Hush Little Baby sketch - Mercorabilia

Have you ever heard or read a nursery rhyme and wondered about the story behind it? I have...

<Baby crying which continues throughout the dialogue>

Daddy: Ssh, ssh, little baby. Come on, stop crying, there’s a good baby… Coochy coochy coo, No good, huh? Ok, er… well, when nothing else works – try bribery. How about this – if you stop crying, daddy’ll give you…this mockingbird.

<Baby’s crying quietens>

Daddy: Yes – pretty mockingbirdy. Sing for the nice baby.

<Mockingbird stays silent. Sound of baby’s crying starts building again>

Daddy: Won’t sing, huh? Ok, er… ssh, ssh, it’s ok. Daddy’s got rid of the nasty mockingbird. Instead he’s got you… this diamond ring!

<Baby’s crying quietens>

Daddy: Yes… oh. Ok – you can have it. Yes – it’s a lovely, shiny…er… brass ring
<Baby’s crying starts up again>

Daddy: Ok – so you didn’t fall for that one. Ooh – I know! How about this looking glass?

<Baby’s crying quietens>

Daddy: Who’s a pretty baby, eh? Who’s a pretty…

<Looking glass cracks>

Daddy: Not that pretty obviously.

<Baby’s crying starts up again>

Daddy: No. Ssh, ssh. It’s alright – I didn’t mean it. Er…ok – time to bring out the big guns. If you stop crying – right now – daddy’ll give you… this billy goat.

<Baby’s crying quietens>

Daddy: Yes – lovely billy goat. That’s going to give you a nice ride all around the garden. Go on, Billy. Mush!

<Baby’s crying starts up again>

Daddy: Won’t pull, huh? Ok – well, you can go back where you came from. And we’ll try with this cart and a bull!

<Baby’s crying quietens>

Daddy: There we go. Daddy put you in the cart. And off you go.

<Baby starts giggling as cart sets off>

Daddy: There. That’s better, isn’t it? That’s… oh no.

<Crash as cart tips over. Baby’s crying starts up again>

Daddy: Ssh. Ssh. It’s alright – daddy’s got you. And look what else he’s got you – this… dog.

<Baby’s crying quietens>

Daddy: Yes – he’s called Rover. And he’s got a lovely bark. Go on, Rover. Bark for baby.

<Rover stays silent. Sound of baby’s crying starts building again>

Daddy: I might have guessed this might happen. Just my luck to get a mute mongrel. Ssh. Ssh. It’s ok. Look – Daddy’s got you… a horse and a cart.
<Baby’s crying quietens>

Daddy: Here we are. Let’s just put you in here. And off you go!

<Baby starts giggling as cart sets off>

Daddy: Yes – that’s better. Now let’s just hope it doesn’t…

<Crash as cart falls down>

Daddy: Oh no.

<Baby’s crying starts up again>

Daddy: Ssh. Ssh. It’s alright. So the horse and cart fell down. That doesn’t matter. Do you know why? Because you’re still the sweetest little baby in town.

<Baby coos>