henry Pelham’s our number 3
Then Pelham-Holles or Tom
Will Cavendish from Devonshire
Then Pelham-Holles again
John Stuart for King George Three
Then Grenville takes the rein

Watson-Wentworth comes to power then
The Elder Mr Pitt
Augustus Fitzroy was before
Lord North whose face did fit

“Oh is that all?”
“Only 12 innit? We’ve lots more names. Now who’s next?”

Watson-Wentworth comes back now
Petty-FitzMaurice he knows how
Cavendish-Bentinck not as fit
As the Younger Mr Pitt

Henry Addington next to bat
And then Pitt the Younger is back
Wyndham Grenville then before
Cavendish-Bentinck’s in store
Perceval’s the one man killed
By Jenkinson his shoes were filled

Chorus (skip this bit)
Canning, G. stayed least then see               
Fred John Robinson                       
He came before the Iron Duke                     
And then Charles Grey is on 
William Lamb – Victoria’s man              
Then Wellesley’s back again
Robert Peel – the copper’s friend            
Then William Lamb’s refrain        
Bobby’s back but on his track    
Lord Russell, that’s right - John                   
Smith-Stanley is after he               
Then Hamilton-Gordon      
Henry John Temple then           
It’s Smith-Stanley’s return        
Temple takes him out but then    
John Russell’s back before        
It’s Smith-Stanley then Disraeli                 
He’s the Earl of Beaconsfield                
Bill Gladstone then takes the role               
But finds Disraeli won’t yield

Gladstone wins but then next in                                      
Is Gascoyne-Cecil. Who?                            
Gladstone’s back and then guess what          
It’s Gascoyne-Cecil’s two                                

Chorus (skip this bit)

Bill Gladstone’s back and then                       
Archibald Primrose or Archie                           
It’s Gascoyne-Cecil’s final turn   
Then Balfour or Artie


Campbell-Bannerman - first PM man            
Asquith enters the war                                 
Lloyd George is bold takes on this role                             
And then it’s Andrew Law                                

Stanley Baldwin is next to win                    
Then MacDonald takes his position                            
Stan Baldwin’s back before McDonald’s slack
Means Baldwin’s third inauguration


Chorus (skip this bit)

With Chamberlain World War 2 begins   
But he doesn’t stay long                               
Churchill steps in, with him we win           
Then Atlee when he’s gone                              

Churchill’s back but just can’t hack             
Peace so next we have Eden                              
Harold Macmillan’s next in line                    
Then Douglas Home succeeds him               

(Har)old Wilson then is in office
Ted Heath for one short term                     
Harold Wil-son then Callaghan’s on            
And then it’s Maggie Thatcher’s turn           

Chorus (skip this bit)

(She’s our only woman PM, you know)        

John Major, Blair, Gordon Brown and     
We’ve David Cameron now                          
And that’s all the prime ministers                                
We’ve had up until now


Chorus (Pt 1)
Walpole, Compton, Pelham, Pelham-holles
Cavendish, Pelham-holles, Stuart
Grenville, Watson-wentworth, Pitt
Fitzroy, North, Watson-wentworth
Petty fitz-maurice, Cavendish-bentinck
Pitt, Addington, Pitt, Grenville
Cavendish-bentinck, Perceval
Jenkinson, Canning, Robinson
Wellesley, Grey, Lamb, Wellesley, Peel, Lamb
Peel, Russell, Smith-Stanley
Hamilton-Gordon
Temple, Smith-Stanley, Temple
Russell, Smith-Stanley, Disraeli

Chorus (Pt 2)Gladstone, Disraeli, Gladstone, Gas(coyne)-cecil
Gladstone, Gas(coyne)-cecil, Gladstone
Primrose, Gascoyne-cecil, Balfour
Campbell-ban(ner)man, Asquith, Lloyd george
Law, Baldwin, Macdonald, Baldwin
Macdonald, Baldwin, Chamberlain
Churchill, Atlee, Churchill, Eden
Macmillan, Douglas home, Wilson
Heath, Wilson, Callaghan, Thatcher
Major, Blair, Brown, Cameron
That’s all we’ve got for yer
Took two goes to get them in
Just how fast through them can you sing?

