Guess Who 2 sketch - Mercorabilia

When I wrote my Guess Who sketch the other month, an alternative route for it to take also occurred to me... so I decided to pursue it. This is the result:

Fred: Ok – your turn.

Joe: Ok. Does yours have… glasses?

Fred: Yes.

Joe: Yes!

<sounds of tiles flipping down>

Joe: Ok. Does yours have brown hair?

Fred: No.

Joe: So they’ve got red hair.

Fred: No.

Joe: What do you mean ‘no’?

Fred: I mean no – they don’t have red or brown hair.

Joe: But they must do. The only people left who have glasses either have red or brown hair. We’ve already established they haven’t got blonde hair. So what colour hair do they have?

Fred: Black.

Joe: Black?!? Let me see that!

Fred: Hey!

Joe: What the-! What is this?

Fred: What?

Joe: This isn’t the card you got.

Fred: Yes it is.

Joe: But you’ve coloured in the hair with black biro.

Fred: Well, I said they didn’t have red or brown hair.

Joe: But that isn’t how you play!

Fred: It’s how I play.

Joe: And these are even the original glasses – you’ve drawn glasses on. Your card doesn’t even have glasses.

Fred: Well, everyone’s allowed to change their look.

Joe: But these cards aren’t. If you’re like this with Guess Who, I dread to think what you’re like with Solitaire.

Fred: I do get through a fair few packs of cards.

Joe: I’m not surprised. Well, we can’t continue the game now.

Fred: So what shall we do?

Joe: How about another game?

Fred: Ok. We could play snakes and ladders.

Joe: Alright. But leave the biro behind this time.

Fred: Spoilsport.

Frankenstein sketch - Mercorabilia

Bit late for Halloween. Still it's always important to clear up any misconceptions.

Monster: Uuuurrrrr

Villager: What’s that? Who’s there?

Monster: Uuurrrrrr

Villager: Ah! It’s Frankenstein!

Monster: Uuurrrrrrr-oh for pity’s sake!

Villager: What?

Monster: I’m not Frankenstein! Frankenstein’s the man who made me. I’m his creation.

Villager: Oh.

Monster: Why does everybody get that wrong? It’s not as if we look alike.

Villager: (sotto voce) Well, that’s true.

Monster: Just because my creator couldn’t be bothered to give me a name, I get saddled with his. And I get all the bad press.

Villager: Well, you are Frankenstein’s monster.

Monster: Who are you calling monster?

Villager: Well, I mean, look at yourself.

Monster: That’s hardly my fault, is it? Did you choose how you look?

Villager: No.

Monster: Well, then. After all, what do you expect when your creator only has parts of dead bodies to sculpt you from. You’re bound to end up looking a little… odd.

Villager: I guess so.

Monster: Right. So let’s have no more of this ‘monster’ business. It’s just not on. I mean all I want to do is survive – like every other creature on this planet. That’s much to ask, is it?

Villager: No – but evidently a lot to go on about.

Monster: Well, I hope I’ve made my point.

Villager: Yes. Yes. Definitely.

<pause>

Villager: Well… don’t let me keep you.

Monster: What?
Villager: Well, I’m sure you’ve got lots of other non-monster stuff to do. Places to be, other people’s hovels to hide in.

Monster: Are you mad? I’m not going out there. Why do you think I’m hiding in here in the first place? Do you know what they do to monsters out there?

Villager: I thought you said you weren’t one.

Monster: But they don’t know that, do they? No – I’ll just stay here.

<pause>

Villager: So… cup of tea?

From The Mind of Merc - Racism

Sometimes I find my mind wandering over various eclectic topics and occasionally I am inspired to write some of them down. Today I was thinking about racism.

This is obviously a long and very convoluted topic but also, at the same time, IT IS BO**OCKS!

I’m sorry but what aspect of someone having different coloured skin meaning they are treated differently (or to be more specific negatively) makes the remotest speck of sense???

In that case should we treat suntanned people differently? They’re not ‘black’ or ‘white’ so ergo they must be different and should be treated differently. Er… no.

If you can see a difference in the appearance of black and white people – well done, you’ve got eyes.
If you think this difference means that one is somehow inferior than the other – oh dear, there’s obviously something wrong with your brain.

The only people who should be treated differently are those who think skin colour should mean a difference in treatment because those people need help. They need educating, they need to be helped to realise just how wrong they are, they need to see that the difference doesn’t make a difference.

Black and white people are all human beings and all human beings work and live and thrive better together – as a whole. Not as separate communities; festering hate and prejudice and resentment, not as individuals; struggling to exist in each other’s hostile environments – but as one.

As a final example of just how idiotic racism is and how stupidly prejudiced those who discriminate because of it are, take a look at this 'Spot The Difference' image: