Cabin Pressure rap (Pt 2) - !!!NEW!!!

I was listening to Cabin Pressure (again) on my recent trip to Scotland and, remembering the piece I'd previously penned, thought it deserved an update. So here we are:

Airplanes still not by B.O.B

Listener:
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are OJS Air
That would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are OJS Air
That would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now 

Carolyn:
Well, I could not have thought or hoped or prayed or wished
For something to have happened much stranger than this
'Cause after all the worrying bout spending and crashing
Things worked out in peculiar fashion
Despite the pandemonium we got Gerti back
Plus the company account is in the black
And now I’m staring at this ring on my hand
That was happily given to me by my new man
Arthur:
I said that we should always hold on
I got a new dad and the old one’s gone
So glad that to him Gerti wasn’t sold
As it turned out she’s worth her weight in gold
The airplane, airplane so brilliant
And flying on it’s still all I want
Martin’s moved home now and Douglas is Skip
But I still can’t wait until we go on our next trip 

Listener:
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are OJS Air
That would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are OJS Air
That would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

Martin:
Oh, oh, can you just believe it? Oh my days
I now have a real job, and also get paid
But yet it doesn’t matter what I have in my bank
(Which is stocked by the good people at the Swiss Airways)
‘Cause I at long last completed my bobsled and
None other than a princess now shares my bed and
I guess that I finally got my wish to fly an airplane
Douglas:
And maybe, yes maybe, I got back to the days
Before my escapades made me so unemployed
And I took a lower job just to help fill the void
In an airplane that is more broken by the day
But it’s not really that bad, is it Mrs… Shappey
At last I got my wish to end the daily slog
And get what I wanted when I started this job
Got promoted and now I’m the Captain
And I’m teaching Hercules how to fly this airplane 

Listener:
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are OJS Air
That would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are OJS Air
That would really be my wish right now, wish right now, wish right now 

Fans:
That would really be our wish right now
That, that, that would really be our wish right now
Like, like, OJS Air
That, That, That would, that would really be our wish right now
Our wish, our wish right now

Cabin (Pressure) Fever - !!!NEW!!!

I was fortunate enough to attend John Finnemore's Flying Visit to Brighton on Thursday and it's inspired me to pen a new Cabin Pressure-themed song.

Cabin (Pressure) Fever not by The Muppets
It’s been 10 years since it first started

4 years since we had a show

It’s true – I am addicted. I love Cabin Pressure!

I love it too!

I love Cabin Pressure so much I cannot say
I love Cabin Pressure it always makes my day
We love Cabin Pressure, for us there is no other
Don’t say there’s one, that is more fun, it’s just not worth the bother

Finnemore!
We want, we want more
Yes - we want, we want, more - more shows
We want, we want more
Yes - we want, we want, more - more shows

We love Cabin Pressure - ev’ry single minute
We love Cabin Pressure – wish we were in it

Can you smell smoke in the flightdeck
Might need a fire truck
Microwave wine to save some time
Mind the sugar brick
Otters (to the) left, Otters (to the) right
We love those little guys
Don’t ask what is in the rice
It spoils the surprise

We love Cabin Pressure – no way we’ll recant
It’s so inspiring and inventive and it’s brilliant!

Regardez vous le bear polar
(Golf-tango-india)
Shout Hey Chief and find the lemon
Look – a yellow car!
(Golf-tango-india)

We were list-ning, list-ning- every single time
It was sublime

I love Cabin Pressure
It always had me gripped
Sometimes I find I dream that
There is another script
Wow!

They could take me from Abu Dhabi
On to Ottery St Mary
We’d go by Helsinki

Cabin Pressure has all us in its thrall
So sad to think it might gone we can’t function at all
We were list-ning, list-ning to MJN Air
And now that it’s not here
We're not all there!

Cabin Pressure – yeah!

There's A Hole In Your Plan - !!!NEW!!!