All these PMs have come and gone
And now we’re stuck with Cameron!

Minister of the House - Newsreview

Today another excerpt from my Newsreview collection - songs and sketches I wrote and submitted to Newsrevue at the Canal Café Theatre in London. This one went through several redrafts - initially it referred to David Cameron - was created shortly after Nick Clegg attempted to reconnect with the British public with a heartfelt apology and presumably around the time Les Mis was in vogue.

Master Minister of the House from Les Miserables
Thenardier (Clegg):
Welcome to all, come do sit down
I am the best deputy in town
Can't trust the rest, they're all just crooks:
Selling their votes and fiddling the books
But here you can see
Someone such as me
Honest and do my best
You impressed? You will be.
Minister of the house, doing no-one harm
Wherever Cam'ron goes I'll stay on his arm
Formed a coalition, plan to take a stand
Voters will appreciate a helping hand
Glad to do PM a favour
Although it might make you moan
I can't control the gov'ment
But neither can Cameron on his own!
Minister of the house, Liberal Democrat
Working for the public but I'm just a ?
Help to change the rules, for the good of state
'pologisin' publically will set things straight
Oh how I do love Cameron
I am his most loyal friend
I do whatever he wants
And I will stick with him to the end!/And for him over I'll bend!

Drinkers (Voters):
Minister of the house, avoiding your eye
Lets so many redeem chances pass him by
Ignoring the poor, brown-nosing the great
Coward and class traitor, he is no-one's mate!
Cameron's boon companion
Cameron's chaperone

Thenardier (Cameron):
Of course your can trust me
I am honourable to the bone!
Good day good sir, how do you do
Let me explain, just how I got through
Aimed to assist, the workers today
But instead I will help make them pay
Here we make the rules
However we decide
No payment's overlooked
And you're pension's fried
Men beyond compare. Men beyond belief
Say they're for the people when they're just a thief
Don't care one fig for (the) proletariat
Indulge in a scandal when one drops a hat
But you see I am not like them
I am more covert and snide
Help to pass the laws and
Ignore their new extras on the side!
Charge 'em for working, extra for shirking
Cos the people's wage packets are for plucking
Think you won't notice a benefit cut
Say I'm here to help you but my door is shut
When it comes to screwing voters
There are lots of tricks we knows
Watch your wealth decreasing, how we enjoy fleecing
Sorry - that is just the way it goes!

Chorus (Voters):
Minister of the house, cause of our poor plight
Thinks a remixed sorry speech will make it right
Ignoring the poor, brown-nosing the great
Coward and class traitor, he is no-one's mate!
Cameron's boon companion
Gives him everything he's got

Thenardier (Cameron):
Swore to help the people
But I have to work with what I've got!

Mme. Thenardier (Member of the public):
I used to think that we had found a prince
But don't you worry, I have learnt my lesson since
Minister of the house. Trust him far as spit!
Democrat and liberal - what a load of shit!
S'posed to help us out, make all our lives fair
Thinks he's so popular but he's screwed up there
What did we do to deserve this pathetic and sniv'lling mouse
Tell me how he helps us working with the bastard of the house!

Thenardier (Cameron) & Drinkers (Voters):
Minister of the house!

Mme. Thenardier (Member of the public):
Minister? Maybe half!

Thenardier (Cameron) & Drinkers (Voters):
'Comforter, philosopher'

Mme. Thenardier (Member of the public):
Don't make me laugh!

Thenardier (Cameron) & Drinkers (Voters):
Ignoring the poor, brown-nosing the great

Mme. Thenardier (Member of the public):
Hypocrite and toady and invertebrate!

Drinkers (Voters):
Shall we raise a glass to Cameron?
And the deputy of the house?

Thenardier (Cameron):
May I ask you raise your glass

Mme. Thenardier (Member of the public):
Raise it up the minister's arse!

All:

Everybody raise a glass to the Minister of the House!