From The Mind of Merc - Disney

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about Disney and the ridiculous ideals they have of women's figures.

I know this has been done before but this is my attempt to 'improve' the waistline of Disney's princesses by expanding them ever so slightly.

You might not think there's much difference, or even question whether I changed them at all.
Now take a look at the original image:

Now compare the two and ask yourself - How is that a healthy image to communicate to children?

(You may also have noticed that Mulan's figure does not change between the images - this is simply to highlight my point)

Sapphire City Sequel sketch - Mercorabilia

I will admit that this sketch is a bit cheeky as it's written as a direct follow-on to a sketch that John Finnemore wrote for his Souvenir programme. I don't know if it has an official name but I've always referred to it as the Sapphire City sketch and it is hilariously funny - hence the desire to continue it. 
So if you ever stumble across this, Mr. Finnemore, I would just like to say - very sorry, huge fan.

Guard A: Stop it! He can see how many doors there are, you idiots! Now he knows you two both lie at least sometimes so I must always tell the truth.
Traveller 1: Oh, really? Which door leads to the city?
Guard A: Oh, bloody hell, that one.
Traveller 1: Thanks.
Guard A: No! Wait! Not that one!
<Sound of a tiger roaring and gunshots>
Traveller 1: Ahhhhh!
Guard A: Hmm – so I told the truth and they still picked the wrong door. 
Guard B: No – they must have known exactly which door you were pointing to.
Guard A: That’s never happened before.
Guard B: Yes – yes it has - that’s always happened before.
Guard A: I wonder if it would happen again.
Guard B: I seriously doubt it and don’t think you should.
Guard A: Alright I will.
<Fanfare>
Guard A: Halt traveller. In your quest to reach the Sapphire City you must now pass this test. Before you are two doors – behind one lies the path you seek. Behind the other a tiger with a gun. In front of each door is a guard – one always lies, one always tells the truth. But to aid you in your quest I can tell you that I always speak the truth.
Traveller 2: Which door is it?
Guard A: One of those.
Traveller 2: Could you be a little more specific?
Guard A: (disappointed pause) Yes, I could
Traveller 2: Oh, then will you?
Guard A: (happier) No, I won’t
Traveller 2: Oh. Hello, what do you do?
Guard B: I’m like him I always tell the truth.
Guard A: No, she doesn’t - she always lies.
Traveller 2: Oh, in that case – is this the door that leads to the Sapphire City?
Guard B: (after a pause) …Maybe.
Traveller 2: Ok – if I asked him which door leads to the City what would he say?
Guard B: (with a sigh) He’d say this one.
Traveller 2: Thanks very much.
<Sound of door opening and closing>
Guard A: Hmm. Well, that didn’t work.
Guard B: Yes, it did. It worked brilliantly and I think you should do it again.
Guard A: Yeah – maybe it should go back to how it was before.
Traveller 3: Hello.
Guard A: Ah, halt traveller….
Traveller 3: Ah yes – I’ve seen this before. Which door would he say is the way to the Sapphire City?
Guard B: This one.
Traveller 3: Thanks.
Guard A: Then again…

(You may have noticed that the third guard who was causing all the problems in the original sketch has mysteriously disappeared. Maybe they did him in, maybe he was a figment of their imagination, maybe he's just wandered off, or maybe for convenience sake he just didn't fit into the sketch sequel - we shall never know)

Circle of Love - !!!NEW!!!

For those who don't have a significant other to share Valentine's Day with - just remember you are never alone and you are always loved

The Circle of Life The Circle of Love not by Disney

From the day we arrive in our family

And meet the people closest to us

We learn to care, to give and to share

Learn who are the ones we can trust

There's so much more for us to do

Than we can ever contemplate now

But we’ll keep going on 

Though the journey is long

With the help of the ones we have found

It's the Circle of Love

And it heals us all

Through despair and hope

Through faith and toil

Helps us on our way

On the path we travel

It’s the Circle

The Circle of Love

Jean Gaston - !!!NEW!!!

This entry was inspired by a comment I saw on a post on tumblr in which a Disney song was combined with a noted French musical. I expanded on this premise to create the following,

Gaston Valjean not by Disney

Javert:

Don't get too confident will you, Valjean

No-one from their parole jumps
Never think you have won will you, Valjean
Even when you come up trumps
There's no man in town I will follow like you
I won't just let bygones go by
Won't be a more hunted fellow than you,
And I know you know exactly why
No one's slick as Valjean
No one's quick as Valjean
No one looks like the mayor half as much as Valjean
For there's no man in town half as speedy

Blink and then you'll find he's gone!
Although he comes to the aid of the needy
You'll find no-one can say from which town he is from

Javert and Chorus:

No one's said of Valjean
That he's dead not Valjean

Javert:

No one's light on his feet in the street like Valjean

Valjean:

As a fugitive, yes, I'm infuriating!

Javert and Chorus:

My what a con, that Valjean!

Ev'ryone's friend

Heard from their lips

Javert:

Valjean is the best
And Javert is the pits!

Chorus:

No one flees like Valjean
With such ease like Valjean

Javert:

In a pinch no-one escapes cities like Valjean

Cosette:

Oh there's no one I trust so completely

Valjean:

Promised Fantine of you I'd take care

Javert:

Now you've got to both hide so discreetly

Valjean:

That's right!
And where we have been you will find not one hair

Chorus:

No one flits like Valjean
Matches wits like Valjean

Javert:

When he's hunted then nobody quits like Valjean

Valjean:

I'm especially good at evaporating!
Kazaam!

Chorus:

We can't find Valjean!

Valjean:

When I was in jail I was famed for my strength
And it's helped me with my escape plans
But now that I'm free I can't hide it away
So I lifted a cart off a man!

Chorus:

Oh, ahhh, wow!

My what a con, that Vajean!
No one runs like Valjean
Hides with nuns like Valjean

Javert:

Then risks getting killed shooting guns like Valjean

Valjean:

I use sewers in all my evacuating!

Chorus:

My what a con,
Valjean!

The Gas Tap Won't Turn - !!!NEW!!!

After all the fun I had creating a Cabin Pressure version of 'There's a Hole in my Bucket' I decided to do it again this time using a classic comedy song by the classic comedy songsters - Flanders and Swann

The Gasman Cometh The Gas Tap Won't Turn not by Flanders and Swann

The gas tap won’t turn, dear Donald, dear Donald

The gas tap won’t turn, dear Donald

Won’t turn

Call the gasman, dear Michael, dear Michael, dear Michael

Call the gasman, dear Michael, dear Michael

Gasman

He’s pulled out the skirting boards, dear Donald, dear Donald

He’s pulled out the skirting boards, dear Donald

What a mess

Call the carpenter, dear Michael, dear Michael, dear Michael

Call the carpenter, dear Michael, dear Michael

Carpenter

He’s nailed through a cable, dear Donald, dear Donald

He’s nailed through a cable, dear Donald

No lights

Call the sparky*, dear Michael, dear Michael, dear Michael

Call the sparky, dear Michael, dear Michael

Sparky

He’s broken a window, dear Donald, dear Donald

He’s broken a window, dear Donald

That twit

Call the glazier, dear Michael, dear Michael, dear Michael

Call the glazier, dear Michael, dear Michael

Glazier

He’s messed up the wall, dear Donald, dear Donald

He’s messed up the wall, dear Donald

Look at it

Call the painter, dear Michael, dear Michael, dear Michael

Call the painter, dear Michael, dear Michael

Painter

He’s spilt quite a lot, dear Donald, dear Donald

He's spilt quite a lot, dear Donald

Oh no

What's the problem, dear Michael, dear Michael, dear Michael

What's the problem, dear Michael, dear Michael

Problem?

The gas tap won’t turn, dear Donald, dear Donald

The gas tap won’t turn, dear Donald

Won’t turn

(Ok - so I cheated a bit here using the Aussie term for an electrician but you've got to admit it scans better. And they did tour in Oz.)