From The Mind of Merc - Zelenskyy

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the man that is Volodymyr Zelenskyy.

Ukraine's president is garnering almost universal praise for his response to Russia's unprovoked attack on his country.

As with last month's Mind of Merc post, I think the reason for this adulation can be summed up in one online image:

And what do we have?

Alexander Boris de Pfeiffel Johnson

A man who:

-      Got a ‘deal’ for Brexit by literally BREAKING THE LAW! And lied to the Queen about it. And it’s crippling an already damaged economy.

-      Failed to take COVID seriously and adopted ‘herd immunity’ when a vaccine was still unavailable. Then ensured his Tory donors and cronies got business deals out of it. Then claimed the resulting test and trace system was world beating when it never worked – which he blamed on the NHS. And now has started charging for LFT tests.

-      Denied attending a party in lockdown – during a time when the Queen attended her husband’s funeral alone – despite their being photographic evidence to the contrary.

-      Defended every two-faced, lying, cheating, bullying member of his cabinet – e.g. Dominic Cummings, Matt Hancock, Priti Patel, the list just keeps going

-      Failed to act on the potentially life-saving recommendations from the report into Grenfell (in fact the Tories actively blocked it)

-      Is still trying to sell off the drastically underfunded and undersupported ‘failing’ NHS even though it’s surviving despite his best efforts.

-      Believes MPs deserve a £2,212 pay rise (for doing b*gger all) but nurses only deserve 1% for getting the country through the worst of the pandemix. And also that benefits should be cut but his own salary is too low

-      Was exposed by Greta Thunberg for exaggerating the success of the UK’s battle with carbon emissions

-      Runs a government famous for U-Turns – exhibit A: school exam results (Btw, Gavin Williamson is still education secretary.)

-      Serial adulterer whose current partner believes setting up a charity to fund redecorating 10 Downing Street is acceptable.
(By comparison, Zelenskyy’s wife – Olena Zelenska (his first and only spouse) is refusing to leave her husband in a warzone despite being on a Russian hitlist).

 

No comparison really, is there?

F*ck You - !!!NEW!!!

And secondly, a message I'm sure everyone who is not the (inhu)man himself is screaming at the top of their lungs.
(Yes - I know I've used it before but it's equally appropriate).

F*ck You not by Lily Allen

Look outside, look outside your tiny mind, and see what you’re doing
'Cause you’re not so macho
Just an asshole
With all the mis’ry that you bring 

So you say that it's okay to invade, well, we think you're just evil
You're just some dickhead causing all this bloodshed
Your point of view is disgraceful

Fuck you (Fuck you), fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And so does your whole crew
And no-one thinks you are butch

Fuck you (Fuck you), fuck you very, very much
'Cause your aim’s misguided
Need to be enlightened
You are just so out of touch

Do you get, do you get a little kick out of being so heartless?
You want to be a dictator, think glory will come later
Well, that's not how you find it

Do you, do you really enjoy living a life that's so hateful?
'Cause there's a hole where your soul should be
You're heading for World War Three, and it's all avoidable

Fuck you (Fuck you), fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And so does your whole crew
And no-one thinks you are butch

Fuck you (Fuck you), fuck you very, very much
'Cause your aim’s misguided
Need to be enlightened
You are just so out of touch

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you

You say, you think you need to go to war, well, nobody wants one
'Cause it's people like you that need to get slew
We all want you to do one

Fuck you (Fuck you), fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And so does your whole crew
And no-one thinks you are butch

Fuck you (Fuck you), fuck you very, very much
'Cause your aim’s misguided
Need to be enlightened
You are just so out of touch

Fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you

Dear Mr Johnson - !!!NEW!!!

A double bill today.
First a message to our illustrious (in his mind) leader. Perhaps not the most appropriate song (🤮) but definitely an appropriate message.

Dear Future Husband Mr Johnson not by Meghan Trainor

Dear Mr Johnson
Here's a few things you'll need to know if you wanna be
Our premier MP all your life

Think that you’re so great
Please give us a break
And don't ever think that we believe ev’rything you say
Yet after all you’ve done
Still think that you’re the one
Hard to believe
But words don’t deceive 

You’ve been in charge so long
So many goings on
So watch out or you’ll find out someday soon you are gone
Cos we are not that dumb
And we will not stay mum
We will use our clout
To get you voted out (yes) 

You gotta know how to be a good PM
You’ve got to uphold the system
Know how to do what is right

Dear Mr Johnson
Here's a few things you'll need to know if you wanna be
Our premier MP all your life
Dear Mr Johnson
If you wanna get that re-election
Stop serving yourself and start to do what’s right (now) 

In a pandemic
It’s not politic
To look for ways to make yourself more money out of it
And it is always wrong
To risk lives for so long
Herd immunity?
Why, herd immunity? 

