Posh mispronunciation sketch - Mercorabilia

Aren’t ‘upper class’ names interesting? Their spelling seems to bear no correlation to how they’re pronounced. That could make for an amusing situation at a social gathering.

Scene: 2 friends attending a distinguished drinks party where all the guests are wearing name badges.

Friend #2: Pleased to meet you <reads badge which says Beauchamp> Bow-champ.

Guest #1: It’s pronounced Bee-cham.

Friend #2: <snort of laughter> No, it’s not.

Guest #1: I can assure you it is.

Friend #2: <slowly> Right.

Guest #1 moves away

Friend #2: I didn’t realise this was a charity benefit for illiteracy.

Friend #1: It isn’t.

Guest #2 approaches

Friend #2: <Reads label which says Featherstonehaugh> So what’s your name?

Guest #2: Fan-shaw.

Friend #2: Oh, where do I begin!

Friend #1: At the drinks table! Excuse us.

Friend #1 heads purposefully to drinks table dragging Friend #2 behind.

Friend #1: What is wrong with you?

Friend #2: I’m sorry but even you must see there’s something wrong here.

Friend #1: No, I don’t. I see you making a complete fool of yourself in front of all these people.

Friend #2: Don’t be daft. I’m helping them – they seem to be having trouble reading.

Friend #1: It’s upper class diction.

Friend #2: It’s upper class something.

Friend #1: Look, if you have a name like StJohn, you don’t pronounce it ‘Saint John’ – you pronounce it ‘Sin-jun’. Now do you see what upper class diction means?

Friend #2: Yeah, it means getting the pronunciation wrong.

Friend #1 sighs and turns back to the room. Friend #2 follows suit. They find themselves facing Guest #3

Friend #2: <Reads labels which says Onions> And who are you?

Guest #3: The name’s Un-irons.

Friend #2: <Trying and failing to keep a straight face> Really?

Guest #3: Yes. I say – isn’t that a gold stem on your glass. That means you’ve won a prize!

Friend #2: Oh, well it just goes to show - in this game you’ve really got to know your un-irons.

Disney Life Hacks #7 - Tiana

A return to my Disney Life Hacks series today - those little tricks the Disney stars use to achieve the unlikely, unbelievable and impossible.

Today, Tiana from Princess and the Frog shares her top tip:

Shakespeare Rap Battle - Ophelia vs Juliet

My second rap parody inspired by the brilliant Princess Rap Battles created by Whitney Avalon (the inspiration for this one can be found here). 

Princess Rap Battle – Snow White vs Elsa Shakespeare Rap Battle – Ophelia vs Juliet

JULIET:
It’s so sad and too bad that I have to explain
Why I am the best it just won’t sink into your brain
Got a play with a title named after me
The fact that you don’t makes my greatness easy to see
I’m the most famous heroine, you’re a bygone who is bygone
I am adored and admired because I truly found the one
I’m faithful and loyal, beautiful
I’m the best, beat the rest, you’re distressed, pitiful

OPHELIA:
I can’t believe you think you’re all that
Such a clueless ‘saint’ who is all too eager to lay down flat
You fell in love with the one man you should fight
And even with Laurence’s help couldn’t get that right (oh, no!)
Lost your head when he came on the scene
You’re clueless.

JULIET:

You’re lonely.

OPHELIA:

You’re a naive teen.
That fickle, rash Montague was an awful choice
But stubbornly you followed your own stupid voice

JULIET:
Um, you should know, that’s not stupid, that’s romantic
To be without my love would have made me frantic
Just  ‘cause you couldn’t get your man to stick around
Doesn’t mean your attitude’s the best to be found
You were foolish and deluded ‘cause you thought he loved you
Ended up in the river, where it’s so cold your lips turned blue
As for your flowers, that’s totally sad
Mumbling away for the love you never had
Does it really count as true love if your man turns you down?
His rejection made you the saddest in town

My heartfelt emotions sent me to heaven above
You’re just a crazy reject who nobody loves

OPHELIA:
Half right, I carried on without my love, at least I tried that game
Which means you’re weak compared to me, aw that is such a shame
And who drinks a potion you don’t know about? (Duh)
And who thinks a knife is their one way out?
I carried right on - I was not co-dependent
Found serenity through loss which made me transcendent
And, oh yes, losing my boy’s love hit me the hardest
I’m the calmest, the noblest, and by the way the smartest
‘Cause a lesson to learn, to which you so need a shove
Infat’ation and lust is not the same thing as love