She Had It Coming - !!!NEW!!!

A popular twist these days seems to be to take a traditional fairy tale and look at it from the villain's point of view - i.e. Maleficent, etc. So I thought I'd do the same using a song from a popular musical. 

(Animation) Cell Block Tango or She Had It Coming - not from Chicago 
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
All: She had it coming
She had it coming
She only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd been through it
Queen: I betcha you would have done the same!
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!
Ursula (Spoke):  You know how people have these prejudices that make no sense.
Like Triton. Triton was anti-women.
No, not women. Me.
So I’m banished to a cave just for wanting to help him rule, and I'm looking for a way of get back at him
And there's Ariel swimming into my home, asking for help to get Eric.
Yes, not Triton. But me.
So, I said to her, I said, "Of course dear just sign on this line..."
And she did.
So I took brought my cauldron up to boil and gave her the legs she wanted...
...and took her voice.
All: She had it coming
She had it coming
She only had herself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd been through it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Tremaine (Spoke):    I knew Cinderella was a flighty girl from the day I’d met her
And when her dad died I made sure that she was kept busy all the day
And that’s when we got the invitation
We went to the ball, she stayed home, to fix up her dress, like a good girl.
And then I found out,
"Stay at home" she told me “Why would do that? “
Not only had she gone out
Oh, no, she’d won the prince.
Fairy godmothers, you know.
So that day, when the Duke came round to visit,
I made sure she wouldn’t interfere
You know, some girls just can't keep their noses out.
All: She had it coming
She had it coming
It’s the same story time after time
Cause they ignored us
Simply abhorred us
It wasn’t murder no more a crime!
All: Sign, stay, sleep, uh-uh Snow White, so soft
Maleficent (Spoke): Now, I'm sitting on the grand throne
Alone in my grand and darkened tower,
Minding my own business,
In come my guardsman and he’s got news to tell.
"The king’s holding a christening," he says.
How exciting
But then he went on, "but you’ve not been invited."
So then I cast a little spell.
I cast a little spell to make them pay.."
All: If you'd have been there
If you'd been through it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Elsa (Spoke): It’s just not fair, is it? I’ve had these powers ever since the very day I was born
It’s not like I wanted them.
My parents told me - hide them far away. So I did
Now Hans says I tried to murder Anna.
My sister
I tried to explain it wasn’t true but nobody believed me...
Maleficent (Spoke):    Yeah, but did you do it?
Elsa: Uh Uh, not guilty!
Queen: I knew when I married the king he was a double act
‘Cause his daughter, Snow White, always hung around with us.
Now, my most prized possession of all, was my mirror and it’s to this I would ask
Mirror, mirror on the wall – who’s the fairest of us all?
Well, this one day I got up from my bed,
I’d had a good sleep it was a sunny day outside
And I went to my mirror to ask it the question.
What came back, I couldn’t believe
‘Cause there was an image of a young girl
But surprisingly it’s not me
It was Snow White.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely freaked out over such a little thing.
It wasn't until later, when I was standing with her heart in my hands
I even thought she was dead.
She had it coming
She had it coming
She had it coming all along
I didn't do it
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
Queen: She had it coming
All: She had it coming
Queen: She had it coming
All: She had it coming
Queen: She had it coming
All: It’s the same story
Queen: All along
All: Time after time
Queen: I didn't do it
All: Cause they ignored us
Queen: But if I'd done it
All: Simply abhorred us
Queen: How could you tell me
All: It wasn’t murder
Queen: That I was wrong?
All: No more a crime!
Cruella: I loved clothes and fashion more than I can possibly say.
They made me feel reassured...
comfortable... and secure.
So I was always trying to find the best.
I thought I’d found the answer in a new coat but that involved
Collecting dogs – Dalmatians – little puppies - for their coats.
I guess you can say things went wrong because of a difference of opinion.
Some thought they were better alive
And I thought better dead.
All: Of all the luck, luck, luck, luck, luck
What rotten luck, luck, luck, luck, luck
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She had it comin'
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: She had it comin'
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She had it comin'
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: She had it comin'
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She had it comin'
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: She had it comin'
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: All along
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: All along
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: 'Cause they ignored us
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: 'Cause they ignored us
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: Simply abhorred us
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: Simply abhorred us
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: And yet it’s us who
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: And yet it’s us who
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: Are in the wrong?
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: Are in the wrong?
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She had it coming
Queen, Maleficent, Elsa: She had it coming
Ursula, Tremaine, Cruella: She only had herself to blame.
All: If you'd have been there
If you'd been through it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Ursula (Spoke): Just sign on that dotted line!
Tremaine (Spoke): Stay home? Yeah right.
Maleficent (Spoke): Left out!
Elsa (Spoke):  I never wanted these powers.
Queen (Spoke): Not the fairest one – now it’s Snow White.
Cruella (Spoke): Opinion differences.
Ursula: Sign!
Tremaine: Stay!
Maleficent: Sleep!
Elsa: Uh Uh
Queen: Snow White
Cruella: So soft!

Europa Daycare sketch - Mercorabilia

I doubt I'm the only one watching the developing events in Eastern Europe with trepidation but I have to admit that some of the recent developments did sound a bit like an altercation you might get in a school playground...

<Scene opens with kids innocently playing with tanks and planes. Then...>

UN: Hey, Vlad!

Vladimir: What?

UN: We agreed – this is our space and that’s yours. What are your planes doing in our space?

Vladimir: Oops - my bad. I’ll just move them.

UN: Listen - if you’re not going to play fair...

Vladimir: I assure you it was completely unintentional.

UN: Yeah – you’re right – it wasn’t in a tent – it was in our space. Just watch it in future, will you?

Vladimir: Of course.

UN: Right. We’re all going to play ‘Hunt the terrorists’. Do you want to join in?

Vladimir: Why not?

UN: We’re going to attack the IS in Syria. You with us?

Vladimir: Yup.

UN: Right

Vladimir: Fire!

UN: Woah! Wait! What are you doing?

Vladimir: I thought we were against Syria.

UN: We are but not that bit – we’re against ISIS – not the rebels.

Vladimir: Oh. Well, I’m sure they’re just as bad. After all, that Al-Assad fellow’s a lovely man. I think we should trust him.

UN: Just because you think he’s your friend.

Vladimir: He could be your friend too.

UN: No, he couldn’t. Now let’s get back to the game. Are you going to play fair this time?

Vladimir: How can you doubt it?

UN: Right – we’ll try again. And no hitting the wrong targets - we don’t want to start a fight.

Vladimir: Absolutely.

UN: Good. Fire!

<missiles launch>

UN: Vlad - what happened? You’re supposed to be aiming for Syria - Your missiles landed in Iran! What’s going on?

Vladimir: I missed.

The (Princess Bride) Class Sketch - Mercorabilia

First sketch of the month and an interesting combination in this one. It occurred to me how the other day how comparable the sidekicks in the cult classic The Princess Bride are with the characters from the renowned Frost Report sketch. This is the result.

Vizzini: I look down on him (Indicates Inigo) because I am intelligent.

Inigo: I look up to him (Vizzini) because he is intelligent; but I look down on him (Fezzik) because he is brutish. I am not.

Fezzik: I know my place. I look up to them both. But I don't look up to him (Inigo) as much as I look up to him (Vizzini), because he has got brains.

Vizzini: I have got brains, but I have not got any skill. So sometimes I look up to him (Inigo).

Inigo: I still look up to him (Vizzini) because although I have skill, I am poor. But I am not as poor as him (Fezzik) so I still look down on him (Fezzik).

Fezzik: I know my place. I look up to them both; but while I am poor, I am honest, industrious and trustworthy. Had I the inclination, I could look down on them. But I don't.

Inigo: We all know our place, but what do we get out of it?

Vizzini: I get a feeling of superiority over them.

Inigo: I get a feeling of inferiority from him, (Vizzini), but a feeling of superiority over him (Fezzik).

Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?