You gotta know how to be a good PM
You’ve got to uphold the system
Know how to do what is right

Dear Mr Johnson
Here's a few things you'll need to know if you wanna be
Our premier MP all your life
Dear Mr Johnson
Serve the masses
Not upper classes
It’s not too late you’ll find that there is still some time 

When there are people fleeing a dictator
Open doors for them and do not wait for later
Don't be a racist tw*t
Show you are more than that
This is your chance
To take the proper stance, yes 

You gotta know how to be a good PM
You’ve got to uphold the system
Know how to do what is right

Dear Mr Johnson
Here's a few things you'll need to know if you wanna be
Our premier MP all your life
Dear Mr Johnson
If you wanna get that re-election
Stop serving yourself and start to do what’s right (now)
Now, oh
Mr Johnson, time to see the light

From The Mind of Merc - Today

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about... well, today.

They say a picture's worth 1000 words and I think this picture I found online speaks volumes:

Virgin Queen - !!!NEW!!!

And another:

Dancing Queen Virgin Queen not by ABBA 

Ooh
I will rule
Will survive
Had to fight all of my life
I’m now on top
Of the scene
I am the Virgin Queen 

Although I was born a princess
I soon found myself in distress
Mother was executed
Forsook to the world
Just because I was a girl
After dad and Edward died
Had to show was on Mary’s side
Nearly got executed
But escaped that fate
Then I waited to succeed
And then eventually

I am the Virgin Queen
Pure and clean
No in-between
Virgin Queen
To hist’ry

That is how I’m seen, oh yeah
I will rule
Will survive
Had to fight all of my life
I’m now on top
Of the scene
I am the Virgin Queen 

I’ve fought so hard, to get the throne
Determined I will rule alone
Though I’ll look for a husband
I will stay unwed
‘Cause I have learnt my lesson
And now my time’s begun

I am the Virgin Queen             
Pure and clean
No in-between
Virgin Queen
To hist’ry
That is how I’m seen, oh yeah
I will rule
Will survive
Had to fight all of my life
I’m now on top
Of the scene
I am the Virgin Queen
I am the Virgin Queen

Sister - !!!NEW!!!

Had to do a return to my Tudor theme

Price Tag Sister not by Jessie J 

Okay, Big Tudor Man, Cromwell, and Me
You ready?

My name well it is Anna von Kleve
Let me tell you what I achieved
You may think you know
The way my story goes
But that is not to be believed
You really think I was so hideous?
Oh you cannot be serious
Listen to my side
Then you can decide
Whether what people say was all right

Henry chose me from my portrait
But he didn’t like the real life
Is it my fault? Huh?                             
(That) Holbein didn’t paint it right         

Though I did marry the king, the king, the king
(He) Didn’t want our wedding, wedding, wedding
I don’t want another mister
So I became his sister
‘Cause I did the, uh, smart thing, smart thing
And I lost my, yeah, wedding r-ring
Not another mister
So I will stay his sister

Annulled

After our marriage was now done
Henry he found another one
Such a pretty young thing who was into bling
But sadly she had quite a short run

Why do you all think I’m a loser?
When I was the real survivor
Parr died in 4-8 but still I was great
And I lived to see Mary on the throne

Henry chose me from my portrait
But he didn’t like the real life
But I’m not glum. Nope
‘Cause things still turned out alright

Though I did marry the king, the king, the king
(He) Didn’t want our wedding, wedding, wedding
I don’t want another mister
So I became his sister
‘Cause I did the, uh, smart thing, smart thing
And I lost my, yeah, wedding r-ring
Not another mister
So I will stay his sister

Yeah, yeah, she’ll stay his sister (yeah)
‘Cause she’s better off
From Henry she got (I got)
A good trade off (trade off)
And you can, can keep the crown, leave her alone now
And all she, yes, all she needs is the stuff she owns
And that’s it – the rest of her life, she stayed in England
Yeah, you might think she’s bland, was actually quite grand
Just cos one man, called her appearance a disgrace
You all think she’s ugly, but she’s here to say that’s just not the case
So she will be alright you’ll see, always
She’s got enough to see her to the end of her days
So when he’s gone she will keep carrying on
‘Cause she still lived on, and so that’s why she sings

Though I did marry the king, the king, the king
(He) Didn’t want our wedding, wedding, wedding
I don’t want another mister
So I became his sister
‘Cause I did the, uh, smart thing, smart thing
And I lost my, yeah, wedding r-ring
Not another mister
So I will stay his sister

Though I did marry the king, the king, the king (yes you did it)
(He) Didn’t want our wedding, wedding, wedding (no he don't, he don't want it)
I don’t want another mister (no, no way want that)
So I became his sister (uh-huh)
‘Cause I did the, uh, smart thing, smart thing
And I lost my, yeah, wedding r-ring (yes she got out)
Not another mister (yeah, yeah)
So I will stay his sister

So I will stay his sister
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Yeah, yeah, ooh
So I will stay his sister

From The Mind of Merc - Extinction Rebellion

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about Extinction Rebellion.

