He's a Pussycat sketch - Mercorabilia

Meeting your new boss can always be a stressful and intimidating time. Perhaps more so in a situation like this:

Jack: I have to say I’m still feeling a bit nervous about meeting our new boss.
Jill: Oh you don’t need to worry. He’s a pussycat.
Jack: You keep saying that.
Jill: That’s because it’s true.
Jack: Well, I guess I’ll soon find out here he comes now. Oh.
Jill: There you are.
Jack: Yes, I see what you mean. Er, hello, sir. How are you today?
Boss: Meow.
Jack: I see. Everything going all right is it?
Boss: Meow.
Jack: Good. Good. Well, I won’t keep you. I’m sure you’re very busy.
Boss: Meow.
Jack: Right. You know, when you said he was a pussycat. I didn’t realise you meant… an actual pussycat.
Jill: What did you think I meant?
Jack: Well, you know, it’s a saying, isn’t it? Like he’s really easy to get on with. He’s a pussycat.
Jill: But he is a pussycat.
Jack: I know that… now. Although to be honest if I had known he was an actual cat I don’t know if I’d have felt any more reassured.
Jill: Why not?
Jack: Well, it’s a bit unnerving isn’t it meeting a 6 foot semi-human moggy. Plus not all cats are pussycats, are they?
Jill: What do you mean?
Jack: Well, some of them can be a bit vicious. And they’ve got claws. I mean, just look at him. What is he doing now? It looks like he’s choking.
Jill: I expect it’s just a hairball.
Jack: But it’s disgusting!
Boss: <Hissss!>
Jill: I think he heard you.
Jack: Oops. Sorry, sir. Didn’t mean it. Just… carry on.
Boss: <Growls>
Jack: That was a close one.
Jill: I think you’d better watch what you say from now on.
Jack: Absolutely – cat’s got my tongue.
Boss: <Hiss>
Jack: Sorry.
Jill: I think you’re fired.

Big Bang Theory Advent Calendar - 16

Door number 16:

Posh mispronunciation sketch - Mercorabilia

Aren’t ‘upper class’ names interesting? Their spelling seems to bear no correlation to how they’re pronounced. That could make for an amusing situation at a social gathering.

Scene: 2 friends attending a distinguished drinks party where all the guests are wearing name badges.

Friend #2: Pleased to meet you <reads badge which says Beauchamp> Bow-champ.

Guest #1: It’s pronounced Bee-cham.

Friend #2: <snort of laughter> No, it’s not.

Guest #1: I can assure you it is.

Friend #2: <slowly> Right.

Guest #1 moves away

Friend #2: I didn’t realise this was a charity benefit for illiteracy.

Friend #1: It isn’t.

Guest #2 approaches

Friend #2: <Reads label which says Featherstonehaugh> So what’s your name?

Guest #2: Fan-shaw.

Friend #2: Oh, where do I begin!

Friend #1: At the drinks table! Excuse us.

Friend #1 heads purposefully to drinks table dragging Friend #2 behind.

Friend #1: What is wrong with you?

Friend #2: I’m sorry but even you must see there’s something wrong here.

Friend #1: No, I don’t. I see you making a complete fool of yourself in front of all these people.

Friend #2: Don’t be daft. I’m helping them – they seem to be having trouble reading.

Friend #1: It’s upper class diction.

Friend #2: It’s upper class something.

Friend #1: Look, if you have a name like StJohn, you don’t pronounce it ‘Saint John’ – you pronounce it ‘Sin-jun’. Now do you see what upper class diction means?

Friend #2: Yeah, it means getting the pronunciation wrong.

Friend #1 sighs and turns back to the room. Friend #2 follows suit. They find themselves facing Guest #3

Friend #2: <Reads labels which says Onions> And who are you?

Guest #3: The name’s Un-irons.

Friend #2: <Trying and failing to keep a straight face> Really?

Guest #3: Yes. I say – isn’t that a gold stem on your glass. That means you’ve won a prize!

Friend #2: Oh, well it just goes to show - in this game you’ve really got to know your un-irons.