A bit of fun this one (and a reversion to my old favourite – the genius and highly enjoyable creation that is Cabin Pressure)

One of my favourite episodes is Ottery St Mary and the brief diatribe between Douglas and Arthur in their roles as men with a ven has always reminded me of a certain well-known children’s song…

There’s A Hole In My Bucket There’s A Hole In Your Plan not by Anon

We have no address,

Dear Arthur, dear Arthur

We have no address,

Dear Arthur - you clot

We can phone them

Dear Douglas, dear Douglas, dear Douglas

We can phone them, dear Douglas

Dear Douglas - phone them

On which number should we phone them?

Dear Arthur, Dear Arthur.

On which number should we phone them?

Dear Arthur - on which?

From Directory Enquiries

Dear Douglas, Dear Douglas

From Directory Enquiries

Dear Douglas - that’s how

And what shall we give them,

Dear Arthur, dear Arthur

And what shall we give them,

Dear Arthur – and what?

Well, the address

Dear Douglas, dear Douglas, dear Douglas

The address, dear Douglas

Dear Douglas - the address

We have no address,

Dear Arthur, dear Arthur

We have no address,
Dear Arthur - you clot!

MJN Air Alphabet - !!!NEW!!!

On one of my trawls through the internet I happened upon a parody that had been written of the Misogynist’s Alphabet - as performed by Philip Quast - which had, rather aptly been adapted for Inspector Javert (and can be found here) so I decided to do my own Cabin Pressure themed parody:

Cabin Pressure fans take heed
This is how you can now learn your A B Cs...

A is for Abu Dhabi with the Sheikh’s cat.
B is for Boston - watch Leeman fall flat.
C is for Cremona with Hester and Art.
D is for Douz – don’t let Martin start.
E is for Edinburgh ‘cause it's Birling Day.
F is for Fitton where you have to stay.
G is for Gdansk – the orchestra’s set.
And that’s how we begin the MJN Air alphabet.

H is for Helsinki where you’ve Ruth in tow.
I is for Ipswich when Arthur must go.
J is for Johannesburg - won’t get far.
K is for Kuala Lumpur and bar
L is for Limerick - what is in the box?
M is for Molokai and (a) Christmas sock
N is for Newcastle – a job to get.
And thus we carry on the MJN Air alphabet.

O! – St Mary
Imagine all the otters - so hairy!
Talisker and polar bears we don’t lack,
Trav’lling to Paris (or) Qiki-tarry-jack.
Rotterdam then
Saint Petersburg - will Gerti fly again?

T is for Timbuktu but just where is that?
U is for Uskerty - bring a sheep back.
V is for Vaduz - Princess finds her man.
After Vaduz, we get Wokingham!
X is for Xinzhou where the crew all must stay.
Y is for Yverdon-Les-Bains - don’t say.
Z is for Zurich you hear and regret.
‘Cause that’s how we conclude the MJN Air alphabet.

Cabin Pressure rap - !!!NEW!!!

I saw a brilliant meme the other day that intermixed the hit by B.O.B. with Cabin Pressure as ‘Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are MJN Air. So I decided to take it a bit further and create a full parody song starring Carolyn Knapp-Shappey, Arthur Shappey, Martin Crieff and Douglas Richardson. 

Airplanes not by B.O.B.

Listener:    

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky are MJN Air?
That would really be my wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky are MJN Air?

That would really be my wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now

Carolyn:    

Yeah, I could use a hand or maybe a suggestion
To get out of the crew’s latest devastation
'Cause after all the flyin’ there’ll be smashin' and crashin'
Whether from geese or ruin it’s their fashion

And all the pandemonium and all the madness
That comes in time - you can bet on their badness
And I sit starin' at that phone in the room
And I’m hopin' that more people wanna use us soon

Arthur:      

But that's just how the way that things go
We’ll get another job soon - never let go
The fun we’ve had on tarmac and on sand
Would you give it up if you had the chance?