Let me just say that I have no objection to what they are trying to achieve – I am all for it. The planet is doomed if we don’t stop destroying it – absolutely.
What I don’t understand is the method they have chosen – namely to inconvenience the everyday man in the street.

Yes – I get that they are trying to cause a disturbance in order to be noticed but surely they are causing a disturbance to the wrong people.
Is it the everyday man in the street who is obstructing change and working to actively prevent the necessary ruled and regulation changes that the group is campaigning for? No. So why on earth does it even to the slightest degree compute that the best thing to do is annoy those people? All that will do is cause antagonism, resentment and even greater opposition to what they are trying to achieve.
It’s like saying you want to stop people chopping down trees so you go and inconvenience Greenpeace.
Or saying you want to put an end to veganism and annoying meat eaters. 

Above all, it is fundamentally contradictory to their desired outcome.
What is the key thing they need to make change happen? Support
How do you get support? By winning people over to your side
How do you not get support? By annoying the people you need to support you. And yet what are they doing?

Please can the movement make the decision to turn their efforts towards disrupting the lives of those in power who have the influence and authority to make the change they want to see happen.
If they’re going to inconvenience someone, it should at least be the people to blame for the inaction. These are the people they should be aiming for and not the other people around them - their fellow victims.
Also, given the current catastrophic state of the government and the increasing antipathy being directed towards this would be a practically guaranteed way to garner support – win-win.
They have the drive, they have the method, all they need now is the direction.

Sue Gray Enquiry sketch - Mercorabilia

Funny sometimes how life can imitate life. The current political situation reminded me of a previous sketch I wrote about the Greek Graying crisis so I thought I’d parody my own work to reflect the situation:

Isn’t the Partygate crisis interesting? Not just for the situation they’re in but their reaction to it – it’s like they’re saying “I want an enquiry but I don’t want an enquiry”. Can you imagine that conversation…

Johnson: I need an enquiry.
Gray: Ok – how soon?
Johnson: Whenever you like.
Gray: And what is this for?
Johnson: Well I’ve got in a bit of situation over a party I had last year when everyone was supposed to be in lockdown and I need it all to go away.
Gray: I see. Well, I’ll conduct the enquiry but only if you agree to my terms.
Johnson: And those are…?
Gray: Cut the bullsh*t, the truth will out and the public gets to see my report in full.
Johnson: But they sound horrible.
Gray: Yes, but with a credibility rating like yours…
Johnson: Hmm. Tell you what. I’ll order the enquiry but only if you agree to my terms. And my terms are that I don’t have to do any of the things you just said.
Gray: I don’t think you understand how this works.
Johnson: But your terms just don’t work for me. And it’s not the way I do things.
Gray: But if you don’t accept the terms the enquiry will be pointless – you won’t be able to hold your head up in public, your credibility rating will be non-existent and any of your subsequent actions or agreements will be worthless.
Johnson: I know – I’ll talk to my people and see what they say.
Gray: About what?
Johnson: Whether or not to do one of your enquiries.
Gray: I don’t think you’re getting this. You need help – even if I did do the enquiry you need help because if you continue the way you have been then you’ll just end up out on your @rse with one of your ‘people’ in your place. And no-one is going to want to help a deceitful, uncompassionate has-been like you.
Johnson: Well, what do you suggest I do?
Gray: Have the enquiry!
Johnson: Why would I want to do that?
Gray: Gaaah! 

The crisis is already starting to impact on the country as their trusty police force is found distinctly wanting. Imagine what this could mean for future crime reports…

Police: Hello. Welcome to The Met. How can I help you?
Victim: I’d like to report a crime.
Police: Sorry – can’t help you.
Victim: What?
Police: We can’t do that.
Victim: Why not?
Police: We don’t investigate historical crimes.
Victim: But you’re the police!
Police: Yes – but  that doesn’t mean we investigate historical crimes.
Victim: Why not?
Police: Lack of evidence. Didn’t you bring any with you?
Victim: I thought as I was reporting the incident to the police that’d be your job.
Police: Ah – classic mistake, that.
Victim: Well, what am I supposed to do?
Police: (after a pause) Have you ever thought of becoming a PI?

I Will Be Queen - !!!NEW!!!

Running a bit behind with this month's but still had to stick to that Tudor theme

All by Myself I Will Be Queen not by Jamie O'Neal

Born a princess
I thought I was meant for greatness
But soon found I was in distress
Felt such unrest

Motherless girl
Father in love with a vile churl
And he forgot his precious pearl
I’m no-one’s girl

Lost my mother
And dad’s in love with another
But my fate she cannot smother
With no brother

I will be queen
Just wait and see, I will be queen on the throne
I will be queen
Just wait you’ll see, I will be queen on the throne

Devout and pure         
Heresy I cannot endure
So England must share my fervour
I will make sure

Line of Duty Advent Calendar - 31

And here it is - the end of the year.
May 2022 bring you health, happiness and better times than you've had this year.

Here's door no. 31