Mars sketch - Mercorabilia

I'm sure the similarities between the names of the red planet and a popular brand of chocolate bar have been remarked upon before but what if they actually caused more than a bit of trouble...

Soldier: Your imperial majesty – we have returned.

King: So I see.

Soldier: We have travelled far and long on the quest which you did assign to us and we are joyful that we are able to say we were successful.

King: Oh, good.

Soldier: Your task was not an easy one to complete...

King: Wasn’t it?

Soldier: By no means. And many men died in the attempt.

King: Oh, dear.

Soldier: But none the less we have triumphed. I have brought you – Mars!

King: Really?

Soldier: Yes. And I present it to you. Here!

King: What is this?

Soldier: A deed of ownership, my lord. Given to me by the Galatic Council of that great planet affording the rights and title of ruler of Mars to you.

King: Right. <pause> I think there might have been some mistake.

Soldier: What do you mean, your majesty?

King: Well, when I said I wanted you to bring me Mars...

Soldier: Yes?

King: I actually wanted a chocolate bar.

Soldier: (after a pause) A chocolate bar?

King: Yes.

Soldier: You mean we have spent countless hours and lost many men simply because you had a sugar craving?

King: It would seem so.

Soldier: Right.

<pause>

King: Do you think they have Mars bars on Mars?

Soldier: I would presume so, your highness.

King: Excellent. Well, carry on.

Soldier: What about the men, sire? Surely they deserve some reward for their endeavour.

King: Ah, yes - the men. Umm, well, tell them they can have the rest of the week off and, um, a Mars bar for each of them, I think

Soldier: A Mars bar.

King: Yes. Is that a problem?

Soldier: Well, there is just one thing, sir.

King: Yes?

Soldier: I actually prefer Snickers

Disney Life Hacks #2 - Mulan

A continuation of my new Disney Life Hacks series - those little tricks the Disney stars use to achieve the unlikely, unbelievable and impossible.

Today, Mulan shares her top tip:

(Well, can you tell me another way she could have avoided this)

Silence in Court sketch - Mercorabilia

This was one of those sketches which just kind of gradually takes shape. The inspiration being how can a little wooden mallet induce silence - and what happened if it didn't...

Lawyer2: And, in conclusion, the summation of my unworthy opposition is so clearly flawed

Lawyer1: Er – excuse me! There’s no need for that kind of talk

Lawyer2: I’m sorry – but I am bound to tell the truth. And the holes that were visible in your evidence...

Lawyer1: Oh, really? What about the inconsistencies in your testimonies. They were enormous

<The lawyers begin bickering>

<The judge grows tired of this and starts banging his gavel>

Judge: Order! Order!

<the lawyers continue bickering – ignoring the judge>

Judge: <now banging down his other hand to create more noise> Order! Order!

<The lawyers are still ignoring him>

<Judge reaches under his desk and produces a second hammer which he begins banging with the other one>

Judge: Order!

<Still no response from the lawyers>

<Judge brings out several more gavels and begins banging them across the desk to create a tune>

Judge: If-you-do-not-shut-now-I’ll –throw-you-all-in-clink

<he finishes by banging the end hammer on the clerk’s head>

Clerk: Ow!

<The lawyers stop and look at the clerk>

Judge: (pleased they’ve stopped bickering) Right. Where were we?

Lawyer1: Well, as I was just saying your honour, to my unlearned friend...

Lawyer2: Excuse me – I’m the one who’s unlearned?

Lawyer1: Well, if you’re not you’re doing a very good impression

Lawyer2: How dare you...

<The lawyers begin bickering again>

Judge: *sigh*

<Judge is about to bang his hammer. He looks at and is unimpressed. He chucks it over his shoulder and reaches under the desk and produces a slightly larger hammer (about twice the size of the previous one) which he begins banging>

Judge: Order! Order!

<This doesn’t work so he produces a larger hammer (the size of a sledge) and bangs it on the gavel – still no effect>

Judge: Oh, for pity’s sake

<Judge ducks out of sight and produces a ridiculously oversized gavel that is almost too big to fit in the room. The lawyer(s) fail to notice so he brings it down on Lawyer 1’s head.

Judge: Order!

<Lawyer1 is stunned and after wavering collapses (Alt: squished concertina-style)>

Lawyer2: Your honour! I must object
Judge: (hitting Lawyer2 with the gavel and producing same effect) Overruled!

From The Mind of Merc - History Repeats Itself

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about how history repeats itself and, more specifically how that relates to Donald Trump and Adolf Hitler.

The comparison between these 2 political leaders isn’t new but it is, I think exceptionally valid.

Not only that but the path to power that both of them have and are taking bears some striking similarities

If you need any further proof as to the path Trump is in danger of leading America down then just take a look at this photo.

NB Most worryingly of all - this is not photoshopped!