So Long And Thanks For Nothing - Mercorabilia

 He's gone! Hurray! That calls for a song.

So Long And Thanks For All The Fish Nothing not from Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy 
So long and thanks for nothing mate
So sad that this has come too late
We all have wanted you out for years

You never did earn our respect
Because we never did detect
A shred of integrity or
Worth within you

So long, so long and thanks
for nothing mate

The country has been left destroyed
And that has made us all annoyed
Because it was your job to stop this happening

Despite your Brexit promises
It seems your real legacy is
A weakened economy and thou
sands of lives lost

So long, so long, so long, so long, so long
So long, so long, so long, so long, so long

So long, so long and thanks
for nothing mate 

If we could have one more wish
It would be to eject Rish(i)
If we could just learn one thing
It's to not vote Tories in

Come join our song
Boris is gone
That's a cause for celebration 

(oooohhh oooohhh oooaahhhhh- ah ahh)

So long, so long, so long, so long, so long
So long, so long, so long, so long, so long

So long, so long and, Thanks!
for nothing mate!

From The Mind of Merc - Choices

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about the conundrum facing the enquiry panel - they basically have to decide whether Boris Johnson is an incompetent idiot or a corrupt criminal. Personally, I think the answer is obvious:

Even so, I'm not 100% convinced that a beneficial outcome will be produced whatever they decide as it appears to actually have an effect, his own party (of which 100 MPs backed him to reclaim the Premiership last year) have to agree to apply it. Sounding remarkably reminiscent of the attempt to impeach Trump - can only work if his own party are against him. 

It also doesn't help that the current incumbent is undoubtedly not any better seeing as how he appears to believe his having a heated swimming pool is more important than the people he is supposed to represent being able to eat(!)
Not to mention his disparaging of policies which turn out in fact to have been Tory-instigated and led - like the time he expounded the virtues benefits of being in the EU - talk about facepalm moment.
Plus his apparent conviction that answering questions to his own satisfaction is adequate for everyone else. Guess again.

There may be some sheeple in this world but they are not the majority. Neither are the Tory supporters as it has previously been reported that the majority votes any recent Tory stunt or election has garnered have been as protest votes against other choices (such as the referendum and the last election which is not only stupid and short-sighted but catastrophically damaging) rather than the voters actually choosing or preferring the Tory option.

I hope and pray that when we next have a choice come the next election that these self-serving money grubbing lawbreakers will be firmly and unequivocally shown the door and we can start repairing the country the Tories have spent the past 13 years systematically destroying for their own ends.

I have said this so many times but feel it needs saying again:

THE TORIES ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. 

Please repeat as necessary until the message sinks in.

Sue Gray Enquiry sketch - Mercorabilia

Funny sometimes how life can imitate life. The current political situation reminded me of a previous sketch I wrote about the Greek Graying crisis so I thought I’d parody my own work to reflect the situation:

Isn’t the Partygate crisis interesting? Not just for the situation they’re in but their reaction to it – it’s like they’re saying “I want an enquiry but I don’t want an enquiry”. Can you imagine that conversation…

Johnson: I need an enquiry.
Gray: Ok – how soon?
Johnson: Whenever you like.
Gray: And what is this for?
Johnson: Well I’ve got in a bit of situation over a party I had last year when everyone was supposed to be in lockdown and I need it all to go away.
Gray: I see. Well, I’ll conduct the enquiry but only if you agree to my terms.
Johnson: And those are…?
Gray: Cut the bullsh*t, the truth will out and the public gets to see my report in full.
Johnson: But they sound horrible.
Gray: Yes, but with a credibility rating like yours…
Johnson: Hmm. Tell you what. I’ll order the enquiry but only if you agree to my terms. And my terms are that I don’t have to do any of the things you just said.
Gray: I don’t think you understand how this works.
Johnson: But your terms just don’t work for me. And it’s not the way I do things.
Gray: But if you don’t accept the terms the enquiry will be pointless – you won’t be able to hold your head up in public, your credibility rating will be non-existent and any of your subsequent actions or agreements will be worthless.
Johnson: I know – I’ll talk to my people and see what they say.
Gray: About what?
Johnson: Whether or not to do one of your enquiries.
Gray: I don’t think you’re getting this. You need help – even if I did do the enquiry you need help because if you continue the way you have been then you’ll just end up out on your @rse with one of your ‘people’ in your place. And no-one is going to want to help a deceitful, uncompassionate has-been like you.
Johnson: Well, what do you suggest I do?
Gray: Have the enquiry!
Johnson: Why would I want to do that?
Gray: Gaaah! 

The crisis is already starting to impact on the country as their trusty police force is found distinctly wanting. Imagine what this could mean for future crime reports…

Police: Hello. Welcome to The Met. How can I help you?
Victim: I’d like to report a crime.
Police: Sorry – can’t help you.
Victim: What?
Police: We can’t do that.
Victim: Why not?
Police: We don’t investigate historical crimes.
Victim: But you’re the police!
Police: Yes – but  that doesn’t mean we investigate historical crimes.
Victim: Why not?
Police: Lack of evidence. Didn’t you bring any with you?
Victim: I thought as I was reporting the incident to the police that’d be your job.
Police: Ah – classic mistake, that.
Victim: Well, what am I supposed to do?
Police: (after a pause) Have you ever thought of becoming a PI?