Sherlock's Last Page sketch - Mercorabilia

I am a huge fan of the Science of Deduction and would have loved to be able to meet Dr Joseph Bell (particularly to ask him who he suspected Jack the Ripper was). However, sometimes I do wish that this was how a case was wrapped up. 

Watson: Holmes – once more you’ve done it again. It’s simply astounding that you could deduce who the killer was. It’s just staggering how you put the pieces together.  I simply don’t see how you do it. How could you possibly have worked it all out?
Holmes: Oh, you wouldn’t want to know.
Watson: I must. It’s driving me made trying to figure it all out.
Holmes: It’s too dull, honestly.
Watson: But it’s simply astonishing. How on earth did you do it?
Holmes: Well, if you must know, I read the last page.
Watson: <pause while this sinks in> You what?
Holmes: I read the last page. You see - this is a work of fiction. And we are characters in a book. So all I needed to do to solve the crime was read the last page – then I’d know who did it and could make up a convoluted story as to how I solved it.
Watson: Really?
Holmes: No – not really.
Watson: Oh. Well, I guess that’s about as believable as deducing the exact culprit through a series of long-winded assumptions.
Holmes: But it’s not a case of assumptions.
Watson: What is it then?
Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson.

Sherlock Advent Calendar - 29

Door no. 29:

Sherlock Advent Calendar - 21

Behind door no. 21:

Sherlock Advent Calendar - 5

Door No. 5:

The Return of Sherlock sketch - Newsreview

This is a sketch I wrote for, but didn't submit to, Newsjack.
It focuses on how John Watson might react if his friend, Sherlock Holmes, were to walk through the door and back into his life.
Note: The lines written in italics were intended to be cut if the sketch was too long.

Sherlock: John! Just the fellow I wanted to see. I’ve got a lovely fresh case for you. Just the thing for you to get your teeth into. Come on.

John: Sherlock! Oh my goodness! It’s so good to see you. 
Sherlock: And you. 
John: Yes. Now where the bloody hell have you been?
Sherlock: What? 
John: It’s been ? months Sherlock. Would it have killed you to make one phone call? Just to let me know you were ok? 
Sherlock: I-er-I’ve been busy
John: I’ve been sat at home worried sick about you. Have you any idea the trauma you put me through. I mean – I saw you fall.
Sherlock. I heard your body hit the ground. I stood and watched as the ambulance men took you away. But do you care? Oh no.
Sherlock: Well, I’m back now.
John: Yes – aren’t you just. And I suppose you just want to pick up where we left off, is that it? Just sweep the missing months under the rug and pretend they never happened.
Sherlock: Well, if we could.
John: Yes – you’d like that, wouldn’t you?
Sherlock: Yes.
John: Hmm.
Sherlock: Well, if that’s everything. Shall we go?
John: Right…I guess- er…hang on a minute. Sherlock – how did you survive?
Sherlock: No time for that – the game is afoot!
John: No, but seriously Sherlock. You fell from the top of St Bart’s hospital. I saw you do it. That’s over 60 feet! Yet you don’t have a scratch on you. How?
Sherlock: I’ll tell you later.
John: No, Sherlock, tell me now. Because by all natural laws you shouldn’t here. And yet here you are - flesh and blood - stood in front of me like some spectre risen from the grave.
Sherlock: Yes. Yes. I’ll fill you in on all the details later when there aren’t 9 million people watching us.
John: Why not now?
Sherlock: Because it’s not important.
John: I think it is. 
Sherlock: Well it isn’t. 
John: Come on, Sherlock. Just tell me.
Sherlock: No.
John: But why?
Sherlock: …Because I don’t know! Ok? Look - Steven Moffat’s got himself into the biggest plot hole ever that nobody could possibly find their way out of. Of course, I shouldn’t have survived – everyone knows that – it’s completely impossible. But we had a new series to make so it was imperative that I must have survived somehow and I had hoped that I’d be able to cover up this major error by bluffing my way through our first encounter. But apparently even my cheekbones aren’t enough to distract you.
John: Oh.
Sherlock: So now you know.
John: Yes.
Sherlock: So – shall we go?
John: Sure.