The airplane, airplane, it’s brilliant
Flying all day it’s all that I want
So don't you worry ‘cause it’ll be all right
And we'll be right back on it by the end of the night

Listener:    

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky are MJN Air?

That would really be my wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky are MJN Air?

That would really be my wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now

Martin:      

Can somebody show me another way?
I need a better job, I need to get paid
Because it always matters what I have in my bank
Yeah, but then I am tryin' to get ahead in airways

And that’s why I took this job for the hell of it
But even though I’m Captain I get no respect
I'm hopin’ that I can still make a career out of airplanes

Douglas:   

Please let me, oh, please let me go back to the days

Before the transgression that got me the oot-bay
And back when ain't nobody questioned all that I say
And back before I tried to cover up my crime
But now it’s all too late, what's up, Arthur Shappey

So back I go to work with my new family
And back to the job to pay alimony
Yes here I am, and that’s why I say
I'm hopin' I can find a way soon out of this plane

Listener:

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky are MJN Air?

That would really be my wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky are MJN Air?

That would really be my wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now

Fans:

That would really be my wish right now
That that that would really be my wish right now

Like MJN Air

That would really be my wish right now
My wish, my wish right now

And for those who are interested, here’s how I’d choreograph the music video:

Listener (on tarmac at airfield spinning round with arms in air and headphones on)
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky are MJN Air?
That would really be my wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky are MJN Air?
That would really be my wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now

Carolyn (in office updating records)
Yeah, I could use a hand or maybe a suggestion
To get out of the crew’s latest devastation (gestures to paperwork)
'Cause after all the flyin’ there’ll be smashin' and crashin'
Whether from geese or ruin it’s their fashion
Puts pen down
And all the pandemonium and all the madness
That comes in time - you can bet on their badness
Leans on hand with elbow on desk
And I sit starin' at that phone in the room
And I’m hopin' that more people wanna use us soon
Arthur (comes up beside her)                   
But that's just how the way that things go (shrug shoulders)
We’ll get another job soon- never let go (throw arms forward)
The fun we’ve had on tarmac and on sand (counts them off)
Would you give it up if you had the chance? (hand to chin)
(Gesturing out of window)
The airplane, airplane, it’s brilliant
Flying all dayit’s all that I want (airplane impression)
So don't you worry ‘cause it’ll be all right (goes back to her)
And we'll be right back on it by the end of the night (clicks fingers and leaves)

Listener (on tarmac at airfield - closer shot )
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky are MJN Air?
That would really be my wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky are MJN Air?
That would really be my wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now

Martin in flight deck doing his log book 
Can somebody show me another way?
Closes book
I need a better job, I need to get paid
Because it always matters what I have in my bank
Leans back in seat
Yeah, but then I am tryin' to get ahead in airways
Leans forward on control column
And that’s why I took this job for the thrill of it
But even though I’m Captain I get no respect
Gestures to his hat
I'm hopin that I can still make a career out of airplanes
Douglas in aisle         
Please let me, oh, please let me go back to the days
Starts walking along aisle
Before the transgression that got me the oot-bay
And back when ain't nobody questioned all that I say
And back before I tried to cover up my crime
But now it’s all too late, what's up, Arthur Shappey
Arthur smiles in greeting as Douglas passes him
(alternatively  it’s John Finnemore who acknowledges the greeting and then looks confused to be called Arthur)
So back I go to work with my new family
Enters the flight deck
And back to the job to pay alimony
Sits down and straps himself in
Yes here I am, and that’s why I say
I'm hopin' I can find a way soon out of this plane
He and Martin pull back on gearstick

Listener (on tarmac at airfield - close-up)
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky are MJN Air?
That would really be my wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky are MJN Air?
That would really be my wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now

Fans (Assembled en masse in airfield)
That would really be my wish right now
That, that, that would really be my wish right now
MJN Air
Our wish, our wish right now
Shot of GERTI flying overhead