Posh mispronunciation sketch - Mercorabilia

Aren’t ‘upper class’ names interesting? Their spelling seems to bear no correlation to how they’re pronounced. That could make for an amusing situation at a social gathering.

Scene: 2 friends attending a distinguished drinks party where all the guests are wearing name badges.

Friend #2: Pleased to meet you <reads badge which says Beauchamp> Bow-champ.

Guest #1: It’s pronounced Bee-cham.

Friend #2: <snort of laughter> No, it’s not.

Guest #1: I can assure you it is.

Friend #2: <slowly> Right.

Guest #1 moves away

Friend #2: I didn’t realise this was a charity benefit for illiteracy.

Friend #1: It isn’t.

Guest #2 approaches

Friend #2: <Reads label which says Featherstonehaugh> So what’s your name?

Guest #2: Fan-shaw.

Friend #2: Oh, where do I begin!

Friend #1: At the drinks table! Excuse us.

Friend #1 heads purposefully to drinks table dragging Friend #2 behind.

Friend #1: What is wrong with you?

Friend #2: I’m sorry but even you must see there’s something wrong here.

Friend #1: No, I don’t. I see you making a complete fool of yourself in front of all these people.

Friend #2: Don’t be daft. I’m helping them – they seem to be having trouble reading.

Friend #1: It’s upper class diction.

Friend #2: It’s upper class something.

Friend #1: Look, if you have a name like StJohn, you don’t pronounce it ‘Saint John’ – you pronounce it ‘Sin-jun’. Now do you see what upper class diction means?

Friend #2: Yeah, it means getting the pronunciation wrong.

Friend #1 sighs and turns back to the room. Friend #2 follows suit. They find themselves facing Guest #3

Friend #2: <Reads labels which says Onions> And who are you?

Guest #3: The name’s Un-irons.

Friend #2: <Trying and failing to keep a straight face> Really?

Guest #3: Yes. I say – isn’t that a gold stem on your glass. That means you’ve won a prize!

Friend #2: Oh, well it just goes to show - in this game you’ve really got to know your un-irons.