Baseball sketch

And here's the second of the March posts highlighting some interesting similarities between two sports. 

Mr Sports: So Mr Yank – I understand you’ve got an idea for a new sport.
Mr Yank: Yes – I have. And I call it… Baseball!
Mr Sports: Uh-huh. So how does it work exactly?
Mr Yank: Well, you have 2 teams of nine players who take turn at batting and fielding. The game starts when a player on the fielding team – called the pitcher – throws a ball that a player on the batting team tries to hit with a bat.
Mr Sports: Right. Then what?
Mr Yank: If the batter hits the ball then he has to try and run around four bases and getting back to the start before the fielding team have a chance to pass the ball back to one of the men on the bases. If the batter succeeds he’s scored a run. And if the fielding team succeed then the batter is ‘out’.
Mr Sports: Uh-huh. If you don’t mind me saying so, Mr Yank, this does sound a lot like another game we already have on our books called ‘Rounders’.
Mr Yank: Oh, no, no, no – this one is completely different.
Mr Sports: Are you sure? Seems pretty similar – batter, bowler – or as you say pitcher – four bases, a bat…
Mr Yank: They’re just coincidences.
Mr Sports: Pretty big ones.
Mr Yank: Well, yes, but as I say they are still completely different games. For starters in ‘baseball’ the bat they use is considerably bigger – like 24 inches bigger.
Mr Sports: So 42 inches? Even though a rounders bat is only 18 inches.
Mr Yank: I know. Which will mean they need to use 2 hands to hit it.
Mr Sports: It’ll also make it considerably easier for them to hit it.
Mr Yank: Well, not necessarily. That’s why they’re allowed 3 goes to hit it.
Mr Sports: 3 goes?
Mr Yank: Yes.
Mr Sports: They don’t just try to hit it and if they miss just run anyway so everyone gets a turn quicker.
Mr Yank: Well, they want to stand the best chance of not getting ‘out’.
Mr Sports: I suppose that makes sense.
Mr Yank: There’s also a difference to the uniforms for some of the players. For example, the catcher…
Mr Sports: Who’s the catcher?
Mr Yank: The player who catches the ball if the batter misses.
Mr Sports: Oh, the backstop.
Mr Yank: Er… well, anyway, the catcher wears this.
Mr Sports: Wow. That’s quite a lot of padding.
Mr Yank: Well, those balls are very hard. Some pitchers…
Mr Sports: Bowlers.
Mr Yank: Are able to throw the ball up to 95 mph.
Mr Sports: 95… That’s quite impressive for an underarm throw.
Mr Yank: Oh, no – this is overarm.
Mr Sports: Overarm?
Mr Yank: Yes. See – another difference.
Mr Sports: Well, I can certainly see why they’d need the padding.
Mr Yank: As do the fielders – as the pitch is around 90 metres, the batter needs to hit the ball 100 metres to ensure he can get round all 4 bases.
Mr Sports: So it’s not just the bat that’s bigger.
Mr Yank: Exactly.
Mr Sports: Hmm. Does the word overcompensating mean anything to you?
Mr Yank: Er… no, sir.
Mr Sports: Maybe you should look it up. However, I still can’t see there’s a significant difference. It seems to me you’ve taken an existing game, modified it slightly and given it a new name.
Mr Yank: A very good name, sir.
Mr Sports: But it’s still a batting team and a fielding team.
Mr Yank: Yes.
Mr Sports: And they’re still running around 4 bases.
Mr Yank: Yes.
Mr Sports: And the opposing team is still trying to get the ball to get them ‘out’.
Mr Yank: Yes.
Mr Sports: But you still think it’ll catch on, do you?
Mr Yank: Absolutely.
Mr Sports: Huh. Well, I guess we can give it a shot. Who knows – it might become our favourite pastime.

Crufts sketch

So a hospital trip and an operation have meant my blog posts have somewhat fallen to the wayside. I'm now trying to catch up so here is the first of March's posts - both of which are a nod to/inspired by Bob Newhart's famous monologue skits.

Hello? Kennel Club? Mr Cruft. What can I do for you today? You- you say you’ve got a brilliant new idea for us? Uh-huh. And what is that?... A dog show. Not- not to sound harsh, Mr Cruft, but er…that’s not exactly a new idea…No. You see, there are several types of dog show that already exist. You know – like the ones for herding, hunting, guarding… Yes. So what- what exactly will the dogs in your show be required to do?...Absolutely nothing. And- and you think that’ll draw a crowd, do you? …Ev- everybody loves a dog. Well, I suppose that’s er… that’s mostly true, Mr Cruft. So what will the entrants be judged on?... Whether they look like a dog. Er… are you… are you planning to allow cats to enter or something?... Then why wouldn’t they look like dogs, Mr Cruft?...It depends which dog looks most like a dog. And how do we determine that, Mr Cruft?... Did- did you say you’ve drawn a picture? You- you’ve drawn a picture of a dog. And the winner of the competition will be the dog that looks most like your picture. Have- have you heard of a thing called breeds, Mr Cruft?... Oh, you have. So do you have different pictures for different breeds or…? That’s not necessary. Are you sure about that? I have to say, I had no idea you were also an artist as well, Mr Cruft so.... You’re not. I see. Er… in that case, can I just ask – this… er… this dog you’ve drawn – does- does it have 2 eyes, 2 ears, 4 legs and a tail?... Well- well, that’s a start I suppose. Yeah. So… so all that has to happen is the dog has to look like a dog?... That you’ve drawn, yeah – I got that. Well, I guess it could help to encourage owners to take good care of their dogs. Ensure safe, healthy breeding to safeguard future generations of… Why are you laughing, Mr Cruft? That’s not the point. Kind of feels like it should be, Mr Cruft. Yeah. It’s all about the money? What money, Mr Cruft?...Oh, there’s an entry fee. I see. Well, I have to admit that… er… that is a good point. Yeah. So are you planning… is there a big prize for the winner? Not really. So what- er- what’s the motivation, Mr Cruft?... Prestige. Yeah, well I- I guess, I guess there is that… And- and because then it’ll be a pedigree. And pedigrees sell for more. Well, er, that- that may be true, Mr Cruft, but uh don’t- don’t you reckon people will also want their dogs to be healthy too? I mean if we’re encouraging inbreeding in order to win this… You don’t think so. Well, I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree on that one, Mr Cruft. Yeah. Er… listen, Mr Cruft – I have to admit I’m kind of worried. I mean, don’t- don’t you think we might get into trouble with the RSPCA?... It’s not like the dogs are fighting each other. Well, that’s true, I guess. But I imagine the owners might end up…er… Can- can I just ask, er, Mr Cruft, er, how did you get into this? I mean,er, what- what made you think of it?...It makes a change from… did- did you say chickens, Mr Cruft? What the hell have chickens got to do with it?... Oh, that’s your background. So how did you get into dogs then, Mr Cruft? Did you- <laughs> did you not like the pay? <laughs> What was it? Chicken feed? <laughs> No – I’m sorry, Mr Cruft. I’m sorry. Well, if- if you think this show of yours is a flyer then you go right ahead and set it up…Yeah. And- er- and if you get any flack from it, just remember – the buck stops with you. What?... Dog then, fine. Goodbye.